deercountry | [Open] Keep it locked up, keep it sealed tight

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[Open] Keep it locked up, keep it sealed tight

Who: Varian and YOU!
What: Varian's final corrupted days, his beasthood turn and the aftermath. See his corruption/monster page HERE!
When: First 2 weeks of Jan- before the event.
Where: Around the city!

Content Warnings: Applicable content warnings go here. Mentions of death, corruption, dissociation.

Hope you've stocked up - Last days of corruption

Anyone who's close to Varian will have noticed his slow corruption growth over the last two months. By the time January rolls around, things have gotten worse instead of better. By now his skin is made of a thick, black rock. This same black rock has turned his teeth into sharp fangs and his nails into claws. two amber horns sprout out from his head, and his elbows and one remaining ankle have spurs of the same stuff- as is the tail he's since gotten, flicking nervously as he paces around- firey red eyes darting around furtively.

He'd largely been keeping himself out of sight, trying to handle this alone, but his hallucinations have driven him onwards. He stares at things seemingly only he can see. If he comes across you, he'll grip your arm tightly (sorry if those claws hurt, he's not even thinking about it). He points at an empty spot of nothing, worry on his face.

"Eugene!" you are definitely not Eugene, but it's clear that's who he's seeing right now. "We- we gotta deal with these rocks before they take over everything! There's...there's got to be a cavern around here somewhere so we can cut them off, right?"

It's a long night - Monsterdom (Gaze and surrounding area)

Regardless of how much or how little help he gets in his final days of corruption, eventually, Fern decides enough is enough and the best way to handle this is to Fistfight God. Which is to say, he goes off to confront The Tower about this and gets himself killed by Never Mind in the process. Varian got there too late, and being the driving reason behind his boyfriend dying again was the final nail in the coffin for him.

The transformation is quick and sharp, and what's left is a a ten-foot rock monster spewing fire everywhere. His leg is still missing in this form, at least, which should help anyone with a quick ID-check. Varian himself rages through the city, slamming against buildings and breathing fire at anyone foolish enough to come close. It's definitely attracting the attention of nearby hunters- so perhaps finding a way to talk him back down before there's another death today would be for the best?

Nothing good is meant to stay - Aftermath

Eventually, Varian lets his friends in, lets them talk him down and the best hood fades. Parts of corruption still cling to him- his skin is still an unhealthy grey colour and his nails aren't quite back to normal yet. He's also sitting in a ball on the floor- partly out of shock and partly because he can't go anywhere without his leg - if someone could fetch him that, that would be awesome.

Or perhaps you come to him in the days that follow. He mostly stays near the Disaster House in Cassandra, as he waits for Fern to come back to life. He can be found inside the house, or sometimes sitting on the front porch, people-watching. Though he's certainly not better yet, day by day the signs of corruption lessen. Any visitors will get a tired smile, he's still a little withdrawn, but he's getting there.

"H-hey, thanks for checking in," nothing has changed how awkward he is at least! "Um...how are you doing?"

Because obviously, you're here for him to check up on you. Obviously.

[[OOC: The monster battle is intended to be open to any CR who want to take part. No ONE character will be responsible for talking him down from monsterdom, it is intended to be a team effort- hammering home that Varian is able to rely on his support network. Feel free to make separate threads, team up with other players, thread hop, etc. Do what you like, and we can wibbly-wobbly-timey-wimey it so it happened around the same time- to make it easier than players trying to keep to one concurrent thread! Go nuts! As always please hit me up on

teeeff for anything! ]]

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"I would like to point out what I'm immune to as Sailor Moon and the stressing you still do," she countered, pulling out her own thermos of miso soup and sipping it. It wasn't bad, it wasn't Makoto Kino GOOD, but it wasn't bad.

She watched a little boy run after his mom, slipping but able to right himself before they passed by the house on their way to... well, whatever, she couldn't know. She saw a couple walking arm in arm and felt a twang, immediately looking away to see a vendor arguing with someone, said someone was pointing at what appeared to be broken... sticks? It was too far to know.

"I'm glad you like it," she smiled. "Don't forget to have some edamame, it's very good protein. Just cause you can't feel the cold anymore doesn't mean your body stopped needing food." She balked. "What a curse that would be," Usagi's first love were eating and sleeping. Trench had a habit of denying her the second, but she wasn't about to let go of the first.

Varian raises one finger to argue, then quietly drops it.

"...Point rescinded."

He lets her go on with her mothering advice, not interrupting her and only rolling his eyes with some gentle good-natured ribbing.

"Okay, okay, I will. I don't think my body has got that bad, yet. You can breathe."

"Smart boy."

She doesn't bother pointing out just how bad his body DID get with corruption. So she merely sipped her soup, knowing that he was grateful for her actions even if he found them mildly annoying.

Usagi idly chewed on a small chunk of tofu before turning back to him.

"I..." she frowned and looked down at her thermos. "It's important to be attentive to your body," because she hadn't been able to help with the Corruption, she hadn't helped with turning him from beast back to boy. She idly scratched the side of her thermos with her nails.

"So... I guess better over-attentive than under."

"I am told I can be that, sometimes."

Har har, genius joke. It falls a little flat, though, because he knows he hasn't been doing the smart thing. He's been stubbornly trying to deal with all of this himself, and just like Dipper warned him would happen, his loved ones have been the ones to pay the highest cost for that. He's quiet for a moment, brow furrowed, before he lets out a slow breath.

"I know. And I'm sorry. I should have let you guys help me. I just-" he thinks back to her fangs, how scared she'd been. "I don't know. I was scared that making you guys worry about me would have made things worse for you. Like...like the corruption would have fed into each other? I don't know. I was wrong anyway."

"Mnn, not sure you always believe it, though," she counters.

She sips her miso again and watches him, listening as he explains why he was scared to share with her... with anyone about his corruption. She winced at how he feared it'd only make her corruption worse, well, not just HER, but others too. She idly ran her fingers against her palm where she had dug into them into herself to bleed. But the wounds had healed, not a single scar left behind. She reaches out and grabs his hand, giving it a squeeze.

"So, what is it you want to do if it happens again, instead?" she asked him, gently stroking his hand with her thumb. "Like, let's hope it DOESN'T but it doesn't hurt to plan for it."

"...Maybe not always, no."

Her actions don't go unnoticed, and his chest feels heavy and painful for catching it. Is this what it's going to be from now on? All of them trying not to put too much on the other, for fear that they'll break one another- push each other to the edge? He squeezes her hand back.

"I'm still...working on a plan. I know the answer isn't to block other people out, that just...made it worse," he exhales softly. "So I don't know. Talk more, I guess. If I feel it getting really bad, get as far away from the town as possible."

"Can... I tell you what helped me? I don't know if it would help you but... I opened up, completely, with Rei, Mina-chan, and Mako-chan. I told them... without holding back anything about the corruption, about why I had it because I knew why I did."

She squeezed his hand.

"And they listened, and they let me get it all out, 'cause it had been building for a while. And... and they reminded me I had a choice," she inclined her head. "And I think... I got so wrapped up in thinking I was forever trapped in something I chose, that there was no backing out and I was putting myself through hell for..." she let out a breath. "Well, anyway, we talked about the real problem, the thing eating away at me, no... judgment, no... blame, no betrayal about me opening up just letting me put it all out there and finally getting it out of my system. I mean, don't get me wrong, I was scared at hurting them, but they also assured me nothing I said was going to hurt them, they let me just say everything I needed to. So, Varian, I think it's important you have that too, that you have someone, several someones, ideally, that you can be brutally honest with about how you're feeling. And just so you know, it's okay if it's not me, it's ALSO okay if it's not Fern, or Rapunzel, Luz, or Maul, because, in the end, it's not about me or them, yeah? It's about you and making sure you feel like you can speak your truth."

She pulled his hand towards her and pressed a kiss to the back of his knuckles.

Edited 2022-01-17 08:24 (UTC)

He falls quiet, letting her speak. He's glad she found some comfort in what he knew was worrying her- that gives him no small amount of ease himself. He'd been really worried about that for her, that it was eating at her. The fact she feels better after talking it out...well.

"I know what I need to do, I do."

That much had been made very clear already. It was just getting there which was the problem. He'd made of habit of pushing his negative emotions down and now they were coming back to bite him. This was like unlearning some pretty hard-earned lessons.

"I just...need some time getting there, but I know I can trust you with it, I do," as much as he was afraid of hurting her, Dipper was right, that was a smaller pain to what could happen if he got worse. "It's just...hurdles I have to work on. I am, I promise."

And she should know he won't make those lightly. Not ever.

"You've had to emotionally carry a lot of things on your own. It's not all that surprising this is a hurdle for you, Varian. It's... well, it's not okay because it's hurting you, but it's good that you recognize it for what it is and are working to not only face but overcome it."

She reached out and lightly pushed some of his hair out of his face, smiling.

"And I know you'll get there, and I'll be beside you the whole time."

"I didn't though, that's the thing. I could have talked to any of you at any time, I just...didn't."

He is very aware of where he failed, and where he needs to move on to do better in the future. It's...a start, at least. He smiles faintly at her touch.

"Thank you, I know you will. I really appreciate that."

"Mnn, that's not what I meant," she offered gently, watching people come and go, some people eyeing Varian's house, or more specifically, the tower at the top of it before moving on.

Usagi gently pulled her hand away, taking another sip of her miso soup.

He's used to people staring at his weird-ass house- but at least it fits the general oddness of Cassandra. Mostly. He hesitates for a moment, watching her.

"It uh...wasn't?" he asks, unsure. "What- what did you mean?"

"Before you befriended Rapunzel back home, before Eugene and Cassandra and Lance, when something bothered you, when something upset you, who did you talk to?"

"Oh."

Usagi you are not going to like this answer. He drops his gaze, shifting uneasily. Things were better now, he knew that- but he can't erase the fact that they used to be pretty damn bad.

"No one," that's...the easy answer. "Dad...he- it wasn't easy to talk to him about...stuff. He wasn't really good at the emotional talks, y'know? And no one else in the village talked to me so...yeah. No one. I just dealt with it on my own."

Enjoy that wonderful insight into Why Varian Is Like This, Usagi.

Honestly, Usagi wasn't surprised. Saddened, but not surprised. His tale wasn't all that different from Ami's, Rei's, or Makoto's. An incredible person, with an incredible ability, who others struggled to relate to, who didn't want to make the effort to see more than the surface.

"So now, with all that in mind, here comes... Rapunzel, here comes Cass, and Eugene, and all these people. Here comes Deerington and all those people, then Trench. And you're being asked to open up and share everything that upsets you without having been shown how, without having been ALLOWED to until Rapunzel came into your life and then more and more."

She reached out and held his cheek, gently running her thumb along his skin.

"So when I say, you had to carry a lot of emotional weight on your own, Varian, you haven't HAD all these people for... years. You've had a few years here, but it doesn't outnumber the years you lived through before. That there are hiccups? That there are things you are struggling with after all those years? You need to be gentler with yourself, boy genius though you most certainly are."

Honestly, Varian had never much thought about it until Usagi put it exactly like that. He's just accepted it the way things are. Quirin had always been so unmoveable- he knew his dad loved him, so very much, he never grew up being unsure of that. But the rest? He honestly never realised it was as much of a struggle as it was. Another quiet little oh escapes him, as a rather large piece of the jigsaw puzzle of his life is slotted firmly in place.

That would explain an awful lot.

"I...never thought about it like that before. I just-" he hesitates- because thinking of Quirin in a bad light is something he still struggles with, even now his father is his universe. "Dad really did...does love me. I don't think he did it on purpose. He was just... bad at it."

At talking to his own kid. He knows a lot of that was because of all the stress of the moonstone. Of guarding one kingdom's secrets while serving as a leader to another. Raising a kid he frankly didn't understand in the slightest, alone. ...But god, it would have been nice to be able to talk.

He leans against her touch- he's still trying to process this. It's like a veil has been lifted and he's not sure if knowing this is better or worse.

"I guess you're right. I uh... I'm not so good at the whole...being gentler to myself, you know that," it's definitely nothing different to their usual conversations, that part. "But...yeah. I do see what you mean. I um- definitely need to think on that one."

When he says he never thought of it like that before, she can't help but think 'I know.' She moves from holding his cheeks in her hands to just outright hugging him, her arms tight around his twig of a frame.

But it was so much better than their last hug when his skin was made of rocks.

"I know you're not," she says when he mentions how he's bad at being kind to himself. "And with help and time, you will be, because you achieve amazing things when you put your mind to it. But for now, I want you to think about... would you say those things you say to yourself if a younger Varian was in front of you? If a 6, 7, or 8-year-old Varian was right here, would you say those same things to him? So let's try... whenever you think something negative about yourself, I want you to think about saying it to 6-year-old you. I want you to picture little Varian in your mind and saying the terrible things I know you say to yourself to him."

Edited 2022-02-12 22:19 (UTC)

He's still largely quiet, he does return the hug, but there's a distance in his expression. Not aimed at her, not at all. Something has just been made very obvious to him and he's realising he missed a pretty substantial aspect of what made him how he is today. Probably for the worst. Definitely for the worst.

Her advice is good, too. Solid, as it always is. It's scary, too- because this gives him the means to take positive steps to look after himself better. Something he definitely needs to learn to do. The entire mess he's just been through is a clear indicator of that. He hugs her a little tighter- so desperately glad he has her here.

"You're right. I- I'll try," he can offer that much, at least. "I might need to be reminded once in a while. But- but I know I need to do better with this...with how I treat...me."

She hugs him tighter when she feels him hold on a little harder. She lets out a breath.

"I can remind you every day if you need, if you want me to. And we'll figure out what works best for you."

"Thanks, Usagi," he heaves out a slow breath. "I...I think I'll take you up on that. Just for a little while, until it gets through my thick skull."

Look, he knows he's an obstinate little shit, he gets it.

"And I can do the same for you, because I think you sometimes forget that, too."

"I'm happy to do it, Varian. I wouldn't have offered it otherwise." She's absolutely happy to help Varian be kinder to himself, to be gentler to himself, to see himself the amazing way so many others do.

At the mention of helping her in return, she's quiet, resting her forehead on his shoulder. She lets out a breath.

"Okay..." she says softly. "It... if you want to, I won't say no."

"Of course I want to," a smirk plays on his lips. "I wouldn't have offered it otherwise."

He shifts to pat a hand on her back soothingly.

"Maybe between the both of us, we'll figure this out."

"Your brain, my stubbornness? Oh, definitely," she pressed a kiss to his temple. "We'll absolutely figure it out. I know we will."

She pulled away a tiny bit and gestured to the thermos.

"Go back to your soup, you still haven't had enough food today."

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[Open] Keep it locked up, keep it sealed tight

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CW: past minor self-harm

CW: past minor self-harm

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