deercountry | Live and die, and then... [open]

Entry tags:

Live and die, and then... [open]

Who: D, his Left Hand, anyone
What: Open and closed prompts for general June catch all
When: early june and onward
Where: Various places

Content Warnings:: mention of blood drinking, apathy towards violence, casual disregard for the safety of others, violence, additional warnings to be added to closed prompts in comments

1. A stiff drink; any time in June, especially after the wilderness expedition returns; open

The end of the previous month had brought an end to D's excessive bloodthirst. Which meant that he could once again drink alcohol without experiencing an almost painful and intensely bitter disappointment at every drop that passed his lips and wasn't blood.

He was still not a very social person, but could be found in various drinking establishments around the city, slowly making his way through the wide variety of unfamiliar alcohol. His usual habit was to order the strongest drinks on offer and work his way down from there.

2. A bloodless cut; two weeks before the end of June; open

D wasn't one to get involved in the affairs of others. Drunken brawls simply weren't his concern, and even when one escalated immediately to a lethal level and had people fleeing, D only glanced over briefly to see why everyone was screaming and running.

This was more than just a drunken argument getting out of hand, but apparently a case of corruption. The corrupted man was apparently not satisfied yet either, as he was lunging at the next nearest person with a jagged piece of wood from a broken chair.

Though he was half way across the room, D was suddenly next to the man in the blink of an eye. Before the sound of his sword being drawn could completely fade from the air his first slash had cut through the weapon, turning it from sharp enough to stab to a blunt end. The second slash, even faster and seeming no more than an arc of silvery light passed through the man's torso before he could stab the newly blunt end of his improvised weapon into his target.

Despite the arc of the slash that should've cut the man in half, he didn't even stumble. The man jabbed his newly blunted weapon against his target, only to realize it was no longer suitable for stabbing. D is the next target of his ire, the remaining stub of chair leg swung at him like a club was caught in D's left hand.

It was a waiting game now, to see how long it would take a corrupted person to drop from the very unusual slash he'd made that hadn't broken the skin or spilled a single drop of blood.

3. Wildcard

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

There's a time when Gaia might have wrinkled her nose with an 'ew' expression but still taken the gift and done something with it to make ends meet. It's not that she wouldn't have been appreciative. It's just... sensibilities. Lately though, the attitude of 'squick' has been gone.

She'd come out in the rain dressed appropriately for it. But when the pieces are set down Gaia's quick to pick a smaller piece and look it over. "I think you're right." She does look pleased, smiling brightly up at him.

Though honestly the rain is enough to want to chase her back inside to the warm and dry home (with its now fixed roof!), and his soaked condition plus the request for tea definitely add to the urgency. She gathers up the pieces- it's easy enough to adjust their weight with telekinesis if it's necessary- and gestures for the tall dhampir to follow her. "Yes, come inside! Oh, the lean-to's empty enough now to shelter your...er horse."

Yup she's still eyeing the nightmare steed a bit. But she's hardly going to leave it to suffer in the rain. The lean-to she's talking about is a temporary shelter for building supplies. Progress was made in the absence of the expedition and there'll be enough space to put the creature under it and out of the direct rain.

"Though feel free to use any scrap to shore it up. Sorry I don't have much else. Come inside when you're done and I'll have the tea started."

She'll have to look into that if D's going to be dropping by again. In any case, whatever needs to be done in the yard, Gaia will be working on a few things inside. The kettle, cups and stoking the fire. But also dry towels. One might argue there's even a set of his clothes ready if he's the type to leave spares for emergencies.

A new addition besides the fixed roof is that many of the rooms are now finished. Some floors might still be unfinished and walls unpainted but the rooms are no longer shells of studs and beams. Soft 'electric' light comes from a couple of lamps. The furniture is still very sparse but there are a couple of chairs. Even a simple rug by the fireplace in the common room. Slowly, Gaia has been moving out of the kitchen for everyday life.

The beetle shells have been left somewhere else and Gaia's already gotten into dry clothes herself. Any speed required for the setup was probably aided by magic and the extra hands (mouth?) of her fish-shaped Omen.

"His name is Jeram," Not a name D picked out, he doesn't give names to animals no matter how clever they are. But that was what the nightmare claimed his name was. In response to his name the horse let out a soft whicker and tossed his head and neck a little.

D leads the nightmare over to the lean-to, but he's not going to convince him to go inside if he doesn't want to. The saddle needed a little modification to fit the creature as it was much larger than a standard cyborg horse, but most of the saddle and its saddlebags were made with techniques and materials from D's world and would be unharmed by the rain. "You can wait here. Or go chase small frightened animals if you want, just don't go too far."

They're slowly getting along better since D met Snow White, but the nightmare isn't as patient or quick to listen as a cyborg horse. He doesn't wait to see what Jeram decides before he turns away, but he does have to turn back around quickly to stop the nightmare from bludgeoning him with its head. They have a drawn out staring contest before Jeram decides to ignore the shelter and go look around.

D makes his way inside, the greatcoat and hat have kept most of the water from his skin and his pants and boots work well for his legs. He hasn't left any spare clothes here, and whether or not he even owns any is debatable. The only thing that's changed at all since he arrived is that he's wearing a visibly much newer scarf than he had when he first met Gaia.

He accepts the towel silently and uses it to dry off his face and hands and get excess water out of his hair. "He didn't want to get out of the rain."

"Jeram?" She'd looked between equine and dhampir, tilting her head before nodding. Maybe she caught that bit of intelligence in the steed. "Well nice to meet you, Jeram." It's... civil. And she's gone before the two have their... er, 'bonding moment'.

So there's the inside! What's available is there and Gaia is measuring out leaves for the tea. She's no professional but what she brews is acceptable. What's important is that it'll be warmth against a chilly rain. ...Well, it's chilly only in the downpour, the humidity will come back in soon enough. Thankfully part of the furnishings Gaia has obtained includes powered fans to keep the air moving and the fire will burn away some of the moisture.

One day she'll get an air conditioner. But that's an issue for the future.

"Where did you even find Jeram? And should I be worried?" Maybe there's a bit of a lighthearted manner about the words, but the teen's at least half serious. She does want to know how best to handle the matter of the nightmare steed. Water's boiling and the contents of the kettle poured into the pot for brewing. Tea will be ready within a few minutes.

"I wanted to know if a nightmare made a good alternative to a cyborg horse. We fought, and he decided to start follow me." It was simple enough, even if they weren't getting along so well. There's a purpose for his visit beyond just bringing the beetle and getting out of the rain but he's not ready to get there quite just yet.

"He has tried to stab a few people I've introduced to him." And occasionally makes a half-hearted stab at D as well.

"That's... charming," Gaia says at her most dry. "I'll keep it in mind." Make sure she doesn't let her guard down around Jeram. Got it.

Mugs, not teacups, are the standard in Gaia's household. One is handed to D. Whether there's extras nearby depends on whether D had enjoyed things like sweetener or milk added. The teen's current tastes match his own and she wouldn't have thought to bring out extras when neither would need them.

Sometimes Gaia is aware the memories don't match up. Others slip easily past.

Settling with her own mug, the teen studies D momentarily and nods in satisfaction. Probably some sort of check-over and self-satisfaction that he's not looking worse for wear.

"So, about the beetle shell," Gaia does keep loose track of debt and compensation, but with an arrangement like this there's certainly some wiggle room. "Should I consider this payment for your occasional board or is there something you'd like to ask?"

She's no stranger to getting the odd task from D after all.

Unfortunately for Gaia, or perhaps fortunately, D has no taste for sweet things or milk added to his tea and prefers bitter flavors. So plain tea it is, and D has noticed her tendency to mimic him in little things, side effects from gaining so much of his past even if she appears to still be mostly herself.

"It's payment. I'll be too busy for a while to do anything around the house or go help with other things." The outpost plans, as well as the student he hasn't mentioned to Gaia. If he might occasionally need to ask an additional favor it should cover that too, but D expects to have his blood situation fully covered soon.

He's happy enough to drink the mug of tea as he waits for his body to recover from being in the rain. "You're having your tea plain?"

"That's certainly reasonable. I'll be sure to make good use of it," Gaia promises. Rent paid by beetle shell. D's business is his own and it's not like she needs a daily update of whom he chooses to teach or not to teach.

Well, if she finds out anything strange is happening she might make it her business. But that's another matter. There is a pause with a look of confusion when D brings up the matter of her own mug's contents.

"Yes? Just like I always do. Since you're the same, I... didn't... bother..." There's the trail-off and the realization. She lowers her tea momentarily and seems to think deeply think.

"Oh, yes." Gaia looks up with a faint smile. "Give me a moment." Setting aside the mug the teen gets back up and fetches the journal from her satchel that's often nearby. Settling back in her seat, she takes a minute to write a note to herself. A matter of which memory is hers. Probably.

D might have been one of the most intense, but it doesn't mean he was the only person whose memories filter through her subconscious still. But she's reasonably certain about the tea she now remembers. Sweetener and milk and maybe exchanging words with Alisae on a cold winter night. Yes...

Well she sticks with the less sweet version for now. The journal is set aside once she writes what is best to remember. It won't hurt her to try and take the tea this way.

The danger with broaching the topic he most wants to discuss is that he will accidentally awaken some ancient Dark that shouldn't be awoken. Gaia might not be aware of it at all. He had made his offer to Gaia to push down the memories that came from him, but he's not going to bring it up again. She knows the offer is there, if she chooses to cope another way D isn't that bothered by the fragments of himself she's learning to pick apart from herself. Or the possibility that there are pieces of him that will simply become part of her. Gaia's sewing skill certainly has improved, as has her knowledge of home repair.

"When you were struggling against my memories, I got a feel for your magic. Are you some kind of Dark mage, or was that a reflection of my magic?"

A safe question that will give D some further idea of what he's working with. He's very certain that was in there without his influence, but does she know that?

In all honesty, Gaia is relieved he isn't pressing the matter about her memories. Though they sit there while she writes and she probably did expect it. It... would have been reasonable. And she probably would have answered. But D is heeding her request to let her handle it on her own for now and that's what she's grateful for.

As for the other matter, yes. Without any knowledge of what it really is, it's no wonder this is considered dangerous.

After taking a sip of the tea- which honestly isn't bad exactly but gives her the unnerving sensation that she's both experienced and not experienced drinking her tea this way- she's brought to a pause in her actions. Was he asking about the memories after all? No, this was something else.

A lot of emotions play over the teen's features but blessedly, it doesn't seem to be any strange loss of control. There's no surge of dark energy. Gaia seems at first surprised, experiences a bit of realization and possibly a touch of defensiveness, then lowers her head to consider how she should answer.

Finally she does, looking at the dhampir again. "I doubt it was your magic. But you probably know that already." How simple it would be to try and tell it off like it was. But Gaia isn't that sort of person. She gives a wry smile. "I tried to use the powers I had before I came to Trench to stop the memories. And... probably toward your attempt to put me to sleep. Is that what you're talking about?"

That's to say, not her Darkblood magic either.

"I had my suspicions, but if you weren't already aware of it, I didn't want to worry you." This wouldn't be the first time D had encountered a young woman with an ancient and unknown power inside her, sleeping and waiting for its opportunity to awaken and take over her life.

"What is it exactly." D's not going to reveal what he knows just yet, what he was able to sense before he made her sleep.

This first bit earns D a crossing of arms and a very straightforward look he should be familiar with by now. "So you didn't want to worry me. About something you sensed within me that it might have been very important for me to know about. Why are people like that, exactly?"

Gaia does shrug with a measure of exasperation. It's not like any harm was done and people are 'like that'. With a sigh she notes, "Keep in mind that I'd prefer to know if you have concerns about something like that. Don't keep it from me because you don't want to 'worry me'. I'm not going to wilt you know."

Ah, but what it is. Once Gaia has said her piece, she does move on. She doesn't seem embarrassed or ashamed exactly, but there's a sense that it's tricky for her to put into words. But she also opens the journal still nearby while setting aside the mug. There'll be notes in there, things she wrote down so she's sure to remember the things she needs to remember.

"Where I came from... well, so I'm told anyway, the world was split into many worlds. And so were most of the people at the time that happened." As she speaks, Gaia idly plucks at the edges of the journal's pages. "There were some that survived that event without being split apart. They set about trying to make the world and people whole again. They found fragments of their allies and returned their memories so they'd be able to aid in the effort."

Letting out a sigh, Gaia simply finishes. "Apparently before I was born again as I was now, I was one of those people they found and returned their memories to. Mind, that's not who I am now precisely. But at the same time I am... well, Ascian are how they're called."

She pauses here and studies D. Following along so far?

"Your previous upset started to bring it to the surface. I didn't want to save you from my memory only to see you lost to it instead when you're still not recovered from my history," D explains simply. In his mind, it's perfectly reasonable; sometimes merely knowing a thing can cause damage. There's no way to let someone make a choice of if they want to know or not when merely knowing that choice exists is the same as having already made it.

He has no trouble following along with this. The part about having been split up is the only thing that's new, but the rest of it? He's encountered similar things before, though none quite as ancient as what he felt in Gaia. "You're the same soul, but not the same person."

Different than the others he's encountered like this if she's a real reincarnation and not simply an unfortunate soul doomed to be overcome by something more ancient and terrible.

"I suppose that's reasonable given the circumstances," Gaia allows. "That was certainly a situation you wouldn't want to... well, anyway." The teen shakes her head. The odds seem good that she doesn't have any bite behind her words. Whether it's her understanding of D's history or just the trust she's come to have in his motivations or a combination of both, she's willing to at least listen to his explanation.

She has to pause though when the dhampir tries to quantify just who or what she is.

"That's... I guess it's close to that. I'm certainly the same soul... or part of a person that once lived a very long time ago. And as an Ascian, it seems I died a hundred years ago." There's a cadence to her words. Ones that sound like she's telling a story she's heard from a third party or read in a book, rather than her own life. Even when Gaia speaks about her current life before coming to Trench...

"But it's not like there's a past Ascian sleeping inside me, waiting to wake up and take over if I use that power. And it's only partly because of the memories I have... or had of my current life. I chose to live the life I've currently been born into. As Gaia."

Reincarnation, not a sleeping power lying in wait to take possession. Though Gaia does huff in an expression of humor. Even if it's a little... not bitter. Melancholy almost though it could be mistaken for the former.

"The reason my memories were muddled even before I came here is because an Ascian attempted to reclaim who I was. But his means was to share his own memories of the me I once was, not awaken so-called dormant ones. He didn't have the means to do it in the same way as his superiors."

For all her umbrage and prickly behavior when the subject of having her memories manipulated comes up and this likely being the seated cause of that attitude, she seems oddly lacking in anger when talking about this Ascian individual.

"I don't think he had to erase the memories I'd gained in this life. But... he felt he had to I think." Gaia crosses her arms again. "It was wrong and not what I wanted... he wasn't able to listen to that any more. He just saw the person I was and wanted her back."

Well, Gaia is looking a little uncomfortable at this point. There's a lot unspoken in her recounting and it's probably easy to fill in some of the gaps. But there's also reluctance to just not speak about it. After all she has witnessed a lot of D's very personal history. It seemed to silly not to be willing to share this much.

"I don't know much about genuine reincarnation." Just the theories various people have had over the years. It's not a popular idea among the Nobility. Their lives are meant to be eternal, and they're already undead. Afterlife doesn't preoccupy them the way it does humans because they already have it if they can hold onto it.

"It's difficult, when someone wants you to be someone you aren't and won't listen." D's twin. D's father. The people who thought that D could stay and live with them. Though sometimes he had to wonder about that man and his motivations, what he wants from D.

"Do you have access to the strength you had then, or was that just a reflex to save yourself."

"To be honest, I didn't really get it when it was explained to me, other than the basics." She looks a little disgruntled. "I suppose I could have at one point." She probably had to have it explained to her again.

She focuses on D and her attitude shifts, nodding quietly in somber agreement. D may have lived and suffered much longer than she, but that just means he wholly understands. And she's glad to have someone who does when... well, when other friends aren't around.

Talking about her abilities though. That's a far safer target and she's glad to focus on it.

"Yes and no. Setting aside the changes I went through when I came to Trench, the downside to giving up on pursuing those memories is that I have to figure most things out the hard way. I've learned a few things. And I have a general idea of what I might be capable of. But it's not the same as knowing how to do it properly."

She would be the first to admit that she sounds a bit put out about this. Gaia offers a wry smile and shrugs.

"The blood magic I'm able to do is also similar to some of the things I should be able to do as an Ascian. Both feel natural but a different kind of natural. It's confusing." Again the disgruntled tone. "I can't tell if they're both balanced or one would get stronger than the other if I could focus to master one." The teen throws up her hands.

"It's really frustrating sometimes. As for using it to break free, I was trying to get it to do something but it was almost impossible to focus. I know I thanked you before, but I'm really grateful for your intervention."

D waits patiently and drinks his tea, which does more to warm him up than simply being out of the rain would be able to do so quickly doing the day.

"I see." D knows what he would do if he were in Gaia's situation, and he's hesitant to offer her any advice or options due to his continued influence on her mind. It's possible that she'll never fully be free of little habits and preferences from acquiring so much of his experience, but giving her space and time and pointing out those little differences might help.

"You don't need to thank me for helping with a problem I caused." His concerns have been settled, where they go from here is up to Gaia.

"Maybe so. But I'm grateful you're someone I can trust to do just that," Gaia counters. Take responsibility that is. Not everyone does.

There will be a bit of time taken to drink tea and see if D has anything else to ask questions about. Time also to think about what she's said, to flip to pages in the journal and reread the entries she's placed on the subject.

"D," she finally looks up. "Would it bother you if I were to write down some of your memories that I witnessed?" Gaia is then quick to add, "I won't if you don't want me to."

Rather than answer immediately, D remains quiet for a moment even though he already knows what he'll say the moment she asks. "Which memories?"

Some of them he will absolutely refuse, others D has no particular attachment to either way.

Gaia stops flipping the pages. Her fingers curve around the edge of the journal, holding onto it.

"Honestly, I don't think I could say them all for sure. I've.... still been sorting things out." She doesn't quite meet D's eyes at first. But finally the teen looks up.

"I had been thinking if I write everything down on paper, it would make it easier to look at objectively."

This is probably as close as she's come so far to admitting there's a small... let's say confusion in her life. One she's noticed.

D isn't very comfortable with the idea. There are many of his memories that he doesn't want recorded at all, and many more that are not his alone to speak of, but also the people who were there with him.

"Just don't write any of his names down. Or my mother." If he could, D would wipe his presence from the Earth. Even understanding why Gaia wants to, and how it would help her, D can't bring himself to approve of writing that down.

'His'. By the reaction Gaia has, it's clear she needs no clarification on who 'he' is. Crossed arms, an almost violent, angry jerk as if the thought brought with it a flash of anger.

"Well I can avoid that, certainly."

Wait, though. It's not her past. Not her anger... exactly. Well, the emotion is, but she shouldn't have such an intimate reaction to the thought. Dismayed with herself, Gaia tries to hide it by forcing herself to relax and returning her gaze to D so she can nod assurance.

"I'll be using a separate journal from this one," Gaia taps the one in her hands. "Something I can keep private. But also one you'll be allowed to read as well, if you want. If there's anything in there you want me to remove, I'll be able to do that easily."

That's clearly not an option for the one in her hands. But if Gaia writes it down in a separate place and transfers only the memories that are truly hers alone to a more 'permanent' home... well, that'll be a solution, right?

"Well, I suspect there might be other pieces I picked up last month that aren't even about you," Gaia then adds briskly, trying to cover her discomfort. Which is... true in a way but few would have impacted her so much as the blast from D's own. "So it's best to be sure that those get filtered out. Also, please don't mention it to Nara'a. I don't want him to worry. Especially since he knows he set off that ability too."

Last thing she needs is the Warrior of Light and Darkness to think he has caused her harm. Or for anyone to realize the difficulty while she's perfectly capable of (mostly) handling it on her own.

Probably.

It's hard to decide if the visceral reaction to mentioning him is due to the knowledge of the many terrible things he has done or had done at his command, or if it's a spillover from the memory of D's feelings.

As long as he isn't here, Gaia's memories won't be a danger that will draw his attention. "I won't say anything unless it's an emergency." D doesn't often volunteer information anyway, but he won't give his word he'll say nothing when there's a chance it may become necessary. There are easy enough ways around that even if he did say it, but he'd rather not complicate situations unnecessarily.

If this gets worse or doesn't approve, he may have to help more directly. They are his memories after all, they'll be easy for his Left Hand to locate even in someone else's mind.

Of course the 'unless it's an emergency' will draw a peturbed look but Gaia does allow for that after rolling her eyes a bit.

"I guess it'd be unreasonable to expect a better promise than that." Especially since she'd probably say the same. "Alright then. Just keep it in mind. Nara'a tends to burden himself with too much already because apparently the world expects it of him."

Quite literally in a way, to be honest. But that's a whole other tale. Closing and setting the journal in her hands off to the side, Gaia offers a rueful smile.

"I wouldn't be surprised if he's noticed something though. He probably knows me a little better than I know myself if I'm to be truthful." Gaia reaches for the tea to get another drink. "I'd already lost a lot of the memories of this life before I came to Trench. It's not like I bothered to really search for my past and decided to move forward. Still there's probably a thing or two Nara'a could tell a story about."

"I'm not going to let a situation get worse than it needs to because of a promise like that. But I won't look for excuses to say it either," D agrees. That's very unreasonable. A lot of people would still ask him for such a promise, though, but D likes to think that Gaia was practical enough even before absorbing his memories. That's one of the things he likes about her.

He spends several moments considering his tea cup as Gaia talks about memories. "You are who you are now. You don't need to be the person he knew unless you want to be." D decides that more tea is a good idea, and waits until Gaia has refilled her cup to pour some for himself. "My memories were altered and removed as well. If you remember me finding that out, that part is real, not something you're mixing up between us."

There was only one person who could have done it, and he and Gaia both know it, even if she hadn't picked up on the fact that he'd had his memories messed with as well.

"I appreciate that," Gaia says honestly. And it's as much for the fact that D would ultimately act if things get bad as it is that he'll not go out of his way to find excuses to tell anyone.

It's not like the teen frowns all the time or anything. But gentle, full smiles aren't exactly common. This is one now, particularly when he speaks of encouraging her to be the person she wants to be.

"That was an example. I've already made the choice to make new memories going forward, not by dwelling on the past." Well sometimes looking back makes sense but overall she's willing to step forward and forge her own path, not the one others want for her. Though she cants her head to the side.

"And I hope you keep true to that as well, D." Gaia cants her head to the side as she watches him but seems also to be intentionally drawing on the memories she consciously recalls. "Well you've lived longer than I have but that just means more idiots who expect you to be what they want you to be, I imagine."

A shared experience toward removed and altered memories. Even before she had D's, she certainly had the ability to empathize. Though she thinks over it before nodding. "It might seem strange," Gaia offers while looking up again. "But there are a few things that are easier to tell apart. You'd think that would be one of the difficult ones, but it's not." That is to say the events surrounding her losing memories versus D's own. She then grimaces in a rueful way.

"I guess it's too early to say. But that's what it feels like. Writing it all down will help me sort it out better." Writing it down and taking a guess based onhow it 'feels'. Maybe that's what she should do.

Live and die, and then... [open]

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