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deercountry2021-11-14 01:47 am
reddosmod) wrote in deercountry2021-11-14 01:47 amEntry tags:
reddosmod) wrote in deercountry2021-11-14 01:47 am
Peter SUCKS
It's certainly not a healthy approach, and he's wincing harder, in his invisible state. His stomach's curling in on itself, a little nauseated and a lot nervous, and he feels awful about the way she's looking, the shock and horror and worry for him. When Luna reaches out for his face — fingers finding his nose again — he gently reaches up to take her hand, holding onto it very softly. )
I'm sorry. I'm— I'm really, really sorry. It only happened twice, so far. I don't— I don't know if it's something that's going to go away, like a lot of stuff around here does, or........ A lot of people keep talking about getting new powers and stuff, though, so I don't know if this is something like that for me, or— or what.
( He rambles it out, voice trembling more and more as he does. He doesn't know, and it's extremely weird and gross and scary and if he had any kind of relationship with Paimon maybe he would ask him, but he can't because the thought of that makes him even more sick— )
I didn't want to upset you. You've been so sick— and I don't know.... I don't know how to help you.
( His voice gives a worse tremour, something breaking through just a little. He's so worried about her. )
I'm sorry, Luna. I should've told you before now. It just... it doesn't even feel real, you know? It's so....It feels like a bad dream.
( He wants it to be a bad dream. )
no subject
[ Point him in the right direction. Or reach out to others herself on his behalf; ask around to work out what it is that he's dealing with. Ask Willow or Ruby (to take Ange) to look for books on Darkbloods in the Archives. Or be the one to ask Paimon when he can't. Things like that. Sometimes it's these things that are hard to ask by yourself, especially when the awful thing that's happening is something so personal. That's what she's there for. She's on his team.
She blinks at him not knowing how to help her, and she shakes her head very slightly. Not helping? Him? Merlin, no. ]
But... you have been helping me. Don't think just because there's not some magic potion you can make for me to drink means you're not helping me, you have— [ There's other ways to help one another; they have their own way of doing things and that doesn't mean that one is necessarily better than the other. ] You look after Helga for me, you make me food. You think of me and bring me nice things even when you don't have to. You stay with me when I ask and even when I don't but probably do need you to. These are things that help, please know that.
[ She's found much wonder in Muggles in her time in Deerington. There's magic in the mundane, something that should never be overlooked for the sake of just wanting some instant fix-all. He's helped her, while she's been ill — he really has. ]
I'm... I'm not angry with you, alright? [ Her brow pinches, she squeezes his hand in reassurance. No, not angry. Never angry. Then, her fingers gently feeling along his hand, she gently brings his it to her mouth, brushing a kiss against his knuckles. ] I know this is still difficult for you. I'm sorry, too.
[ Having to deal with... everything. Demonic possession and all that comes with it, and now the additional difficulties of biological changes in this world. For someone who's lived the entirety of their life without supernatural or magic. It's a lot. ]
no subject
Even when she lists them, and she's really hit the nail right on the head with everything she says. Right down to the part about him not being able to do magic or help her in such a way. It's... a strange thought, a difficult one, that he does still feel so very weak and helpless in comparison to most of the people around here. Despite what this place has changed in him, certain little strengths, he's not nearly on anyone else's level.
Though maybe he's.... supposed to be. He has an immense power inside of himself, after all. And unlike back in Deerington, he clearly has more access to it, here... But it's such a horrifying thought. That maybe it's the reason why he's having these strange experiences. He's afraid of it, wants to hide from it, and that's created some strange sense of... shame, in Peter. It goes back down to the feeling he's had for his entire life, maybe, that he's not enough. And that even if he could be more, he's afraid to. )
I just wish I could do more. You're always.... you're always having to help me with all of it, with Paimon and— all of it. It feels like I'm just... constantly some kind of weird, new problem. ( It's a rare time he actually says the demon's name aloud. For so long now, that's been the focus of things, and he hates it. Even now, he's having to tell her about some new creepy shit going on, yet another thing Luna's going to have to worry about, when she's the one who should be taken care of, going through some strange new horror of her own. Peter's stomach twists with guilt and worry; he doesn't know what this sickness means for Luna. What it could mean, and that unknown is terrifying and upsetting. )
I'm glad those things do help. I'm happy to do them. But I just... wish I could take all the bad stuff away from you. ( He says sadly, as he looks back at Luna's face, taking in all those signs of sickness and exhaustion. There's a soft exhale as she kisses his knuckles, and Peter feels that little lump in his throat getting a bit bigger. No one's ever been as understanding with him as Luna has. )
I didn't think anywhere could be weirder than Deerington, but this place kind of is, isn't it. ( He says softly. In a way, this place is... worse. The effects of the town are different for everyone, no longer such a collective experience. He's... changing, inside, and other people no doubt are, too. But Peter leans forwards a little, reaching his free hand up to gently brush his fingers through Luna's hair. Despite everything, there's a soft lightness in what he says next, for all the grim horror of it, too..... )
You're probably the only person I know who wouldn't immediately break up with their boyfriend after he admitted he coughs up bugs now.
no subject
But I do it because I want to. [ Because she loves him. It's not a competition; not who can do more out of the two of them. She's very privileged as a witch to be able to help him with things like Paimon. She's able to, she wants to. She exhales softly, shaking her head a little. ] You're never a problem, Peter. Not to me.
[ She won't deny the difficulties. All of this is hard, sometimes. Sometimes it hurts. It's not an easy road to travel. But she does it out of love for him; that's what you do for people you love. He's not a problem for her. ]
I know. [ She does. She knows he just wants good things for her; how much he does worry about her with everything that happens, and has happened. But there's a softness in her voice that understands that such a thing isn't so easy, if at all possible. One can't just wish away things like that, can't will things like that just out of want. It just... doesn't work like that — but she leaves that part unspoken. It doesn't need to be said; Peter already knows. Instead, she gently offers: ]
But the sentiment means a great deal. [ She smiles sadly at him, his knuckles still resting gently against her mouth. And it does, the thought he does want that for her is a warming one even if it isn't something that can be so easily done.
There's a thoughtful hum at that: weirder than Deerington. This place... certainly is that, her eyebrows raising briefly in agreement. A great deal more macabre, and oddly familiar in its ways too — even if it's still weird. There's a tired little sigh from her, and she presses another kiss against his knuckles as he reaches to brush his fingers into her hair — letting her eyes close briefly until he speaks up again.
Ah, dark humour. Luna huffs at that through her nose, her lips pursing tightly. It does sound like reason for someone to duck out of a relationship doesn't it? She isn't going to lie, it's... quite disgusting. Sorry, Peter. ]
Mm, well— [ Her eyebrows flutter upwards. ] even with the unfortunate emergence of vomiting insects — there's the fact that I do love you, and I'm quite good with animals, anyway.
— possible wrap here, but feel free 2 keep going if u like ♡
Of course he'd loved his family, for everything that was so bad and hurtful about them, but Luna's.... different. The love he has for her is something different, something else, a category of its own. It's something selfless and safe, and Peter's never known a love like that. Some times he still doesn't quite know what to do with it. If he starts thinking too much, his mind might try to find weak spots, or try to create them. Might try to insist yet again that he doesn't deserve this, that it can't last, that he can't be loved or love this way — those same insecurities that have popped up over time. Maybe some of that is seeping in here, making him feel less and less because of everything that's continually so wrong in him. Weak, helpless, stupid, lacking, scary, dangerous, wrong—
'You're never a problem, Peter. Not to me.'
He blinks, the gesture quietly stunned and unseen, but the weighted pause must speak for itself, the way he draws in a slow breath when she says those words, like he's breathing them in and having to let them take their time passing into his lungs because they mean so much.
The love Peter has for Luna is many things and has many shapes and forms, but more than anything, it's family in a particular way he's never known. It's being accepted, time and time again, even if he's.... all of those things. Even if he's wrong. Even if all he can do to help Luna through what she's dealing with is to love her back and take care of her in his small ways. He wishes he could take everything bad from her, and he can't, but he can stay right beside her while the bad things happen. )
Thank you. ( He whispers, touched, warmed — then he's immediately dipping his head down with a soft laugh, amused and loved, by her words. Invisible or not, there's no hiding the way the smile would reach his eyes, the way it warms him right up, his laugh quiet but genuine. )
You are good with animals, ( he agrees, and it's— still horrible; he throws up ants now, sometimes. Maybe forever? Maybe not? He doesn't fucking know?? But she's still here (a friend to all creatures, including his cursed ants.....) Clearly, this place is just going to continue to throw new challenge after challenge at them. Clearly, their bodies have changed — are still changing, and there are new things to have to get used to. Clearly, it's terrifying. But... )
I love you.
( There's that, and it means everything. Peter's other hand gently moves to cup the girl's face for a moment, thumbpad brushing along her cheek, and it would be an opportune moment to lean in and kiss her, except admitting he hacks up bugs now is fresh on the mind, and he— well. He won't do that to her right now. Instead— )
I'm going to hug you now. ( There's a little smile of amusement still in his voice, but he is invisible so he should give her a heads up about what he's going to do. Peter moves slowly, and lies down a bit beside her but still a bit below her — so that when he turns to slide his arm around Luna, he's able to lay the side of his head down on her chest. And he snuggles in close to her like that, curled in to face her and hugging on. A Luna pillow is really the best kind, and it's a mutual comfort, given that he's now a warm body draped against her, a blanket to rival all others in her sick state. He tilts his head up a bit to look at her as he speaks— )
And don't worry, there's plenty of... warning before it happens. You're safe. ( Meaning, he... won't be throwing up creepy-crawlies on her right now... and if he feels it about to happen, well. He'll run into the bathroom... Peter half-winces, half-smiles, and hugs her tighter. She's safe — and he feels safe, too. )
yee we can wrap there!