deercountry | Shen Yuan | November Catch-All

"Heh. I doubt Lan-gongzi cared much for this one's idea of poetry." Yes, Shen Yuan remembers singing *pop songs* at Lan Xichen and teasing him for not knowing them. Kill him now.

"But let this one assure Lan-gongzi, he is feeling entirely sober now. Painfully so," Shen Yuan adds, rubbing at the acupoint just above his ear. So this is what a hangover feels like. He never wants to feel this rotten ever again. "Just let me freshen up," he starts to say, climbing out of bed, "and I'll answer any questions Lan-gongzi cared to ask."

So, the million yuan question: did Lan Xichen take any of Shen Yuan's clothes off while he was asleep??

"On the contrary, I found the poetry refreshing," he remarks idly.

He watches as Shen Yuan gets up, but is relieved to find that he seems in good health other than his hangover.

"It is early enough in the day for breakfast still. Does Shen-gongzi have an appetite...?"

Alas, Lan Xichen is a good boy who only took off Shen Yuan's shoes and very outermost robe, the former set out by the side of the bed and the latter nneatly folded at the end.

Shen Yuan coughs a little at hearing pop songs called poetry, but is too embarrassed to contradict him. Hopefully that never comes up again! It would be terrible if Lan Xichen and Nie Huaisang teamed up to make him sing again with peer pressure, just sayin'.

He washes his hands and face and puts his outer robe back on with great relief. Sure it's rumpled and his hair ribbon is missing, but at least he's technically fully clothed. He turns to face Lan Xichen again and says apologetically, "This doubts he could stomach food right now, but Lan-gongzi is kind to offer." It occurs to him in a miserable little flash that Lan Xichen might not have had breakfast either, if he was watching over Shen Yuan all morning, and he groans again with embarrassment, rubbing his head. "Perhaps, if Lan-gongzi has no other plans, he will allow this one to treat him to lunch? But he shouldn't feel obligated, by any means." No, Shen Yuan's the one with all the obligations here.

Finally he runs out of reasons to put it off and sits back down on the bed, facing Lan Xichen. "Lan-gongzi had questions?" he asks leadingly.

"When Shen-gongzi can stomach something to eat, we can order something or head out. There is no hurry on my part."

He could easily go a week without food, provided he didn't expel too much energy. A few hours was no matter at all.

"Which would you prefer to discuss first? The matter of the Tower, or the matter of your disciple?"

Just jumping right into it, then. Shen Yuan nods, considering his answer for a moment before folding his hands in his lap and saying, "Concerning the Tower, this one remains unsure as to what can be done. This one isn't unwilling to help, simply unsure of how to do so effectively. And there remains the question of whether the Tower is really ill at all, or if this isn't all some sadistic trick." Although Shen Yuan himself seems to doubt the plausibility of his words. It *is* a little overly paranoid, as theories go.

"As for my disciple..." he signs again, that old worry's restrictive weight once again falling 'round his neck. "This one will not conceal anything from Lan-gongzi any more. Where would be the benefit, when he already knows the most damning points? Ask whatever you wish."

It's clear that, for all the comfort and sympathy Lan Xichen offered him last night while he was indisposed, here in the harsh light of day Shen Yuan still fully expects to be condemned for his choices. It's how he feels about himself, after all.

Edited 2022-11-13 09:41 (UTC)

He listens intently to the discussion of the Tower - indeed, nothing can be done about it at the moment, so that's something to file away until they can get more information.

But moving on...

"For starters, I would ask what you think the best course of action for keeping you safe is, should he arrive here."

That...is not what Shen Yuan expected him to ask.

"I..." He clears his throat awkwardly, picks the glass of water back up and drinks from it while he tries to think. "I don't know?" he finally says hesitantly. "I've not been using the name he knew me by, since I arrived here, but he still might know me by my face or Xiu Ya. And there's my oath as well; I swore not to run from him."

He plays with the glass in his hands, turning it round and round nervously. "He's very powerful," he finally whispers. "I dare not consider what the outcome might be, if any of my new friends tried to fight him."

"You do not have to run from him," he explains, turning over this information carefully in his head. "There are ways of speaking to another here without having to do it face-to-face, until you can ascertain his motives. Moreover..."

He offers a reassuring smile.

"He is not the only powerful person to wash up on these shores."

Shen Yuan smiles back uncertainly. He can tell Lan Xichen is trying to be reassuring, but...

"But he's the protagonist," Shen Yuan finally points out. "He's half demon, a dreamwalker, in the book he conquered and unified the three realms...even if he doesn't bring his sword Xin Mo with him," (Yes, Binghe's sword is called 'Heart Demon.' Because he's a protagonist, not a hero.) "He would easily be one of the most powerful individuals here. How...does Lan-gongzi really believe he has the means to suppress such a person?"

"Shen Yuan mentioned books on the shelf before..." he murmurs, thoughtful, an idea gradually beginning to form. He's not even going to start on the name of the sword. What kind of a hack writes this stuff...?

"Luo Binghe is the protagonist of the book you found yourself suddenly a part of. But this place is not his book."

He smiles, and there's an air of mischief.

"Who is to say he will not meet his match in others here?"

That's...a thought. Not one Shen Yuan is altogether sure he likes; Luo Binghe's not just any protagonist, he's *the* protagonist, Shen Yuan's favorite even before he raised him up himself from a little bun. Why else would he have wasted so many hours trying to get Airplane to improve the plot, if not to make it worthy of him. Deep down Shen Yuan doesn't want to see him defeated.

But he wants to be ripped apart even less. "Lan-gongzi has a plan, then?" he asked, leaning closer with interest. "Then tell me what he thinks I should do."

"The beginnings of one, should he be averse to reason," he explains. "If I knew more of what he was capable of --"

He hesitates.

"--Acute penchant for violence aside; it may be easier to come up with specifics. And moreover if there was anything you changed in his ...er... story when you took up the role of his shizun."

Shen Yuan is staring at Lan Xichen like he's speaking a foreign language, and he sort of it. The best Shen Qingqiu had been able to come up on his own was indeed running away from Luo Binghe; standing and dealing with him, trying to change the rules of the encounter so physical violence never enters into it...These still seem like impossible goals to him. But Lan Xichen is trying so hard to help, and Shen Yuan...he wants to keep his limbs. ~~He wants Binghe to stop hating him.~~ He wants to see where this goes.

"I stopped beating him, to begin with," he says, laughs awkwardly, the itchiness in his eyes increasing. Fuck no, he's not going to start crying again, when he doesn't even have drunkeness to excuse it. "The original Shen Qingqiu was a...terrible man. A terrible teacher," he explains. "I had to past a test from the System before I could stop imitating his shitty personality, but at least I was able to come up with some excuses not to keep beating Luo Binghe every day. I...I replaced the fake cultivation manual he'd been given with a real one." He sits and thinks for a moment, tapping his fingers together in lieu of a fan, both trying to pick out specific situations and the proper wording to describe him. "I moved him into my house," he admits, somewhat embarrassed. "The other disciples all took their cue on proper behavior from Shen Qingqiu. They bullied Binghe straight out of the dormitory and made him sleep in the woodshed, and I didn't want to put him back in the dorm if they were going to keep picking on him, so I put him in the spare room. He insisted on cooking and cleaning for me after that, but I don't think that was a negative for him? He seemed happy!" Shen Yuan are you trying to convince Lan Xichen or yourself??

Xichen does a good job of not wincing, though he can't entirely blame Shen Yuan for not seeing the signs. It wasn't as though he had disciples before - the man was rather playing it by ear. It was especially common with teenagers who had suffered difficult childhoods; even a scrap of kindness could look like a banquet. The abrupt change in behaviour had probably been terribly confusing for Binghe.

"It... might have been more prudent to keep the boy at a little more distance so that he could not mistake your intent, but it is good you remedied the former shizun's actions and put a stop to the abuse. Physical punishment should never be administered for small infractions."

Hours of copying lines was usually enough to correct poor behaviour.

"If he were to come here, why not simply tell him the truth of what happened? You aren't held to secrecy in this place."

Shen Yuan would like to see *anyone* taste Luo Binghe's cooking once and then successfully 'keep him at a distance,' okay, it's just that good. But he doesn't say that. Instead he grimaces at Lan Xichen's suggestion - telling Binghe the truth? Were it that easy -- and says, "The Endless Abyss plot."

Despite all his efforts, Shen Yuan still has to dab at the corner of his eye with his sleeve before he can continue. "In the book, Luo Binghe never raised a hand against Shen Qingqiu, or tried to escape him, until after he'd passed through the Endless Abyss. He...his foster mother raised him to be a good boy. Filial, forgiving, obedient...he tried to hold onto those morals in her memory. But the things he suffered in the Abyss, the things he had to do just to survive...and then bonding with Xin Mo to increase his power, it. It blackened his heart. He was a completely different person when he finally escaped."

The tears are coming a little faster than Shen Yuan can easily keep up with now, as he remembers all the things his poor white lotus will have to endure. "On top of that, there's... there's a Sleeper here, Darth Maul, whose story I'm also somewhat familiar with. His master was even worse than Shen Qingqiu, and...I spoke to him, a little, about Binghe. Told him what I'd done in hypothetical terms and asked him if he though reconciliation was possible. And he said...he said..."

It's too much for one long-suffering millennial to take. Shen Yuan buries his face in his sleeve again, wailing, "He said Binghe will probably hate me *more,* since I was kind before I betrayed him. He said that's *worse* than just being cruel from the start! Everything I did for Binghe counts against me now, if he comes here he'll probably try to attack me on sight!!"

"He may not be wrong," Lan Xichen agrees, albeit reluctantly. "But everyone is different. Sometimes people wish to simply understand why their trust had been betrayed."

A handkerchief materializes from somewhere inside his robes, and he offers it wordlessly to Shen Yuan.

"Being honest and sincerely expressing your regret could go much further than you think. But I understand why that would be a frightening thing for you."

He lays a gentle, reassuring hand on Shen Yuan's forearm.

"You would not have to face him alone, if he ever shows up here at all."

"Th-thank you," Shen Yuan mutters, mopping his face and -- there's just no way to avoid it -- blowing his nose into the handkerchief. "I-I want to believe that, I do. If just telling him that I'm sorry has a chance of fixing things, so he won't hate me anymore, I'll scream it from the rooftops. He just...he scares me so much."

A bitter, wet laugh. "And to think, I was one of the people cheering him on, when he ripped Shen Qingqiu apart in the novel. I even wanted him to go further, since Shen Qingqiu had been such a lech towards Binghe's girlfriend...does it count as karma, when you were enjoying the suffering of a fictional character?"

That's ur hanky now, Shen Yuan. Treasure it.

"Such explicit fiction would be banned from the Cloud Recesses, so I cannot speak from experience," he explains, "but I have certainly read some tales where I have felt strongly about villains and heroes alike."

A small, wry smile flickers over his lips.

"...Though perhaps not so much as to wish such an end."

Shen Yuan laughs again, this time with a little bit of real humor in it, and folds the handkerchief to keep the mess contained. "I sort of figured, with your...everything." The whole pure, serene, leader of a righteous sect demeanor Lan Xichen has going. He has it even stronger than Yue Qingyuan did; Shen Yuan can't imagine him ever letting one of his sect members get away with treating a disciple the way Shen Qingqiu treated Luo Binghe. But that reminds him of something else that'd been weighing on his mind, and after gathering his courage he finally asks,

"Why...hm. Why are you being so kind to me about this? Like, don't get me wrong, I truly appreciate it, but...I read a lot of novels set in cultivation worlds, in my first life. I know how a righteous cultivator is supposed to behave, what kind of standard of behavior they're supposed to keep, and I...I know I fell short. Very short." Very, very, very short.

"Why aren't you judging me more harshly?" he asks. "You said before, something happened with your friend..." Was it really bad, is how Shen Yuan would end that sentence, if his face were just a bit thicker. It's hard to imagine someone like Lan Xichen really doing something so terrible that he'd consider himself as having sunk to Shen Yuan's level.

"Reading a few stories about being a sect leader and actually becoming one are two very different things. In my world, most of those who might lead the sect one day are prepared for it starting in their childhood."

He gives Shen Yuan's forearm a reassuring squeeze.

"This was not the case for Shen-gongzi. This was not a situation anyone could properly prepare to be in. But he still managed to right terrible wrongs. If he is going to disparage his failures, he should also bear in mind his successes."

That's...hm. That's a point. Shen Yuan isn't used to dwelling on his own own achievements, it seems arrogant and distasteful, but. Can it really, honestly be said, that his term as a peak lord was a complete disaster for Cang Qiong? Didn't he protect the sect's young disciples and stop demons from running off with the establishment plaque? Didn't he save Liu Qingge's life, when he died in the book? This things have nothing to do with his relative successes or failures in raising Luo Binghe.

He doesn't say any of this out loud, see above re: tooting one's own horn, but he does nod and say, "Lan-gongzi has the right of it, of course. But this one is still impressed by his compassion. And grateful for it."

He too does not speak for a time, letting Shen Yuan think over these important things, though his smile suggests that he is well aware that the other man has been downplaying any accomplishments in favour of catastrophizing.

"Though I do not doubt he will be hurt and angered by your choices; if he grew to be as kind as you say, he may be less inclined to revenge and more towards understanding, if not outright reconciliation. Do not presume that your changes, however small you think they may be, will yield the same tragic outcome."

Remember the butterfly effect, Shen Yuan!

Shen Yuan still has so many doubts, but Lan Xichen has at least managed to suspend them, for the moment. Shen Yuan nods thoughtfully, before sighing and saying, in an entirely different tone of voice, "It's been long enough that this one is beginning to feel better. Would Lan-gongzi still be interested in going to breakfast with me...? Or rather brunch, considering the hour." And he smiles shyly, but also hopeful.

Brunch. Is that what they call a late breakfast?

Lan Xichen's head ducks briefly to hide his bashful smile, though the faint blue hue colouring his ears is less easy to keep out of sight. But Shen Yuan's desire to eat is some relief. Get him outside, keep him occupied, do not let these nightmarish hallucinations get their claws back into his friend's mind. Xichen has very simple goals, and he has no desire to abandon a friend at such a vulnerable point.

"Of course. This one would be happy to accompany Shen-gongzi. Does he, perhaps, have any preferences, or shall we simply explore our options together?"

Even though eating together had been Lan Xichen's idea in the first place, a part of Shen Yuan is surprised that he's actually going through with it because he has low self-esteem and struggles with the idea that people might actually like him unless they're as fucked up as he is.

You know, like Jin Guangyao!

His surprise manifests itself as a wide, happy grin, dignity momentarily forgotten as he stands and reaches for his boots. "I know of a place Lan-gongzi might like. Just follow me."

And if he happens to lead Lan Xichen to the Wilful Machine, to a cafe he and Jin Guangyao have frequented more than once, that is simply a coincidence.

Shen Yuan | November Catch-All

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