deercountry | out of the fire, into the frying pan

( he doesn't hear her at first. all he can hear is loud roar in his head and it completely blots out everything else. he swallows a few times, feeling an arm around him but trying to move towards the front of the canoe anyway so he can get closer to his brother.

logically, he knows that damon's dead but if he can just get closer and maybe get him down, he can give him blood and make things better.

he's not thinking clearly and he knows it but he has to do something. )

[ katherine grips him tighter, holding him in a very tight lock. damon is dead and tied to a post, but katherine knows that he's not dead at all. if he was dead, the world would be a little less colourful.

they might be out of deerington, but the trench is just the same in its machinations. ]

Stefan.

[ she says it a little firmly this time. resting her chin on his shoulder, she tries to crowd him so that he struggles to know what's real and what isn't. ]

That's not him.

I need —

( he wants to take him down from the post so badly. even if he can't bring him back, he wants to get him down from there because it's just so...disgusting and overt and he hates it. )

He doesn't deserve to be up there.

( he's done a lot of terrible things, his brother, but no one deserves this. )

I know.

[ she doesn't let go of him. katherine suspects that the canoe ride is meant to be torturous. if it was so easy as to swim out and retrieve what has been tied so callously to a post, she would've done it with pearl.

but her gut instinct is to remain in the canoe. ]

But you can't. You do that, and something bad's going to happen to you. Do you really think Damon would want that?

[ damon's been a selfish asshole through and through for a century and a half, but she knows that damon would never want stefan to be in true pain. an eternity of misery was meant to be done by damon's hand, not because of damon's death. ]

( he knows, deep down, that she's right. that if he goes after damon, something's going to happen but it doesn't stop the urge. he finally turns away, burying his face in his hand to try and put the image out of his mind.

eventually, they pass the visage of damon and he looks up, glancing over at katherine. )

What is this?

[ all she can do is shrug a shoulder. ] A very depressing canoe ride.

[ her arm remains around his middle, although she removes her other arm and rests it beside her. leaning against him, katherine doesn't pull away from him. ]

I saw Pearl before. It's either some ride into the past or… [ she sighs, feeling a touch deflated. ] something else entirely.

( he shudders, curling into himself for a moment while resisting the urge to look back. he can't save damon but he hates that he's being left there. )

You saw Pearl?

( while he hates that for her, he's also very, very glad it wasn't nadia. )

Are you all right?

[ she, too, is grateful it wasn't nadia or her mother. she had expected that if she was going to see any dead bodies, it would be those who are closest to her.

she shrugs again. ] I haven't seen Pearl in years.

[ it's a non-answer, she knows. seeing pearl strung up had been a surprise. she missees her and she feels guilty about betraying her, but katherine will always look out for katherine.

she states factually and without emotion, ] She didn't look like how she was supposed to. A vampire who was staked shouldn't look so… like how they are.

[ that's how she knows it's not real. ]

Katherine, that didn't answer my question. Don't do this.

( she gives a very clinical, factual answer but there's no emotion in it. despite her knowing that it wasn't pearl that doesn't mean she wasn't affected at first. )

Are you all right?

[ all she feels is gratitude that it's not her mother or nadia on the post. pearl had been a good friend—one of the best she had in a long time—but her death hadn't entirely been on katherine's shoulders. the time pearl lost with anna is.

she smiles at him and brushes her hand against his forearm. ]

I'll be fine. It's not the first time I've seen a dead body.

[ she sits straight and turns to look at the tip of the canoe. ]

If you look straight ahead, you can almost convince yourself it's a normal canoe ride.

( she's being too casual about this but he recognizes what she's doing and that she's not going to open up to him even if he wants her too. he sighs and rubs a hand over his face, looking down.

when he looks up again, he finds his gaze drawn to someone who looks just like the woman beside him but who he knows is not.

but it is someone he's close with it, has loved and lost and still loved against. he swallows and shudders. )

[ katherine isn't particularly startled when she sees herself up against a post. the converse shoes and straight hair is enough for her to know that it's not her. she would never be caught dead in those shoes unless she was playing a particular role.

she watches him from the corner of her eye for a moment before she reaches out to press her hand against his thigh. while she would love to have put elena up on a post herself... it's never really been a part of the plan.

gently, ] It's not real.

I know, Katherine. I know. I just...don't like seeing it.

( he doesn't even know how he'd deal with seeing katherine herself up there. he covers his face with his eyes so he doesn't have to look at elena's blank, hollow eyes as they pass.

his mind provides the image though and he makes a noise of pain before shaking his head. )

If I see you up there, I'm done.

But I'm right here.

[ lifting her hands, she cups his face over his own and gently tilts his head towards her. katherine's here, right beside him in the dingy canoe. she's not wearing the right shoes for this ride, but she's happy to wear them all the same because she's pretty sure if he looks down at their feet, he'll see that she's still here in her very insensible heels. ]

I personally don't understand why you're not looking at me. I'm the hottest person here.

Yes, I know you're right here. But that doesn't mean it wouldn't be any less...horrible if I see you up there.

( can she honestly say that she'd be unaffected if she saw him up there? it would be jarring, at least. )

I'm not looking at you because if I see something behind you and it's you, I'm just...I don't know.

( better to not see at all. )

[ she understands that, but katherine's not going to sit in this canoe with her eyes wide open while he hides behind his hands. the dead bodies will stop having such an effect on him if he doesn't let them.

easier said than done, she knows. it helps that she's had so long to learn how to numb herself to these things. ]

So, rather than look at me, you're choosing not to look at me and are missing out on the fact that I look hot as hell right now?

[ she makes a noise in the back of her throat and shrugs. ]

Your loss.

Katherine.

( he doesn't sound upset by her assertions but he also doesn't want to be caught off guard by something he might see if she does look. he shakes his head before pulling his hands away from his face. )

Can we please just focus on getting out of this lake or river or whatever and away? I can't deal with it.

( he doesn't know why but he just can't. )

[ it's a little hard focusing on anything else when they're stuck in a canoe. katherine doesn't trust jumping out. if that was so simple, she thinks many people would've come drenched from the river with a tattered raven feather in their grip. there's a reason why word of mouth hasn't made a peep about this ride. ]

And what if we can't leave the canoe until you look at someone without peering away?

[ knowing deerington—or deer country, really—she wouldn't be surprised if that's the case. ]

I looked at Damon.

( didn't she remember him trying to climb out of the canoe and get to him? he'd looked at damon until they'd gone past and now he doesn't want to look anymore. )

I didn't look at Elena. I don't want to look in case it's you or someone else. I know it's not real. It doesn't matter.

[ katherine looks straight ahead, frustrated. she's not entirely sure what she's meant to do now. jumping out of the canoe isn't an option—who knows what's swimming down beneath the water or what the water is made of—and trying to make it go faster seems impossible without any equipment.

what works for her is looking straight ahead, but clearly, that isn't a workable option for stefan. ]

Then what do you want to do, Stefan?

I didn't say you had to do anything.

( he rubs his hands over his face and then pulls them away, shaking his head. )

Why are you getting angry at me that I don't want to look? I don't want to look at dead people, Katherine. It's a lot.

( he was very used to bodies but the bodies his friends, his loved ones was something different. )

And I told you to look at me instead.

[ katherine crosses her arms against her chest and sits back in the canoe. looking straight ahead, she ignores the posts and the bodies she can see from her peripherals. all she's tried to do is help. it's all she has tried to do, even when she doesn't have the right answers for it. ]

I was only trying to help.

I know.

( stefan sighs and looks up and at her. he doesn't know how to explain what he doesn't want to happen to her. )

Katherine, I'm just — I'm deathly afraid that I'm going to see you even out of the corner of my eye. I know you're trying to help, I appreciate it. I just won't be able to deal with it if I see you.

( he'd be out of the canoe and moving towards the body as quickly as he could. )

[ to think that someone would be upset at seeing her strapped to a post is different. it's where klaus thinks she belongs... she's certain elijah thinks it, too. everyone does. anyone who has crossed paths with her thinks that fate is well-deserved even though katherine's beginning to realise it's not.

there's no real way to fix being in the canoe. she doesn't trust dipping into the waters—the water of deerington had been different, safe and rather boring, but with how things had transpired in deer country since the beginning... ]

Close your eyes.

[ she rests a hand against his thigh as she watches him. ]

You can think of me naked if you want.

Are you not afraid of what you might see, Katherine?

( or maybe afraid isn't the right word. maybe he's worried that she'll see something and it'll jar her but she'll dismiss it because she always pushes things down like that. )

You can't say you're not affected.

( especially if she saw her mother or her daughter or even him, he guesses. but he knows the first two would really shake her. )

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