Mostly Closed Catch-all for November

[azurestar]

Who: Lance (azurestar) and CR
What: Catch-all for November, after this
When: All of November
Where: Prufrock, Cellar Door, Crenshaw

Content Warnings: discussion of death, murder, trauma/ptsd, psychosis, past torture

( ooc: this is a catchall for Lance this November after his conflict with Reaper and then Maul, though I am trying to keep my new threads this month limited in number, if you have CR with Lance already you are welcome to come plot something with me here or on plurk at spypigeon and we can start something here in this log or I may ask to wait till next month while I get his inbox more caught up and under control if I've already got too much going on, either way I'm happy to plot always! )

Comments

[pabugotmoves]

That's the spirit.

[It's sink or swim, Lance. And Bolin thinks you're a swimmer.

He nods again. Everything Lance is saying is completely valid.

Hm. He has to think about this. The cogs are whirring. The empathy is flowing. The heart is bleeding.]

You know, I kind of think this is just what happens when you grow up. A lot of things have happened to me and I know I'm not the same person I was three or four or even a year ago. And I kind of miss the times when my biggest problem was if we were going to eat that day. But at the same time? Given the chance to go back I don't think I would.

All those painful things... they forced me to make a choice. To figure out what I believe in, even if that thing didn't always turn out how I wanted it to. They forced me to be stronger, even when it hurt or was really scary. And I got through it because I wasn't alone.

I get what you're saying and I support you.. and I know these things take time. No one will expect you to just be okay all of a sudden. What I'm saying is: I think you're a fighter and you have so much to offer that you would be doing yourself a huge disservice not to try. Just be you.

[azurestar]

[He has some spirit, but it feels like a weak spark surrounded by a lot of heavy darkness and fear right now. But he wasn't raised to be the kind of person who lets that overpower him so easily, it's why he's mostly held on to his moral compass and compassion all these years in war and Deerington.

And he can understand what Bolin is saying about growing up, though it's really hard for him to be so comfortable with how much all the trauma he's endured has changed him. It's hard to accept that as the same thing as growing up, but he doesn't say so. His new friend has been here for him and he's trying, and it's not like there isn't a good point towards the end there that can be applied to his situation.

He smiles faintly again.] I dunno how much stronger I feel. But thanks, Bolin. That… really means a lot. I guess I can try, some people would say that's the best anyone can do… right?

[It's visibly and audibly hard for him to really feel that right now, his tone is still heavy with doubt, shame and grief. But there's enough willingness to move forward and try there that he's able to get himself to say any of this. And he means it.]

[pabugotmoves]

[Look, he's trying. An attempt has been made. He doesn't know Lance or his past or even current situation enough to be able to say something totally on the money.

Bolin smiles softly. It's a little lopsided and completely earnest. He can almost feel the lead of Lance's grief on his own shoulders and it compels him to square and brace for the weight. Help carry the load. He can do that, not because Lance asks him to but because he wants to and knows that asking for help is half the battle. The other half is accepting it, so all in all he thinks things are off to a good start.]

Yeah. I think you're right, buddy. We can do it together.

[azurestar]

Y-yeah.

[Lance awkwardly agrees, struggling with the idea of it deep down but not about to put voice to it. He realizes faintly that he really needs to try to talk to his Voltron family. What's left of it anyway. It's harder, because opening up about these things to the people who love you the most really can be for so many reasons. They're clearly not home, but he'll see them later. Maybe. He's not sure if he's ready to face them right now.

A short pause and he finally grabs some food that Bolin brought for him to put something in his stomach. He is hungry but at the same time his stomach has been roiling so he hasn't been sure. But he fought Maul for three days and slept for a little over two more. If he doesn't eat, he may literally starve. Then he decides to shift back to the whole reason Bolin is here and at least have a look…]

You… have that script on you?

[pabugotmoves]

[You're too skinny as it is. Please eat something. Let him feed you.]

Um? Oh- yeah. Actually, I do.

[He pauses from his mission to get at the steamed buns he brought and pivots to the manuscript in his shirt.

Yeah. So. that's been in there this whole time.]

There's some parts I've been adding to but it's pretty much ready to go.

[So he offers it over and then goes for the buns. The script is hand written with a few bits of string in various places where he's reminding himself to go back later and fiddle around with it.. be that stage direction or an illustration or a part he's written in.]

[azurestar]

[Hey! He's got muscles! They're just lithe! But his body fat percentage is pretty insanely low, it's true.

Lance takes the script and starts looking it over immediately while thoughtlessly continuing to eat. His powers may be able to generate their own energy, but they still tend to draw on his caloric intake as part of the ignition factor. So he requires a lot of food and could probably clear this whole spread alone without even thinking about it.]

…Heh, it looks good, Bolin. [He finally says after going through a few pages and several items of food. Then he frowns thoughtfully.] Maybe… maybe I can learn a couple songs on my own and come to the Raccoon Room when it's closed and try it out for you that way. Maybe in like a couple days?

[pabugotmoves]

[Shh shh baby, you're a twink and it's fine but please eat something it's been days.

Thing is, Bolin can also eat for king and country so between the two of them, even though Bo is conscious of and happily allocating himself just under a quarter, it will be wiped out. And he is totally okay with that. Just an excuse to come around again with more and Mako never tells him no when he asks him to cook so it all works out.

He nibbles and tries not to watch Lance read too obviously but it's hard to watch someone read your work and not obviously watch them. So wow this jar of preserve is so interesting. How does one make mushroom pate anyway? Can mushrooms be made into flour too? Can you make mushroom bread? So many questions mercifully never birthed into the world. When Lance speaks Bolin looks up and sets the jar down. Yes hello hi back in the room.]

Really? I mean, if you want to then yeah, absolutely.

But, and I mean it, I am not pushing you for anything that would make you uncomfortable. And everything I said earlier still stands whether you want to do the musical or not.

[azurestar]

[Oh he's eating all the things.

Lance smiles faintly but genuinely when Bolin reassures him he's not pushing. He looks down at the script again, contemplative and pauses his eating trance to think of the right way to tell him what he's thinking.]

…Being in the spotlight, any spotlight, used to be what I lived for. I guess I wanna try living again. [He clears his throat and flushes a bit, the blush causes his cheeks to glow because of his powers. That was really sappy.] But don't wait on me to figure myself out. If you gotta get going on casting, I can be your lighting tech.

[To demonstrate, he creates a few small stars over his palm and bits his lip hard as he focuses on making them change brightness and color and size. They twinkle and sparkle beautifully before he has to let them return to his body. That… actually really hurt to do but he hides it and doesn't mention it, he'll figure out why another time.]

[pabugotmoves]

[Lance why are you like this.

But you're lucky because Bolin doesn't see any wince of pain, not in the slightest. He's way too focused on the light show and watches it dazzled with awe. It is So. Cool.]

Wow...

[t's real awe, we're talking about. He shakes himself back to focusing on Lance once he puts them away and nods slowly before gently punching his own hand. Yes! Decision! Alright!]

Well I'll tell you what. You think about it, and if you want to audition then let me know and if you don't then I'd still love your expertise. You could be lighting or a consultant, maybe?

... big secret here, I've never done a stage show before. I've acted for film and when I was a pro fighter it was kind of like being on stage, but it isn't the same as this. I'm kind of nervous, I'll just say it.

[azurestar]

[So many reasons, few of them pleasant.

But he does get a boost when Bolin looks so enchanted by his display. Too bad he can't keep it going right now, because he lives for making people look at him like that.

Then at Bolin's suggestion followed by that confession, his eyebrows go up in some surprise. Bolin is so solid in multiple ways, it's interesting to hear that he's nervous. But he can understand it and now that he's saying it to him, it makes sense. He smiles gently.]

Yeah, sure. I've done a few plays and musicals so I could totally help with that. Stage and film are definitely pretty different but you'll get the hang of it. And you've got a good start, your script isn't half bad, you know.

[pabugotmoves]

Yeah? You really think so?

[azurestar]

Of course, man. You're a really creative and passionate guy. [He gives Bolin a bit of a warbling smile. The fact that his powers haven't gone as haywire as usual when opening up emotionally isn't noticed right now, he's got a lot to think about as it is.] I've gotta… go check on things back home, make sure Edelya and Kaltenecker and the rest know I'm alive.

[Showering earlier with all his wounds was difficult, luckily, most of the bandages hid everything after he rewrapped them. But thee pain is intense and he has some "supplies" back at the barn he needs to take the edge off.]

[pabugotmoves]

Oh.. yeah, of course.

[Bolin smiles and dusts off his shirt, collecting his basket and script.]

I'll get out of your hair.

[A smile and a shoulder squeeze and he lets himself out.]

Later! Text me~!