Alone

[swellter]

Who: Shouto and Allen + Dabi
What: June Event Prompt One. A few hours after THIS. 
When: June 8th.
Where: The Farther Shores a mile away from the cherry blossom tree.

“Alone”

BY EDGAR ALLAN POE

From childhood’s hour I have not been

As others were—I have not seen

As others saw—I could not bring

My passions from a common spring—

From the same source I have not taken

My sorrow—I could not awaken

My heart to joy at the same tone—

And all I lov’d—I lov’d alone—

Then—in my childhood—in the dawn

Of a most stormy life—was drawn

From ev’ry depth of good and ill

The mystery which binds me still—

From the torrent, or the fountain—

From the red cliff of the mountain—

From the sun that ’round me roll’d

In its autumn tint of gold—

From the lightning in the sky

As it pass’d me flying by—

From the thunder, and the storm—

And the cloud that took the form

(When the rest of Heaven was blue)

Of a demon in my view—
 

The nightmares started in April with the death of a friend.

Lying in a pool of Paleblood, clinging to the dying, the first seeds of corruption sank their teeth into his heart spreading doubt and fear. His brother's warm presence that first night kept him from spiraling to that end that forms every Beast in Trench. The next day, it was Amaterasu's guardian sapling that kept his nightmares at bay. He slept under the tranquil aura of the cherry blossom while he waited for his friend's return. For a week, it's calming influence kept his corruption levels low. Afterwards, it was Allen's kind and radiant presence in his home that maintained the sapling's work. It was only after Allen moved into Sancturary and Shouto returned to active duty with the Hunters that his levels started to rise. His omen kept strict watch on his levels waging war every time corruption started to spread, sending him back to the guardian sapling when his levels rose.

It usually happened late at night when his dreams turned against him, and he woke up in a frozen room with his heart beating frantically in his chest. He clung to Kizu those nights, burying his face into the snow leopards winter coat, finding solace in the cold. Ice crept past his sheets those mornings, covering both Sleeper and omen in a layer of frost. Yet, he managed to keep himself together. Foregoing sleep for more shifts with the Hunters until exhaustion forced him into a dreamless sleep after a few days. 

Keeping his corruption to manageble levels was easier in the presence of his friends. His deep connection with them, kept the dark thoughts from finding purchase in his mind. Maybe that's why he spent so much time with them that second month after Allen's death. Accepting their invitations more readily, joining them for dinner, walking them home, going to parties. Their presence gave him a safe heaven, a place where dark thoughts didn't press on his mind, a respite from the nightmares. So, he slept, taking naps at every turn. Somehow, he managed to keep his corruption levels from spiraling out of control up until June when the demon arrived. 

Prime for a takevoer, the demon found him in the midst of another nightmare and latched onto him the first day with Kizu nonethe wiser. It fed on him, plagued his every dream until his body couldn't keep up anymore and he stopped patrolling altogether on day five too tired to complete his rounds. Scrapes and bruises started appearing on his skin on day seven, and on day eight it sent him into a nightmare so frantic he lost control of his quirk, burning his surroundings. Terror set in then, afraid of himself unaware of his rising corruption levels. With the demon clinging to his back, his thoughts turned dark too quickly. Afraid, Shouto sought out his friends and found Allen's network post from a few weeks ago and he replied in search of a familiar face.

A hero agency.

The concept reminded him so much of home it eased some of the terror from his heart. Already feeling a little better, Shouto couldn't help but respond to ask him about his plans, offer his help. It'd give him an excuse to see him in person instead of conversing through the omini as they usually did these days, but the conversation turned sour when the Hunters were mentioned.

Dark thoughts crept into his mind so quickly, spreading like a disease. The demon was fully grown and it's influence more acute. Well fed, it was bigger than him now. The demon dug its claws into him, influencing his thoughts, turning them against him when the omen interfered but it was too late. It had grown too strong, held far too much influence and plunges him into a nightmare long before he reaches the guardian sapling.

When Allen arrives at the cherry blossom tree on the Farther shores, he'll find it empty. If he looks around, he might find a strange sight about a mile away. Upon inspection, he'll come across a glacier jutting out of the black sands, three stories high, and at it's center - at the level of the sand -  lies an unmoving figure distorted by ice. 

Shouto lies sleeping on the black sands, covered in frost, within an open space at the center of the glacier, cut off from the world. The demon clings to him, feeding readily while the carbon dioxide levels slowly increase.

Comments

[likethelight]

[ He is... so relieved. Having gotten more nervous and fidgety the longer Shouto kept staring at him without saying anything. Had he fucked up? Oh god what if he'd fucked up. So when he meets his eyes finally so bashfully with that small sort of blush--

Allen blinks. Stares too-- and then bites his lip lightly, smiling, and drops his gaze shyly as well. It's the same thing he said before too, but this sort of context... He just smiles so quietly, warmed by the fragile sort of feeling that's fanned by that. Something small but so joyful and bright as a supernova. Even his downy cloak that both absorbs and reflects the moonlight subtly seems to radiate so much more brightly for a moment with it.

His fingers twitch lightly against the bed of flowers, like he wants to inch closer to touch Shouto's hand, but is a little too shy to for once. ]

Do you... want to go home? [ Home. The thing he didn't have until you brought him back with you, you know? Not anything to do with places, but that quiet and content sense of belonging. The happiness of having people you want to return back to and see again. Needing and being needed. Something Allen is so used to not ever having, to the point where when he does...

It's special. So special.

Sanctuary is rapidly becoming something that's a big part of him and his heart, believing in a safe place where people will feel cared for; his purpose, but... it also isn't that. Isn't home. And thus part of the mistake he realized he'd made. Presuming it was convenient and part of him finding a new home there. It was a place, an important place, so important with so many people that are dear to him filling it up and yes, making it feel like a family, but... It wasn't-- the same.

Because that's what love means to Allen: home.

That's why he looks back up as he says it, voice soft and demeanor gentle. Smiling quietly with such a warm sort of contentment, his anxiousness gone. Maybe looking a little fragile and vulnerable, but also like he's perfectly okay with that. Those things don't make someone weak. ]

Together.

[swellter]

[ Bathed in holy light, the flowers curl past the divide, spilling onto the wooden flooring, adorning the cracks with bursts of red and white. Near the garden, lined with delicate bell-shaped blooms, the fractured wood starts to knit itself together while Shouto works through the complicated enchantment he's uncovered.

And then there's Allen, shining like an evening star in the summer night, offering companionship. The one thing he was always denied and learned to live without.

Home.

It holds a different meaning to someone who grew up in a loveless, broken home. Raised for the sole purpose of defeating his father's rival, Shouto was constantly reminded of the calculated, heartless reason for his creation. Home was a training ground, his siblings wasted potential, his mother's love a weakness, and he a vessel for his father's ambitions. Home was hell. A place of breaking where every moment of peace was paid for upfront. Every good thing in his life, he carved out of rot, carefully selecting what to keep and what to discard, creating harmony in a carefully contained area.

His Home.

The one Allen knows was built in the same manner. Derived not by chance but by toil and labor. It was an idea made real, cultivated by an earnest desire to build on what was there, like a carefully curated bonsai tree. That's what love means to him. A bond built from hard work, harmony, patience, and a little luck. All from an earnest desire to connect with someone. To see them happy.

Overwhelmed by his burgeoning feelings, heat radiates from his quiet form, clashing with the cold on the other side. Stirring an upheaval building in his form, he lets out a puff of white smoke, mist and steam, exposing his jittery state. Yet, he meets Allen's shyness with reassurance, reaching out to him, taking his hand, warm where his other is cold. ]

Together.

[ He confirms, lacing their fingers together in an earnest grip. Even if he's a little overwhelmed, his hand is steady. That feeling of admiration he's felt for Allen for some time now quietly turns on its head, and he regards him in a new light. ]

Let's go home together. [ He stands, bringing Allen with him to face the Prince, who rises to his feet, stretching out his limbs. Having been contained for so long, freedom tastes sweet. ] How do we leave?

[ Shouto addresses himself without issue, earning a faint grin from the Prince. ] Leaving is easy. All you have to do is walk out the door.

[ He says, pointing to the entrance of the broken castle glowing a little brighter under the full moon. The double doors lay open, revealing the same stone path they took, half twisting with heated flames, half buried in snow.

When they turn back to the garden, the Prince is gone. The castle lies broken, and Kizu is buried in his earliest memories. Even so, it feels like a victory, maybe because he's not alone. ]

[likethelight]

[ Was that... smoke? Allen blinks for a moment, honestly a little fascinated by that, but that Shouto reaches out to him... He lets out a slightly shaky breath he didn't realize he'd been holding, lacing his fingers in return with him. Firm and steady, like a promise.

Together. His throat feels so tight at that, but he cocks his head to the side with such a bright and happy smile -- even if his eyes sting. So crushingly relieved. ]

Mn.

[ With the door indicated and the Prince gone, something that Allen hesitates for a moment on, looking back thoughtfully at the garden with a gentle and contemplative sort of expression, he turns back to Shouto. The castle is broken yes, but as evidenced by what is slowly starting to reknit around them... things don't stay broken forever, do they?

And he promised to be here for him when he was. So it'll be alright.

Because saying something like "I want to be with you..." it's tied to the kind of promise he only ever made once before, you know? Even if silently to himself. The first time he had felt happiness together with someone.

So this time it's my turn to make you happy...
That's why I'll become your 'Allen.'

And Mana was broken too.

Being happier together than when not. Wanting to make someone else happy because they make you happy; not even for any specific reason, but just by being themselves... Viktor was right in that it really is just that simple sometimes. So Allen tips his head back and smiles carefree and bright to Shouto, giving his hand an affectionate squeeze. ]

Let's celebrate with a big breakfast tomorrow, okay? [ Because honestly, after tonight... he just wants to sleep. But he smiles so radiantly, so easy going and at-ease, and tugs him lightly forward by the hand.

Let's go home then. ]