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deercountry2021-10-08 06:14 pm
reddosmod) wrote in deercountry2021-10-08 06:14 pm
Entry tags:
- *event,
- abby anderson: c,
- anakin skywalker: michele,
- ange ushiromiya: jelle,
- anna amarande: celene,
- ariadne: wizera,
- catra: pink,
- childe: bean,
- diluc ragnvindr: samuel,
- faolan: teresa,
- fern: pan,
- flynn fairwind: teresa,
- goro akechi: kei,
- izuku "deku" midoriya: tea,
- kaeya alberich: daisy,
- katherine pierce: jade,
- kd6-3.7: moz,
- lance: charley,
- luke skywalker: skyla,
- lumine: trix,
- luna lovegood: cheryl,
- luz noceda: pedro,
- manabu yuuki: elle,
- mebh og mactire: oggy,
- nehan: ray,
- orpheus: qv,
- peter graham: jhey,
- ryan akagi: billie sue,
- savage opress: vette,
- soldier blue: elle,
- stiles stilinski: charley,
- the medicine seller: greenrivers,
- tsume: shade,
- usagi tsukino: jax,
- varian: tf,
- wanda maximoff: jade,
- wei wuxian: tohma,
- willow rosenberg: lucy,
- winter schnee: mesi,
- wu: mads,
- yuri lowell: mads
Because one day, I'll leave you a phantom
OCTOBER 2021 EVENT
IMAGE DESCRIPTORS IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE
Prompt One
[Image One: Band playing on moving float with people in masks walking behind.]
[Image Two: Woman in gas mask and elaborate ballgown.]
Prompt Two
[Image One: Man looking away while creepy corpse-like woman puts hand on window.]
[Image Two: Two contorted girls crawling across floor with blood flowing out.]
Prompt Three
[Image One: Headless horseman with jack-o-lantern rearing on horse.]
[Image Two: Annabelle doll rocking on its own in chair.]
WELCOME TO THE BLACK PARADE
LONELINESS KILLS: THE CURSE OF CLOVERFIELD
LEGENDS OF TRENCH
CODINGPrompt One
[Image One: Band playing on moving float with people in masks walking behind.]
[Image Two: Woman in gas mask and elaborate ballgown.]
Prompt Two
[Image One: Man looking away while creepy corpse-like woman puts hand on window.]
[Image Two: Two contorted girls crawling across floor with blood flowing out.]
Prompt Three
[Image One: Headless horseman with jack-o-lantern rearing on horse.]
[Image Two: Annabelle doll rocking on its own in chair.]
WHEN: During the daytime every day of October
WHERE: Throughout the streets of Cellar Door and Willful Machine.
CONTENT WARNINGS: N/A
WHERE: Throughout the streets of Cellar Door and Willful Machine.
CONTENT WARNINGS: N/A
The Black Parade has begun in Trench. You will begin to see residents painting skulls and monsters onto their faces, even the ones who abide by practical lifestyles. By the first week of October, you won't see a single resident of Trench without facepaint or a mask of some kind obscuring their face.
"It's for the Black Parade," they say, "It's to keep us safe. You should start painting your face too. You should disguise yourself so they can't find you."
Who, you might ask? Anyone dangerous. It's vague and unsettling, but you think maybe they are onto something. Call it intuition or basic common sense. Stalls pop up all around Trench selling cheap masks and costumes. They aren't exactly Halloween costumes. There's less of a focus on becoming something and more of a focus on looking different than you currently do.
Then the Black Parade really takes off. Black and white confetti seem to fall from the sky and you can hear the distant sound of trumpets and drums. You can feel the earth give small tremors and Trenchies begin to flock to Cellar Door and the Willful Machine. They line the streets and you can see why: a literal parade is coming through. Stages are set with talented musicians rocking out, singing into wireless, floating moonlit mics. Incredible, giant puppets walk through the streets guided by a dozen talented Architects. Other people move about in stilted costumes, elaborate gowns. Some performers set up small, stationary areas to perform for smaller crowds. The sky is filled with massive and unusual kites. Find one among the many stalls or make your own!
Stalls hand out candied applies, foil-wrapped candies, and roasted pumpkin seeds by the bundles. Hot ciders are kept in barrels ready to be served up in tin mugs, with or without alcohol. It's a festive atmosphere that seems to go nonstop 24/7 throughout October but exclusively in these areas. It's a good place to go to avoid some of the haunts of October and to have a good time. Why not get involved? Make your own puppet, float, or costumes, and join in the fun. Chunks of the road are reserved for parades, but others have been sectioned off for people to dance and mingle about. You quickly learn that face-paint and masked/concealed faces seem to be a good way of avoiding the attention of beasts, angry Pthumerians, and other unusual creatures in Trench.
It's not a foolproof method, but October largely celebrates the safety of ambiguity and is one of the few times the practical and pleasure factions get along. Get your face painted up or pick out a costume - it's both aesthetic and life-saving! The Black Parade is held annually every October all October long and is considered a significant Trench holiday. Many people refer to the costumes specifically as "Black Parade" costumes and sentiments commonly exchanged at this time include: Have a blessed and safe Blood Moon; May your Seasons pass unseen; Bless the many faces of cleverness; May you go unseen by the blood; Blessed Black Parade.
QUICK FACTS
1. Halloween costumes you can buy at the store won't be available unless a character intentionally makes one. Most of the costumes in Trench are more or less eccentric make-up looks and unusual masks. They look a lot more like Cirque du Soleil costumes than Halloween costumes.
2. Characters can have multiple costume/face-paint/mask changes throughout the month. No one will be forced into these - but it is strongly, culturally encouraged for everyone's safety to dress up!
"It's for the Black Parade," they say, "It's to keep us safe. You should start painting your face too. You should disguise yourself so they can't find you."
Who, you might ask? Anyone dangerous. It's vague and unsettling, but you think maybe they are onto something. Call it intuition or basic common sense. Stalls pop up all around Trench selling cheap masks and costumes. They aren't exactly Halloween costumes. There's less of a focus on becoming something and more of a focus on looking different than you currently do.
Then the Black Parade really takes off. Black and white confetti seem to fall from the sky and you can hear the distant sound of trumpets and drums. You can feel the earth give small tremors and Trenchies begin to flock to Cellar Door and the Willful Machine. They line the streets and you can see why: a literal parade is coming through. Stages are set with talented musicians rocking out, singing into wireless, floating moonlit mics. Incredible, giant puppets walk through the streets guided by a dozen talented Architects. Other people move about in stilted costumes, elaborate gowns. Some performers set up small, stationary areas to perform for smaller crowds. The sky is filled with massive and unusual kites. Find one among the many stalls or make your own!
Stalls hand out candied applies, foil-wrapped candies, and roasted pumpkin seeds by the bundles. Hot ciders are kept in barrels ready to be served up in tin mugs, with or without alcohol. It's a festive atmosphere that seems to go nonstop 24/7 throughout October but exclusively in these areas. It's a good place to go to avoid some of the haunts of October and to have a good time. Why not get involved? Make your own puppet, float, or costumes, and join in the fun. Chunks of the road are reserved for parades, but others have been sectioned off for people to dance and mingle about. You quickly learn that face-paint and masked/concealed faces seem to be a good way of avoiding the attention of beasts, angry Pthumerians, and other unusual creatures in Trench.
It's not a foolproof method, but October largely celebrates the safety of ambiguity and is one of the few times the practical and pleasure factions get along. Get your face painted up or pick out a costume - it's both aesthetic and life-saving! The Black Parade is held annually every October all October long and is considered a significant Trench holiday. Many people refer to the costumes specifically as "Black Parade" costumes and sentiments commonly exchanged at this time include: Have a blessed and safe Blood Moon; May your Seasons pass unseen; Bless the many faces of cleverness; May you go unseen by the blood; Blessed Black Parade.
QUICK FACTS
1. Halloween costumes you can buy at the store won't be available unless a character intentionally makes one. Most of the costumes in Trench are more or less eccentric make-up looks and unusual masks. They look a lot more like Cirque du Soleil costumes than Halloween costumes.
2. Characters can have multiple costume/face-paint/mask changes throughout the month. No one will be forced into these - but it is strongly, culturally encouraged for everyone's safety to dress up!
WHEN: October
WHERE: Everywhere
CONTENT WARNINGS: Psychological-based curse, feelings of intense loneliness, mental health.
WHERE: Everywhere
CONTENT WARNINGS: Psychological-based curse, feelings of intense loneliness, mental health.
It is said that the Blood Moon reminds Cloverfield of those he has lost over the decades. They say that the howling wind is actually the sound of Cloverfield's cries and there seems to be some truth to that. He can be seen wandering the Farther Shores and watching the moon. If you seek out Cloverfield and offer him comfort and companionship, he will bless you with a worn picture of a loved one or someone you miss desperately or even just a place you miss...Even if it's impossible for such a picture to exist.
Of course, not everyone will visit Cloverfield. Cloverfield's loneliness begins to curse the city of Trench. Sleepers will be impacted the most heavily as their blood will directly react to this curse. Sleepers who have a good sense of relationship may be able to avoid the curse, but those who often feel lonely or homesick will start to feel worse and worse as the days go by.
Eventually, their loneliness begins to manifest as a corpse-like version of themselves or the person they care about most. This corpse follows them around everywhere like a shadow. You won't notice your own Loneliness, but other people might, especially palebloods, Night Walkers, and Disciples. These corpses don't seem to care about anything or anyone and at first don't seem violent...But eventually, this Loneliness becomes consuming.
Once it does, you too will contort, and you and your Loneliness will soon be crawling about on all fours, blood floating out of you in thin streams. You'll be lost to your feelings of loneliness, stalking the streets with your Loneliness, looking for companionship. Of course, you're completely corrupt at this point, so your version of finding companionship most likely involves accidentally suffocating someone or other violent actions. Some people may never become violent once they are in the Final Stage, but the blood constantly flowing from them will create heavy blood pollution and may draw in far more dangerous creatures. You really don't want Lonely People walking around!
Better start some conversations - even if these Lonely People are creepy as hell. But, then again, they are just lonely. Hopefully, you will find peace of mind and find your people. Hopefully, you will banish loneliness...For the time being.
QUICK FACTS
1. This curse will impact people who are more isolated than others. Interaction with other people or animals will alleviate the curse and may completely stop it for some.
2. You can stop the curse at the corpse stage by confronting a Sleeper and opening up an emotional conversation about their loneliness. This may not always work, but the more the conversation works for the Sleeper, the more effective. The corpse will fleck away once the curse has been reversed.
3. Curses can continue to come back throughout October, but once you've experienced it once, it's less likely to occur again.
4. The Final Stage of the curse is the hardest to stop and most of the time, it's easiest to just kill the Cursed. It's easier to kill them than talk them out of their loneliness, but it is not impossible to talk them out of it. It requires dedication, patience, and some serious cleverness on how to survive a monster trying to kill you at the same time.
5. Loneliness can be widely interpreted once in the Final Stage. People should generally still look like themselves. How people act in this stage can vary from character to character and should be centric to how characters deal with their loneliness in general. If they're prone to shutting people out, then maybe their Loneliness is aloof and distant. If they're prone to clinging to toxic people, then maybe their Loneliness is accidentally violent. It's open to interpretation.
Of course, not everyone will visit Cloverfield. Cloverfield's loneliness begins to curse the city of Trench. Sleepers will be impacted the most heavily as their blood will directly react to this curse. Sleepers who have a good sense of relationship may be able to avoid the curse, but those who often feel lonely or homesick will start to feel worse and worse as the days go by.
Eventually, their loneliness begins to manifest as a corpse-like version of themselves or the person they care about most. This corpse follows them around everywhere like a shadow. You won't notice your own Loneliness, but other people might, especially palebloods, Night Walkers, and Disciples. These corpses don't seem to care about anything or anyone and at first don't seem violent...But eventually, this Loneliness becomes consuming.
Once it does, you too will contort, and you and your Loneliness will soon be crawling about on all fours, blood floating out of you in thin streams. You'll be lost to your feelings of loneliness, stalking the streets with your Loneliness, looking for companionship. Of course, you're completely corrupt at this point, so your version of finding companionship most likely involves accidentally suffocating someone or other violent actions. Some people may never become violent once they are in the Final Stage, but the blood constantly flowing from them will create heavy blood pollution and may draw in far more dangerous creatures. You really don't want Lonely People walking around!
Better start some conversations - even if these Lonely People are creepy as hell. But, then again, they are just lonely. Hopefully, you will find peace of mind and find your people. Hopefully, you will banish loneliness...For the time being.
QUICK FACTS
1. This curse will impact people who are more isolated than others. Interaction with other people or animals will alleviate the curse and may completely stop it for some.
2. You can stop the curse at the corpse stage by confronting a Sleeper and opening up an emotional conversation about their loneliness. This may not always work, but the more the conversation works for the Sleeper, the more effective. The corpse will fleck away once the curse has been reversed.
3. Curses can continue to come back throughout October, but once you've experienced it once, it's less likely to occur again.
4. The Final Stage of the curse is the hardest to stop and most of the time, it's easiest to just kill the Cursed. It's easier to kill them than talk them out of their loneliness, but it is not impossible to talk them out of it. It requires dedication, patience, and some serious cleverness on how to survive a monster trying to kill you at the same time.
5. Loneliness can be widely interpreted once in the Final Stage. People should generally still look like themselves. How people act in this stage can vary from character to character and should be centric to how characters deal with their loneliness in general. If they're prone to shutting people out, then maybe their Loneliness is aloof and distant. If they're prone to clinging to toxic people, then maybe their Loneliness is accidentally violent. It's open to interpretation.
WHEN: All October
WHERE: Everywhere
CONTENT WARNINGS: Ghosts, Themes of death.
WHERE: Everywhere
CONTENT WARNINGS: Ghosts, Themes of death.
Unfortunately, not everyone can gain control of their loneliness. As blood is spilled throughout Trench over loneliness, this blood pollution festers and begins to claim poor souls. Corruption leads way to beasthood and people lost to this find themselves transforming into familiar, legendary ghost stories of old-world lore. These Legendary Ghosts come out primarily at night. As the Black Parade established, anyone who keeps their faces disguised with make-up or masks will be completely safe from the Legendary Ghosts. Though if you go after a Legendary Ghost in a costume, you'll only be safe until you attack them. It's not a bad move for a sneak attack though!
...But those who forgot to dress up or felt like such superstitions wouldn't work...
Congratulations, you might come across the path of a Dullahan: a headless horseman carrying a whip made from a spinal cord, ready to throw basins of blood on you and draw in other beasts. Or maybe you encounter a far more subtle Legendary Ghost. Maybe you see a hitchhiker on the side of the road and decide to give them a ride, but when you look in your rearview mirror, they are no longer in your backseat. While most of these Legendary Ghosts are intending to harm you and spread more blood pollution, some just seem to be genuinely lost souls, lost to corruption, lost to their own failures and loneliness. In some cases, freeing them is protecting yourself and others, but in other cases, freeing them is just simple kindness.
You may meet a ghost bride who is waiting eternally for her wedding by one of the shrines in Cassandra. Maybe you meet a ghostly scholar at the Archives in Gaze. The spirits range widely and seem to haunt every corner of Trench - including your own homes. The only real way to deter a Legendary Ghost from your home is by heavily decorating your home with things like jack-o-lanterns, fake blood splatters, fake gravestones, and various other death-centric decor. This seems to repel Legendary Ghosts as they see it as a reminder of their own fate. Some are angered by the decorations while others are terrified by them and seem incapable of telling the difference between real blood and fake blood.
QUICK FACTS
1. These corrupt souls can be saved through blood rituals/magic/ghost banishings relying on blood artifacts. This will usually put the soul to rest - it will not bring people "back to life."
2. While it is mostly Trenchies turning into these beings, Sleepers can also be transformed into Legendary Ghosts. We provide a general outline, but the idea is that people are turning into legendary ghost stories so you can play with your own ideas/canons.
While Trenchies cannot be saved, we leave it up to you if a Sleeper could be brought back to themselves or if they will have to "die" to be cured of their Legendary Ghost status.
3. You can use famous Legendary Ghosts from around the world. We gave a few examples, but have fun with this! The Legendary Ghost-like creature you go with should generally be "ghost-like" / have to do with death specifically. They do not need to be exclusively evil/violent spirits, but many are.
...But those who forgot to dress up or felt like such superstitions wouldn't work...
Congratulations, you might come across the path of a Dullahan: a headless horseman carrying a whip made from a spinal cord, ready to throw basins of blood on you and draw in other beasts. Or maybe you encounter a far more subtle Legendary Ghost. Maybe you see a hitchhiker on the side of the road and decide to give them a ride, but when you look in your rearview mirror, they are no longer in your backseat. While most of these Legendary Ghosts are intending to harm you and spread more blood pollution, some just seem to be genuinely lost souls, lost to corruption, lost to their own failures and loneliness. In some cases, freeing them is protecting yourself and others, but in other cases, freeing them is just simple kindness.
You may meet a ghost bride who is waiting eternally for her wedding by one of the shrines in Cassandra. Maybe you meet a ghostly scholar at the Archives in Gaze. The spirits range widely and seem to haunt every corner of Trench - including your own homes. The only real way to deter a Legendary Ghost from your home is by heavily decorating your home with things like jack-o-lanterns, fake blood splatters, fake gravestones, and various other death-centric decor. This seems to repel Legendary Ghosts as they see it as a reminder of their own fate. Some are angered by the decorations while others are terrified by them and seem incapable of telling the difference between real blood and fake blood.
QUICK FACTS
1. These corrupt souls can be saved through blood rituals/magic/ghost banishings relying on blood artifacts. This will usually put the soul to rest - it will not bring people "back to life."
2. While it is mostly Trenchies turning into these beings, Sleepers can also be transformed into Legendary Ghosts. We provide a general outline, but the idea is that people are turning into legendary ghost stories so you can play with your own ideas/canons.
While Trenchies cannot be saved, we leave it up to you if a Sleeper could be brought back to themselves or if they will have to "die" to be cured of their Legendary Ghost status.
3. You can use famous Legendary Ghosts from around the world. We gave a few examples, but have fun with this! The Legendary Ghost-like creature you go with should generally be "ghost-like" / have to do with death specifically. They do not need to be exclusively evil/violent spirits, but many are.
no subject
Did he ever believe, really believe, that Mako loves him?
He doesn't know, which probably means: no, he didn't. He was waiting for the other shoe to drop, for Mako to realize that Wu is selfish and flighty and annoying and high maintenance, that he's not worth Mako's time and effort and certainly not worth his love.
But he's saying he is. Mako's saying he loves Wu, and that, that has to mean something. It has to mean something that Mako is saying it, that he's trying so hard, that he's holding Wu and trying to make him feel better, trying to convince him that he does love him.
Wu sniffs loudly, the tears surging back and he throws his arms around Mako's shoulders, unable to hold back a sob that he presses into Mako's throat. His body is shaking and the amount that he loves Mako crashes out of him in a wave and he holds Mako tighter because maybe he won't have to figure out if he can live in Trench without him. Maybe Mako will be here with him, will help him, support him, and even love him, the way Wu desperately wants him to.
He bobs his head, trying to talk, but he can't through sobs because he didn't realize he was holding back so much, so much fear and anxiety, that he was trying so hard to make sure that Mako would care about him ]
I, I, I know. I know! I just, just, get so sc-scared. I love you so much, Mako.
no subject
It's the letting him cry that he hates. He can feel, somehow, how much this is tearing Wu apart, the dark chasm of loneliness and insecurity from which all of this springs. How can Mako blame him? He wasn't sure he was worthy of anyone but Bolin for a while there, was sure he'd just mess everything up and make it worse. Wasn't sure who he was allowed to love, or who he was even allowed to be, to the point where loving Wu and kissing him and pressing a hand to the small of his back while he's making tea still sometimes feels like something people could find out and catch him for, could hold against him.
Rebellion, or something like it, but Wu is warm and full of life and safe and loves him so, so much. More than Mako knew, enough that the possibility of Mako not returning that love sends him into this terrible spiral, worse maybe than the one after his coronation had fallen apart. He hadn't wanted to be king. He wants Mako.
The thought, the feeling, takes his breath away. ]
Tell me.
[ He breathes the words, his own throat tight, against Wu's temple. ]
Tell me what you're afraid of.
no subject
But Mako's asking. He's asking, and he loves Wu, and he values honesty, and Wu doesn't want to have to lie to him. He doesn't want to have to keep things back. ]
I'm, I'm scared of you leaving me.
[ That much was obvious, he thinks, but it's important to say it. He holds tight to Mako, knowing he's getting Mako's shirt and skin all wet and gross, but right now he can't think much about that. His voice gets smaller, quieter, with each thing he admits: ]
I'm scared of being alone. I'm scared that, that you'll get sick of me. I'm scared that I can't survive this place without you. I'm scared that, that, [ that you can't love me the way I want you to ]
no subject
[ Mako prompts him quietly, his thumb tracing abstract circles at the nape of Wu's neck where his hair is soft and downy and curls a bit. Mako likes those little curls: Wu is a meticulous person when it comes to his appearance, and he doesn't ever let a single curl stray out of place, but Mako can sometimes tease them back out of their styling. It's nice, like a little piece of Wu that's just for him, not polished off for the whole world to see.
They really do have a lot in common, don't they? ]
no subject
[ Wu laughs, voice wet and hoarse, and he presses his face into Mako's throat, breathing in the familiar scent of him. Just getting those fears out into the air help, a bit. It helps to admit it, to say it out loud.
But, no. Mako deserves to know. Mako deserves to hear it, to have all of Wu on the table, and he can make his choice. ]
I'm scared that... that I love you more than you love me.
[ He pulls back a little, then, not quite meeting Mako's eyes, but at least he's stopped crying again. He wipes the tears off his cheeks, taking a shaky breath ]
It's, it's okay. If that's true. I just, I'm still scared. Of it.
no subject
Mako lets that sit for a moment, feeling out the contours of those words and the way Wu's trying to compose himself, to make himself into a presentable person instead of a sobbing mess. On his own, Mako notes absently. He's come a long way since that mall in Republic City, even though he's still clearly terrified about a lot. It hurts to watch him like this, to hear that, even, because—how is Mako supposed to prove that? It's not like it's new. He's pretty sure Asami liked him more than he liked Asami, that in the end he really was just using her for what she could offer him, and he thought he'd loved Korra but that was—
It was different.
It was different in a way Mako still can't properly articulate: it felt good to be wanted by someone as powerful as the Avatar, and he'd liked her company and the feeling of being someone's boyfriend, had finally felt like maybe he was doing this part of life correctly, except it had all gone wrong because Mako wasn't good at the work of loving someone, not really. Not when Korra needed him.
He sucks in a breath, trying to tamp down on the little flare of hurt, because that's not the important thing here. Wu is. ]
I don't know if you can measure something like that, Wu. I mean—maybe you do. How would we know? There's no scale for this kind of thing.
no subject
I don't know. It, it's not really logical.
[ Right now, he can't imagine not being with Mako. He wants to see him every day and talk to him all the time and sleep with him every night. He wants everything that is Mako.
But at least the awful corpse of Wu is fading a little, becoming less rotted, less mottled, taking a step back from him. ]
But that's what I'm scared of.
[ He's scared that he's going to give Mako everything, and be left with nothing. He's scared that Mako will be like his Auntie, like his parents, like the other boys he's crushed on. He's scared that he loves so easily, and that that love is pushed aside, like it doesn't matter. Like he doesn't matter. ]
As long as you love me. [ He says it to Mako's hand, so strong and familiar in his own ] If you ever don't, anymore. Please, tell me. I know you, you like doing things for people. You like making other people happy, and that, I like that! But I, I don't want you to do that. If you don't love me anymore.
no subject
Are you... trying to get me to promise to break up with you?
no subject
[ Is that what he's asking? Maybe. Maybe it is. He groans, curling into himself again ]
I don't want you to, I just-- I just want you to be happy. Okay? With me, yes, but happy. And I don't want you to be unhappy with me.
no subject
[ And he does, he thinks: Wu is scared that Mako will break this off, but more scared that Mako will just let it fester, will blindside him by breaking up with him and leave him alone like, probably, everyone else has done.
Mako's heart twists up all over again. ]
I promise that I will, alright? But...
[ Sucking in a small breath, Mako presses his fingers into Wu's hair, letting them trail over the nape of his neck. ]
I... really don't want that to happen. You mean so much to me, Wu. And I know you haven't heard that from a lot of people. Maybe it's hard to believe.
no subject
Thank you. Thank you, I... I want to believe you. I'll work on it.
[ It's probably better not to promise anything, because he still feels fragile and raw, but he wants so desperately for it to be true.
He reaches up, fingers brushing Mako's cheek. ]
I don't want it to happen either. I, thank you. For listening to me, for letting me freak out at you, I-- I feel better. I really, really do. And I'm sorry, that I said those things. I was just...
[ Scared, lonely, feeling old hurts crop up, enhanced by the loneliness pulsing through the city ]
no subject
This month has been a lot. I don't think it's all you.
[ He murmurs the words against Wu's lips, stays there and kisses him again.
There is, though.
There's one other part of this that finally makes Mako pulls back. ]
You... don't have to thank me for that. Seriously.
no subject
Hm? Oh. But I want to. You, you know me pretty well, huh? [ Knows what Wu needs, knows how to make him feel better, knows him maybe better than anyone else.
No one else has ever really tried to get to know him, not really, not before Mako. But Mako tried, still tries. He knows how to talk Wu down, knows what Wu likes, what he needs, and he's still trying, and Wu can't not be grateful for that ]
no subject
[ Another kiss, softer, more lingering. Like right now: Wu surprises him with the depth of his feeling, with everything he was apparently keeping locked up behind his excitement about the Raccoon Room. ]
But I meant don't thank me for... I don't know, letting you be sad. You can be sad.
no subject
Thank you. I mean it, I mean thank you for wanting to, to try.
[ He knows he isn't easy. He's high maintenance and he's annoying and needy and for some reason, Mako puts up with all of that and still loves him. ]
I love you.
[ He says it again, mumbled into Mako's jacket ]
no subject
[ Mako looks up carefully, letting his hands run absently along Wu's spine. He's less warm than he would have been before, and that still bothers him—Mako's not used to being cold, hates that he is all the time now—but at least he can wrap his arms around Wu the way he likes, shut out the rest of the world.
How long must he have spent in that awful palace trying to shove his own emotions out of the way? It hurts to think about because Mako knows exactly how hard it is to do: how it feels to have to walk around with your mind always running, trying to figure out what people want from you and what you can give them, how to make them happy. Wu comes from such dizzying heights of wealth and still feels like he has to compress himself down into something palatable, and...
And that other Wu, that pale sad corpse, is still there, if faded like clothes left in the sun. ]
Wu. Is that what you're doing? Trying not to be sad?
no subject
The corpse gains a little opacity as he falls back, deeper into that pit of feeling bad about himself, for himself. He isn't worth all this effort. He's just a small man, barely more than a child, who only has a name and a title, who's desperately trying to put together the pieces of someone, of Wu, whoever that is. ]
Yes.
[ His voice is small, barely there, pressed against Mako. He's afraid to let go because what if Mako takes it all back, what if he's the only thing holding Mako here.
Every fear he pushes down, he talks himself out of, it's all rearing up and he doesn't know what to do with it except to hold on to the one person who seems to think he's worth something of anything, someone who sees something in him, someone who loves him, not for his title. Despite his title. ]
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Except.
Yes.
Wu's trying not to be sad.
The thought rings for a moment like a shout in silence, hanging in Mako's head as Wu's breathing quickens. ]
Why?
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Mako deserves honestly. He's good, and strong, and loving, and sincere. He deserves all of those things back. He deserves someone who can take care of him as much as he takes care of them, he deserves someone who can love him the way be should be loved, all in, no holds barred, someone who will give him everything.
Wu wants to. He wants to give Mako everything he is, as terrifying as that is.
He swallows, trying to gather his words ]
No one ever, ever cared. If I was sad. So I stopped. [ Being sad, showing that he was sad. Whatever he could manage that day.
Even Mako, at the beginning of everything, didn't care. Wu understands why, he didn't want the job, didn't want to be stuck with some spoiled prince, and being stuck with a sad, spoiled prince? At least when Wu tried to be happy, they could have fun. They could ignore everything that had happened to Wu, everything that was happening outside the walls of their suite.
A memory passes between them again, one that might be familiar to Mako. It was one night, early, very early, maybe a few weeks after Mako started working for him, barely three months since his aunt was killed, and Mako heard something from his room, where Wu was crying with a pillow pulled up against his chest. Mako had asked if everything was okay, and Wu gathered his voice and called back that yes, he was fine. That they could go out later, have a night on the town. At least that would give Wu a reason to pull himself together, to distract himself from everything, from the future that's now looming in front of him, from the classes he dropped, from the empty void where everyone he's tied to by blood used to be.
It was a lonely time, realizing he was alone. Realizing that the only person who cared about him was paid to. ]
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Of course Wu wasn't okay. Of course he did the same thing as Mako, shoved down his messier feelings into the small spaces of himself, because they don't matter. Funny that Wu's been insisting to Mako this entire time that Mako's feelings matter, even the hard-edged squashed useless ones nobody wants to deal with, while so often dismissing his own.
Maybe he was trying to tell himself that, too.
Maybe Mako's not the only one with different standards for the world and for himself. ]
I get it.
[ Mako's voice is more vibration than sound, a little tight at the edges from the lump forming unbidden in his throat. ]
When you... spend your whole life like that. Being... I don't know, looked at. By other people, who need you to act a certain way or else [ The else is different, sure: with Wu it was rejection and loneliness, with Mako it was being exploited and shoved around, but it's still there, a looming, threatening word used like a boulder ] it's hard to believe anyone's going to.
[ Spirits, this is so hard to say. Mako's voice keeps getting tighter, a little shaky in a way he hates, because he is supposed to be helping Wu and here he is digging into his own ribs with his fingers, cracking open the hard shell he's built. It hurts. It's terrifying, the idea that Wu might see into him past everything he thinks Mako is (brave, strong, smart, capable) into what he really is (awkward, afraid, terrified of losing everything he's built, a let-down).
But he's trying to make that space for Wu, and so he has to make it for himself. Mako sucks in a wet breath and pulls a little more, ducking his head like he's warding off eyes that aren't there. He's felt watched all month. They might as well be sitting on the couch in the middle of Republic City for all that Mako feels exposed right now. His eyes are tight. Mako sucks in a breath and pushes forward. ]
It's hard to trust that people will stick with you when you show them that you're not what... they think you are.
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