deercountry | All that I am

Entry tags:

All that I am

Who: Allen Walker and Shouto Todoroki ~~with guest appearances by The Fourteenth...~~
What: September Paleblood effects, and getting trapped in a version of Allen's horrific world and life for a time courtesy of a cursed book/the Absolute Immersion prompt 🙂 Many CW for mentions and flashbacks of Allen's very abusive childhood. also red light districts. (to date: pet death/abuse, child abuse, suicidal impulses of a child)
When: Later September
Where: Their house, and then Victorian England sorta

[ When Shouto had become blind, it had been Allen who fret and fussed more than he needed to. Hovering by his side and always ready to take his arm and steer him gently this way or that, explaining whatever the goings-on were with an animated chatter born first from concern and then increasingly just out of enjoying conversing so later on. Describing the world and especially the people around them like someone reading a particularly good story aloud might and getting caught up in it with an actual delight.

It wasn't so bad for him after all, he'd say, since he lost first his sense of taste (that was insulting but something he dealt with just by pouting at dinnertime) and then touch. Annoyances more than anything, nothing that bad. Touch bothered him more than he thought it would, leaving him staring down at his hands with an unsettled expression from time to time when he thought no one was looking, but he tried to avoid letting that on.

When Allen lost his sense of sight, he became almost unsettlingly... quiet, actually. Not complaining even a little. But off, perpetually distracted and a little jumpy at the slightest noise or sense of movement. With it ironically around the same time Shouto finally regained his own vision. Something he expressed relief for -- it'd be rather silly and unfortunate for them to both lose their sense of sight at the same time, wouldn't it? -- but that was a little hollow too.

Whether Shouto thought to read to him or it happened by accident when Allen was half-dozing near him one day when he asked him out of bored senseless curiosity what he was reading, it was one of the few things that made him perk up. Even if he usually dozed off on him, it was comfortably and amicably so and eased a lot of his restlessness. Something he started to look forward to and ask him a little more eagerly each time what he was reading that day.

Today, he wrinkled his nose at the smell of this new book when he came back with it. Musty and old, and something that just... unsettled him on some very deep, instinctive level. Like if black magic had a smell. Easy enough to pass off at the explanation it was handed to him from someone in Gaze offering free books to passerby, everything there was a little weird and derelict, and the explanation it was a story (apparently) about an exorcist who saved souls was enough to both baffle and intrigue him. Weirdly... spot on, wasn't that? But curiosity alone was a good enough reason for him to shelve any misgivings and settle in, leaning his chin on his shoulder and peering over like he was actually trying to peek at the pages he couldn't see. Also, Shouto's monotone could put anyone at ease (and to sleep). Allen's disarmed and lulled off pretty quickly, relaxing as the tale begins and meanders vaguely around a nameless boy who loved too much. Who was thrown at odds against the home he had always known first for wanting to save those they wanted him to destroy, and then for finding out he was fated to become their enemy and the very thing that would destroy them and the world.

Allen stops dozing off and becomes very awake. Very quiet, and very still.

Shouto can get to the part where the boy says goodbye and leaves in order to keep his home safe, and that's when Allen will fumble for his hand. Grasping his wrist tightly with alarmed urgency. ]

Shouto. [ It's laced with a strange sort of fear, a rising panic. Stop reading.

It's also too late.

Reality... warps. Uncomfortably so, like vertigo but pulling your soul inside-out instead of your stomach. It feels like falling. Falling forward into freefall, which... is accurate. At first it feels like falling into a vacuum, and then the wind is quickly rushing past their ears. They burst through what feels like a thin glass pane of light that shatters harmlessly around them and melt away, geometric patterns in the sky, and the air is crisp and cold; the first kiss of winter, and for the first time smelling clean and entirely without the odor of blood, decay, and industry that clings to Trench. Into the middle of a city park, rows of brick Victorian buildings lining the sides of it with a clocktower and castle in the distance.

They're also about fifty feet up in the air, upside-down and in rapid freefall. ]

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[ Oh, it's absolutely defiance. He just dresses it up. But that answer--

He smirks, tugging lightly at the bonds to test them but not seeming to mind. ]

And what makes you think they won't just throw Allen back in that dungeon? Or didn't you know that's where they kept him?

[ He smiles, slow and sure of himself, as those oh-so-golden eyes narrow and lid in a predatory way. ]

If they don't kill him on sight.

Edited 2022-11-05 01:01 (UTC)

[ He stills. What dungeon?

A prickle of worry starts to chip away at the cold demeanor. He meets those golden hues in search of a hint of Allen behind the foreign smirk, shifting his delicate features into a grotesque imitation. ]

Where who kept him?

[ This time, there's no denying the effect his words have on him. Those mismatched eyes stay on him, no longer carrying the bite of frost, stunned by the proclamation. Why would they-- ]

Kill him?

[ There it is. The chink.

Though to be honest, he didn't think the guy was that in the dark when he made it obvious he knew of exorcists. It was more he thought he was calling his bluff in order to prove a point and show him how woefully bad an idea it was. So that response gets a cooled reaction from Nea, and he tilts his head slightly, regarding Shouto.

He's not cruel, you know. Not a monster, even if people tried to make him one. He wished kindly for "Allen" you know, before Allen was the one who betrayed him and declared them enemies. His friend. ]

His "friends", of course. Until he wasn't useful to them anymore. [ He says it quite calmly, like stating something both obvious but hard to swallow. ]

Surely you didn't think it was a coincidence that he tries so hard to avoid contact with the Order? With anyone he might have known before?

[ He leans forward, though without any hostility. Not even any bravado, though the way he holds Shouto's gaze is with an unwavering intensity. You tied his feet but not his hands yet, and while he makes no move towards Shouto he gestures towards the wound on his stomach where the feathers of Innocence are still holding it together. ]

Who do you think tried to gut him and gave him this?

[ A scar that was visible back in Trench too, though there it was healed over if just barely. Maybe not as big as the more obvious one that cleaves him from shoulder to hip, but still an ugly one both front and back though where it looks like someone had taken something spearlike and jagged and rammed it clean through him. ]

I'll give you a hint: it wasn't anyone he thought was an enemy.

Edited 2022-11-05 02:20 (UTC)

[ He tries so hard to avoid contact with the Order... Who do you think tried to gut him?

A heartbeat passes. Another. Shouto forgets about the enemy in front of him. Nea opens his eyes to a truth he's been blind to this whole time. Allen spoke of the War back home and his place in it. Of the teach he lost. Of his Innocence going wild and out of control. He never pressed him for more, never needed to, but now that another puzzle piece reveals itself, the image changes. Morphs.

His eyes stray to the gray wound festering with deadly feathers. Like a monster in a pit, he doesn't know when to expect another attack. It's the same with his abductor. Taking precautions was the only choice he had after he tried to strangle him. This close, the differences between him and Allen are startling. His eyes stray to his mouth, where he finds the root of his disturbance. More than the golden eyes, his smile tarnishes his entire demeanor. It lacks the selflessness always present in his every word and action.

There are many things that go over his head, but this strikes a chord in him, maybe because he's so familiar with his smile in a way he isn't with anyone else. He opens his mouth to say something, thinks better of it, and falls silent instead. If he means to air out Allen's every secret, it's not what he's focused on at the moment. Right now, there's only one thing he wants to know. ]

Who are you?

[ Like with anything, he starts at the beginning. ]

Edited 2022-11-05 03:06 (UTC)

[ The good secrets he'll keep. His own secrets he'll keep. Allen's secrets though, the ones that have nothing to do with Nea's goals? He couldn't care less about them: neither the incentive to keep them nor spill them. Sometimes they're tools to use to prod answers out of someone else or needle them off balance, like now with Shouto—but only for a good reason like that.

Maybe he can be useful, after all. Likely not. But he's been dead and driven half mad from sitting in his own resentment and plans for thirty five years. So do keep him company if you're not going to let him go. ]

I'm who he becomes. [ He doesn't say it tauntingly. Just with certainty, and this time leans in close to Shouto. Almost nose to nose with those catlike glimmering golden eyes. Like there's a secret he'd like to share, and his tone drops to a soft, edged sort of murmur.

Now he's cocksure. ]

N · E · A.

Edited 2022-11-05 03:17 (UTC)

[ Born into a world of privilege and quirks, where heroes are placed on pedestals by the masses, that cocksure mannerism is commonplace among the lower ranks. It's the look of someone who thinks they're on top without realizing there's still a mountain left to climb. ]

You're not who he is.

[ The name incites no more than a momentary regard. It means nothing to him. The only reason he's still speaking with him is that he has HIM. Not his body, Trench proved how easily that matters, but his memories. ]

Wher is Allen?

[ What a privileged sort of view. How naive.

But he just smiles at that sort of response though, sitting back while continuing to regard him. Measuring. Like he has an answer and it's one he's debating if he should bother sharing. He cocks an eyebrow at him. Leans against the binds on his feet lazily as he scratches at his cheek for a moment. ]

Still here. Asleep. [ He taps the side of his head. Knock knock. ]

Don't worry. It's not his time yet. [ Though it will be mine soon. ]

Edited 2022-11-05 04:09 (UTC)

[ Asleep. No, trapped. ]

Let me speak with him.

[ Flatly: ]

Not that easy.

[ Did you really think it would be? Please. ]

Why not?

[ Yes. ]

[ Wow. How dumb are you?

He holds his gaze though. For a long, meaningful moment. ]

Because that's up to Allen, isn't it?

Edited 2022-11-05 04:30 (UTC)

[ He holds it right back, unwavering. ]

Ask him.

[ He tsks, ruffling his loose hair for a moment. Wait. Did Allen's hair get... tremendously longer since the last time he was awake? It only seemed like days.

This body feels different too, like he might have aged... ]

Doesn't work like that. [ Said blandly, bored. ]

How does it work?

[ Does Allen find this routine charming? Because Nea certainly does not. ]

You were the child who tried to force the square peg into the round hole, weren't you.

[ He leans back and glances to the side, seemingly bored although his eyes slowly trace around the room. ]

I wouldn't want to come out and talk to you, either.

[ Considering he doesn't understand that statement, Shouto ignores it to focus on what he's after. ]

Why not?

[ ...? How dense is this guy?

This is tedious. The whole twenty questions routine while not giving Nea literally anything other than that one subconscious slip. He's also not entirely certain how stable his possession of Allen's body is, and it's not like some damn jack in a box swap like this guy apparently thinks it is. He could escape back within and Allen's consciousness could take control, whether Allen himself is actually in a state of being conscious enough himself to do that or not, but there's no telling when he could come back then and he isn't about to do that so soon unless he has to.

Allen could fight his own way back, like he did before, but he would need some kind of bond to anchor him enough to find his way back. Would need to want to come back enough, but knowing his old friend that isn't an issue. Likely he just can't see a way back from Nea's own dreamworld, the place where Nea stayed locked all that time. It isn't something you can force, and that's why Nea isn't worried.

We aren't so different from akuma at all, are we, "Allen"? Isn't that funny.

He glances away though, pointedly ignoring Shouto to look around the room with a caution disguised as laziness. He could fight. He could try to invoke Allen's Innocence again. But does he particularly want to unless forced? No. He could use a trump card, but how soon does he really want to tip his hand... ]

Where is this place?

It smells old.

[ Is he ignoring you? Yes. The question was stupid. ]

[ Don't expect much from him. Shouto doesn't give his opponents anything to work with, which ends in his favor most of the time, giving him no reason to alter his current course. Nea may have patience, but he's willing to bed it's a different kind than what it takes to deal with his brand of questioning. Where Allen was at least interesting to dissect, Shouto was not. Single-minded and purposeful, he presses on. ]

Did you put Allen to sleep?

[ Did you think he'd stop at twenty? Or that he would so easily stray from his objective? He's a trained hero in training which means three things for Nea. One. He won't hurt him. Two. He'll restrain him. Shouto picks up another strip of cloth with every intention of tying his hands together up front where he can see them. Three. He will bore him to death with a lot more inane (they're deep for him) questions until he snaps and starts talking. ]

Can you speak with him?

What does NEA stand for?

Are you a ghost?

Where you always inside of Allen?

Is Allen in danger?

Why do you have feathers?

[ And so on and so forth, every single one made with the same expressionless facade that gives nothing away, his tone serious. No, he's not pulling your leg, and no, he doesn't know that's an idiom. ]

[ oh my GOD ]

Can you not for five seconds?

[ Did he let him tie his wrists? Yes, technically. He's unconcerned. Maybe tortured though. ]

What's wrong with you!

[ Once he's done with the knot, he'll test it out by tugging on it firmly while ignoring that first question. He really doesn't get what he doesn't want him to do, and so he simply ignores it and moves on with his line of questioning.

But first--! ]

Are you shy like Allen?

[ He promptly points to his underwear which does not bother him whatsoever because he sure was tying his arms right above his crotch without a care in the world. ]

I can get you a blanket to cover up.

Edited 2022-11-08 05:38 (UTC)

[ How is it possible that you can keep making his skin crawl worse and worse. This is thoroughly testing his limits of how bad does he want to kill this human vs not wanting to deal with more shit than he needs to. Don't POINT, you fool. ]

I am not shy. [ wow he spits that out like it's the worst insult. and maybe like he's just a little sulky.

He tugs for a moment on the bonds, testing those too ]

Get me a blanket.

[ A wet cat. He sounds exactly like a wet cat. ]

Edited 2022-11-08 06:00 (UTC)

[ He's very good with knots. Those bonds aren't going anywhere without some help Mr. Victorian NEA. ]

Modest.

[ He corrects himself as he leans back onto his haunches and stands up to pick up the blanket when he realizes one crucial thing. The floor isn't all that ideal for someone who just woke up from a fever. He stops in his tracks mid-stride and turns back around, facing him. ]

The floor is cold.

[ Is all he says as he walks right up to him with every intention of carrying him back to the bed. ]

Edited 2022-11-08 06:21 (UTC)

[ They're bizarrely more effective than he was expecting, no give. Irritating. However, given Allen's left hand, he's not worried about getting out of the arm restraints when they're just cloth. Guy could snap iron manacles on his ankles like they were glass without the aid of Innocence, let alone what he could do with it. He had been "imprisoned" in the dungeons because he let them, the idiot. Though he knew how to Houdini out of things with this body and Nea doesn't, other than to try and brute force it...

His attention snaps abruptly back up to Shouto, refocusing on him as he comes towards him and-- no...

He scoots back abruptly at that purposeful walk, knees primly to chest. ]

O-oi, what do you think you're doing? [ do not!!! touch him!!! ]

Edited 2022-11-09 01:13 (UTC)

Taking you to bed.

[ Is all he says as he crouches down in front of him with every intention of picking him up into his arms and lifting him up. ]

[ Congratulations, you've managed to utterly shock and knock off balance the one who aims to one day destroy the world, whose very existence has thrown the balance of a seven thousand year long war off kilter, so thoroughly that his face just falls. Almost comically so.

Taking him to--?! HOW MUCH DID HE BLACK OUT ON. WHAT KIND OF RELATIONSHIP DO YOU HAVE WITH ALLEN.

You might have tied his feet but he can still try to kick you in the FACE. ]

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