deercountry | (closed) december catchall

Entry tags:

(closed) december catchall

Who: Ange (

entreats), Chizuru (

tealeafs), Daniel (

miyagimagic) and various others.
What: December shenanigans.
When: During all of December.
Where: Locations vary.

Content Warnings: Bullying, (mild) violence, will edit to add more later.

( starters in the comments! if you want to plot anything with me, feel free to either pm the journal or contact me at

queeningsquare, i'm always open to new ideas and threads! )

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Robby glances as Chizuru makes her way over (so he thinks she does, assumes, hopes, in her moving around tables), but keeps his head otherwise down, as if contemplating his drink. Everywhere has rules you have to follow, a certain expectation, and even though some of the men are getting loud around him, it's difficult for Robby to jump into following their mood. Who does he even look like to them? Who is he? Would a word out of his mouth make a lick of sense to them?

He's glad, then, when Chizuru eventually ends up by his table, acknowledging him as she speaks, and with his eyes already up and on her by then. There might not be enough said to know if she recognises, truly recognises him, but Robby will take whatever he can get, and her offer sounds like an out from this room.

That sounds like fewer eyes, which he'd appreciate; even if he would've stayed and engaged in conversation here if that's where this had led.

But it doesn't. Robby nods, the way that he carries himself awkward, perhaps painting him as shy to the other men as he stands (and how is a guy like Robby getting lucky?). He follows her with speaking a word, waiting until the doors close behind them (and he'll happily do that, no problems, thanks) and, with a lack of anybody else immediately in the corridor, hurries to ask in a whisper:

"Okay, what do we have to do, and am I speaking Japanese?"

Has he ever been speaking Japanese to her in Trench? He's never thought about this ever, ever before.

"Huh?" It's that soft sound that escapes Chizuru first. Maybe the first question isn't that surprising within the context of things here, but the second question - that's what momentarily trips her up. The girl nods, though the nod in itself is a little uncertain, like she's never considered it before.

"Yes, you sound the same to me as always.."

.. granted, her reaction may still make it a little bit difficult to tell whether or not she recognizes him as Robby. At least she does seem to recognize him, even more evidenced by her dropping the overly formal tone now it's just the two of them, but things become a little more clear as she speaks on.

"But-- why are you here, Robby? I mean.." Her voice momentarily trails off, and the girl glances around them. Maybe just to make sure the corridor they're standing in truly is empty, no sound of any men getting up coming from inside the room they just left. ".. you shouldn't be here. It could be dangerous."

Perhaps leading in with 'Am I Robby?' would have been the better choice (yet stranger--and yes, even compared to what he did ask), but Robby's never been in a memory where he's taken someone's place. Wondering if he was sitting where someone else should have been sat was one thing, but this is Robby's first being-visible-in-a-memory rodeo. He's barely hanging on in.

He doesn't even consider it as she answers him, relieved, with any minor details continuing to elude him. They might not have much time, and even he's not sure about them sticking around in this hallway. Should they keep moving, or do they need to be in that room?

Robby looks back once, and then at Chizuru. "If something's going down, I'm not going anywhere," he tells her firmly. He's not going anywhere regardless, but that's less important. "But I don't know what's happening. You need to tell me--"

The door opens at their backs. Robby feels his back prickle, but he grabs Chizuru's arm and pulls her close to the wall, his other arm ready to keep her upright from the sudden redirection. Crowding her, giving his torso for her to land against, and he whispers, "Look this way," as he cranes his neck to make it appear more like they're in the middle of a private discussion, his hand still visibly on her waist.

There's a second she might have to move off from him, but Robby is keeping motionless, wearing a smile that doesn't reach his eyes. A small show, just to get them through any suspicion.

There's no way Chizuru can't blush under these circumstances. It's fierce enough that it appears even though her thick makeup that's making her face so pale in the first place.. But who could blame her? Even if Robby is pulling off blending into this sort of establishment amazingly, it's not like Chizuru quite saw the attempt coming. Meaning that she is indeed only kept upright and steady due to the way Robby's hands guide her body, especially with how hard it is to walk on her shoes. And it also means that she definitely lands entirely against his body, chest pressed against chest, Robby's face so close to hers when she turns her head to look at him when he prompts her to.

She doesn't even notice the guy that wandered out of the room, since she's too busy looking right into Robby's eyes. Sure, Chizuru just looks flustered, but that actually kind of helps the act, everything considered.. It works well enough anyway that the guy who walked out of the room only spares them a single glance before realising that there sure is nothing off here, starting to wander down the hallway. Probably to go take a drunk piss in the streets or something, let's be real.

Even when the man is gone, it takes Chizuru a few moments to find her words. She should probably pull back, she figures, but her heart still pounds so rapidly, worried about someone else appearing, so she lingers close to Robby - especially since it makes it easier to whisper to him, making sure this information stays between them.

"The men here-- they have information the Shinsengumi need," she explains. "But obviously the men of the Shinsengumi couldn't infiltrate here as easily, s-so.. I offered to do so.."

Hence her outfit. It's way over the top feminine, after all, in that sort of way that Chizuru is so awkward about.

"But that's why it's dangerous. They're ronin.." Chizuru's voice trails off, before realising she probably has to clarify that term to Robby. "Rogue warriors. They make their money by robbing and extorting people.. They would never hesitate to use violence."

The girl looks like she's about to continue, but she suddenly stops - no, outright freezes when someone else speaks up. Robby should be able to feel it with how close they are, the way her entire body suddenly goes rigid against his own, like a startled rabbit.

"What is someone else doing so close to my bride..?" The voice says, not sounding too pleased. If Robby looks over, he'll find a man having exited a different room a little bit further down the hallway, but staring right at the two of them. With his blonde hair and fancier clothes he looks very different from any of the men in the previous room, though the way a set of swords is hanging off his hip even in a place like this is similar to them.

Robby's hold around Chizuru's waist eases some, the breath he takes felt through their close proximity, his chest pressed against hers. He keeps their gaze locked, but it softens once the 'danger' passes; a look to watch the back fading, but returning it back onto her. They need to look the part, but that isn't all that's on Robby's mind as they stand this close, and he's sure he can feel her heartbeat going.

He's worried too, in the middle of a situation he barely understands, even with Chizuru's explanation. How they can get this information and get out, and he ignores the implication that Chizuru's fine with being in this danger, but not him. Messing with guys with swords isn't ideal, and he knows they have to be smart about this. They can't be hotheaded.

And there comes the first test of that. A voice, Robby's brows puzzlingly, and he wouldn't have even immediately thought it to be about Chizuru if not for the man looking their way, and how frozen she gets in his hold.

But--bride? Robby tries looking at Chizuru, searching for any sign of what she wants to do, that isn't immediately getting in this guy's face. Except Robby isn't that rash, knows this guy could be anyone, someone not to be messed with; and so he doesn't answer him, but whispers to Chizuru, 'I'm here; he won't hurt you' as he lets his hold loosen more.

He'll drop it entirely, with any sign from her -- trusting her to take the lead in this, to say what needs to be said.

(Just as he'd be ready to keep holding her if she wanted, and to really play up their act, telling the guy to mind his own business. She isn't your bride.)

Truthfully, Chizuru isn't sure what to do here either. It's as if the memory is twisting due to Robby's presence in it. She does remember running into Kazama here, and now slowly remembers that Yamazaki managed to get the information in her place, making it not as important that she got distracted by having to escape from Kazama--

But that had been her escaping by herself. She isn't so sure if she can help two people escape from that monster at the same time, especially if Kazama has already locked in on Robby as a target after seeing this. It's a terrifying thought to her - the thought of something happening to Robby here, or the thought of the demon somehow managing to take her along with him, or both - and it shows in her eyes as Chizuru still stares at Robby, like she's on the verge of utter panic, trying to fight it off for both their sakes.

She has to act though. She wishes to disappear, to shrink somehow, but she can't.

She has to do what she can to keep Robby safe.

The girl sucks in a breath, slowly removing herself from the boy's hold, but mostly just so she can put herself between the two men. She has to slow down Kazama from jumping Robby in any way she can, even if it's by using her body as a physical shield between them.

"Stop," Chizuru says. The girl sounds like she's doing her best to be firm here, even though her voice is shaking, even though Robby may notice even her body faintly trembling with panic. "This.. It's none of your business, Kazama. I know that you have somehow decided all by yourself that I must be your bride, but that's not what I want!"

Her words are picked so deliberately. They serve a dual purpose, after all. She's not just talking to Kazama in this memory - but she's also trying to make sure Robby knows a bit more about what's going on here, getting a bit more context through what she says.

"S-So.. I'm not going to let you take me with you. I never will..! Robby is just my precious friend," 'as opposed to a lover,' she means, hoping it might douse at least a little bit of the blonde man's potential anger towards Robby, "but I'm going to stay here with him..!"

It makes Kazama glance over at Robby for a moment, gazes crossing, but then the blonde looks back at Chizuru. He reaches out, easily grabbing a hold of the girl's wrist with what seems like a vice grip, judging by the way the girl winces upon contact, and then fruitlessly struggles to try and free her arm from his hold.

The man just huffs though. "You would rather stay here with him? He is not worth a thing. He isn't like us."

(Whatever 'like us' might mean in this context. Kazama doesn't seem to feel like providing context, unlike Chizuru. But whatever it is - apparently he was able to determine it just by looking at Robby.)

"Have you forgotten you have no choice in this matter? I will take you with me."

Robby notices the fear in Chizuru's voice, the way she attempts to stand firmly despite it. This guy is bad news, and Robby already knew it, but he also knows that she has a mission, he can't just go pulling her around and interrupting her; like carrying out this memory as close to as it should be is what's important.

(He might think about this later, and have been like, oh yeah, we could've just left. But when you're forced through so many memories and to endure them, you kind of figure that's the purpose.)

There's worry, but Robby's trusting Chizuru's lead, watching, waiting. Only, he doesn't have much respect for the guy in front of them or anything that he does. The second he snatches Chizuru's wrist, Robby sucks in a breath; the energy flowing through his body, rising as he was taught by Sasuke. Be fast, be nimble--

Slip in between the pair in a single step, a palm strike aimed to the wrist of the hand gripping onto Chizuru, while he moves in with a foot raised and striking at the guy's knee. Keenly aware of the blades in the guy's reach, and Robby won't leave anything to chance if he misses somewhere, if he needs to respond further. He'll swallow a blow if he can get one under the guy's chin, disorient him like he's trying to do.

(Guess who doesn't give a shit what this guy thinks or doesn't think he is? He's threatening Chizuru--talking just gives Robby his opening.)

It's like Chizuru's heart skips a beat when the grip on her wrist is suddenly gone and she realises Robby is the reason for it.

It's not even in gratitude - though she feels that too, so much of it in this moment, realising that her friend would stand up for her so easily, even in a relatively scary situation. No, it's worry more than anything that starts to make alarms screech in her mind. She has seen how easily Kazama has dispatched of anyone who tried to protect someone else from him. Inoue, then Yamazaki - like it was nothing.

He could do the same to Robby, her mind tells her, and it makes her feel for a moment like she can't even breathe. Just the thought of witnessing her friend crumble in front of her like that is too much.

At least it seems that he's managed to catch the larger guy by surprise enough that those first hits do connect. Enough to let Chizuru go, enough to make Kazama stumble back a step in surprise. After all, this is the era of swords turning into an area of bullets. Who would be out there using karate to defend themselves?

Who would expect anyone else to?

But when the blonde realises what's going on here, he doesn't even seem hurt by the strikes, nor intimidated by Robby. The corners of his lips curl up into a smirk, but it seems to be a derisive one, more than anything else.

If Robby tries to strike again, the man will just grab whatever limp was moving towards him, seeming to hold it with an iron grip. Robby is probably smart enough to realise that the strength the other is using is definitely not a regular human's - especially when Kazama starts to squeeze, grip tight enough for it to be painful.

"And who do you think you are?" Kazama sneers. "First you dare touch my wife in such a way, and now you truly think you can fight for her..? You are nothing more than a dog."

All Robby wants to do is to get in front of the pair of them, and when he manages that - and when the other doesn't reach for his blades, Robby's main concern - he doesn't attempt another attack. Even without it, that the guy doesn't stagger that much, and that's noted, but more important is what the fuck will come next. He's staring the guy down, to not much of a reaction from the other than derision, and he knows this won't simply end here. Why would it?

A fight doesn't scare him. But there's something off about this guy, and there's a thought playing in his mind, a challenge. Kazama's words don't even enter Robby's ears to go out of them. Blah blah blah. Okay, cool, anyway-

"Chizuru," he speaks to instead. "You know this isn't the way this went, but it doesn't matter how it did. It's your memory -- you can do whatever you want. Just remember to breathe, and I believe in you."

Robby doesn't stop looking at the guy in front of him, allowing himself a sly turn of a lip if he receives anything like confusion, no matter how it's painted. Even if it might make the guy in front of him irritable (and now, Robby can actually learn how iron tight his grip can get, or worse), but there's one thing he might've had right.

That he might not be able to fight for Chizuru and win, but they can sure make one hell of a team, if Chizuru can believe in herself.

(It'll probably take a bit of an ass kicking on Robby's end, but at least he's used to it.)

It's your memory, he says, you can do whatever you want.

Chizuru wishes it felt that easy. She really tries to take his words to heart here, but there's something so terrifying about this. Maybe it's since the threat of Kazama hadn't manifested as clearly back when she lived in this memory as it had later. Maybe she didn't realise just how much was on the line by being so close to him, how Kazama could burn everything around her just to have her, going completely scorched earth on everything else.

But she has to try. She knows she has to. Robby is counting on her, and even though she can't see the boy's facial expression, she can see the way the blonde demon first looks confused at Robby's words, and then starts to look angrier by the moment about someone daring to be this insolent right in front of him.

Kazama's hand finally does move to his blade, but before he can unsheath his swords or Robby can make an attempt to stop it, it's Chizuru who moves instead.

Or rather - it's her big shoe flying through the hair, the wooden thick sole hitting Kazama right in the forehead.

Chizuru knows it won't fully stop or knock him out, considering he's a demon, but she just needed this. A moment for them, a distracted moment, where Chizuru can latch onto Robby's hand and suddenly start tugging on the boy for him to come along as she shouts:

"Run!"

And running is what Chizuru does. Not letting go of Robby's hand since she knows he won't be able to find his way through these corridors as easily as she could, so Chizuru leads him along, even if she's hobbling by now only walking on one shoe, the other abandoned after its valiant flight straight against the demon's head.

She manages to get them out of the building, onto the street, where it's thankfully a lot more crowded. Perhaps Chizuru was hoping they could blend into the crowd and lose the demon that way, since she's so sure Kazama will chase them.

It's why she finally lets go of Robby's hand as they reach the street--

But that's when her one shoe decision comes to bite Chizuru in the butt, as the girl trips over one of the stones that pave the street, starting to stumble and fall forward with a yelp.

This is what happens when one paleblood manages to take you to a skatepark: too high expectations.

Fuck, it was worth a gamble, and maybe it doesn't matter so much when a shoe is getting thrown over his shoulder at the other guy. Robby processes the 'Run!' and the tugging of his arm before that, but somewhere in their running (or, running and limping) does it hit him what happened, and he might be coughing out a chuckle that he has no time to be doing.

But you know what? Yeah, that snooty ass totally deserved a shoe to the face.

Let it be known, however, that Robby does try suggesting "Lose the shoe!" in their running, despite the frantic pace Chizuru has them going in. That's a wooden brick she's wearing, and maybe she's too scared to stop to do that.

But either way, when they do hit the street--and Chizuru very well nearly does that, literally--Robby grabs for her in her stumble forward, his arms catching her around the waist and pulling her against him. Like before, but this time with her back to his chest, a "Hey!" in her hair at the near fall.

"Lose it now," he directs her lowly, waiting for her to kick it off. They don't need her hobbling in the street, and he'll ask a quick "Okay?" to make sure she's alright.

But he gets the feeling they don't have time, and he doesn't want to waste any, either, his arms already unwrapped from around her.

There's a soft gasp when strong arms suddenly wrap themselves around her waist, keeping her from tumbling face-first against the stones of the street - which surely couldn't have ended too well. (Or too pretty, more like.) It takes a moment for her to even realise she's been stopped, but then Chizuru lets out a small sigh of relief once she's fully realised Robby came to her rescue here.

It's true that she's definitely hurried, the reason she didn't even try to kick off the shoe mid-run just now. It's the same reason that when she does kick it off now the girl kicks it off haphazardly, just abandoning it for the moment - sorry, Shinsengumi, she'll.. pay you back for the shoes somehow.. - and then nodding briefly in response to Robby rather than giving some elaborate answer as to her current state.

"Let's hurry," she instead says, sounding a little out of breath but still doing her best all the same. She can't let her guard down until she knows they're actually safe. "He probably won't find us in the crowd."

It's the last thing she clarifies before stepping forward, even if it's just on socks right now, making walking a little bit uncomfortable.. but Chizuru grits her teeth and walks all the same, not slowing her pace until they're surrounded by the attendees of the busy nightlife of the district, turning her head to make sure Robby came with her.

".. sorry," she finally says. "Back there, I-- I got so worried. I imagined him hurting you, and I--"

.. I couldn't deal with that thought.

Chizuru bites her lip, glancing over at him. "You're alright, right..?"

Hurrying is good, or feels like a good idea. Robby won't argue about resuming their fleeing, though throwing out a question or two later on about what's going on might be a plan.

(He knows what's going on, technically. But at the same time, going from a boozy ronin den to mingling amongst the nightlife in an attempt to blend in and not bring notice to Chizuru's lack of shoes. And does even he fit in? Maybe Robby doesn't want to think about that part. Unimportant, moving on.)

Robby's follow, which is important, an eye on the surrounding people to watch where he's going, but glances taken at Chizuru to keep an eye on her, too. She's dressed so fancy, and people might get grabby -- especially if that one asshole manages to find them. But he offers her a smile with that look of concern she directs at him, reassuring.

"We got out--thanks to your shoe." Heh. "Better plan than mine; I didn't know if you could do it anyway. But hey," he adds, "--following your lead was my first idea."

Therefore, he had one good idea out of two. Not bad!!

He'll allow a moment between that and what he thinks to ask, easily. It seems obvious, but:

"So, that guy. He been bothering you a while?"

There's a small nod in response to the question.

"Yes. This wasn't the first time I ran into him." Since Chizuru sure hasn't forgotten the fact that they're in a memory. This wasn't the first time - and also not the last time, not even the last time before ending up in Trench. Even though it is the first time she remembers running into him without there being even a single one of the men from the Shinsengumi to back her up or to protect her, the time she had to get away from Kazama all by herself.

.. or with Robby, in this case. Robby who is still by her side even now, whose presence makes her feel more reassured as she's walking with him here, not spotting any head of blonde hair around them in the crowd so far.

"Remember when we talked about watching people die..? He was the one who killed that person. It was all because he keeps wanting to kidnap me, to take me along with him and force me to bear his children.. And he's willing to kill anyone standing in the way of that." Chizuru's voice is soft as she speaks, unable to look Robby in the eyes as she says it. It's a terrifying thought, after all - and it may explain why she had been so very worried about Robby back there. She has seen Kazama kill multiple people for that purpose, and even if it's just a memory, she doesn't think it would have stopped him from doing the same to Robby too. "He's a truly terrifying person..."

Robby remembers their conversation about death. But it's barely a second between that and Chizuru continuing that disgust turns into loathing--because what the fuck. The joking smile had already been dropped from his face, but his expression hardens as he listens to Chizuru. They just met that guy, and he didn't get the opportunity to punch him in the face.

(Yeah, he gets the concern about him trying to kill him, but at the same time? Fuck that guy.)

"He won't get to you--if he ever shows up in Trench, he won't lay a finger on you."

It's an easy promise to make now, and it would be easy even with him present in Trench, and easy any other time. He doesn't keep his eyes off Chizuru, only in glances to watch where he's going and so he doesn't bump into anyone, minding the people who can't mind themselves this late at night. It sickens him, and Robby's almost glad that Chizuru's stuck in Trench and away from that guy; if only he actually believed that it interrupted anything about their lives where they came from.

But there's a flash of concern that takes over Robby as he thinks, remembers this a memory, and he touches Chizuru on the arm to get her to slow and look at him. Even if it stops them for a second, he's searching her face, he needs to know:

"What happened when this really happened? Did he touch you?"

There's a moment where the first words threaten to sink Chizuru deep in thought. After all, it's-- it's a lot. It's not the sort of thing that's been never offered to her before, because multiple men of the Shinsengumi fought to keep her away from Kazama, even though they technically didn't have to, even though it technically was never any of their business. They made it their business regardless, for Chizuru's sake, even though they knew Kazama could overpower them.

.. Robby isn't so different in that sense, Chizuru thinks. Kazama could easily kill him - an assessment that has nothing to do with what Chizuru thinks of Robby, since she's amazed by the way he handles martial arts and his training, and everything to do with Kazama's monstrous inhuman strength - and yet he's offering this so easily. Like protecting Chizuru even at risk of his own life is something he doesn't have to think about.

It's the touch on her arm that drags Chizuru back down to the present - or the past of this memory, technically - but it also makes Chizuru decide after a moment to move her hands around that arm, both of them holding on to it. Even though she still can't even see the faintest hint of blonde hair following them in the crowd, it feels safer like this. Like she could keep both of them out of danger just by holding on to her friend like he's a life raft.

".. no," she softly says, a moment after starting to hold on to him while they still slowly walk. "I escaped by myself that time. I just remember feeling really guilty that I didn't get the information the Shinsengumi were looking for because I had to get away early since he showed up.."

(Because it's Chizuru. Of course she would feel guilty over having picked her own life over anything else at all times. Even though none of the men of the Shinsengumi had blamed her, she had blamed herself.)

"He managed to touch me some of the times he showed up. Though never-- um, you know." It's hard to even say, though Chizuru does add: "Too far."

Because there had always been someone there to save her. Robby this time. Maybe that's why he's here in this memory in the first place, Chizuru thinks.

Robby doesn't object to his arm being held in that way, though if anything, he wishes - if just momentarily - he could hold her back. A hand on her again, as if to add further security, but he knows it isn't necessary. So he lets her have them in their slow walk, like a couple in their own private conversation -- an unintentional means of further blending into the crowd.

But Robby finds an alternative to the earlier problem, accidental, but natural. Never--too far. It's a sickening twist in his stomach, and his mind, his thoughts: they're all for her. Kazama only exists along the edges as a figure of disgust, but how could he focus on him more than his friend beside him, what she's admitting to--what she's been through?

He sets his other hand with the arm free too move on her shoulder, and squeezes it. Leaving it to rest there, his eyes adjusted more onto her than the open road they're walking down.

"It's not your fault," he tells her softly. Running from the operation, what happened to her caretaker. He could say more, but all he wants to say as he rubs his thumb against the back of her shoulder, a quiet exhale released. "--I'm sorry, Chizuru."

It's disgusting. She doesn't deserve it, and it's a quiet hurt in his chest to even know.

It almost feels like too much to have these words spoken, formed into actual sounds in the air. Not the words Chizuru says herself, honestly, but.. the ones Robby is saying. Saying that it's not her fault, even though it is, even though it feels impossible for it to feel any other way when Chizuru's sheer proximity to people often causes them to get hurt because of this very thing. Saying that he's sorry.

.. it's not something many people ever stopped to do. Sure, the men of the Shinsengumi were kind to her, and always fiercely protected her, but.. well, no one will ever say that most of them are very good with feelings, leaving Chizuru to often have to navigate those by herself.

It makes her gut twist now, she clings a little tighter onto Robby in order to try and not cry in the middle of the street, in the middle of a memory.

Maybe it's because she's so focused on doing that single task that the words just spill out without her thinking about them. Because Robby-- he understands, maybe not through experience, but he feels, and it feels nice to be next to someone in this moment who understands how difficult it all is.

"My father wanted this," she says.

Maybe-- no, not maybe, more like definitely-- she's saying this part exactly because it's Robby.

Because badmouthing her father in front of anyone else feels bad, since it's still her father. But hopefully Robby will understand, won't judge her, will get the hurt when the person who's supposed to care about you and protect you betrays you, when she remembers that call over the Omnis and Robby saying I'm not fine, I'm just over him--

"Remember when I said he just disappeared one day? And when I went to look for him and found him again in another city entirely, he-- he wanted me to get together with that man. Even though I was scared, even though I didn't want to, and even though I told my father as much.. He told me I had no choice but to stay by that man's side and have his children. That it was for the good of our kind."

It should've been enough. Chizuru's life and what she's already told him--it's bad enough, and there shouldn't need to be more to offer, but that's not how any world will work, will it? The kindness it won't give. She continues, continues, and Robby wasn't expecting it, confused momentarily when she says 'My father wanted this', not sure what she could mean, but she goes on.

He has to stop himself from holding his hand on her any firmer, from squeezing her shoulder. He has to stop himself from stopping, when he knows this is a memory, but it's not one that just plays without consequence, that they're being followed. It's a memory, yet his throat still tightens, he feels that urge to crush something, to shout or speak without any words to actually follow the desire.

How could someone? Chizuru's own father, the man she'd watch make medicine. A doctor-- and it was already bad enough that he left, but--

He won't speak the why? that's in his heart; he doesn't speak right away, when formulating words--he needs to process this, the disgust and saying more than just what an asshole move that was, but Robby finally starts shaking his head.

"Then he stopped being your dad the moment he started caring about anything else than what you wanted. That's--" That's bullshit. "--That's not right, that's never right."

But doesn't she know that, maybe, deep down? What a father should be, and what they turn out to be. Robby can feel pricks in the corners of his eyes. Terrible fathers were everywhere, but he doesn't want to bring this close to his own life. At least he had a mother. At least he had a dad that was just a coward.

He brushes his head close to hers, even if he can only touch his temple near to hers. But he keeps it there, even in their slow walk. A moment for them, like a closer embrace with their hands where they are. Quiet, not rushing for words, when there's few words to offer, and yet so many Robby wants to give.

He settles on a few, spoken in the space between them:

"You deserved a better life. And we can have one, in Trench."

We, because Robby knows how likely it is that Chizuru would make it about them anyway.

The first words aren't as surprising on Robby's part, but the latter words are. Still, considering the mood that hangs in the air around them and the one that has firmly settled into Chizuru's chest at this point while she's saying all of this, she doesn't let out her usual small startled noise of surprise. Instead she's quietly surprised, slowly taking in the words.

We can have one, in Trench.

Chizuru chews on the words silently. It was only a few weeks ago that she told one of her friends that she really wanted to go home. And it's not like that's untrue. She feels like she should be back with the Shinsengumi. Helping them. Just.. being with them, considering how much she misses them.

But when Robby says it like this, the idea of staying in Trench instead suddenly feels a little less impossible.

Even though it's scary, and unfamiliar, and even though Chizuru half of the time doesn't even know what's doing there-- there are people who care for her in Trench too. Robby and his words and his head half-leaned against hers is like living proof of that fact.

"You think so..?" She softly replies. It's not the most helpful of answers and Chizuru knows it, but the girl is still kind of overwhelmed with the sudden thought that maybe some people would think it's okay for her to stay in Trench instead.

And not being sure how to take it.

In this moment, Robby doesn't remember their previous conversation that touched on their thoughts of home. On if they could return or not, when Chizuru had expressed how she must be missing, and Robby had avoided speaking of his own feelings about such a possibility. That there is no home other than the sea for people who come out from it as squids -- that there's a Robby and Chizuru out there who lived their lives, maybe even full lives, and why they're here now as squids -- well, Robby doesn't know that, but.

But he knows where he is, he knows who he's here with, and he knows what he wants to do now where he is, and who he's with--the people he's come to care about. People like Chizuru.

"Yes," he answers lowly, but determinedly, assuredly; no room for doubt, no reason for it. Letting the word exist by itself for a good moment, not wanting anything to ruin its message.

But he does go on, more on his mind. "Do you remember when you called me after that day with my dad, and you asked if I thought no one would need me if I wasn't around? And I was too stuck in my own head to say no--" Which he remembers with a bitter chuckle, low and short.

"I know I don't need to think like that, because I do have people. And people have me, too -- you do. Even if we don't know what we're doing--we'll figure it out."

Chizuru releases a breath - one that almost sounds a little shaky with emotion, even if it's hard to determine which emotion specifically. Maybe it's an overwhelming amount of multiple emotions at once in the face of what he's saying here.

"You always make me feel like a spoiled kid, Robby."

Not in any parental sort of way. That's not it. But-- it's in the way he indulges her, it always feels like. He never turns anything she says fully down without providing an alternative at the very least. He reassures her the moment she asks for it. He doesn't get mad at her when she teases him a little.

Sure, maybe they're all basics things, but.. they're not things Chizuru has ever had a whole lot. Especially not the way they can be so emotionally honest with each other, even about the bad things. It may be something they have promised each other to do, but it still pays off so much more than Chizuru ever could have imagined back then.

"I mean.. It's true. It kind of feels like I don't know what I'm doing.." And it's nice to know someone else feels that way too, even if Chizuru would hope for other people that they could feel a little more certain. "Most of the time I don't even know what I want to do."

Staying here, or leaving - even if she has no choice in the matter when it comes down to it. Thinking about what she wants to do here, who she wants to be.. it's all so much, especially when you've always had such little guidance in that department.

"Most people would just pretend they know what they're doing, but.." She glances down for a moment, at their feet that are still slowly stepping forwards. "You make sure to not let me feel alone in it instead."

Can feeling like a spoilt child be good? Robby can only assume as Chizuru speaks on, what being spoilt in this case means: that they can indulge in their feelings, have each other to talk like this and to about. Two lost souls wandering in more than just this memory-scape but their entire lives. Here, or in their own worlds; just trying to get through in life, or figuring out where they stand after the dust has settled.

Robby can't compare his own life equal to Chizuru's in its hardships - but he can see where their experiences brush up, the parts that he can understand.

The smallest smile tickles his lips.

"Yeah, well - we promised we'd tell the truth. And me? I'm lost; I mean, I don't know where this is," Robby points out playfully, with a look around the place, "and I'm doing this and that in Trench, but...it feels like I'm waiting for something to come up, and take me back to my old life."

He's sure that's a we feel. Two people who don't fit in Trench.

"...I don't think it'll happen," he admits, the joking note in his voice gone. "I'll go back to the sea, maybe, but... my life in Trench? I need to make that a life." A beat. "Easier said than done."

But. "But we might as well make the most of it."

Don't you think?

It's definitely a we feel.

Right along to the point where Robby continues, where he says that he doesn't think it'll happen. Isn't it the same for Chizuru? In fact, she's been in Trench even longer now. Almost a year, and she's still there. Not even a single person from her world has shown up from the sea either, unless you count that odd different version of Sakamoto Ryouma.

Maybe it seems more and more.. like this is just it, somehow. And that - like Robby says - all they can do is make the most of it.

Her hold on him tightens a tad.

"Sure." There's something about her voice that's a little tiny. Like she's still worried, or unsure, but.. she wants to push through, adding: "Let's do our best."

Because they at least can do it together, right?

Chizuru is snapped out of that thought though when they slowly approach the gate that marks the end of the district, leading from Shimabara back into the regular streets of Kyoto. Except the streets beyond are dark and blurry, like they aren't part of this memory, and waiting at the gate is a deer.

Definitely not the sort of creature anyone would expect to see on these busy city streets.

"Ah.. I think that's the end of the memory."

Which may be for the better. It seems like Kazama hasn't managed to chase them - otherwise she's sure he would have caught up with them already, but maybe he lost them in the crowd. Even if sharing this moment with Robby feels kind of nice, she'd rather have him out of it, just so she can be sure he's safe, rather than attempting to fight a demon for her sake.

Ah.

Robby's steps come to a slow with the gate ahead of them, the deer waiting there, as if to lead them farther beyond than where the memory can go. It's a shame, Robby thinks; that this is what Chizuru had to remember, instead of something nice, and he leans his head away to look back the way they came, a street that doesn't look to have much value as a place to take in.

Instead there's Chizuru, done up in a look that doesn't suit her, even if she looks lovely. Robby smiles at her wistfully, resting his hand on her shoulder down onto one of her hands.

"Can I come see you? In the real world," he adds, tugging at his smile some to clarify.

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cw: noncon implications in narration

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cw: definitely some form of parental abuse of a child going on

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