deercountry | ( CLOSED ) MY LONELINESS IS KILLING ME.

I'm not pushing it.

( he doesn't think he is, at least. he's just...trying. he wants so badly for this to work but he tries to do as katherine asks.

he closes his eyes and relaxes, opening his mind to the both of them. )

Okay, okay. I'm good.

Are you?

[ katherine cocks her brow. she can feel him tense right beside her. she knows he can't help it. this is a strange situation to be in, an even stranger one to hope dissipates. katherine wants it as much as he does, but she does her best to try and remain relaxed.

it's hard.

nadia giggles softly. ]

( he's about to throw back a response at katherine when he hears that giggle. that's not katherine's laugh and his eyes fly open, landing on nadia. )

Did you just giggle?

( he knows that's what he heard. he knows it. )

No.

[ with furrowed brows, she realises he's not asking her. eyeing him for a moment, she turns to look at nadia. she remains still. ]

Maybe you're hearing what you want to hear, Stef.

[ she wouldn't be surprised, given the circumstances. but she knows she's not chomping at the bit to hear a sniffle from luca. ]

No, I don't think I am.

( he knows he'd heard something and it wasn't his imagination. he looks over at nadia, frowning. )

Can you do that again?

[ katherine's focused on trying to hold the dream together. it's what she can control, and so she leans heavily on that. it makes her feel a little more grounded, especially in the wake of their kids not reacting.

the dream hasn't started to burn her out yet, but she does her best to try and concentrate on it in case she's the reason why the children are so stunted. she hopes she's not. she doesn't want to harm them.

but nadia's staring at the ground unblinkingly, and then she looks up at stefan and smiles. ]

She's smiling, Katherine. Look!

( he is not seeing things, he is not imagining them. that's a smile. )

Katherine, look!

Stefan…

[ she sighs heavily, ready to inform him that he's seeing things. but only his word manages to pass through her lips.

her brows lift and her lips part. he's not wrong. nadia's no longer staring through either of them. she's smiling, her eyes a little more lively.

katherine reaches out to tentatively brush the back of her fingers against nadia's cheek. her daughter fills it with air and laughs quietly, lips still pressed together. ]

Hello, my baby. You're cheeky.

I told you, Katherine. I told you.

( he smiles in nadia's direction before he looks over at luca, trying to see if he was coming around too. he seems to blinking a little quicker and his color seems better but that could just be stefan. )

Luca, come on. Can you laugh too?

[ rolling her eyes, she doesn't take her gaze off nadia. she waves her hand dismissively at stefan, her idea of a yeah, yeah. her fingers brush against his shoulder. ]

You need to try and be funny, Stefan. [ she says it kindly, smiling at nadia. ] Difficult for you, I know.

[ nadia jerkily lifts her hand to her mouth to try and hide her smile. she elbows luca, though, the bony bit of her elbow brushes against his arm as she misses. ]

( stefan rolls his eyes right back at her before he reaches out for luca, putting a hand on his shoulder. )

Hey, your mom's bossy, isn't she? She is. I think we should point and laugh at her.

( fine, he'll be funny at your expense, katherine. )

[ tilting her head to the side, she gives stefan a pointed look. but while her face may be pointed towards him, she's watching luca from the corner of her eye. perhaps behaving somewhat normally may get a rise out of him. ]

You're so cheeky, Stefan.

[ she glances at stefan before she focuses her gaze back on luca. nadia seems to be all right, hiding behind her hand as she giggles. the giggling is a cause for concern, but katherine doesn't think to nudge stefan about it just yet. ]

The only one we should be laughing at is you. Silly Papa.

( luca can finally reacts and this time, he's the one giggling. it's slower than nadia's giggle but it's a giggle and he smiles, reaching up to touch his face before he giggles again. )

Is this...is this good?

( he wishes they would talk. he wishes they would say anything. giggling is a step in the right direction but he wishes they would talk. )

I would assume so. [ there's no more playfulness to her tone; she's serious now, voice quiet. ] It's better than being still.

[ while katherine knows she's intricately tried to the dream, she doesn't dare press against it to find out if anything has changed. she's worried that if she does, it'll fall apart. ]

I think you just… keep encouraging them to fight, and they'll come back.

Okay.

( after a minute of quiet, stefan reaches out and rubs at luca's shoulder, trying to instill some warmth into him, trying to bring him back a little more. )

Talk to them, Katherine. Not just me. We both need to do this.

I… I don't know what to say.

[ katherine, for all of her plans and words, is at a loss here. she thinks stefan's handling it well, as he always does. she thinks that it's good that they're responding to him. that's what she's wanted.

what if she says the wrong thing? does the wrong thing? katherine knows stefan will only encourage her to say what she wants as nothing she could possibly want to tell the kids would be wrong.

she reaches out to touch nadia's cheek. ]

I just miss them.

Tell them that.

( he reaches for luca's shoulder and rubs it, watching him smile and laugh again. )

Tell them that you miss them. Don't tell me.

[ she's stupidly afraid to.

she looks at stefan for a few moments longer, knowing that she can look at him and be afraid and it won't matter as much. he accepts that. he's very accepting of her. but she doesn't want nadia or luca to see that in her.

she turns to face them and reaches out to gently take both of their hands. nadia's fingers are boneless in hers while luca grips her hand tightly. ]

Do you both know I miss you very, very much?

[ nadia wriggles her fingers but keeps them boneless, letting katherine hold her hand.

katherine lets go of their hands and opens her arms wide, resting one along stefan's shoulders. ]

This much.

( it still doesn't feel like everything's right. the kids still feel off. he frowns, giving his head a shake. they're coming back but it's not all the way.

luca swings one of his arms. )

We both miss you very much and we both love you. Do you miss us?

( he wants to hear their voices. )

[ nadia twists on the spot, her hands behind her back. she looks cheekily at stefan before she shrugs her shoulder.

Katherine laughs lightly. ] That's not nice, Nadia.

[ nadia merely smiles wider, lips pressed together. she continues to twist on the spot happily. ]

( stefan frowns, still not completely liking how this was going. he doesn't know why, can't really place it, but he doesn't like it. )

Luca?

( luca just laughs. )

Katherine, I don't...does this seem right to you?

No.

[ she reluctantly admits it. of course, it doesn't. nadia should have her hands on her hips and luca… luca, neither of them know. he's a blank slate, one that she hopes they come to know sooner rather than later. ]

But you have to remember that they're fighting the Trench. [ she states that matter-of-factly when she has no idea how this is even happening. if she sounds confident, perhaps she can be confident. ] That in itself has to be hard.

I know.

( he's glad to hear that she thinks this is strange too, that he's not the only one feeling that way. he swallows and shakes his head. )

What else can we do?

[ katherine doesn't answer for a long moment, considering his question. she doesn't have the answers, but she can only think of how she had tried to reach stefan when he had been lost in his own lack of humanity and ripperyness. what she had tried to do was reach out to him. he'd been buried deep down.

all they're doing is talking to them. talking about nothing that they can hold onto. ]

Maybe you should tell them of a memory. Tell them about something that's real.

A memory?

( stefan balks for a moment, frowns, trying to figure out what he might tell them. )

Nadia, you...you used to brush my hair. You see all this hair? I let you take a brush to it and do all sorts of things to it. You are a very good hairdresser, you know.

( CLOSED ) MY LONELINESS IS KILLING ME.

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