( open ) do not stand on my grave and weep

[jedies]

Who: Obi-Wan + You
What: Obi-Wan updating to Post Revenge of the Sith
When: May 7th
Where: Around Trench + Obi-Wan's House

Content Warnings: Possible intense discussions of grief and trauma. Mentions of genocide and mutilation.

( i. awakening — closed to immediate cr + vyng )

[ he awoke in darkness.

that is what terrified him momentarily. the darkness closed in on him, on everyone and he had to warn, he had to stop it, he had to do something. the yawning abyss stretched out and obi-wan thrust his hand forward to touch . . . something soft? like the folds of a cocoon. he grasps and pulls, the force answering his cry like the tempestuous rush of the tide —

— and it breaks, light cascading into his strange prison. he pulls himself out with a gasp, dragging himself along the floor. blearily, he blinks, taking in his surroundings before he rasps out in a voice ill-used for days. ]

W — Where?

( ii. drinks on the house )

[ after (hastily) settling affairs, obi-wan drifts around the town like a ghost. his robe is pulled over his head, leaving his gaze in shadow. not that he meets anyone’s eyes for long. listlessly, he wanders until he finds himself at a bar. before, he would have called up constantine and they would have settled themselves in a corner, drinking without judgment but mindful of each other. constantine is gone. abby is gone. all the friends he used to do such things with — quinlan, shaak ti, mace, kit . . . they’re all gone. his family. his brothers and sisters, all in the force.

gone. the absence of their bonds ache like forgotten stars. he signals for a drink with a sigh. if anyone approaches him in his melancholia, he will reply as such. ]

I’m afraid I’m not much for company at the moment. You’d be better suited elsewhere.

( iii. the sword in hand )

[ in the morning, he tries to return to routine. normalcy. he shouldn’t forgo everything simply because he is changed.

oh, but everything has changed.

he performs the exercise without the use of his saber. not everything is reliant on the edge of the blade and he had other skills to hone. every day, every minute. obi-wan may dislike a number of things, but he refuses to be anything less than perfect in all his deficiencies. and there were just so many, cluttering his head and his heart.

obi-wan wrenches himself out of his thought with a jerk of his head and in a hurried motion, draws his saber and — lava and fire burns all around them, but all he can feel is cold, cold is the touch of the dark, cold is the way that withers all and not even the hatred in anakin’s eyes changed that and obi-wan is so cold, why was this happening, how did they come to this —

— he flings his saber in a burst of pain. it soars through the air before falling to the ground, landing on soft grass. it makes no sound. obi-wan can’t hear anything but the ringing in his ears. his knees sink to the ground and he bows his head while his fingers grasp at his ears.

he can’t hear anything anymore. it’s all cold. ]

Comments

[spiritwalks]

[He's not sure who the Clones are. But the answer doesn't really change what happened here, so he pockets that question for now.]

Even after all the sacrifices you made during the war...

[Vyng shakes his head.]

You were thrown to the wolves by people you once trusted. And suddenly you didn't have a home or family anymore. I can imagine how lonely that feels.

[jedies]

[ what could he say to that? he falls silent once more. the words clog up his throat like a drain. all that mess. all that loss. ]

[spiritwalks]

[Obi-Wan doesn't need to speak. The silence is enough. With one hand still gently clasping a shoulder, Vyng unhooks a waterskin from his belt. He extends it to him.]

Here. You must be thirsty.

[jedies]

[ obi-wan takes it gratefully, drinking it in deeply. the coolness of it helps. grounds him. a little more colour returns to his face. ]

Thank you.

[spiritwalks]

[That's good to see.]

Would it help to get some fresh air? Maybe a short walk around the block?

[jedies]

I don't know. I don't know what will . . . help.

[spiritwalks]

That's okay. You don't have to know right now. Are you hungry?

[jedies]

I'm . . . not sure.

[spiritwalks]

Are you able to stand?

[jedies]

I — Yes. I think so.

[spiritwalks]

Okay. Is it alright if I put my arm around you? Or do you want to try it on your own?

[jedies]

. . . Yes. Help me up, please.

[spiritwalks]

You got it, bud.

[Vyng re-positions himself, one arm snaked around Obi-Wan's back. At the same time, he angles his shoulders so that his friend has something to hold onto.]

On the count of three?

[jedies]

[ obi-wan manages a slow nod. ]

Three.

[spiritwalks]

Two. One—

[With his other hand clasped over Obi-Wan's arm to help keep it secure, Vyng supports him as they rise from the floor. It reminds him of that day his friend came down with a bad case of lockjoint...though what ails him now is far worse.]

Easy. Easy there...

[jedies]

[ obi-wan sways but manages to catch himself at time. ]

I'm . . . I'm all right.

[spiritwalks]

[He's still got his arm against Obi-Wan's back, in case he needs a little extra support while he regains his bearings.]

What if we walked to the porch? Think you're up for it?

[jedies]

I . . . could, yes.

[spiritwalks]

Alright.

[He gently begins guiding him out of the room.]

Easy does it...

[jedies]

[ obi-wan grits his teeth. ]

I can do it.

[spiritwalks]

You can.

[He readily agrees, his words soft.]

There's no rush.

[jedies]

[ isn't there? it feels like time is pressing against him from all sides. ]

If I can't do it now, I'll never rise up again.

[spiritwalks]

Do you believe healing is a straight line?

[jedies]

I know what I'll lose if I stop.

[spiritwalks]

And what is that?