likethelight: (639)
⛧ Aʟʟᴇɴ "ɴᴏᴛ ᴀ ᴘʀɪᴇsᴛ" Wᴀʟᴋᴇʀ ★ ([personal profile] likethelight) wrote in [community profile] deercountry2022-09-18 01:29 pm

All that I am

Who: Allen Walker and Shouto Todoroki with guest appearances by The Fourteenth...
What: September Paleblood effects, and getting trapped in a version of Allen's horrific world and life for a time courtesy of a cursed book/the Absolute Immersion prompt 🙂 Many CW for mentions and flashbacks of Allen's very abusive childhood. also red light districts. (to date: pet death/abuse, child abuse, suicidal impulses of a child)
When: Later September
Where: Their house, and then Victorian England sorta


[ When Shouto had become blind, it had been Allen who fret and fussed more than he needed to. Hovering by his side and always ready to take his arm and steer him gently this way or that, explaining whatever the goings-on were with an animated chatter born first from concern and then increasingly just out of enjoying conversing so later on. Describing the world and especially the people around them like someone reading a particularly good story aloud might and getting caught up in it with an actual delight.

It wasn't so bad for him after all, he'd say, since he lost first his sense of taste (that was insulting but something he dealt with just by pouting at dinnertime) and then touch. Annoyances more than anything, nothing that bad. Touch bothered him more than he thought it would, leaving him staring down at his hands with an unsettled expression from time to time when he thought no one was looking, but he tried to avoid letting that on.

When Allen lost his sense of sight, he became almost unsettlingly... quiet, actually. Not complaining even a little. But off, perpetually distracted and a little jumpy at the slightest noise or sense of movement. With it ironically around the same time Shouto finally regained his own vision. Something he expressed relief for -- it'd be rather silly and unfortunate for them to both lose their sense of sight at the same time, wouldn't it? -- but that was a little hollow too.

Whether Shouto thought to read to him or it happened by accident when Allen was half-dozing near him one day when he asked him out of bored senseless curiosity what he was reading, it was one of the few things that made him perk up. Even if he usually dozed off on him, it was comfortably and amicably so and eased a lot of his restlessness. Something he started to look forward to and ask him a little more eagerly each time what he was reading that day.

Today, he wrinkled his nose at the smell of this new book when he came back with it. Musty and old, and something that just... unsettled him on some very deep, instinctive level. Like if black magic had a smell. Easy enough to pass off at the explanation it was handed to him from someone in Gaze offering free books to passerby, everything there was a little weird and derelict, and the explanation it was a story (apparently) about an exorcist who saved souls was enough to both baffle and intrigue him. Weirdly... spot on, wasn't that? But curiosity alone was a good enough reason for him to shelve any misgivings and settle in, leaning his chin on his shoulder and peering over like he was actually trying to peek at the pages he couldn't see. Also, Shouto's monotone could put anyone at ease (and to sleep). Allen's disarmed and lulled off pretty quickly, relaxing as the tale begins and meanders vaguely around a nameless boy who loved too much. Who was thrown at odds against the home he had always known first for wanting to save those they wanted him to destroy, and then for finding out he was fated to become their enemy and the very thing that would destroy them and the world.

Allen stops dozing off and becomes very awake. Very quiet, and very still.

Shouto can get to the part where the boy says goodbye and leaves in order to keep his home safe, and that's when Allen will fumble for his hand. Grasping his wrist tightly with alarmed urgency. ]


Shouto. [ It's laced with a strange sort of fear, a rising panic. Stop reading.

It's also too late.

Reality... warps. Uncomfortably so, like vertigo but pulling your soul inside-out instead of your stomach. It feels like falling. Falling forward into freefall, which... is accurate. At first it feels like falling into a vacuum, and then the wind is quickly rushing past their ears. They burst through what feels like a thin glass pane of light that shatters harmlessly around them and melt away, geometric patterns in the sky, and the air is crisp and cold; the first kiss of winter, and for the first time smelling clean and entirely without the odor of blood, decay, and industry that clings to Trench. Into the middle of a city park, rows of brick Victorian buildings lining the sides of it with a clocktower and castle in the distance.

They're also about fifty feet up in the air, upside-down and in rapid freefall. ]
swellter: (Hero: Noble)

[personal profile] swellter 2022-11-11 01:13 am (UTC)(link)
[ Isn't it obvious? ]

Because I like him.
swellter: (Calm: Are you okay?)

[personal profile] swellter 2022-11-11 08:47 am (UTC)(link)
[ Better answer? That has him tilting his head to the side looking like a curious cat about to drop a glass off the table without an ounce of remorse. ]

What kind of answer do you want?
exmemoriam: (06)

[personal profile] exmemoriam 2022-11-11 08:58 am (UTC)(link)
[ Seriously?

He looks back at him with an absolutely leaden stare. ]


Who are you, for starters.
swellter: (Hero: Noble)

[personal profile] swellter 2022-11-11 09:16 am (UTC)(link)
Shouto Todoroki. I'm a hero in training.

[ Now, tit for tat. ]

Who are you?
swellter: (Hero: Noble)

[personal profile] swellter 2022-11-11 09:36 am (UTC)(link)
I'm a teenager training to be a Pro-Hero.

[ He corrects him without an ounce of embarrassment and he is very much serious.

You gave him a first name like it meant anything to him. For someone who speaks a lot, you don't say much. ]


Why are you inside of Allen? What do you do? Are you a ghost or a parasite?
swellter: (Hero: Noble)

[personal profile] swellter 2022-11-11 09:51 am (UTC)(link)
[ It's not a belief, it's a lifestyle~

One Allen adheres to quite well. It's who they met. Why they continued to meet, and one of the reasons Shouto likes him. Not because he can fight but because he's willing to fight to protect others. ]


Allen never spoke of you.

[ Just going to preface this whole conversation with that. ]

He spoke of a ghost haunting this place.

[ Point blank: ] Are you dead?
exmemoriam: (06)

[personal profile] exmemoriam 2022-11-11 10:07 am (UTC)(link)
[ Never spoke of him? Hah, as usual. It's how Nea would prefer it, but it's good to confirm this weirdo and his affectionate rapport with Allen didn't change that.

The blunt question gets a flat response, but not one from a position of judgement or ire. Golden eyes slant at him slowly, almost lazily. ]


I'm not anymore if I'm talking to you now, am I?
swellter: (Hero: Noble)

[personal profile] swellter 2022-11-11 10:19 am (UTC)(link)
[ Not anymore.

Silence follows that answer while he tries to understand what he means. From what he's told him, Allen is still there, only pacified. The ghost, Nea, can switch places with him, but either he won't or can't at the moment. He wants to know which so he can act, but first, there's something more important he needs to clarify before he proceeds. ]


Where you born with him?

[ Meaning, was he a part of Allen or indeed a parasite he picked up? Because there's a world of difference between the two. ]
Edited 2022-11-11 10:20 (UTC)
exmemoriam: (Default)

[personal profile] exmemoriam 2022-11-11 10:33 am (UTC)(link)
No.

[ He keeps looking at him with an intensity that belays how there's more to that answer than just that, though. Wary, cautious, but with a touch of intrigue as well. Consideration.

How much would you want to know about your precious "Allen"? ]


But we've been together a long time. [ Oh, the inside jokes you'll never know. ]

You could say we're old friends.
swellter: (Ice: Before the Storm)

[personal profile] swellter 2022-11-11 10:45 am (UTC)(link)
[ He's been on the receiving end of intense looks all his life, from Endeavor to self-proclaimed rivals, all vying for attention he'll never give them. If they want him to know something, then they can tell him. Otherwise, they can keep on staring. It's the same with double-talk. If it's not outright said then don't expect him to read between the lines. He won't. ]

If you're friends, then why are you keeping him suppressed?
exmemoriam: (22)

[personal profile] exmemoriam 2022-11-11 10:57 am (UTC)(link)
[ Oh, his lip curls into a slow smile at that question. One that is anything but pleasant to look at, least of all on Allen's face where it makes him almost unrecognizable.

So airy and delicate like Allen, but pitying. Cold. A serial killer's loving contempt for the one they're about to erase. You poor wretched thing. ]


Because this body is what he promised me.
swellter: (Hero: Virtuous)

[personal profile] swellter 2022-11-11 11:16 am (UTC)(link)
[ You're not Allen. Not by any measure. It disturbs him on a fundamental level to see his face contort into an uncanny vision of him. It's a lie. One he dislikes far more than he thought, but it's his response that finally tips him over the edge.

He stiffens, jaw locked at the outright lie set before him. ]


You're lying.

exmemoriam: (02)

[personal profile] exmemoriam 2022-11-11 11:37 am (UTC)(link)
Am I? [ His voice lilts, pleased. It's nothing likely how Allen's voice would dip and rise pleasantly with his demeanor, but mocking instead. ]

You weren't there. You've barely been here at all, whatever fairyland you crawled out from. No one who calls himself a "hero" so blithely could have possibly been here for even a fraction of what "Allen" has lived through, let alone understand it. It's laughable how naïve that is, or do you think anyone who says their side is the "right" and "good" one is automatically so?

They're the ones who hunt Allen even now. People who would call themselves "heroes", right alongside the ones condemned as devils. People who didn't care that all he wanted was to "save" as soon as they didn't agree with his terms, with who he wanted to save. Who won't hesitate to put him down like a dog and execute him, all in the name of being righteous heroes of humanity.

[ He struggles against the blankets like he's trying to sit up, trying to lean into his face, although he can't. With a feral glow in his eyes and an unpleasant smile masking and mixing with the very real bite in his tone. ]

Who are you to know Allen when I've known him all along?

A newcomer. A nobody.
Edited 2022-11-11 14:45 (UTC)
swellter: (Hero: Determined)

1/2 | cw: mentions of suicide

[personal profile] swellter 2022-11-11 04:43 pm (UTC)(link)
Yes.

[ He says with more confidence than one would expect without knowing the details of their relationship. ]

I know Allen. He might be reckless at times, but he's not suicidal.

[ And that's what it comes down to. He spent a week mourning his death while reconciling with the fact that the person who came back, if he came back, might not be the person he knew. It added another layer to his grief. One he didn't know how to address until he saw him. The surge of joy at seeing him, the utter relief he felt when he realized he still knew him. It was then, at that moment, that he had his answer. His physical form never mattered, it was the soul painted with care with an arrangement of memories that he loved so much.

That was who Allen was to Shouto.

Everything Nea was not. That's why, for the first time since his arrival, his composure begins to crack. The closer Nea draws to him, the more Shouto pulls back. It's not a singular word or moment that turns the tide but a combination of everything he's seen and heard. Why didn't you say anything? The thought that Allen might be hunted by people who consider him a villain makes his stomach turn, but it's the realization that this caricature set before him might actively be trying to kill him that finally sets him off. ]


It doesn't matter who I am.

[ It never did. Not when his family was suffering, not when his-- there's a pause there, a look of confusion under the rising anger. It's gone within a moment. He moves on without an answer because that's not what's important right now - what Allen is to him - what matters is getting him back. ]

Neither does the Order or you.

[ He doesn't care about any of it. Don't you understand that?! He told you from the start what he cared about, and never once did he indicate there were caveats attached to his feelings. In the same way, Allen loves humanity, Shouto loves his family and friends.

Unconditionally. He's ready to fight for any of them, even when they openly hate him. Hurt him. Allen never once questioned his pursuit of wanting to get to know his brother. Despite being killed by Touya, he never asked him to reconsider his heart. Never questioned him. From the start, he understood him in a way few have ever have, more than Shouto would ever understand him, but that's the thing about the heart: it doesn't seek a reason for what it feels; it just does. ]
swellter: (Hero: Looking Ahead)

2/2

[personal profile] swellter 2022-11-11 04:44 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Who are you to know Allen when I've known him all along?

His eyes slant down, lips tight at the corners where his temper starts to bleed through. He stops moving back, the moment of confusion turning into determination. ]


Let him go.

[ A hand snaps forward, gripping him by the back of the neck, and yanks him forward; face to face. This time, Shouto stares straight into gold in search of grey. ]

Allen. [ Said in a commanding tone. ] Wake up.
exmemoriam: (16)

[personal profile] exmemoriam 2022-11-11 07:44 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Temper, temper. It's such a small shift in the nuance of Shouto's expression, the way his mouth tightens, but one Nea relishes. He doesn't even look surprised when he's scruffed and pulled forward. His eyes snap wide, yes, but not in shock or fear, but a strange sort of feral fury. He leans in closer, nose to nose. ]

Stay out— [ There's a sharp movement and the blankets rip apart and shred as he wrenches through the measly fabric bindings on his arms in a surge of power. All the shifting under the blankets like he had been uneasy? A ruse while he tested how to leverage against them. How loathsome to have to rely on Innocence.

That hand snaps up to grab Shouto's throat again though, with all intent to crush it with Allen's full strength like someone would a bug. ]


—of things you know nothing about.

[ It should only take a second to do it, too. Crush someone's windpipe entirely without even breaking a sweat, like it's absolutely nothing. That's the sort of casual strength Allen has in that inhuman hand even if he rarely shows or indicates it; if he ever loses his cool enough to not be painfully aware of his own strength he can splinter apart a solid wooden door just from slamming it behind him in what should otherwise be a regular teenage huff. It's part of why he's so hesitant to touch people with it. Nea has deadly intent to use it this time which means the moment his fingers close around his throat, a single squeeze will be all it takes to make it the last breath he drew his last.

But that doesn't happen. He might begin to squeeze, hard enough to mistake as just a warning—but he just stops then. Stares at Shouto, not understanding, as his eyes locked with his own mismatched ones narrow abruptly. Furious. Confused.

The thing about the duality of Allen and Nea, of two souls—two sets of memories locked in the same body is that while one thing is going on with the one that's conscious, there's something else going on for the one that's "asleep". Because to sleep is to dream, and dreaming deep within the depths of their own souls they can be very much conscious of themselves in such a state. Allen might not be aware of outside reality, the physical world, but he's aware of himself and knows he isn't in control of his own body. The other side of the story taking place concurrent to this one. He's in there, already trying to understand the situation and find a way back, because that's just how he is. Trying to find his guidepost for the way back from oblivion, for all practical purposes a "ghost" now himself.

Because the truth is he should have already faded away. Become nothingness as Nea's memories eroded his own enough to finally gain conscious control of the body, but he didn't. Isn't. Not just for his own stubborn will to exist, because that on its own isn't enough. It needs a direction, a guidepost back to the world: an anchor.

His bonds. Because only the mutual affection between people is what's enough to surpass even the limits of the soul once it's been separated from the body. The only thing that can challenge the natural order of things and the nature of life itself, and what Allen himself had once said was what made humans truly formidable and stronger than they were given credit for. Not the stubborn willpower of the individual, but the love between people that can bridge even the spiritual and the physical. Transcendence.

That's the nature of akuma—and humans. That the rest of the world doesn't want to admit are one and the same.

That's why when Shouto calls out to Allen, why when Nea lunges and grabs his throat again—he just seems to freeze in place. Left hand starts trembling, like he's being restrained, like there's push and pull, and his fingers won't clamp down. Why Nea's eyes widen and dilate, furious and wild with outrage and disbelief even as his body seems frozen in place—

And gold begins to swirl with silver. ]
Edited 2022-11-11 19:56 (UTC)
swellter: Fanart by Unknown Artist (Fire: Blaze)

[personal profile] swellter 2022-11-11 09:47 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Allen isn't the only one who had to hesitate for fear of hurting someone growing up. Everyone at UA's hero course had to watch their temper. One foul mood and someone could end up in the hospital. Shouto froze half a stadium once because he was upset with his father. He apologized to Sero for his lapse while melting him out of the ice. Similar episodes among his peers weren't uncommon. What mattered was taking responsibility and ensuring it didn't happen again. Maybe that's the difference between them. Shouto grew up knowing he could hurt someone but wasn't made to feel out of place for it. Wasn't labeled a monster for his quirk or the way he looked. Allen didn't have that. A foundation of teachers working with him to find a better way to control his powers. Encouraging him in his pursuit to help others. A place where even the oddest quirk was allowed to grow into something unique. A safe place where he and his peers could explore their powers, team up, and challenge each other in order to grow. Where a loss meant a failed objective not a loss of life.

Akuma and the Order. A war between humanity and a token of Innoncence governed by the unknown. It all means nothing to someone who hasn't lived the utter despair and misery of this world. He comes from a far kinder place to truly understand Allen, let alone Nea's perspective, but that doesn't make him any less aware of what comes next. Any hero worth their salt would be able to see the move and counter it.

In an instant, Allen freezes in place in a rapid crescendo of crackling ice that covers the whole of the bed. Despite knowing that he can still crush his throat, Shouto stays where he is. Call him green. Naive. ]


Allen.

[ His voice stays firm as if he didn't just avoid being killed as his left hand slowly warms the back of his neck in a loving manner. ]

Stand up and fight. Or I will.
Edited 2022-11-11 21:51 (UTC)
swellter: (Heart: Joyful)

[personal profile] swellter 2022-11-13 06:41 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Golden eyes meet his in challenge under the restraint of ice. Angry. Brutal. With a desire to kill. Held back by an otherworldly force. Shouto catches a glimpse of the subtle grace of moonlit clouds floating among the stars more beautiful than the sun. The strain of a fight taking place outside his understanding tips the pendulum left, dismantling the easy detachment of someone addressing a stranger to someone addressing a loved one.]

Allen!

[ Throwing caution to the wind, Shouto holds his face in his hands, melting the ice with a wildfire lit inside him. ]

Don't give up!

[ An appeal from a man prone to subtlety. Followed by his name, slow in coming but all too familiar after months of sharing close quarters. The voice of someone who means the world to him with the power to transform his entire facade with a single word. ]

I'm here. [ He half-smiles, forgetting about the hand at his throat, relieved to hear him again. ] You came back.
swellter: (Heart: Joyful)

1/2

[personal profile] swellter 2022-11-13 07:54 pm (UTC)(link)
[ The irony of that statement. Everyone he's ever loved has hurt him. One way or another. It does little to diminish his feelings that seem to grow exponentially at the sheer relief of hearing not a caricature of him but Allen. Feelings that don't wane even as Allen backs away, seemingly frightened. The half-smile remains, a surge of dopamine at his return making his limbs a little shaky with feelings burning through a once guarded heart. ]

I--

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