deercountry | Blessed Day [Open]

Entry tags:

Blessed Day [Open]

Who: Tara Maclay and OPEN
What: Dealing with her Blessed Day
When: May 7
Where: The Sanctuary Courtyard, the Gardens

Content Warnings: Talk of death, numbness and grief.

The Sanctuary

[Seated in front of the guardian sapling, Tara managed to connect her energy to the earth and everything beneath. It was risky, possibly drawing in darker forces than her magic ever allowed. The puzzle of it, was finding the pure energy and weeding out the bad. She liked the challenge, it kept her occupied and pressed her to have more active control over her abilities. This place largely had good energy, what she had been searching for.

There were flashes of memory, even as she tried to put everything else from her mind. 'Your shirt'. A "POP", a sudden sting and then nothing. Endless peace, comfort, and rest.

Tara sighed, severing the connection to the earth. She pressed her gloved hands to her eyes, well aware that meditation wasn't happening today of all days. Though she had no idea what any of it meant. Blessed day. What exactly was supposed to happen or what was she supposed to feel? At the moment, she felt numb, not really feeling "blessed" on her death day.

She noticed a figure from the corner of her eye and forced a smile to her face, getting to her feet.]

Are you here to see the grounds or are you here for help?

The Gardens

[Bausphomette. They were the most honest and empathetic of the Pthumerians, though why she had never reached out to them, she couldn't say. Maybe because it was an effort to figure it out, along with so much else in this place. She had been here for half a year, but still never spoke to her Pthumerian Patron. It occupied her as she tried to remember if someone had told her before, leaving her restless.

She likely looked like she was lost, pacing back and forth around the grounds.

Summoning was easier in Sunnydale, here, did it require blood or something?

There were others here, though she didn't pay much attention to them at first. Some came, others went, it just meant there were figures in the park. It was only when someone came directly in her path that she pulled out of her daze, fumbling to smile.]

S...sorry, am I in your way?

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[She hesitates to talk about the issue, given that she spent so long trying to hide it from everyone. Only recently had she admitted to it, but only because an abyss pulled it out of her. It was still difficult to reveal this aspect of herself, given how private it was and how dark it felt, not that mental states were ever easy to talk about.]

Um...I'm not sure if Willow ever told you, but I- I died. That was the last thing that happened to me before I came here. [She bit her lower lip, summoning as much courage and will as she could.] I was...I remember being in a good place where everything was beautiful and warm. Heaven, I think. Then I was pulled here and...um, it left me feeling numb. I can't really feel anything or have genuine emotions. It's just, I'm numb, like I'm dead and there's nothing.

I thought it was due to my powers, but it might be because of my death. I wanted answers and maybe some help.

.. I'm sorry to hear that.

[ Ange isn't sure what to say first, but this part comes naturally. If not just because it looks like Tara is having a lot of difficulty talking about this in the first place, so Ange doesn't want to dismiss that effort, or how big of a deal this is for the other.

She pauses, seeming to hesitate herself for a moment, but then decides this is probably important enough to Tara's questions for her to share. ]

I died back home too.

[ It doesn't feel like as big of a deal to share that with someone else who died. It puts them on an even level, without the other person having to pity her. ]

But when I was pulled back from that, I didn't feel numb. So it might have to do with the specifics of your death, or.. maybe with the fact you remember some beautiful place? I don't remember that at all. [ Maybe it's because Tara's world does have an afterlife, and Ange's doesn't? Maybe Tara was further gone than her?

Who knows. But maybe that bit of knowledge might help the other just a tad, which is why Ange is offering it up in the first place. ]

[That did put them at an even level and helped, though it didn't exactly ease away her feelings about having died. In a way, she wondered if she was making too big of a deal of it all, but given how it lingered with her and how it affected her ability to live here, it seemed like something that needed attention.

Sort of like how a broken bone needed to be seen.]

It's something that happened in my world. We had a friend who died and when we brought her back, she had to deal with this sort of aftereffect too. I think it's just because I saw somewhere nice and beautiful.

It makes me feel like everything here is strange and harsh...which it is, but not in the way it should be.

[ Thankfully it - at least - doesn't seem like Ange is judging the other in the slightest over any of this. After all, Ange herself would be pretty freaked out too if she suddenly grew entirely numb like that. ]

That beautiful place must still have some influence over your mind then, right? I mean, I doubt just seeing something could have effects that severe.

[ Don't mind Ange, she's just thinking out loud - and frowning as she does so, since this isn't something that's easy to figure out.

But she sure doesn't like the idea of involving the Pthumerians as a solution to anything, hence why she can't help but think about it herself now. ]

Maybe part of your mind or part of you got left behind there.

[ That would explain the numbness, right? Missing a part of you would surely also make you feel more numb, Ange thinks. ]

[Ange was the sort of person that Tara never worried about judging her. She had seemed to understand the different problems that came up. The only thing that was a little embarrassing was that this made the what? Third problem, she had mentioned to Ange?

She really came across as a mess, no doubt.]

Maybe? If something is so intense and so amazing, everything else feels less by comparison.

[It probably was hard to figure it out. It was when Buffy had first told them about this, but only when you experienced it, did you really understand.]

It might still linger. It's a bit hard to forget.

.. yeah. I guess I can.. imagine that.

[ There's a faint pause in the middle of that sentence though, like Ange has to really think about it as she's saying it. It doesn't come natural to her to try and imagine it. After all, when she had died, there hadn't been anything beautiful.

There had just been nothingness, and then life repeated itself over again. And over, and over. ]

And I can understand wanting to ask the Pthumerians for help. Or advice. [ After all, when you have nowhere else left to turn to, what can you still do? Desperation is a strong emotion. ] But..

[ Her voice trails off. Ange always has trouble with openly expressing concern, but it doesn't feel like she could do anything else in this situation.

She is worried about the other, after all. Tara may have a lot going on all the time, but it's not like she's been mean to Ange. And she did kind of like talking to the other about magic before - it's something Ange never really got to do with many people back home. ]

.. please just be careful, okay..? I really don't trust them. And I wouldn't want them to mess you up even more.

[ The look in Ange's eyes shows that she really means each and every single word of that. ]

[Tara can guess why Ange is so hesitant and wary. It might be hard for her to openly express concern, but Tara gathered it without much prompting. Given the manner of the Pthumerians, it was likely that this could turn into a bad faith deal. Or a Monkey's Paw situation.

All of that was clear in her mind, but what really could she do? Endure as it become so maddening or accept their help?]

I know. It's a risk, a big one.

[She sighed and touched Ange's arm with her gloved hand.]

I just want to talk to them for now and see what they say. If they offer me a good deal, I'll discuss it with them. I won't commit to their help right away. Don't worry.

[ Ange nods. At the very least it seems that Tara understands what she means to say here - and understands the weight of the situation.

It's not like she can fault Tara for wanting to at least try all the same. After all, the alternative, just living on with that hollow feeling.. It also ought to be a lot. If there's no other way to fix it, then maybe one would even have to consider a deal with the devil like this. ]

Okay. [ She slowly says. ] I trust you.

[ If not just because Willow has always seemed like a relatively reasonable person to her. And with how close Willow and Tara's bond must have been back home, Ange imagines Tara has got to be the same. ]

I won't bother you right now then anymore, so you can try to seek contact. But if anything goes wrong, or you need help, just.. call me.

[ Because if there's anything Ange is very well used to, it's deals with the devil.

Except the devil is usually some haughty witch or another. ]

You do?

[That touches her more than she can say. Ange's concern and warning was something she needed. She had felt alone and isolated with her hollow feelings. Knowing there was someone that cared and actually a friend, she couldn't express how much she needed that.

For that, she hoped that she could always give some sign how she cared.]

You don't have to go if you want to talk? This has been making me a bit anxious. Maybe also you could help me think what to do if they never answer me

Huh?

[ It's as if Ange didn't expect the other to stop her. She looked like she was about ready to walk away, but freezes up when Tara suddenly speaks up with that, her eyes widening slightly as she looks over at the other. ]

You.. Oh. Are you sure?

[ For all of the confidence Ange usually tries to outwardly project so hard, she's definitely missing some smoothness when it comes to social situations like these. It leaks out a little more than usually due to her surprise.

It's hard to not feel surprised by every kind offer of friendship when you're so entirely unused to ever receiving any, after all. ]

I don't mind staying. [ She's honest about that. ] I just thought you might want to have contact with them alone. But if you'd rather have someone else around too-- then I don't mind.

Of course, why wouldn't I be?

[She seemed surprised by that and Tara could relate, honestly. She had been the same when she first arrived in Sunnydale. But if anyone addressed her, it was enough to leave her startled and uncertain.

A lack of social experience was something she understood and would never judge anyone else for.]

I think I'd like to have someone around for a bit. I should try and get out of my head.

Then I'll stay. [ The decision is apparently that easy for Ange. As long as Tara wants her around, then she'll stay - at least for a little while more. ]

Maybe we can see if we can figure it out together.

[ Especially if the other is saying she wants to get out of her head. What's better for that than to actually talk your thoughts through with someone else? ]

You've always been helpful, even if it's just in comforting. I wouldn't mind your input.

[And she honestly just liked having Ange around.]

I've tried meditating with others, sharing their energy and emotions. It's just slow going.

Maybe I'm impatient?

[ Ange pauses, seeming to think.

She slowly exhales as she shakes her head. ]

I don't think that's necessarily impatient. [ And she's not even saying that because she likes Tara. ] I mean, how many months has it been now since you've been walking around with that condition? I'm pretty sure anyone would be sick and tired of not having anything change about it after that long.

[ Ange would be. For sure. ]

I mean, it'd be different if you had even felt any small change already from your efforts.. But have you?

[ Because it didn't really sound like Tara's condition got better in any way. ]

No it's still the same. Sometimes when I'm meditating with others and helping them with their corruption, I can feel what they're feeling and it reminds me what I forgot. But that's also what's probably making me impatient. I got a taste of it, so now I want it all back.

Healing isn't so simple, even with broken bones.

[Which is to say, as a witch, she has never sped things along that way...

...and saying that makes her realize what she's trying to do.]

Oh. Right. This is something broken that needs to heal.

I don't know. Some people here have healing powers that do often make it seem pretty simple.

[ She sounds a little hesitant about saying that, since she doesn't want to downplay Tara's problem. On the other hand, Ange can't help but feel that there's got to be someone in this place who ought to be able to help her.

There are so many people here, from varied worlds, with varied powers.. surely one of them must have seen a case like this before, or be able to do something about it even without prior experience. ]

Maybe you'd be able to find a solution if you asked people over the network. [ That statement is followed by a slight pause, before Ange admits: ] Even if I know it's not that easy to talk about it.

[ Especially in front of everyone in this place, if it's that openly on the network.

But sometimes you have to make hard decisions to solve difficult cases, right? ]

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Blessed Day [Open]

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