deercountry | soft hours

It's not the same.

[he looks ahead of himself, his blind eye to Kazuma - it doesn't count as hiding if his face just doesn't let him see the other guy, right?]

Your world, this one...there's no way you could prepare for it. And I'm not saying that like you're weak, but it's just...this place is extremely strong. It's already crushed me once. [and it crushed those people there on that battlefield.]

If you're really serious about doing those kinds of things...running into hunts and fights like that...you have to do it right. You have to go to the Gate with me and Childe and the others. And even then... [he looks over at him.] You'd have to let Ryunosuke know that's your intention.

I know it's not. [He's not an idiot, but--he gets why Manabu is warning him. After that fight, it's all too clear that the dangers he knows are nothing in comparison to others. Still...he'd like to think what he is capable of means something. That it isn't completely useless. That he isn't completely useless.]

I have a bad habit of keeping secrets from him when I think it might save him from the worry or the consequences. [They both had that fault in a way, didn't they?] Back home, I had asked him to join me in traveling to England from Japan...We even worked out how to smuggle him there. I...never told him that my going was contingent on me agreeing to assassinate a man.

[He frowns, turning from Manabu to put his focus anywhere else. The wall, the thread he was picking on the bedspread. Anywhere but at Manabu. This part of his past was not something he was particularly proud of.]...I won't be making the mistake of hiding things from him again.

What?

[the sharp concern is clear - there's even a note of disbelief. he doesn't know Kazuma as well as Ryunosuke, but just by proxy...he didn't strike him as a killer. just kind of a hard-nosed, well-meaning jerk who needs to ease up on the height insults.]

You... [used him like that?] This whole time, you've been friends, and you didn't tell him something like that?

He was always the one to keep me focused...On a better path. [He knows how terrible this all sounds, how it must look from the outside in.] I didn't tell him because I...Truthfully I was trying to find a way out of it at the time and I--

It's not the easiest thing to tell anyone. Let alone a friend like him, a partner.

I never got the chance to tell him either. An accident kept me from making it to England. He, for a time, thought I had died. I was left behind not remembering myself, let alone my mission...I'm not proud of any of it.

[hearing partner sparks a little indignation in Manabu, especially in light of this.]

Running into battles you're not ready for... That's easier than being honest with your friend. Is that what you mean to say? Kazuma-!

Running into battles of any kind is easier than putting him at risk by getting him involved. The man that assigned me--he had power. Bringing Ryunosuke to England also removed him from that influence.

[It didn't help that he's rather certain Ryunosuke's case was just another means of demonstrating what power Jigoku had to hurt people he cared about if he screwed up.]

I already said I'm not proud of it. And that it isn't something I care to repeat.

[as Kazuma talks, Manabu's jaw clenches tighter and tighter, fingers curling into fists that have nothing to punch. the very idea of using someone as good as Ryunosuke for the sake of murder, of all things...!

spoken in a low tone:] You...didn't trust him at all then, did you? The one you call 'partner.'

What--[The accusation has him whipping back towards Manabu. It probably wasn't the smartest decision, with his injuries. But the thought that he didn't trust Ryunosuke...that hurt worse.]

I trust him with my life. [But--He had a poor way of showing that. Didn't he?] It was never a matter of not telling him at all, Manabu. I had every intention of telling him long before we reached England...[But then he had been concussed to the point of amnesia, Ryunosuke had thought him dead...It had all turned into much more of a complex affair than he had ever intended it to be.]

Intentions don't mean anything if they stay that way, Kazuma! [Manabu has the upper hand in barking out words - his ribs aren't broken.

oh-- speaking of barking, this spike in agitation stirs the dog at the foot of his bed, ears flatting out and teeth bared, growl-whining. boys stop fighting this is a hospital and the head nurse will kick ur asses!!!]

Intentions are what drive us to do the things that we believe in, but if you haven't even told him by now, then what do you really believe, huh?! Is that real trust? Think about it!

He knows. [Where Manabu's voice is a bark, Kazuma's breaks. This is not something he's proud of and it hurts.]

He knows...That accident, it had been well over a year before we met again in England. Before I remembered everything--and the truth came out. The only reason it had stayed that way for so long was that I didn't remember.

[He takes in a shaky breath--whether it was such because of his condition or their argument was uncertain.] I trust him, Manabu. I don't intend to keep secrets from him again.

[Manabu's eyes wince, but his lips stay curled back in a grimace. this is not his business, but the talking points are pretty personal - the sort of thing that would rile him up no matter who was talking about it, never mind regarding someone he's pretty invested in now.

after all, he knows what it's like to have been kept in the dark by someone he was supposed to consider a partner; Manabu isn't a grudge-holding type of person (in regards to other people, that is; grudges against himself, though? eh...), but he can't forget the way it felt to realize that the entire time Bruce was pushing him away was because he didn't trust Manabu to be able to meet and overcome his fears with him. after all the effort, finding that common ground...]

...That's something...I didn't expect to have in common with him. [he slumps back against his pillows, looking at the ceiling.] That kind of circumstance. That feeling...

[does Ryunosuke even have it? or is he an even kinder, more forward-feeling person than he is?]

I'm sorry...[For doing what he did? For unintentionally bringing up a sensitive topic? For being a right arse--well that last one would be a given regardless.] I do trust him...

And, for what it's worth, I trust you. Enough to give you that part of my past at the very least...No one else here knows, outside of the two of you.

[Manabu cuts in around no one else here knows with a negative sound through his nose.]

No. Those kinds of things... Those are the kinds of things that need to be earned, not just given when someone's getting grilled. [he turns his head to peer over the bridge of his nose Kazuma's way.]

If that's the sort of thing that takes the ultimate kind of trust, then that's the level I have to reach first. Don't just hand it over simply. Got it?

[Kazuma's stare is static, broken only when he cocks one eyebrow in question.]

And who would be the one to decide if you've earned it or not? I don't think that line is as clear cut as you think, certainly not something that is leveled so strictly.

[Grilled or not, he chose to tell Manabu what he did because he wanted to. He could have just as easily shut him out or not said a word about it in the first place.]

I didn't choose to tell you so simply.

[despite himself, Manabu's face flushes hot, dispersing up his scalp to fluff his hair.]

S-so what! I'm, I'm just saying! I don't take those things so simply too, okay?!

[Kazuma wheezes out a laugh, a sharp ha immediately punctuated by a groan. Broken ribs, worst thing.]

What I am saying is that I trust you, because to me you've already done enough to earn that. [He gives a smile.] That kind of thing doesn't come easily to me, so trust me when I say you have earned it.

[what, now he's laughing? good, he BETTER suffer for laughing at him!! jeez...]

Fine! [he's still puffed up, folding his arms tightly around his UNINJURED ribs and looking pointedly ahead of himself.] Even if I don't get it, I'll accept what you say. You know where I stand anyway!

[Jokes on you Manabu, being puffed up and a bit annoyed with him is kind of endearing.] I know where you stand. And you know where I stand.

Seems we've reached an understanding, then.

[still kind of pouty:] Yeah, I guess... [beat.

he shoots a look over.] D-don't go tattling on me to Ryunosuke like that anymore, though! I'm an adult, an adult!

You can't say that as if you didn't do the same! [Excuse you, sir. He too is an adult.] With luck we won't both get into trouble at the same time again...

[Yeah, how likely is that?]

Why would I be in trouble? I'm still an officer at heart, this kind of stuff is just part of the job!

You're only getting in trouble if you ran off without telling anybody...

Well...did you tell him you were running off into this fight?

Though to be fair, getting involved in anything this dangerous, regardless of whether or not you gave a warning that you are running off to join the fray, can cause concern. And for people that care about you--[He manages a shrug without too much pain.] Trouble isn't always trouble...it can be as simple as causing people to worry.

[he flushes briefly, turning his head to obscure it.]

Y-you don't have to remind me about things like that! [said a lying liar who lies.] That's part of why I definitely didn't run in there on my own; that kind of stupidity...it's unforgivable.

I believe that's why we were part of a team, yes. Encountering things here alone...it's unconscionable. [He sighs, settling back against the bed he was propped up in and closing his eyes.] Still, Ryuu isn't likely to be happy with either of us. And he'll hover, and fret. Just watch.

He doesn't really...have to worry about me. This isn't even the worst it's been. He knows. He-- [Manabu clams up, feeling a chill run up his spine with some alarm. maybe Ryunosuke already talked about that with Kazuma? about him getting killed, how that messed him up for a while.

...not really the impression he'd like to have in anyone's mind if he could help it, really.]

soft hours

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