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deercountry2022-06-19 08:01 pm
swellter) wrote in deercountry2022-06-19 08:01 pm
Entry tags:
Alone
Who: Shouto and Allen + Dabi
What: June Event Prompt One. A few hours after THIS.
When: June 8th.
Where: The Farther Shores a mile away from the cherry blossom tree.
What: June Event Prompt One. A few hours after THIS.
When: June 8th.
Where: The Farther Shores a mile away from the cherry blossom tree.
“Alone”
BY EDGAR ALLAN POEThe nightmares started in April with the death of a friend.
Lying in a pool of Paleblood, clinging to the dying, the first seeds of corruption sank their teeth into his heart spreading doubt and fear. His brother's warm presence that first night kept him from spiraling to that end that forms every Beast in Trench. The next day, it was Amaterasu's guardian sapling that kept his nightmares at bay. He slept under the tranquil aura of the cherry blossom while he waited for his friend's return. For a week, it's calming influence kept his corruption levels low. Afterwards, it was Allen's kind and radiant presence in his home that maintained the sapling's work. It was only after Allen moved into Sancturary and Shouto returned to active duty with the Hunters that his levels started to rise. His omen kept strict watch on his levels waging war every time corruption started to spread, sending him back to the guardian sapling when his levels rose.
It usually happened late at night when his dreams turned against him, and he woke up in a frozen room with his heart beating frantically in his chest. He clung to Kizu those nights, burying his face into the snow leopards winter coat, finding solace in the cold. Ice crept past his sheets those mornings, covering both Sleeper and omen in a layer of frost. Yet, he managed to keep himself together. Foregoing sleep for more shifts with the Hunters until exhaustion forced him into a dreamless sleep after a few days.
Keeping his corruption to manageble levels was easier in the presence of his friends. His deep connection with them, kept the dark thoughts from finding purchase in his mind. Maybe that's why he spent so much time with them that second month after Allen's death. Accepting their invitations more readily, joining them for dinner, walking them home, going to parties. Their presence gave him a safe heaven, a place where dark thoughts didn't press on his mind, a respite from the nightmares. So, he slept, taking naps at every turn. Somehow, he managed to keep his corruption levels from spiraling out of control up until June when the demon arrived.
Prime for a takevoer, the demon found him in the midst of another nightmare and latched onto him the first day with Kizu nonethe wiser. It fed on him, plagued his every dream until his body couldn't keep up anymore and he stopped patrolling altogether on day five too tired to complete his rounds. Scrapes and bruises started appearing on his skin on day seven, and on day eight it sent him into a nightmare so frantic he lost control of his quirk, burning his surroundings. Terror set in then, afraid of himself unaware of his rising corruption levels. With the demon clinging to his back, his thoughts turned dark too quickly. Afraid, Shouto sought out his friends and found Allen's network post from a few weeks ago and he replied in search of a familiar face.
A hero agency.
The concept reminded him so much of home it eased some of the terror from his heart. Already feeling a little better, Shouto couldn't help but respond to ask him about his plans, offer his help. It'd give him an excuse to see him in person instead of conversing through the omini as they usually did these days, but the conversation turned sour when the Hunters were mentioned.
Dark thoughts crept into his mind so quickly, spreading like a disease. The demon was fully grown and it's influence more acute. Well fed, it was bigger than him now. The demon dug its claws into him, influencing his thoughts, turning them against him when the omen interfered but it was too late. It had grown too strong, held far too much influence and plunges him into a nightmare long before he reaches the guardian sapling.
When Allen arrives at the cherry blossom tree on the Farther shores, he'll find it empty. If he looks around, he might find a strange sight about a mile away. Upon inspection, he'll come across a glacier jutting out of the black sands, three stories high, and at it's center - at the level of the sand - lies an unmoving figure distorted by ice.
Shouto lies sleeping on the black sands, covered in frost, within an open space at the center of the glacier, cut off from the world. The demon clings to him, feeding readily while the carbon dioxide levels slowly increase.
From childhood’s hour I have not been
As others were—I have not seen
As others saw—I could not bring
My passions from a common spring—
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow—I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone—
And all I lov’d—I lov’d alone—
Then—in my childhood—in the dawn
Of a most stormy life—was drawn
From ev’ry depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still—
From the torrent, or the fountain—
From the red cliff of the mountain—
From the sun that ’round me roll’d
In its autumn tint of gold—
From the lightning in the sky
As it pass’d me flying by—
From the thunder, and the storm—
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view—
Lying in a pool of Paleblood, clinging to the dying, the first seeds of corruption sank their teeth into his heart spreading doubt and fear. His brother's warm presence that first night kept him from spiraling to that end that forms every Beast in Trench. The next day, it was Amaterasu's guardian sapling that kept his nightmares at bay. He slept under the tranquil aura of the cherry blossom while he waited for his friend's return. For a week, it's calming influence kept his corruption levels low. Afterwards, it was Allen's kind and radiant presence in his home that maintained the sapling's work. It was only after Allen moved into Sancturary and Shouto returned to active duty with the Hunters that his levels started to rise. His omen kept strict watch on his levels waging war every time corruption started to spread, sending him back to the guardian sapling when his levels rose.
It usually happened late at night when his dreams turned against him, and he woke up in a frozen room with his heart beating frantically in his chest. He clung to Kizu those nights, burying his face into the snow leopards winter coat, finding solace in the cold. Ice crept past his sheets those mornings, covering both Sleeper and omen in a layer of frost. Yet, he managed to keep himself together. Foregoing sleep for more shifts with the Hunters until exhaustion forced him into a dreamless sleep after a few days.
Keeping his corruption to manageble levels was easier in the presence of his friends. His deep connection with them, kept the dark thoughts from finding purchase in his mind. Maybe that's why he spent so much time with them that second month after Allen's death. Accepting their invitations more readily, joining them for dinner, walking them home, going to parties. Their presence gave him a safe heaven, a place where dark thoughts didn't press on his mind, a respite from the nightmares. So, he slept, taking naps at every turn. Somehow, he managed to keep his corruption levels from spiraling out of control up until June when the demon arrived.
Prime for a takevoer, the demon found him in the midst of another nightmare and latched onto him the first day with Kizu nonethe wiser. It fed on him, plagued his every dream until his body couldn't keep up anymore and he stopped patrolling altogether on day five too tired to complete his rounds. Scrapes and bruises started appearing on his skin on day seven, and on day eight it sent him into a nightmare so frantic he lost control of his quirk, burning his surroundings. Terror set in then, afraid of himself unaware of his rising corruption levels. With the demon clinging to his back, his thoughts turned dark too quickly. Afraid, Shouto sought out his friends and found Allen's network post from a few weeks ago and he replied in search of a familiar face.
A hero agency.
The concept reminded him so much of home it eased some of the terror from his heart. Already feeling a little better, Shouto couldn't help but respond to ask him about his plans, offer his help. It'd give him an excuse to see him in person instead of conversing through the omini as they usually did these days, but the conversation turned sour when the Hunters were mentioned.
Dark thoughts crept into his mind so quickly, spreading like a disease. The demon was fully grown and it's influence more acute. Well fed, it was bigger than him now. The demon dug its claws into him, influencing his thoughts, turning them against him when the omen interfered but it was too late. It had grown too strong, held far too much influence and plunges him into a nightmare long before he reaches the guardian sapling.
When Allen arrives at the cherry blossom tree on the Farther shores, he'll find it empty. If he looks around, he might find a strange sight about a mile away. Upon inspection, he'll come across a glacier jutting out of the black sands, three stories high, and at it's center - at the level of the sand - lies an unmoving figure distorted by ice.
Shouto lies sleeping on the black sands, covered in frost, within an open space at the center of the glacier, cut off from the world. The demon clings to him, feeding readily while the carbon dioxide levels slowly increase.
no subject
He stares at that, caught entirely off-guard and momentarily losing his breath. Awestruck, and he's not even entirely sure why.
He really does have such a beautiful sort of smile. Something about it that makes Allen's chest squeeze tight at appreciating just how -- special that is. That it's something between just them, and he stills lightly at a realization. One whose reality had somehow alluded him the entire time. That this isn't a one time thing.
This is a beginning.
His heart thuds hard at that, and he's both a little fidgety and lost in thought when Shouto returns. Having scooted to the side so he can fluff up the cushion as best he can and... sweep off whatever crumbs there might have been. He might be a messy eater but it's something he's aware of! But he meets Shouto's eyes when he comes back in, quietly and with a soft sort of smile as he hesitates for a second, before he'll try to help him convert the reading space into a makeshift bed as best he can.
Before he turns a serious face to the conundrum of the pillows and how they... definitely will not both fit normally. So he tries rotating them both lengthwise? Side by side the narrow way? And glances to Shouto for his approval. ]
no subject
This one's for you.
[ He says, lodging it between the wall and the nook. ]
This one is for both of us.
[ And reaches past him to pull the other pillow down ninety degrees. When he's done, he turns back to Allen, eyes glimmering with a slow regard for the moment. ]
Ready for bed?
no subject
Staring a little at first as he realizes how silly his attempt was, at how meaningful Shouto's is, his eyes flick back to him a bit sheepishly. Smiling softly in response and acceptance. ]
Yeah. [ He got used to it, you know? Sharing a bed for most of last month when he had been staying with him after coming back. To the point of feeling a little strange when he moved into the room at Sanctuary. Even if that also isn't why he feels such a strong need to stay close right now. Not exactly; not just that.
He reaches out, brushing the edge of Shouto's hand lightly before covering it and squeezing gently. A shy movement, when before earlier tonight he might hesitate but wasn't overtly shy. ]
Let's get some soba when we go out tomorrow.
no subject
I'd like that.
[ He smiles outright, eyes alight in a rare carefree manner full of anticipation. ]
no subject
He blinks, and then lights up as he cocks his head to the side with a faint and fond 'heh'. Alight with the rarest and most weightles of smiles in a perfectly natural moment of just being. Somehow, seeing you like that...
He sets his palms on the mattress cushion and scoots himself down into position, back wedged up against the pillow Shouto set in place and Timcanpy crawling close to press against his half-damp, half-dry hair, but reaches towards him then. The slender tips of his fingers brushing his cheek and the curve of his smile so very lightly in a gesture appreciative and beckoning both.
It makes me really happy. ]
no subject
You are... His heart tangles itself up in its own suspense, twisting his stomach into knots. You feel like... He wraps his arms around his back holding him close, growing warm against him. ]
I'm glad you're here.
no subject
Something trips over itself inside him at that, being held like that, and his throat grows tight. The way Shouto buries his head against him and speaks gently, wrapping him up in a warm embrace. He blinks, staring over his shoulder for a moment.
"I seem to remember feeling warmth like this... once, long ago. Someone strong held me, and..."
The memory is as loose and distant as it was the first time it came to him. Like a forgotten ghost from some life long past. A child being held onto with tender desperation, being given and also being sanctuary.
"And..."
He swallows past the lump in his throat, wrapping his arms around him in kind and letting his fingers slide through the red and white strands as he rests his hand against the back of his head tenderly. His head spins a little, suddenly finding himself tongue-tied. No, he knows what he wants to say, it's loud with how tightly it makes his chest squeeze, but...
He hugs him tighter for a moment. Swallows again, and gives a nod as he buries his face in kind against his hair. ]
I'm... so glad I met you.
no subject
Even if he misses his home. His family. He's glad he was brought to this bleak world where he got to meet him. Know him. Hold him like this, like he can be with him always. The very thought leaves him breathless, and it's all he can do to keep his quirk from running wild a second time.
Embers catch on fire and he grows restless, holding onto him with a little more force. It's enough to catch his notice, enough to have him activate his other half. Ice flows in his veins, slowing down his heart. He breathes out a puff of chilled air onto his open collar growing cold for a few moments before he balances himself out, returning to a placid temperature, relaxing against him once more. ]
... You make it hard to let go.
no subject
He jolts slightly with a barely contained squeak at the puff of cold air right by his throat. Don't just do that so unexpectedly to a guy!! Or he might chastise so if he wasn't more concerned by the sudden swing in temperature, warm as he held him tighter and then cold before relaxing. It has Allen blink, considering that -- spiking emotions being counterbalanced, if the way he relaxed after means anything -- before also going a little still as he holds him gently, a hand still resting on the back of his head.
There's a lot more you feel that isn't obvious, isn't there? That much was always obvious but maybe there's a depth to them that even Allen misjudged. And even if he's still reeling from everything he witnessed... a lot of things that contributed to that. The nightmare creature only twisted and made dark what was already there, it's a large part of why he wanted to stay and sleep near him, and it reminds him of what Kizu said that had stung so badly.
"You're broken. He's broken. He breaks. Keeps going. How long do you think it'll take before he fractures? You fracture."
He continues running his fingers through Shouto's hair softly, mindless and soothing. Relaxing against him even as he encourages him to relax, and even if his expression is as pensive as it is gentle. ]
It's alright, you don't have to.
no subject
He rests against Allen, letting his weight settle on him as the day's events start to catch up with him. He yawns lightly, eyes watering at the corners, and sinks into Allen like a cat seeking warmth only he's after a chill he does not possess. ]
I always have to.
[ He murmurs in a half-doze as his body starts to shut down, exhaustion taking over. ]
... will you stay the night?
[ He half breathes into his collar, sleep blurring the edges of his mind. ]
no subject
He tips his head slightly to try and look at him with light concern and confusion, but of course he can't really with the angle. Especially not when he sinks so comfortably against him, saying that, and he has bite his lower lip slightly at the lump that forms in his throat. Ah.
...It occurs to him it's the first time he's held someone like this and something about the moment is so fragile and real. Taken comfort against him when all he wants is to be a comfort to others and yet so rarely feels like he is, and in fact often accomplishes the opposite. Even if Shouto is half asleep and seems like he's talking to someone else... This is important.
I want to remember this.
He curls a little closer, pressing his cheek against his hair and just holding him for the time being. It's okay, he probably won't sleep for a while and he actually prefers that. There are things on his mind, and... if he was asleep, he wouldn't be awake to remember. ]
Mm. [ He murmurs it back in soft affirmation, fingers brushing the short red and white hairs at the back of his neck idly. Who are you talking to? Because you already know he is. ]
Of course I will.
[ So you don't have to let go. ]
no subject
[ He half-murmurs, closing his eyes. ]
I locked the door.
[ He breathes into his neck, taking comfort in his solid form. Real. He wants to hold onto him, but sleep calls, and his fingers start to lose strength, sliding down his back. ]
... you'll be... safe.
[ He dozes off, pressed against Allen, his temperature slowly dropping a few degrees in search of that cold embrace. ]
no subject
He stills, eyes going wide even as Shouto's grip has gone lax and he's drifted off. His mother. Does he think...? ]
Shouto? [ It's so very soft, concerned but barely a whisper as he doesn't mean to wake him -- is hoping he's too deep asleep to hear him, honestly. And, conflicted, he hesitates for a moment before just hugging him a little tighter. This... this is what he had felt so early on even, isn't it?
This sort of scar. ] ...
[ It's okay that he let go, because while Allen loosens his arms so they can both rest more comfortably he cuddles close too, mouth pressed lightly against the crown of his head in a vague sort of not-kiss. It's... new. Warm, even if Shouto has cooled some. Not what he had had in mind -- he'd figured he'd sleep against his back, honestly -- but he wouldn't trade it for the world. Because the idea he might be able to provide even a small sense of solace or comfort, even through something as simple as holding each other--
...even if being seen as someone else he wanted to see so badly in the haze of exhaustion, something that isn't a new experience for Allen...
He swallows, his heart feeling like it's in his throat as it thuds hard for a moment. Ah. His heart feels too full of too many things. Like it might squeeze itself to a standstill, and he nuzzles his face against Shouto's hair faintly. It tickles a little. The corners of his eyes sting, and he blinks so his lashes blot the mist that was collecting there.
I want you to be safe too. Happy.
It'll be a while before he drifts off too, from his thoughts being too restless and drifting back to earlier in the night to fall asleep. From wanting to stay awake to feel Shouto's quiet breathing against his neck and being amazed over such a simple and obvious sort of thing. He fights it a little, when he feels exhaustion try to pull him under. But he's too tired to, too relaxed and... ah, was that it? The new feeling that struck the hardest? That makes it so hard to fight off the feeling of contentment that drags him under until he dozes off too. That makes it so hard to question anything, really.
Being home. ]