sad space dad had a bad (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
shiro2hero) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
deercountry2022-05-12 09:40 am
shiro2hero) wrote in deercountry2022-05-12 09:40 am
is this how it is? how it's always been?
Who: Shiro & Open
What: May Catch-All
When: All throughout the month
Where: Mouse House, The Beach, Willful Machine
Content Warnings: Grief, isolation, corruption symptoms, mild monstrous body horror
GRIEF | physical / emotional corruption signs
((ooc: if you want anything specific let me know !! Or throw your own starter in and I'll roll with it. I'll match format, too! Action or Prose.)
What: May Catch-All
When: All throughout the month
Where: Mouse House, The Beach, Willful Machine
Content Warnings: Grief, isolation, corruption symptoms, mild monstrous body horror
GRIEF | physical / emotional corruption signs
MOUSE HOUSE
A lot has happened. None of it has been particularly good. Like the blows keep coming and coming, while you're trying to dodge and weave around them all. And failing. Picking yourself up is almost impossible. But... he has to. Shiro has to. There are still people here who depend on him. There are still people here who need someone.
So he picks himself up. Every single day. He makes his rounds through the house, ostensibly checking on the occupants - What do you need? Can I do anything? How are you? But, privately, to make sure they're all still there. He is fine, because he has to be. Because the only person he can fall apart around is hurting just as badly. Or worse.
And if he wakes up to the multitude of scars crossing his body turning a darker shade, then... well. It's just the month. Just the Trench weirdness.
Anyone living or visiting the house is subject to the same questions - the same constant checking. Though his voice is tighter, the lines under his eyes heavier.
Are you okay? he'll ask.
He's fine.
MONSTERS | TDM Mirror Prompt
A lot has happened. None of it has been particularly good. Like the blows keep coming and coming, while you're trying to dodge and weave around them all. And failing. Picking yourself up is almost impossible. But... he has to. Shiro has to. There are still people here who depend on him. There are still people here who need someone.
So he picks himself up. Every single day. He makes his rounds through the house, ostensibly checking on the occupants - What do you need? Can I do anything? How are you? But, privately, to make sure they're all still there. He is fine, because he has to be. Because the only person he can fall apart around is hurting just as badly. Or worse.
And if he wakes up to the multitude of scars crossing his body turning a darker shade, then... well. It's just the month. Just the Trench weirdness.
Anyone living or visiting the house is subject to the same questions - the same constant checking. Though his voice is tighter, the lines under his eyes heavier.
Are you okay? he'll ask.
He's fine.
THE BEACH
His scars have blackened. Like marks of fire across his skin. He's been sitting on the shoreline so long, honestly, he hasn't noticed. I just need some air - he'd said. Just needed to step out. Step away from being ... he doesn't even know anymore. Wanting to be of service, wanting to make a difference and not being able to do a damned thing. The need to help, the need to do some good somewhere in this place has been driving him through the losses.
But what real difference has any of it made?
The guilt swirls in and out like the surf. Maybe he'd gotten too complacent. Maybe he'd done something wrong. Maybe if they'd acted faster on their plans against a certain familiar face here - a certain "Mother Mercy", then...
Maybes. What if's. Guilt. His shoulders ache, his scars itch.
Communicate, he'd been advised. Advised and bottled up. Put away on a shelf for a day when Shiro didn't have to shoulder the world. When he feels like two more names need to be added to the list of people he couldn't save.
But there's still people congregating on the boardwalk. There's still the plethora of spring food and celebration going on. Maybe he should go up there and grab some?
Maybe he needs some convincing - or, at least, someone to drag him off the sand.
His scars have blackened. Like marks of fire across his skin. He's been sitting on the shoreline so long, honestly, he hasn't noticed. I just need some air - he'd said. Just needed to step out. Step away from being ... he doesn't even know anymore. Wanting to be of service, wanting to make a difference and not being able to do a damned thing. The need to help, the need to do some good somewhere in this place has been driving him through the losses.
But what real difference has any of it made?
The guilt swirls in and out like the surf. Maybe he'd gotten too complacent. Maybe he'd done something wrong. Maybe if they'd acted faster on their plans against a certain familiar face here - a certain "Mother Mercy", then...
Maybes. What if's. Guilt. His shoulders ache, his scars itch.
Communicate, he'd been advised. Advised and bottled up. Put away on a shelf for a day when Shiro didn't have to shoulder the world. When he feels like two more names need to be added to the list of people he couldn't save.
But there's still people congregating on the boardwalk. There's still the plethora of spring food and celebration going on. Maybe he should go up there and grab some?
Maybe he needs some convincing - or, at least, someone to drag him off the sand.
MONSTERS | TDM Mirror Prompt
WILLFUL MACHINE | BEFORE
Those bottled up emotions feel as if they're drowning him. So he stalks through the city, now. On a mission he'd promised someone else he'd take up. One more thing to try and mitigate the loss. To try and make useless blood and we don't need you anymore into something worthwhile. Try to hunt a monster. A man on a mission.
Despite the fact he's still wearing his right arm tied to his chest in an immobilizing sling, but oh well. At least he's wearing his armor this time, black and white armor that probably stands out in the Trench streets. There's no other outlet for these feelings. Talking it out only puts the burden on other people, especially those that are also hurting.
So - he's out looking for the weird tentacle thing Min-Gi had told him about. He's not sure if he'll find it. But hey - he won't turn down backup, thankfully. Catch him about anywhere in this area, patrolling.
... You may have to be quick, because while Shiro won't turn down help, he has a tendency to duck his head away from familiar faces.
Those bottled up emotions feel as if they're drowning him. So he stalks through the city, now. On a mission he'd promised someone else he'd take up. One more thing to try and mitigate the loss. To try and make useless blood and we don't need you anymore into something worthwhile. Try to hunt a monster. A man on a mission.
Despite the fact he's still wearing his right arm tied to his chest in an immobilizing sling, but oh well. At least he's wearing his armor this time, black and white armor that probably stands out in the Trench streets. There's no other outlet for these feelings. Talking it out only puts the burden on other people, especially those that are also hurting.
So - he's out looking for the weird tentacle thing Min-Gi had told him about. He's not sure if he'll find it. But hey - he won't turn down backup, thankfully. Catch him about anywhere in this area, patrolling.
... You may have to be quick, because while Shiro won't turn down help, he has a tendency to duck his head away from familiar faces.
ANYWHERE IN TRENCH | AFTER {cw: mild monstrous body horror}
Just some window shopping. Maybe bring something back home - brighten up his partner's day. Something like that.
Except... reflective glass. Reflections. The first time Shiro passes one, it's normal. He just looks as exhausted and scarred and weary as always. So he sighs, shakes his head. And keeps walking. Maybe he should just go home -
No sooner does he think that, then, abruptly, he sees another shape in the glass. It may have been himself, once. But now it's grown. It's turned from human to some awful monstrosity. Some sort of huge, hulking brute, its right arm a twisted mockery of metal and wire. The scar across its face mirrors his own, but deeper, more ragged, like something had attempted to cut its entire head in half. It stares at him, its eyes cold, glazed yellow.
Winks.
And suddenly, it is shambling down the streets. All the locked up, boiling restlessness in Shiro's chest itching to be released.
And no sooner does it find someone than it decides it would like to brawl. Right there in the street. With the real Shiro trapped along for the ride, locked in its head.
Perfect.
Just some window shopping. Maybe bring something back home - brighten up his partner's day. Something like that.
Except... reflective glass. Reflections. The first time Shiro passes one, it's normal. He just looks as exhausted and scarred and weary as always. So he sighs, shakes his head. And keeps walking. Maybe he should just go home -
No sooner does he think that, then, abruptly, he sees another shape in the glass. It may have been himself, once. But now it's grown. It's turned from human to some awful monstrosity. Some sort of huge, hulking brute, its right arm a twisted mockery of metal and wire. The scar across its face mirrors his own, but deeper, more ragged, like something had attempted to cut its entire head in half. It stares at him, its eyes cold, glazed yellow.
Winks.
And suddenly, it is shambling down the streets. All the locked up, boiling restlessness in Shiro's chest itching to be released.
And no sooner does it find someone than it decides it would like to brawl. Right there in the street. With the real Shiro trapped along for the ride, locked in its head.
Perfect.
((ooc: if you want anything specific let me know !! Or throw your own starter in and I'll roll with it. I'll match format, too! Action or Prose.)
no subject
With the way she was tugging, he'd assumed there was some dire emergency. But food? Unless there's something wrong with the food... which wouldn't really be surprising, at this point. Maybe not an emergency, though.
It's still not enough to make him dig his heels in to stop, though.
"No, I - No I haven't." Despite the fact his blood is practically begging him to, this month. It's weird, not really wanting to eat anything, while your body insists on inhaling anything in sight.
no subject
Ange knows that she's teetering on the edge of being believable here, since Ange definitely does not usually announce that she's worried - even though she's actually worried all the time. But she keeps that feeling deep down, where it belongs.
But this is the best thing she can do here, because she's not lying. Sure, it's not something she necessarily needs Shiro for, but if dragging him into this will distract him? She's going to do it.
Maybe she can just chalk up her honesty right now on the fact that she trusts Shiro - which is also just true.
"Remember the times people just put food out for us back in Deerington? I watched it turn people into geese one time."
no subject
Hard not to. He doesn't remember the geese, but, all the other terrible effects certainly. Some things on the boardwalk weren't the best, sure, but most of the issues never seemed to come from here. Unless he's more out of touch than usual.
Wouldn't that just be the perfect topper to this mess? He'd been so busy mourning, he hadn't realized there was something awful happening right under his nose.
"How bad is it? Is anyone hurt?"
no subject
.. she wonders if, maybe, she's making Shiro a little too worried here, so she tries to tone it all down a little bit.
"I don't think it's that bad. It's more like.. a prank, almost." Although that'd still beg the question why the townsfolk are so happily serving food that's playing pranks on people, but. You know.
"But the new people might get startled by it anyway, you know? I was wondering if there was some way to warn them without having to stand next to the food all the time."
no subject
He appears to relax, just a fraction, when Ange clarifies. Okay, if it's just a prank, then... then that's not so bad. Right? People don't die from pranks. Even here. Hopefully. And the locals here aren't nearly as hostile to Sleepers as the townspeople in Deerington had been.
It's not great. But it's less dire than he was expecting.
"Has anyone put up signs? Or maybe made an announcement on the network?"
no subject
And.. you know. You can't force her to make an announcement on the network, Shiro. This is Ange we're talking about. Making her send out a message to absolutely everyone and have to potentially deal with talking to tons of people. It'd be a cruel and unusual punishment.
"I've been trying to tell some new people off from eating any of that, but.. some people actually insisted on eating it, despite my warnings." Clearly this is a better thing to focus on than sadness, right.
The general idiocy of people.
no subject
Normally, this wouldn't be an issue at all. He'd launch right into it. Make a plan, then give an announcement right here on the beach. Boardwalk in the background and all. It wouldn't matter. He'd have done it. But now - there's a hesitance. A reluctance.
The absence... it'd be right there, staring him in the face. The failure.
"Were they Sleepers? Or locals?"
no subject
As far as she knows, anyway. Mostly since she didn't recognize any of them - aside from one guy in particular, but she sure didn't recognize him from this place. And Ange honestly hopes that someone who has experienced even one month of this place wouldn't be dumb enough to eat random food.
Ange pauses, glancing at Shiro. He's still not looking good, huh? Not that it's a surprise, since she didn't expect things to change that rapidly, but.. well, it's still worrisome.
"Let's take a look together," she therefore easily offers.
More than anything, she just really doesn't want him to be alone right now. And for pride's sake - his? her own? - it feels better to not be too direct about her worries, instead hiding it behind this stuff.
no subject
Any better, or anything about the world at all. That's not good. They could be hurt, or worse, if the risks are high enough. If the food is bad enough. He should have checked it out. He should have known. He should have -
no you're just sulking on the beach - because you can't do anything - you can't help anyone - you lost them
"I guess we could post someone to watch out for new arrivals... make sure they know the risks." He's not turning down Ange's offer of checking it out. But - maybe it would be best if someone else kept watch. Someone with a better track record.
"Know anyone?"
no subject
Because Ange sure knows some sociable types, despite not being one of said types herself. It's like she somehow attracts them..
But despite her answer, she frowns a little. Shiro is obviously not offering up himself here, so Ange sure won't force him in his current state, but..
"I'd feel bad asking someone to constantly stand guard here though. Even if it's just until all the new people have shown up, that could still take days."
no subject
He sounds amused, though - finally. He could see Ruby doing that. Standing up on a box or barrel and calling out to new arrivals. Maybe they should ask her. If she's not... in a similar situation to Shiro, right now.
Ah - right. They were supposed to be being productive here. Weren't they? One more thing he'd let slide. Slip away.
"How bad has it been?"
no subject
"Well, I guess maybe it's just that I happened to run into the exact group of wrong people.." After all, she doesn't want Shiro to worry too much, and it's not like she's lying here. It could just be that Ange happened to meet all the people who felt like eating random suspicious food out here after climbing out of the ocean, and that everyone else who showed up in this city this month was totally fine.
Who knows.
She shakes her head, staring at their surroundings for another moment before her gaze turns to the man next to her.
".. I mean, how long have you seen sitting out here?"
Look at that semi-smooth turn of conversation to angle this towards him.
no subject
That's a very good question, really. He's not sure. Long enough to be tired, thirsty. He's been starved all month, so that's not really a valid measure of time. And, honestly, the lengthy pause after Ange's question is probably all the answer she needs.
"I've... kind of lost track of time." That's putting it delicately. He even grimaces a bit, as the words come out. But at least he's being honest with her?
"I was keeping an eye on the ocean. In case anything ... anyone washed up."
no subject
"Shiro.."
Her concern is a little less subtle now. It's visible in her eyes as she looks up at him, trying to meet his gaze. Maybe she's letting it show because she just can't help it, or maybe it's because he's being honest here, and she wants to encourage that - especially when she's seen him retreat before when he felt low.
"Did something happen recently?"
Sure, the man is prone to feeling guilty over things he shouldn't even have to feel guilty about - or so Ange thinks. But maybe something triggered this bout of it more directly, especially with how much is constantly going on in this place.
no subject
He avoids her look. Avoids those eyes. It's easier to keep his gaze on everything else. Keeps his composure better. Something sure did happen. But he doesn't deserve sympathy or concern. He's clearly not done something right. Not done enough.
"Varian," he says, finally. "Fern."
Don't make him elaborate, Ange. Please. He doesn't know if he can, right now.
no subject
She understands, after all. Of course anyone would be sad to lose people they're close to in this place, even more so when it comes as a total surprise to have them suddenly disappear. But if Shiro was just sad about that, it'd be one thing. If it's not just that--
Sorry, Shiro. Maybe you won't get away from having to elaborate on this one.
"Shiro, I get that it's hard." She really does seem to understand. Nothing about Ange's expression or tone in this moment is emotionless. It truly sounds like she gets it - after all, Ange has an abandonment complex that's miles long. If anyone understands the pain of losing people, it's her. "But is it just that? I get it if you just feel bad over people leaving, but.. you're not somehow blaming yourself for something, are you?"
Look, it's hard to feel like he's not doing that when it's the #1 characteristic Ange would recall about Shiro. Overly blaming himself for everything. Being way too hard on himself, despite being such a good person.
no subject
It's echoed sorrow from a bond. It's the helplessness of knowing what happens to at least one of them back home. It's knowing how happy they were, and how it's all been ripped away. It's not being able to do anything in the face of it all. Shiro lost Allura all over again.
How many more times.
"It's fine."
It's not fine. But she's right, and he knows she's not going to budge on it, either. Of course he's blaming himself. Who else is there to blame? The ocean? Like that's going to help.
"I just need... time."
no subject
There's an intensity to the question. Ange tries to seek out his gaze, like she might be able to tell the truth in his answer from there somehow.
For a moment the girl seems almost tense, but then something about it grows a little more slack as she shakes her head, looking a little more uncertain. "Look, I.. I don't want to be patronizing."
Especially since Ange knows that she sometimes hates that too. The feeling that some people think she can't do anything, or have to keep her out of things.
"But I think you're corrupting." Unless the black scars are something else.
But Ange doesn't want to just assume that. She wants to be cautious about this, especially after having seen friends turned into monsters already.
".. it could get worse if you're alone."