Sayo Yasuda (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
forwantofahorse) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
deercountry2022-05-06 08:03 pm
forwantofahorse) wrote in deercountry2022-05-06 08:03 pm
Entry tags:
love the subhuman self (catchall, closed for now)
Who: Sayo and established CR
What: Trench has determined to make Sayo's life a rollercoaster during May and she's just along for the ride at this point.
When: Throughout May
Where: Across Trench
Content Warnings: Blood in a mildly sexual context, probably.
What: Trench has determined to make Sayo's life a rollercoaster during May and she's just along for the ride at this point.
When: Throughout May
Where: Across Trench
Content Warnings: Blood in a mildly sexual context, probably.
no subject
[ himiko trembles. her shoulders shake. and then, all at once, every last bit of her she's been keeping back erupts. ]
Sayo-chan! [ her free hand surges up, grabbing sayo's offered hand. ] Ah, I'm so happy... I'm so happy! I get to taste Sayo-chan!! I'm so happy I could die!!!
[ she doesn't move to bite the hand, though - not yet. instead, she brings it close, laying it palm-first on her upper chest. sorry, sayo. you're definitely palming at least a little boob here. ]
Hey, hey, can you feel it!? Can you feel how hard my heart's pounding?
[ she lets go, surging up without even a moment's rest so she can reach her bag at the side of the couch. she rifles through it, her actions manic and unrefined, before finally producing a small fingerprick and vial.
she moves to unscrew it - hesitates - looks up, straight into sayo's eyes. her face is beet red, flushed and lovesick; her eyes focus without really focusing, staring into sayo's eyes as if she wants to dive into them. ]
Hey, can I kiss it directly? Is it okay!? Tell me if it's not and I'll stop, I swear, I swear!!
no subject
But if Himiko's overjoyed reaction, a volcano erupting and flooding their world with burning love, didn't give it away... feeling her fluttering, erratic heartbeat, almost in perfect time with the frantic flapping of the muscle caged in Sayo's own chest, definitely did—and also the soft, pliant flesh of Himiko's breast is in a world all of its own that sends a thrill of arousal down Sayo's spine. Now she understands why Battler was so obsessed with boobs.]
Oh-! Y- yes, I, um, I do, I definitely-
[And then Himiko looks into her eyes and the heat that passes between the two of them feels like it incinerates Sayo on the spot. Sayo's stare is more focused, piercing than Himiko's, yet that yearning to connect their hearts and know all of her, burn herself away in all the love that Himiko had to give like Sayo had wanted her whole life, is there all the same.]
I- I- I- I'd really, er, really like that, Himiko-chan, [she squeaks out, the thought of finally getting a kiss from Himiko even if it was on a wellspring of blood shorting out what little of her mind Sayo had remaining after that stare.] P- Please, yes!
cw: vaguely erotic bloodplay. i mean. kind of obviously.
Take a deep breath, okay? This might sting a little~
[ lovingly, intensely, with her own breath caught in her throat, she kneels down before sayo, moving to grab her index finger. and then, with a shocking delicacy - the delicacy of someone who's administered this a dozen times over, someone who's practiced in making it hurt as little as possible - she pricks sayo's finger and squeezes gently. the blood wells up to the surface, gathers into a drop; it starts to roll, gravity taking it down towards the joint of the finger.
toga doesn't want to wait any longer. and so, she doesn't.
without warning or delicacy, she brings sayo's finger up and wraps her lips around it. it's intimate - shockingly intimate. it's warm. it's wet, wet in a way that's equal parts disgusting and intriguing. and then her tongue flicks upward, rolling across the tiny wound, and a look of bliss flashes through himiko toga's eyes. she squeezes at sayo's finger with her own to promote circulation; she seals her lips tight and sucks, trying to get every last drop from the tiny injury-
-and still she wants more. she wants to drink and drink and drink. she wants to keep kissing sayo until both of them are out of breath and wheezing. she looks up, meeting sayo's eyes from her new position on her knees.
this is okay, right? it's still okay, right? ]
no subject
But the application of blood magic can change it, warp it into shapes it couldn't take otherwise. And right now, more than anything else, Sayo wants Himiko to be able to drain her wound dry of blood, to feel the tangy blueberry-taste of darkblood roll down her throat in liquid form just like she wants. So by her will, that is exactly what she gets, Sayo's love literally infusing every drop of blood to keep it in the shape of Himiko's desires.
Sayo herself gasps, a sharp exhale that takes with it what few coherent thoughts had remained rattling around inside her skull with the sheer pleasure that Himiko's ungentle ministrations bring. She can feel the sting of her tongue wetly probing around the edges of the prick, slowly spreading the skin apart as if its folds were Sayo's lips to get at the steady flow of blood. Each time Himiko freshly laps at the wound, the full-body shiver that Himiko was struck with while in Sayo's lap strikes her, joints locking up from the pleasure brought about by the sheer intimacy of the moment, how greedily Himiko's locked her mouth around Sayo's finger, each ounce of pressure proof of her affection, how she wants more more more more-
When Himiko just looks at her, Sayo lets out another gasp, then turns away bashfully, flushed face slowly nodding as she bites her own lip.]
no subject
when she finally pulls away, her breathing is heavy; a slight trail of reddish glitter dangles between sayo's finger and himiko's lips. and still himiko's eyes stay focused, straight onto sayo's. she's not sure she could look away if she wanted to.
and she most certainly wants to keep looking. ]
Hey, Sayo-chan... Did you know? [ she giggles, a love-drunk sound that stumbles out from her lips, and whispers - just loud enough for the both of them. ] I've never kissed someone like that before. Even my friends only let me give little ones over the band-aid, ehehe...
[ she runs her fingers along sayo's palm, looking positively lovestruck. ]
Can you tell now? Just how much I love you.
no subject
That was it, she realizes, eyes widening. She wasn't numb, lacking in sensation, something that she had so ridiculously tried to assign to this wonderful, intimate not-kiss because it was the only feeling she'd experienced that was remotely comparable. It was overstimulation from sheer pleasure, something novel to Sayo. She lets out a whimper as Himiko renews her assault, and exhales with satisfaction when it ends, practically melting into the couch despite the intense pins-and-needles sensation in her forefinger.
She smiles dreamily, deliriously, as Himiko rambles, giggling along with her when she confesses that had been her "first kiss." Even when thoughts begin streaming in to fill Sayo's blasted-empty mind once more, she tilts her head to the side and smiles goofily when Himiko takes her confession one step further, the words that had always caused her such pain as she dragged them out of her throat by their thorny stem now flooding out of Sayo's mouth like healing nectar.]
I can. I, I do-
I love you too, Himiko-chan!
[But with those words, an illusion isn't created, but dispelled. Sayo looks down at Himiko's innocent(?) glee at finally having someone who tries to understand, who accepts wholeheartedly, who loves the way that she has endless love to give to someone who's bold enough to accept it-
And with a pang in her heart, realizes that she can't let that smile be unexpectedly crushed by the horrible weight of truths that Trench and its inhabitants could haul from Sayo's closet to present the bleached bones of to Himiko.
Better to give it a slow and gentle death. (And hope for the miracle that maybe, just maybe, it would survive the unendurable gravity of reality.)]
...and that's... why I need to tell you something about me. Something that I've been hiding from you.
[Sayo draws away, her goofy smile falling to melancholy.]
And I need you to listen. Not just as the Himiko Toga in front of me now, but as the hero you're going to be. All of you needs to hear this.
[A deep, shuddering breath.]
I'm a murderer, Himiko-chan. [Sayo's gaze is haunted, laden with guilt for not just the lives she crushed, but for the lives every version of her cruelly cast aside, no matter this Sayo Yasuda's culpability.] I've killed four people. Not out of self-defense, not because I was protecting someone, but because I...
I wanted revenge, I wanted to be seen, more than I valued their lives.
[Whether or not Genji, Kumasawa, Nanjo, and especially Gohda deserved it was an academic question. The fact was that Sayo had killed them all in cold blood.]
It's not just them, either. [Sayo bites her lip, this time not out of embarrassment or arousal, but because the words she needs to force out suddenly seem heavy in her mouth, after how much she's realized she loves Himiko.] I arranged a twisted, awful game that caused the deaths of nine people that were dear to me, all because I was a coward. Even if I never wanted to pull the trigger for the rest of them after the game was won, even if I wished for all the killing to end, even if G- Geo- George-san, [she's crying again, that wound bleeding freshly with all of her overflowing love for Himiko] was an accident, I- I could've stopped it at any time, and I didn't.
I'm... I'm a villain. It's as simple as that.
[Sayo's shoulders are hunched over, head drooping down. She can't look Himiko in the eyes.]
I'm sorry for not telling you earlier. I just wanted another friend, someone who I could trust, someone who understood me, who I didn't have to expose all the ugliest parts of myself to without needing to.
But if you want to love me... before you make that decision, you need to know what that means. You need to know before you make the mistake of becoming her without realizing what face you're taking on.
...I'm so, so sorry, Himiko-chan. [She sniffles, then manages to look Himiko in the eyes again, putting on a wavering smile.] Please... make your choice as both Himiko Toga and Blood Driver. As all of you, all at once, rather than letting a single voice reign.
Don't repeat my mistake, or you'll inherit my regrets too.
1/4
so why is sayo interrupting her? why is sayo making her hear something she doesn't want to hear? why is sayo making her listen?
slowly, delicately, toga disentangles herself from the emotions running high. she can't keep thinking about what she wants to do to sayo. she has to hear her out. she has to listen. ]
2/4
Sayo-chan, you...?
[ four people.
four people with their own dreams and ambitions.
four people that could have been anyone. four people that could have been friends. four people that could have been the heroes of their own stories, dead and gone. and for what? revenge? being seen?
she almost understands. she's so, so close to understanding sayo already. it all slots into what she knows, plays together to illustrate just a bit more of the picture. and that's what scares her most - if she thinks just a bit more, she starts to see why it happened. she starts to see how she could justify it. she starts to see-
she starts to see a world where she isn't a hero either. just like the people that trust her. just like the people she trusts most. ]
3/4
sayo wants someone to understand her. sayo wants someone to know her and still love her. sayo wants, so, so badly, for someone to solve her mystery. and himiko can understand all of that, innately and immediately.
it hurts. it hurts more than anything. she doesn't want to understand, just as much as she desperately needs it. and none of that matters, because she already does understand. she's understood since they first met.
can she choose as himiko? can she choose as a hero? can she meaningfully be both? ]
4/4
but she's a hero. she can't always do what she wants. she has to say it. and so she does. ]
Sayo-chan... this is a whole lot to take in, you know?
[ it's not said with cruelty, and it's not said with judgment. it doesn't even seem like she quite knows what to say herself. she's just saying what she has to - what comes to mind. ]
I'm really sorry, Sayo-chan. I think... I need some time to think about all this.
[ about sayo. about the both of them. about herself.
she leans in, wrapping her arms around the other girl. and though the desperation, the need to crawl into sayo's skin, isn't quite there... the affection still is, wholly and completely. ]
I'll be back to give you my answer. I promise, okay? And heroes don't break those.
no subject
That's all I can ask for, [she says, voice raspy from all the tears she's pushing back until Himiko leaves so as not to chain her here with the monster-
And then Himiko hugs her.
It's an oddly tender thing, she thinks as she gently squeezes back. Even with all the casual touches they shared, there was this hunger behind them that Sayo had always found thrilling but had never quite discovered the courage to indulge. This is different, though. Pure affection, soft and sweet and melancholy, and knowing that Himiko put all her restraint into making sure it was only that-
Makes her next words hurt all the more.
Something in Sayo's expression subtly shatters, when Himiko finally pulls away. Something subtle, something almost impossible to detect... it looks like resignation, almost.]
...okay, Himiko-chan. I'll...
I'll wait for you.
[Maybe, just maybe
She'll be rewarded this time.]
no subject
[ it's all she can make herself say.
with that, she lets go. and with that, she takes a step back - then another - and then walks away. ]