deercountry | return those voices echoing in the sea (closed)

[ Perhaps the Winter Mournings can somehow sense what a person is thinking of, even if it's not actively.

It's something Ange will be pondering later for sure. Because somewhere deep within her was the thought that she still had to have the aunt talk with Wu. She honestly intended on doing it much earlier, but recent events - read: spending most of November in bed - sure made it a lot harder to actually do it. And at this point it almost feels awkward to bring it up again. Like it's a little too late. How does anyone even go up to someone else and ask, 'oh, hey, remember that talk about the abuse we suffered from our aunts we were going to have?' and make it sound normal?

Maybe it sensed that in her heart. Because in the middle of experimenting with the Winter Mournings, Ange finds herself drawn into a memory related to it.

The memory of an incredibly large room, fancily decorated with expensive drapes and chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. The ballroom-esque space is filled up with tables, people seated all around them, wearing dresses and suits that very much seem to match the atmosphere of the room itself. It's as if everything in the room radiates wealth.

Which makes Ange stand out in her current outfit - but no one seems to pay attention to her, as if they can't even see her.

But she's not the only one getting ignored by all the waiters hastily walking right past. Standing right next to her is the exact person she was supposed to share the context of this memory with.

(And perhaps one of the few people who might recognize the exact kind of atmosphere of this sort of fancy party.) ]

Wu..! Sheesh, I wasn't even thinking of you.. [ Not consciously, anyway.

But something out there must have Known. ]

[ Maybe Wu should learn not to touch the mournings, and yet, here he is again, in another memory, one he doesn't recognize. Except--he does. He knows this kind of party, this kind of extravagant wealth that drips from everything, where the centerpieces are each trying to one up each other, where what you wear is a commentary on your place in society.

He isn't dressed for this. He still dresses well in Trench, but he's found the joy in looser clothes, in different styles, in things he would never have thought to wear at home.

Luckily, no one seems to notice him, not until someone says his name and he jumps with a yelp ]

A-Ange! Oh, boy. Um. Thanks? [ She wasn't thinking of him. Is that a good thing? ]

Thanks..?

[ Ange repeats the word, slowly blinking at Wu. Like her brain needs another moment here to process that word - until she realises why he's saying that.

Or rather, until she realises how what she just said must've sounded, too caught up in her own realisation to really think about that aspect of it. ]

Oh-- no. I--

[ Ange opens her mouth, sputters those few words, and then closes it again. Like she isn't even sure what to first say here. There's so much she could say. ]

What I meant, was.. remember when we said we were going to talk about our aunts one day? [ She gestures with an arm at the party around them, rather than anything specific just yet.

She assumes Wu must at least know this is a memory. He seems a little confused, yes, but not startled in the way that someone who touched those antlers for the first time would react. ]

I guess.. we got caught up in a memory of mine that involves my aunt.

Oh, no.

[ He remembers what she said about her aunt, remembers how similar it was to his own, and fear curls in his gut. He looks around, as if Auntie Hou-Ting would be right there, but of course she isn't ]

Oh, boy, I'm sorry Ange. I, we can try to leave? We don't have to!

[ He remembers Mako seeing one of his memories, of his Aunt berating him as a child. He can only imagine what they might be about to see. ]

[ She's quiet, like she's considering the option. It would be easier, wouldn't it? Walking away from this. Not having to see the memories that still gnaw at her mind so often. Not having someone else as a witness to her own shame.

But.. she did promise Wu that they'd talk about this. Would it then be fair to keep this from him? Besides-- ]

I don't.. think there's a way out.

[ This is her memory, after all. Wouldn't it have some sort of limit to it? Like a barrier where her recollection of the memory's space ends. ]

It's okay, I--

[ Ange stops as she turns her head, like she's scanning the room for a potential way out in case he insists, but that's exactly when she spots it. A woman entering the room, her ginger hair done up fancily, with expensive-looking clothes and jewelry to match.

A young girl is following her, and there's no doubt about the fact that it's Ange. She looks basically exactly the same, including the twintails and the pink bobble hair accessoires - though her hair is much shorter, and the girl is pretty tiny too. She doesn't look much older than eight, maybe nine, and she's staring at the ground as she walks, as if she'd rather be anywhere else than here, despite the similar expensive dress she seems to be wearing.

Another woman stands up, calling out: "Ah, if it isn't the guest of honour, Eva Ushiromiya!" before starting to guide Ange's aunt over to a nearby table to sit - with the younger Ange still reluctantly following. ]

[ Wu's going to protest that they can try, even if it's never worked before, maybe it could now? But then Ange's attention is drawn across the room, and he takes in the smaller Ange. He's about to comment on how adorable she is when he catches on who the other person must be.

In a stage whisper: ]

That's her?

[ She's much more elegant that Wu's Auntie, but not for lack of trying. He clocks the expression on the younger Ange's face and frowns ]

Really didn't want to be here, did you?

[ She nods - clearly the perfect wordless reply to a stage whispered question. For a few more moments Ange's gaze is entirely focused on her aunt, but then she finally manages to tear it away.

Some days she feels too old to still let this stuff affect her so much. But it's like she can't help it. ]

Of course not. [ Ange replies to Wu, now properly looking at him. ] .. I mean, were you ever happy to be at occasions like these?

[ Stuck up rich people parties, she means.. or perhaps nobility parties, in Wu's case. Parties like these, where there aren't even other children around. Ange does seem to be the only child in the entire room - and the adults seem to completely disregard her too. As some people are starting to chat up her aunt, the younger Ange is silently climbing up a seat at the table. No one even looks at her, let alone tries to talk to her.

Parties where everyone seems to pretend you don't even exist. ]

Well... kind of! I love a good party.

[ And he got to talk to, you know, other people. And the nobles and courtiers doted on him like no one else ever did. He soaked up the attention whenever he could ]

You look so sad! Do you think we can go talk to you?

[ He doesn't wait for her answer, though, and starts to head over to the younger Ange. ]

Ange. Ange!

Wh--

[ Ange doesn't even have time to process the first thing Wu says about parties. Before she can fully consider what he's saying, Wu is already starting to head in the direction of the table the younger Ange is sitting at, and it completely makes Ange's thoughts come to a stop in surprise. ]

Wu! [ There's surprise in her tone, sure, but also some uncertainty. Like Ange isn't too sure if it's a good idea. Isn't it bad to mess with a memory? Can they even interact with this memory at all? After all, it's not like anyone here at the party has seemed to notice them.

But the odd thing is - the little Ange does. When Wu calls out her name, she does look over at him, even though she doesn't get off her chair. ]

Um.. [ She's definitely looking shy. Not to mention she's got those huge cute doe-eyes that little kids tend to have. ] Y-Yes, that's me, mister.. Is something wrong..?

[ Wu honestly wasn't expecting the younger Ange to respond. His brows shoot up, and the crouches down a bit, his hands on his knees, to talk to her. She really is incredibly adorable ]

No, no, nothing's wrong! You know, this place really doesn't look fun for a kid, does it?

[ He glances back at the older Ange, giving her a reassuring grin ]

Do you want to get out of here? Maybe head to the snack table?

[ Nailed it. Not creepy at all. ]

[ The actual Ange is definitely looking a little concerned over here, even as Wu gives her that reassuring smile for a moment. But despite the concern in her expression, she doesn't intervene, nor try to stop this. She can't deny that - even if this isn't exactly real - it would have been nice if she ever would have had someone to talk to if she was younger..

But Ange also knows that there's a big chance of this not ending up too well. ]

.. out of here?

[ The younger Ange speaks up. Her eyes go wide in surprise, almost with a hint of outright fear in them, and she quickly glances from Wu over towards her aunt, who still seems to be speaking to other people with her back towards Ange.

One might think her fear was born out of Stranger Danger, but instead.. ]

I-- um.. I.. I'm sorry, but I-- I can't.. [ For some reason it seems like the younger Ange is struggling over here. Like she isn't too sure of the words that come out of her own mouth, or like there's something she wants to say, but feels like she can't or shouldn't say.

Even though, in that typical kid way, it makes it so much more obvious that there's something she isn't saying here. ]

I don't think i-it's a very good idea..

Yeah? You think your auntie will get mad? Hey, that's okay. I can stand up to her. Promise.

[ He holds out a hand for her with a little smile. He isn't totally sure that he can, but she isn't his Auntie, so it has to be easier, right? He's an adult now, a king. He can stand up to someone else's aunt! ]

There's no reason not to have some fun.

[ The tiny Ange just stares at Wu. Like she really has to think about this. It's not like she doesn't want to have fun, especially with how bad things have been lately, but she definitely is worried about what might happen if she'd try to have fun..

But after a moment or two of thought like that, she slowly nods. The young Ange still looks pretty scared, but maybe also a tiny bit determined, like she made up her mind, as she puts her own tiny hand in the hand Wu is extending towards her. ]

O-Okay, sir..! I'd like to have some fun...

Great!

[ Success! Wu grins at her, then at the older Ange, before leading the younger one away from her Aunt. He doesn't have very much experience with kids, but he'll try his best ]

What do you like to do for fun? Games? Snacks? Playing dress up?

[ Wu might be grinning, but the actual Ange, the older one, is still looking very apprehensive about this. Not enough so to actually stop him, but she does keep throwing nervous glances in the direction of her aunt in the memory, like she's wondering when the other might notice..

Thankfully she still seems to be talking for now.

The younger Ange, though, instead seems to have all of her attention taken up by Wu's question. ]

Me?

[ .. she pauses.

Like she can't.. think of what she does for fun. When was the last time she had fun..? ]

Well.. um.. I haven't done any of those things in a long while.. [ She frowns, like she's worried about disappointing this new person who seems so nice to her. ] Is that bad..?

What? No! Of course it's not bad. Sometimes, we don't have the time to do the things we like doing. Do you like doing those things? Do you have a favorite game?

[ Wu glances at the older Ange again, catching her concern, but he's convinced that this is a memory, that it doesn't really count, except that maybe also, it does. Maybe he can make this memory a little less terrible for Ange.

He leads them both away from their Aunt ]

Well.. Yeah. [ The little Ange slowly nods. ] I liked playing dressup with da--

[ Before the younger Ange can finish her sentence, something happens. Shifts. There's someone latching onto the younger Ange's other hand, and it's not the older Ange. Instead it's Ange's aunt, looking absolutely furious. ]

And where did you think you're going?!

A-Aunt Eva, I.. I w-was just..!

[ Surprisingly enough the aunt is just staring at the younger Ange though. It's like she can't even see the other Ange and Wu standing right there. ]

Don't make excuses! [ The woman's voice raises in pitch, something frantic sneaking into it. ] Why are you always like this?! Why can't you ever do anything right?! All we had to do is just go here, and you are ruining it for me..!

[ Wu opens his mouth to fight back, to argue, but the tone of her voice, the tenor, the way she approaches the younger Ange, they all remind him too much of his own Auntie. They remind him of her, and fear drops into his gut like a rock. Old fear that makes him feel like a child again, like how the young Ange must feel right now.

He's torn, torn between his own fear and wanting to help to protect her. He casts his eyes to the older Ange, pleading for some direction, for some help. ]

[ It's just as hard for Ange. She, too, is of course being reminded of exactly what this was like. Even though she's standing here now as an adult, and her tinier, younger self is over there, it definitely feels like the person her aunt is yelling at here is her.

Repeating those familiar words, with that familiar fury, over the smallest of things..

Even when she notices Wu looking at her, Ange casts her gaze to the floor. What can they even do here? Just watch this awful memory? It's like she can't even move while she hears the woman rant on. ]

This is all your fault! If George had been here.. he could've done this just fine! Why didn't you die instead of him?!

[ The woman raises her hand, clearly intending on hitting the young girl.

And it's as if that snaps Ange out of her mood. She grabs Wu's hand while he's still holding onto the younger Ange, and starts tugging on him hard enough until the girl's hand slips out of her aunt's grasp, and then the older Ange just starts running. As fast as she can, dragging Wu and the little Ange along out of nothing but sheer instinct. The desire to flee this terrifying situation.

She runs out of the fancy party room, into the hallway, and then into one of the big bathrooms, locking the door shut behind them in case someone might come looking for the three of them - or just for little Ange, if they can't perceive Wu and the older Ange.

Both of the Anges look very much the same right now.

Heavily breathing, tired from running - but also terrified. ]

[ Wu is grateful when she moves, when she takes action, and he does his best to keep a hold of the little Ange, and somewhere along them running he manages to pick her up, even if he doesn't have that much strength in his arms, he feels like he has to. He has to get her away. He wishes he'd had someone to do this for him, to pick him up and whisk him away from his Auntie.

As soon as they're safe in the bathroom, he sinks down to the floor, loosening his grip on the small Ange. He's breathing fast, but that wasn't his aunt, as similar as she is to his own. That was Ange's aunt, both Anges. He has to be strong here because he knows how hard it is to be. Last year, he and Mako watch his Auntie berate his younger self. He reaches out for the older Ange, if he can offer her any comfort, he will, even if she's not the hugging type. ]

I'm glad you're alive.

[ He says it without really meaning to, but he means it, he means it and she can probably feel that through his paleblood connection with her. ]

[ Even in the middle of trying to come down from the reminder of that trauma, Ange does glance over at Wu when he speaks up. Maybe it's because of what he's saying, or the sincere quality of those words. Maybe it's since it's the exact opposite of what she heard all those years back home.

Because she was wishing for so long that someone would just tell her that. That it was okay to be alive. That they were glad she was alive - rather than just being told that she should be dead, over and over and over.

But before the older Ange can react, whether it's to reply to those words or do react to the way he's reaching out for her, it's the younger Ange that reacts first. There's not as much of a barrier between her emotions and the expression of them, after all, compared to the older Ange. So despite the two girls feeling the exact same thing in this situation, it's the little Ange that expresses it.

By latching onto Wu as tightly as her tiny arms and hands allow, and starting to sob right against him, tears wetting his clothes.

The older Ange awkwardly looks on. Perhaps her own eyes are growing a little wet too. ]

.. thanks, Wu. I.. um. I'm sorry. [ Ange swallows thickly. ] This-- It's hard for both of us to see this.

[ And she doesn't mean her and her younger self by 'both of us'. She means her and Wu, remembering the way he had looked so helpless out there as well.

It's a trauma neither of them has fully gotten over, isn't it. ]

[ Wu stares down at the younger Ange for a moment before he wraps her in a tight hug, feeling his own tears well up. It's like permission, like the young Ange crying on him, holding tight, seeking comfort, lets him do that too. He sniffs and holds her, even as he still tries to control some of his less helpful emotions-- he's not sure how his paleblood powers will affect a memory, but even so. He doesn't want to cause any unneeded pain. He holds back his own fear, his own trauma response, and instead just lets himself feel Ange's, feeling her desire for those words, her relief, her want for affection. Wu knows those feelings too well. He knows what it's like to be unwanted, to be a burden, to be a name only, and not a person.

When the older Ange speaks, Wu looks up at her with red-ringed eyes, even as he carefully rubs the younger Ange's back as comfortingly as he can. ]

It is. It's-- I'm sorry too. That this, that she, [ he can't say it, but Ange knows what he means. That her aunt was like that. ] None of us deserve that.

[ Neither Ange, or Wu. None of them do. Someone else's anger isn't their fault. But as much as he knows this, it still hurts. He's still scared. A part of him is still twelve and being yelled at, being locked in his room, being ignored and treated like an unwanted pet. ]

[ It's hard to see Wu like this. So obviously affected by the sight of this too, by the memories that it must have called right back to his own mind. And for a moment all Ange can do is just stare back at him, but then she slowly moves. She covers the step between where they're standing right now, and then she - while being conscious of the little Ange and making sure to not jostle or disturb her - puts an arm around Wu as well, basically pulling him into a threeway hug.

And though the older Ange's hold is a little looser than the way the tiny Ange is clinging onto Wu like a liferaft, the same emotion seems to be in there. Sadness, pain.. but also some shared comfort.

At least they can know they're not alone in this. Not anymore. ]

It's okay if you need to cry. [ Her voice is so soft that it's little more than a whisper at this point.

A shakey whisper. ] I.. I think I kind of need to cry too.

That's, that's okay. We can cry.

[ Wu gathers her close too, nodding and sniffling. He is crying, out of sadness, yes, out of the memories, but also because of a strange kind of relief to be so understood by someone--someone's. It's not a common feeling for him, and he treasures it deeply. His tears are a release of all of the things that were buried deep inside him, the trauma from his own Auntie, whose memory rises up at the wrong moments, who's always there, at the back of his mind, judging his choices, telling him he's wrong. Those memories rise up unbidden and pass to Ange.

Wu, younger with long hair pulled up at the back of his head, head bowed as a bejeweled older woman, sitting high on a throne, berates him about singing. Another memory with them in the same positions and she's snapping at him for stealing jewelry from her. Another memory of Wu coming up to her with a smile to ask her something only for her to wave him off with those gold-nailed fingers, dismissing him like he isn't even there.

Wu doesn't mean to show her these memories, he doesn't want to remember them either, but something in him feels better from this. He isn't alone. Neither of them is. They were children, subjected to guardians who didn't want them, who saw them as a burden, but they weren't. They're people. Ange is a good, strong, brave, smart person who brings so much to the world, and if she could be treated like that, it goes to show that people don't treat always treat you based on who you are. It's based on something else, on some failing of the adult, the one who didn't support them, who didn't give them what they need. That's why Wu's crying, holding onto both Anges as he lets go of some of that guilt that he's held onto for so long, the guilt that it was his fault that she treated him that way. ]

[ Ange doesn't even question the memories as they pour into her head as if they were her own all along. There's no need to ask why it's happening, or why now, when she instead can't do a thing but focus on the memories themselves - and how familiar they are. It's like her heart stops as she thinks about them. The constant dismissal. The rejection of everything you are, never letting you do anything you love, as if that person is determined to squash every single bit of your potential happiness.

Ange doesn't even need to see the look on the younger Wu's face. She knows. She knows how it feels.

Feeling the hot tears running down her cheeks, Ange leans against Wu, burying her face against his shoulder as she feels her shoulders shake, as she can tell that he's crying too.

It's so awful. Here they are, two adults, all grown up, far away from the people who did this to them - and yet they're still crying. ]

I hate this. [ Ange manages to force out, her voice tight, like she's having trouble speaking inbetween all the tears. ] Why did she have to treat you like that..?

[ Why did her own aunt have to treat her like that, too? ]

You were just-- just being yourself. It's not fair.

return those voices echoing in the sea (closed)

wu;

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cw: verbal abuse aimed at a child

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