deercountry | Was I really seeking good [Open]

Was I really seeking good [Open]

Who: Varian and you!
What: November catchall!
When: Throughout November.
Where: All around the place!

Content Warnings: Child poisoning in the comments, bloodletting in the first half of the Sleeper Farm prompt

BUILDING AN ABOMINATION TO THE GODS - Driveway of Disaster House, Cassandra- OTA

Varian can't actually remember the last time he built something purely for himself. Both back home, in Deerington and here in Trench, his inventions have always had a greater purpose. Sure, he enjoyed making them, but they were always ultimately to help other people. Building something just for his own enjoyment generally wasn't on his radar. It's only recently that he's felt like he's earned the right to indulge in something for himself.

And so, at the start of the month, Varian can be found on the driveway of the Disaster House- starting to put together the very early beginnings of a frame for a car. He isn't bothered by the lightly falling snow- he doesn't feel the cold anymore and the crisp air is honestly good for clearing his head. He's wearing his serial-killer-esque welding mask and has his little foot-pump-powered 1800s welding kit with him, but that isn't doing so well in the cold weather. After a few frustrating attempts at getting the damn thing to work, he gives up, stepping back to stare at the metal he's trying to get into shape. He looks at his hand, a soft hmmmmmm sound echoing in the mask. He's not comfortable with this, but Mako has been helping him get a more...positive outlook on his abilities.

So, for the first time since he got here, he decides to actually use his abilities for something instead of actively avoiding and being reviled by them. He flexes his fingers, using the techniques Mako has run over with him many a time, willing flame to sprout on them. He has to concentrate a lot, and it's definitely not a tiny, careful flame like the one on his torch (he's not quite THERE yet) but it's enough to start welding the pieces of metal together. Once he's done that he snuffs the flame by closing his fist. He steps back, pushing the mask up so it rests above his goggles (why doesn't he just take the goggles off, why does he have to wear both?) to assess his work, before realising someone is standing nearby, turning to offer a little smile.

"Do you think it looks okay? It's kinda shoddy but I guess I can always go over it later once the snow stops."

IT'S FULL OF OPENINGS, IT'S JUST YOU AIN'T SEEING THEM - All around the city - OTA

For once, fate has smiled down at Varian. His Patron is The Tower and while the buildings are shifting and doorways keep vanishing and reappearing he's still able to find his way around. It's given him confidence that means he might just be ignoring the always buddy up system, because it's fine. It's totally fine. He knows where he's going. So he goes about his daily business as normal - unfettered by the chaos that the vast majority of the population are dealing with. He's a compassionate soul, though, and if he sees someone looking lost, he moves over to them, raising an awkward hand in greeting.

"Uh... hey. You look...lost? Do you want me to help you out? I understand where I'm going for...for some reason. If you stick with me, we can get to where you need to go."

SECRET, SECRET, SECRET SECRET BUNKER - Willful Machine - 28th November OTA with CR prompt

Finding the compass on his workbench had been a happy little surprise. He didn't really need one, but it's pretty nice and after quizzing the people in his house (none of whom took responsibility for the little gift) he probably should have been worried about the device that just appeared in his lab in the dead of night. He isn't, though, because it's cool.

Naturally, he uses it as a normal compass first- but as he's working on his car, he does need to try it on bigger things. He's headed to Willful Machine for more parts, and it using it on a sheet of metal on the ground to measure out exactly what he needs. It's while he's doing this that the circle opens up under him, upending him into a little room. One moment he's there, the next he isn't. Maybe you were there to watch him fall in like an idiot. He looks around at the space- full of everything a person would need to hunker down for a night and makes a soft confused noise before yelling because that seems the best course of action here.

"Um- HI??? Is anyone there?"

And if that doesn't work, he'll get out his Omni and send a message to his friends:

Fell in a hole. I think into a pocket dimension? Help.

MUSHABOOMING

On hearing there were cool new mushrooms to deal with here, naturally, Varian's gone about trying to harvest some. He can make all kinds of cool alchemy with them!! This being Varian, of course, means he's neglected some pretty basic health and safety in his mushroom harvesting. So people can catch him in various pickles throughout the town as he goes about stupidly collecting stuff for his lab.

They may find him hallucinating on Walking Terrors, covered in spores and running around with a panicked expression and screaming about the floor melting. Or maybe you'll find him face-down in the dirt, a Floater sitting happily on top of him. Just...help the idiot out, he'd appreciate it.

THE SLEEPER FARM

Varian starts his No Good Real Bad Time swinging upside down- his blood dripping down into a bowl underneath him. It freezes before it hits the bowl, of course, leaving a blue, frozen blood slushie at the bottom. He's still confused how he got here, but he knows that's not the pressing concern here- not while there are other bodies strung up who have definitely had body parts removed. Varian does a quick, muggy-headed check that nothing seems to be out of place- no organs missing, two arms, one leg. Everything as it should be. They've even left him with his prosthetic, which is nice. But he'd still rather get down from here before this gets worse.

"Uhhhhhh, hi? Anyone still...conscious here?"

Or perhaps you find him afterwards, once he's down and on his feet again. He's still got a sizeable gash on his arm, but at least it's frozen over - thanks for the natural cauterization, coldblood! He'll be helping get other people down or helping them move as best he can. Much like earlier in the month in the town, he feels a strange pull towards the way out, and he'll be trying to bring whoever's with him along that path.

"C'mon, I...I know the way out."

He's not offering a reason for that, oh no. It's while he's leading someone towards the alter that they're suddenly pulled out by a force Varian recognises almost immediately. It's an old, familiar one after all- and once they're upended onto the lawn where Disaster House's Lamp Friend sits, he looks up at the sky, frowning.

"...Cynthia?"

[[ooc: As always if you want something else or a closed thread, please hit me up on

teeff or PM me! Will add event stuff later!]]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Fern happily returns the kiss, nodding in agreement. Whatever this compass throws at them they can handle it. If this turns out to be a trap then they'll raze the whole thing to the ground - but in the meantime, they can enjoy it for what it is.

"Yeah. We make a great team," he mumbles against Varian's lips, before his hands move to the other boy's waist. It's so he can spin him around, drop down onto the bed, and then tug Varian down onto his lap. It's incredibly forward, sure, and Varian's whole issue with his body is at the back of his mind, but they had been okay up until that point before so this is probably fine.

Plus, frankly, it's really nice having Varian that close.

They've certainly dealt with far more dangerous things in their time here than a random pocket dimension. This is nothing, a walk in the park. They've totally got this.

He isn't expecting the sudden move, and a surprised squeak breaks out of him as he's tugged into his boyfriend's lap- a blush very quickly taking over his cheeks. This is very forward but Varian would be lying if he said he isn't enjoying it. It's a little scary, yes, but more from Varian being aware he needs to keep a tap on his powers than anything else. Turns out body image issues take second fiddle pretty quickly once your major concern is accidentally setting your boyfriend on fire if you let your emotions get out of control.

But he knows he does need to learn how to control them better, and the only way he's going to do that is to let himself feel those emotions in the first place. And so, even though his heart is thundering in his chest, he shifts to get more comfortable in Fern's lap - trying to manoeuvre the leg a little better because no one wants pieces of metal sticking into them, even if they are made of grass. Face still flushed, he goes back to the important task of kissing his boyfriend, one hand moving to cup the back of his head- fingers tangling in the grass of his hair while his thumb settles behind his ear. The other splays on Fern's back, so he can shift closer to him.

This was, indeed, very, very nice. He really hopes if this is a trap, he gets a little more time like this before it all goes to hell.

It's always going to be fun surprising Varian. Fern can't stop himself from grinning at the squeak and the blush, feeling very much like some smooth casanova despite being the furthest thing from it. This is awesome, he's being awesome, and while there's a high chance of him messing something up for now he's just enjoying this little victory.

He wraps his arms around Varian tightly, gripping his shirt as he returns the kiss. Gradually, one hand works its way up to the back of the other boy's head, combing through his hair loosely. And eventually, when he remembers that one of them needs to breathe he pulls back a little, giving Varian a small break.

"Your hair is getting long." He's making that comment idly as he twists locks of black hair around his fingers. It wasn't something he noticed until now but it's true, and it's cute.

Fern might not think he's much of a casanova, but Varian certainly does. He's being extremely awesome, and Varian is enjoying every second of it.

It's probably a good thing that Fern remembers that one of them needs to breathe, because Varian sure doesn't. So when Fern breaks the kiss, it takes the other boy a few moments to try and even out his breathing again. Oh yeah, he needs to do that to live. Not really wanting to let that distract him (and still feeling pretty emboldened by how well this is going) he tilts his head down to trail little kisses along Fern's jaw and down to his neck. When he points out the hair growth, Varian let's out a breathy laugh.

"Yeah?" a tiny smirk plays against his boyfriend's neck, teasing. "Don't worry, I don't think I'm gonna catch up to you anytime soon. You've still got me beat."

As longa as one of them can manage to remember the whole breathing thing then it's all good. Great, even, since having Varian smooch his way across his jaw and neck is just that. The action makes a few more sprigs of cherry blossoms bloom in his hair, and he blushes deeply as he keeps on fiddling with the other boy's hair.

"It'd take you a few years," he says, trying not to laugh. More than a few years, and even then he can't picture Varian with Rapunzel-esque hair. That would be a lot... though, there is something else that's coming to mind. He hums a little, thoughtfully. "I think you'd look handsome with a ponytail, though. A small one."

Fern's doing a primo job of remembering for both of them right now. Varian definitely takes note of the cherry blossoms and continues with his kissing- taking it as a sign the other boy is enjoying it. Feeling a little bolder from the well-received kisses, he kisses down Fern's neck- slow and meandering before settling at the space near his collarbone.

"Maybe just a few," he jokes - he shifts his face back up to look at Fern, blushing at the comment- that doofy lopsided smile of his crossing his features- handsome, wow. "You really think so? I think I could give that a try."

While Varian might be antsy about having more skin exposed thanks to his scars, Fern doesn't hold quite the same opinion with his grass, so he's pretty happy to tilt his head back and expose more of his neck. This is great, this hideout thing is the best thing that's happened since they arrived in Trench, probably.

He practically lights up when his silly ponytail idea doesn't come across as dumb or ridiculous. "Um, I could use some grass...." He pulls his hand back, one single blade slithering out from the tip of his finger. It's weird and most people would probably find it creepy but hey, makeshift hair tie. "If you want."

Varian is extremely pleased when Fern tilts his head back. It's making his head feel static-y, and makes his whole skin tingle. It's a feeling he can very much run away with- and he is making a concentrated effort to not get too carried away- he's sure they'd both rather Fern not be set on fire right now. Still, he's not going to ignore an invitation like that. Because his is amazing and his boyfriend is stunning and Varian wants him to be aware of that.

And so, he trails his kisses up the line of Fern's throat, savouring every moment of it- trying to ignore how fast his heart is beating or the hope that he won't end up flubbing this like he does with so many of their romantic encounters. Fern speaks again and he pulls back just enough to see what his boyfriend is doing. When he realises, he smiles- he definitely doesn't find it creepy at all.

"Yeah...yeah okay, I'd like that," he realises a blush is creeping across his face again. "It'd be a little have having your favour."

Which he knows is more of a knight thing, rather than the other way around, but they weren't great at convention anyway.

Ever the responsible plant person, the threat of being set on fire only exists in the back of Fern's mind as just one more element that's part of this teenage makeout session. The possibility of going too far and not having a lucky canal to put him out if things get too heated (literally) isn't particularly concerning to him - rather, the danger of it makes this more exciting. It's absolutely terrible, given the danger here is dead, but he's never been the sharpest crayon in the box.

At least the ponytail thing offers a bit of a break, so Varian can cool down.

The idea of this being a favour has Fern thrilled. "Oh! Oh, yeah, just like that!" Not just like that, of course, because if it was it'd be Varian giving him something, but he nods eagerly all the same. The same sentiment is there, that's the important thing, and he's never not going to be totally enthusiastic about getting to do chivalric things. Especially when they're hard to mess up like this one is.

"Okay, okay - hold on." His hands move back to Varian's hair, carding through it a few times before pulling it gently into a ponytail. The blade of grass whips out off his finger, twisting securely around the lock of hair, the end of it blooming in several cherry blossom flowers. It's that or nightshade or wolfsbane, and those two are a little too toxic to be that close to Varian's scalp.

When Fern finishes he sits back a little, the biggest, doofiest grin on his face. "There. I was right, you look like the most handsome guy in Trench."

Fern's endless thrill of the possibility of being set on fire is something that concerns Varian a great deal. Being excited about something that will absolutely kill you if it happens isn't healthy, boyfriendo. Still, Varian is a little comforted that this hasn't been a dealbreaker for them. Maybe if Fern had a healthy reaction to the possibility of being set on fire, they wouldn't be where they are right now.

That said, the break is welcoming, it's giving him a chance to get his head back together - focus on something else other than how very much he just wants to keep kissing his boyfriend and get lost in that.

He keeps still, letting Fern do his thing, and it is pretty cool. Maybe they have the favour thing the opposite way around, but right now Varian is delighted. The cheery blossoms are perfect and when Fern goes and calls him that his whole face colours.

"H...hah, maybe to you, anyway. You're biased. But...thanks," he tilts his head like he's trying to see it for himself like an idiot. "Does it really look okay?"

At least one of them has the right amount of concern for the whole fire thing, that's better than neither of them caring enough and the incident at the canal happening again.

Once he's finished he sits back, enjoying the view, especially Varian's face turning a dark shade of red. He really does look handsome, and Fern's (metaphorical) heart swells with warmth and fondness and love. Yeah, he's biased. He doesn't care.

"Sure does," he says brightly, pulling his Omni out again and turning the selfie camera on. Then he holds it up, so that Varian can get a look at himself. "What do you think?"

At least this way, they're halfway winning. That look Fern is giving him is doing nothing for Varian's blush. He laughs nervously ducking his head for a moment until Fern pulls out the Omni. He turns his head- now able to see himself in the device and chuckles.

"Okay, I guess it does kinda suit me," his grin widens, teasing. "But I'm still standing by my biased comment."

His hands shift to play in Fern's hair- fingers threading through the grass idly.

"I've noticed you've been wearing the hat much less. It's a good look."

It's really tempting to get a photo to keep on his Omni, but Fern holds off on that for now. Maybe when Varian has gotten a little more comfortable with himself he'll broach the topic of adorable coupley pictures.

Instead he just laughs a little at the biased thing. Okay yeah, he's biased. Super biased. He's going to be shameless about it.

"Luz suggested it. Getting out of my comfort zone when it comes to style. I wasn't sure about it...." Because the bear hat has been Finn's style for virtually his entire life. It's been something of a safety blanket, so going without it has made him feel a little... vulnerable. "But I'm glad you like it."

That's true. He's smiling as a blush darkens his cheeks. It's been a change, a big one, but a good one too. "I, uh. I like when you braid it."

Varian would absolutely jump at the chance for adorable couple pictures. He'd pose for all of them- anything for Fern. He keeps his attention on brushing his fingers through Fern's hair in idle, gentle motions, tucking stray strands behind the other boy's ears with a soft, smitten expression on his face.

"It really suits you, and it's brave of you to try new things," because he understands in letting go of the hat, it means he lets go of a little more of being Finn- of settling into being Fern- he leans in, pressing a soft kiss on Fern's forehead. "Well. I'm always happy to do that. I can do all kinds of styles for you, too."

'Brave' is hardly the word he'd call it. Silly, more like. The hat is, in the end, just a hat after all. It shouldn't matter that much, it's just an incredible amount of sentimentality and identity he's gone and tied into it.

... But it's nice to hear, anyways. Varian thinks he's brave, and in response to the kiss he blushes a darker shade of green. "Thanks," he mumbles softly, pulling his boyfriend a little closer.

The talk of braids has his mind wandering towards a specific person in particular, and even though he knows bringing her up isn't going to be the easiest thing, it's something that should still be done. "Cool. Guess it's just a skill you'd pick up from being friends with Rapunzel, huh? Um...." He shifts a little, his smile fading, replaced with concern. "How are you doing about that stuff? Her and Cassandra being here?"

Brave is the word Varian used and he's sticking to it. He lets Fern pull him closer, his fingers twirling in Fern's hair, tangling the tendrils around. As soon as Fern mentions Cassandra and Rapunzel, his own smile drops. He's been avoiding this subject all month, he knew he couldn't avoid it forever- as much as he'd rather do that.

He exhales, slow and shaky, curling up a little on Fern's lap, his arms moving to shift around him so he can rest his head on the other boy's chest. He doesn't reply immediately, he just lets a horrible silence sink between them.

"I don't know," he admits, eventually. "I- things are all fixed back home, and now we're back here again where they're at odds and Cass thinks we're both the enemy and she won't see reason. It's...it's like a healed up wound has been ripped open and I don't know how to help. I told Rapunzel about the future...vaguely, so she knew things were okay but- I just don't know if it can be enough to help them both."

He doesn't know if he's enough. And he hates it. He hates feeling like he's at war with Cass all over again- the way she looks at him like he's some dangerous enemy not to be trusted. He hates seeing how hurt Rapunzel is by the betrayal, all over again. His family is hurting and he can't do a damn thing about it.

This isn't going to be an easy conversation, and Fern is prepared for that (as much as he can be). That's confirmed when he sees Varian's smile fade, and he moves to curl up against him. Fern doesn't say anything, just wraps his arms around him more securely and holds him quietly. He'll do this for as long as the other boy needs, patiently giving him time to gather his thoughts.

Idly, he reaches up to stroke his fingers through Varian's hair when he speaks up. The whole situation is so complicated for all three of them, it isn't fair. None of them deserve any of this; it's the kind of stupid reality-bending torture he'd expect out of Deerington. Like Varian, he has no idea what can be done to fix any of it.

"Everything's a mess. I'm sorry, V, it's awful that you - you and the two of them - have to go through this," he says softly. "There's - there's gotta be something that'll help Cassandra. She's been yanked away from all that bad junk in Corona, so... maybe being here'll help her see things in a new light."

He brushes Varian's bangs out of the way, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "I know it did for me."

The comfort Fern has to offer means a lot. It makes him feel secure - a safe harbour against a tide that's threatening to pull him under at any moment. He closes his eyes, turning his head slightly to bury his face into Fern's chest- breathing in, slow and deep, finding comfort and stability in the smell of grass there. The fingers in his hair are soothing, they calm down his heart rate, keep the growing panic at bay.

"I'm just... I'm so scared, Fern," he admits, quietly, like even saying it out loud will give it more power against him. "I'm scared this place will make things worse because it's so good at that. It's so good at...at rooting out all the most painful parts of your life and just...exposing them to everyone."

He doesn't know if that will save Cass and Rapunzel or break them. None of them knows what's down the road and he doesn't want his family to be hurt more than they already are. The kiss is nice and he exhales slowly again, trying to find calm.

"But...but you're right. It helped you. And...and I don't think Zhan Tiri is a problem here. That's...that's already a big step in the right direction."

Holding Varian while his body language absolutely screams despair makes Fern's heart ache. He hates this, he hates all of this so much. This is yet another situation that he can't just solve by stabbing something - even worse, there's pretty much nothing he can actually do to help. Confronting Rapunzel or Cassandra or trying to talk to them would likely only make things worse; this is something that the two - three, with Varian - of them need to work through together.

The most he can do is be here for Varian, try to support him, try to make sure that he doesn't totally destroy himself with self-loathing. Emotional support is not an easy thing to accomplish, and Fern feels like he's already floundering.

"Right. Things aren't completely hopeless, right now." The only saving grace right now is that Zhan Tiri apparently isn't here. They'd all be doomed if she was. If she were to show up in the future... well, he's just going to have to keep an eye out, and get his sword ready. But he puts that thought aside, focusing on Varian.

"I'm so, so sorry, V. It isn't fair that you have to be scared instead of getting to be happy to see them again." He keeps on threading his fingers through his boyfriend's hair softly, frowning. "I don't... I don't think there's anything you can do to stop the city, but you can still be there for them when any bad stuff happens."

Varian can't see any solution to this. Only time, perhaps. Without Zhan Tiri's influence, maybe Cassandra can find her way to the light? His and Rapunzel's attempts back home kept failing and failing right up until Cassandra was at breaking point- when the demon took everything from her and left her broken and alone. He doesn't want it to get to that point, he wants Cass to find herself again without having to suffer for it.

"I know, the city will just...do whatever it wants, all the time," he hugs onto Fern a little tighter. "And I will, I'll do everything I can but -"

But he failed them both so many times. Everything he does feels like a failure right now. He's failed Fern, he's failed Usagi. Eddie's gone. Things are slowly piling up on him and he can feel things beginning to fracture in his head. He's scared to voice it, though, not while Fern was part of the self-loathing. Because that would only hurt Fern.

"...I just don't know if- if I'm enough to help them. I never was back home, why would it be any different here?"

This is quite possibly the first time Fern has felt like such a huge, huge failure, and oh boy, has he felt like a failure before. He doesn't need magical empathy powers to know what Varian is feeling - he knows the other boy well enough to understand just how tightly he's getting twisted up in his self-loathing.

And Fern isn't sure how to fix this. Varian's concern over not being enough is realistic; he can't very well tell him that he is enough and that everything will work out as long as he tries his best, because that isn't how Trench works. It's like Deerington in that case, you can try your hardest and still be a miserable failure.

"You can only do so much, V." He's faltering here, trying to think of something - anything - that'll fix this. Anything that'll make Varian feel better, without getting his hopes up or lying to him. Glob, he is not good at this, and when Varian clings a bit tighter he has to fight to keep stress thorns from sprouting up on his body. "If - if things don't get fixed, it won't be because you aren't enough. It'll be because this place is too much, even without Zhan Tiri here."

You can only do so much.

He knows this is true, it's true for everything in his entire life. Varian strives for, not perfection something close to it, and more often than not he falls short of the mark. He just marks that against himself, though, instead of properly accepting that he puts impossible expectations on himself. Allowing himself to fail is still something he struggles with.

"What if I make things worse?" his voice wavers- he's been keeping a lot inside and now it's threatening to spill over. "I... I don't just mean the home stuff. I... I'm not the same person I was back home. I've gone through so much and I'm scared to tell them in case it hurts them more. How...how am I supposed to tell Rapunzel I've died? She...she'd blame herself even if she had no power over that. How am I supposed to tell any of them even half the stuff I've survived in the dream without...without making them worry about me or...or dread what'll happen to them? I- I feel like I'm lying to them every time I skip over my life here but I'm scared what it'll do to them if they knew."

As awful as it is, making things worse seems like a very real possibility, in Fern's opinion. Cassandra and Rapunzel are straight from Corona, the kingdom of sunshine. They haven't had the experience that is Deerington to change them like Varian has. He's right - there's no doubt in his mind that hearing what he's been through would hurt them so, so much. Combine that with what Cassandra is going through, and this mess has the potential to become explosive.

"I don't think you got any other options," Fern replies, sounding a little distraught himself. He isn't a fan of lying to family, but if the alternative was potentially hurting Cassandra and Rapunzel, he isn't sure what else the other boy can do. "I think you have to keep on holding off from telling them everything. They need to get used to the city first, and you and Rapunzel need to keep trying to get through to Cass. It - it might hurt them less if you tell them after everything has settled down...."

It's something Varian's been afraid of since long before Rapunzel and Cass showed up here. This place has broken him many times over, pushed him over more edges than he cares to count. He never wanted this place to do that to the people he loves back home. They've been through plenty themselves, of course- and it's that trauma he's scared of this world dragging out into the open. Deerington (and by extension, Trench) has a habit of tearing open old wounds and pouring salt into them. Cass and Rapunzel have so much that can keep hurting them over and over again, things that might stop them from healing. From fixing what's broken.

"Yeah...yeah, you're right," guilt churns at his stomach all the same- he blinks away tears threatening to escape his eyes, sniffing. "I just... I'm glad they're here, I am. I missed them so much. But I'm so scared about what's going to happen to them. I'm scared of them finding out what's happened to me. I just..."

He hugs Fern a little closer- like he's an anchor.

"I don't want this place to break them."

Oh. Oh, no. Fern hears that sniffling and immediately tightens his grip on the other boy. There's nothing he can do - that's eating away at him, leaving him all empty and raw as he hears Varian tear up. This is the absolute last thing he wants, but all Varian is doing is facing the reality of Trench. Facing it and breaking down has to be better than living in denial and letting things build up and get worse and worse.

At least, he's desperately hoping this is the case, because it's the only thing staving off the horrendous guilt that's threatening to overwhelm him. He buries his face against Varian's hair, making a noise like a sigh.

"I know, I know," he says softly. "They shouldn't have to go through half the stuff you've gone through. You shouldn't have had to go through half the stuff you've gone through."

Because all of this concern for Cassandra and Rapunzel is really making it sink in just how much Varian has been through. It's kind of a wonder he hasn't broken down earlier.

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