deercountry | ( CLOSED ) I JUST WANT YOU FOR MY OWN.

[ katherine wants to say no. is a nightmare better than a memory? she wants this to be one of the trench's ways of trying to ruin their budding christmas romance, but she knows these woods. she knows them as well as she knows the back of her own hand. she's never been able to forget them.

reaching for stefan's arm, she tugs on him to move backwards and away from where she knows the back of katerina is going. her past self is disappearing into the night and she wants to follow. ]

Let's go this way.

[ away. ]

( this isn't his memory and with her pulling on his arm, he knows it's hers. but he doesn't recognize the area and doesn't feel a tug of familiarity either. )

Where are we? What's going on?

( please fill him in, katherine, so he can be prepared for whatever he's about to see. )

[ if she ignores it, perhaps it'll go away.

when she turns them around, they're in front of rose's wooden shack. katerina's back is to them. katherine can see the tangles in her hair, the leaves and twigs that have found themselves at home there. she hates the tears in her dress. it'd been one of her favourites.

rose disappears from the door and the older lady allows her in. katherine steels her shoulders. ]

This is April 6, 1492.

[ she suspects stefan and his fondness for dates—and his fondness for her—will know what that date is. she tries not to acknowledge it, even with him. let the day pass by like it's nothing. ]

Elijah's been hunting me for a good several hours and within the hour I'll be a vampire.

( stefan's first instinct is to ask her why she liked this guy if he'd done that but considering she'd turned him and he was with her, he has no leg to stand. )

Okay.

( stefan isn't really sure what to say to that but he nods and follows her without another word. he wants to ask but he doesn't want to distract her. )

[ katherine doesn't move past the front door. it's almost like she's been blocked, but there's no magical hum keeping them out due to their lack of invitation. she doesn't want to step through.

turning to face him, she presses her hand against his chest. tapping her fingers against him, she keeps her gaze away from his and focused on his shoulder. ]

I don't want you to see this.

[ katherine's a proud woman who wouldn't take back any of her choices, but the idea of stefan seeing a human katherine scared and resorting to the one choice she has feels incredibly vulnerable. her transitioning hasn't been a secret, but the details behind it have been.

rose hadn't been particularly kind, either. ]

You shouldn't have to face it alone, Katherine.

( as a favor, he looks at her while she's so close. he wants to know what happened, wants to see the specifics of it but he doesn't just yet. if she truly doesn't want him to see, he'll listen. )

You went through this but I can help. I can be there for you while you witness it again.

[ that's part of the problem. stefan is so good. he's seen her at her worst and at her happiest and at her most vulnerable, and he still chooses to be there. katherine smiles, although it's small, and keeps her head bowed. taking a few moments, she inhales deeply and sighs before nodding. maybe she has to see this, too.

reaching for his hand, she twines their fingers together. it's easy to step through over the threshold. the cottage is right there, dark save for the candles glowing in the corners. she doesn't take them any further into the cottage, standing at the front door as everyone's shadows elongate against the walls.

rose speaks in sharp hushed tones to trevor who looks pained and in stupid infatuation, and the older lady's mouth is pinched like she's been sucking on a lemon. katerina's standing in the corner, cradling her wrist as she peers at them all with furrowed brows. she sports blood on her temple and her collarbones. she listens as intently as she can to the quiet conversation, peaks of "klaus" and "elijah" and "he'll kill us". it's a sight that katherine's not used to seeing of herself any longer.

katherine mutters to herself: ] I'm right here.

[ honestly, she hates people talking about her like she's not in the room. ]

It's all right.

( stefan tightens his hold on her hand. he doesn't think she's going to interfere but it's for his benefit as well as hers. he doesn't want to get involved either and he knows he'll be tempted.

he takes a few slow breaths and looks over at the group, at katherine in the corner. )

Freaking original vampires.

[ they suck.

especially those who are so fearful of them they manhandle their precious doppelgängers. trevor looks at katerina longingly as rose shoves her into a room.

katherine doesn't think to stay here with rose and trevor. she grips stefan's hand and walks towards the room katerina's been shoved inside, opening the door without so much as a sound alerting the other vampires in the room. she remembers this moment. she had listened as intently as she could before deciding that she wouldn't be returned to elijah or klaus. her past self begins to look quietly throughout the room for something—anything—that might help her. ]

That's a really nice dress, don't you think?

[ she's ignoring what katerina is doing, rifling through drawers and beneath blankets. ]

It's...fine, I guess.

( he glances over at katherine, a little concerned about her since she's complimenting the dress but he doesn't press. he let's her do it since this has to be ae jarring thing. )

What's she looking for?

( he can't stop himself from asking that, though. )

Something to stab herself with.

[ katerina finds it in the sharp point of a shard of glass. holding it in her hands, the glass cuts her palms but it spears itself into her gut after she takes a few seconds to work herself up. katerina's quiet, muffling her own grunt of pain, and discards the piece of glass in a drawer as quietly as she can. ]

It was quick thinking. I knew from Trevor the basics of being a vampire, so I thought… what better way to be absolutely useless than to not be the human sacrifice anymore.

( katherine's standing here beside him but seeing her stab herself makes him flinch and he looks away for a moment. he knows that she comes out of this all right but it's not easy to see.

he swallows and looks back over after a moment. )

That had to have hurt so badly, Katherine.

[ she thinks to tell him she barely felt it. adrenaline had been one hell of a drug. ]

It did.

[ katerina looks to the closed door before shoving herself against the wall. a few moments later, rose storms in. she's a flurry of anxiety and anger. katerina had known then what it meant for her to come and find trevor, but she thinks that she hadn't understood the severity of her presence here. she'd put rose and trevor in danger. katherine still doesn't regret it.

rose smells the blood in the air and roughly handles katerina, disregarding her attempt at a lie that she had fallen and hurt herself.

as rose cracks open her wrist and shoves it against katerina's mouth, katherine tsks and murmurs, ] And she sealed her fate right there.

[ rose has no one to blame but herself for what's to come. ]

( stefan isn't sure he wants to know what's going to come but he's not going to leave either. he swallows, making himself watch the whole thing. he doesn't like what's happening but he knows it's in the past and that katherine's okay.

so, he just keeps his hand in hers and stays where he is even if a part of him wants to go over there to help her, get her away from all this. )

What's going to happen?

[ she inhales deeply through her nose as she watches rose leave the room. katerina's mouth is bloodied. her eyes never leave rose's back until she's gone. ]

I'm going to kill myself.

[ she glances at stefan before she looks around the room, looking for that rope that katerina will find in only a few moments. when she sees herself gently push away from the wall, katherine doesn't watch her. she knows what happens next. she can sometimes feel the burn of the rope around her neck even five hundred years later.

she recites it factually, ] They'll find me hanging from the rafter. [ she points to the high rafter above them. ] And I'll complete my transition by feeding on the poor compelled old woman. Then, I'll run for five hundred years.

( so, this is where it started. he swallows, tightening his grip on her hand. he knows it might be painful but she's not going to say anything. )

We don't have to watch, Katherine.

( even if he thinks he already knows the answer, he wants to give her the choice to not watch, to not have to see this happen again. )

I know.

[ she sighs quietly. she could look away and not watch katerina find a thick and long rope... or she could be present for a girl who felt alone in a strange, foreign country. ]

I was alone for months.

[ many months, friendless, doing her best to try and acclimatise to a new culture and world. katherine's still so surprised by how well she slipped into the english culture around her.

she peers up at him. ] Do you think it's weird I don't want her to be alone?

No.

( he shakes his head after a moment and looks over at her. )

No, it's not weird. I just wish she knew somehow that she wasn't alone. That there was someone here for her.

[ katherine remains facing him as katerina manages to miraculously not stumble and make a loud noise. she knows what comes next. katerina will be brave and stupid all in one. ]

She will in five hundred years.

[ she peers up at him before she lifts her hand to cup his face, wanting him to look down at her. as much as she wants to be there for herself, to be present in ways no one else was, he's right—she doesn't want to see this. and she doesn't want stefan to, either, as katerina takes herself off of the chessboard with a clatter. ]

( he swallows and doesn't resist when she pulls his face down to hers. he doesn't want to see this happen even if he doesn't want her to be alone. hearing it is hard enough.

he swallows a few times, closing his eyes and pressing his forehead to hers. )

You're all right.

[ rose rushes into the room. katherine's memory of this is murky at best. she remembers rose at her feet, tugging at her as she came to. what she sees now is a literal blur as the trench doesn't even try and fill in the blanks for her. ]

Do you wish you had a choice in turning?

[ katherine peers up at him with a strange, serious look. it's not a question she's ever asked him before. she's never wanted to know, always presuming he never wanted to turn at all. ]

( the question catches him off guard and he looks down at her, surprise on his face. )

Wouldn't...everyone like a choice?

( he doesn't know the right answer to this question so he tries to be honest. )

I don't regret how it happened. But if I had to turn then, I think I would have liked a choice.

[ everyone has a choice. they either transition or they don't. she thinks to tell him that, but she forgoes it. she had chosen to transition to survive. stefan had chosen to transition to not leave damon alone.

and with katerina coming back to life in the other room and the stench of blood as the old woman dies, katherine knows that, despite what she didn't know, she'd always choose to turn. ]

I had no idea what I was doing. I just knew I had to bite that old lady to be able to get out of here. No one gave me the Vampire 101. [ she looks at him, then down at his chin. ] I guess no one did for you, either.

No one did.

( he'd woken up hungry and desperate and so confused. his brother had been there but he'd been the same way. he looks down, shaking his head. )

It's why I've tried to help people when they've turned in Mystic Falls. If they let me.

( CLOSED ) I JUST WANT YOU FOR MY OWN.

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