Keep a running list of all your doubts and your dead ends

[laminae]

Who: Fern laminae and open.
What: Catch-all log for January.
When: Early January so far.
Where: Around Trench.

Content Warnings: Violent death, fighting, post-death blues.

Let's fight a god (Closed to Dirk and Varian)

[Fern can't figure out if this is the best idea he's ever had, or the worst. He's hit a point in his desperation where any idea, no matter how unlikely or ridiculous-sounding, is an idea he's willing to try. He is, of course, being driven by his love for Varian, his desire to see the person he cares most about in the world stop spiraling into the abyss, and he's well aware that making decisions ruled by emotions generally isn't the best thing to do. But at the same time they've tried so many other things - those supposed anti-corruption cookies, taking Varian out to socialize and have more company, indulging in his love of science - and nothing has worked. Varian has steadily gotten worse and worse, and that's why he's out here today. Before leaving the house he sent his boyfriend a quick text, deliberately doing so to make sure he won't get it too soon and try to stop him before he confronts The Tower.

At least he's brought someone along. Dirk was the natural choice for him, what with his godhood and experience with cosmic beings and his willingness to put up a fight. Between the two of them they have more experience with gods than most people, so if he has any chance at all of getting a solution out of Varian's Patron Pthmuerian it'll be with him. And if he doesn't, well, at least he tried. He tried and he'll find some other idea to try. He'll keep on trying until Varian starts to improve, and not before then.

(The idea that he might just fail, that Varian might get so bad there's no coming back from him and he might end up the Lumenarium does occur to him, but he refuses to actually entertain that notion. He's risking even more corruption himself if he does.)

It was at least easy to figure out which Patron was Varian's. The hideout during November, as well as Varian's personality and love of science makes it clear to him that it could only be The Tower. From there it was only a matter of asking around to find out where the most recent sighting of the Pthumerian was - a little plaza in Gaze near the School of Mutter, the area circled by ancient, crumbling statues and gnarled old trees. It's creepy and ominous but there he is, standing starkly in contrast to the other statues, looking as if he's been carved out of smooth marble. Several ravens have settled themselves on his shoulders, content to be resting there despite the chilly weather.

Fern's hands clench into fists and he has to resist the urge to form a grass sword. The familiar weight would offer some comfort, but he's here to talk, not attack the guy. So he glances to his side, over at Dirk.]

Oookay, let's do this.

Post-death - For Varian

[Fern's crystallized grassy remains in the little plant pot for the next few days. They don't do much, no rooting or responding to the grow light Luz has set up. The grass remains suspended in the crystals, still and silent, until one night when squid ink begins to leak out of the shreds of plant matter, through the crystal and into the dirt. What follows is a fairly quick process: the crystal cracks and breaks, and from the grass Fern's squid body remains. It only remains that way for a few moments though, suddenly overtaken by a whole surge of grass as Fern regrows the rest of his body, a large lump of grass that ungracefully falls off the table and onto the floor.

Smooth.]

Post-death - OTA

[It takes him a little while to fully pull himself back together and feel some semblance of normal, but eventually Fern manages. He thankfully doesn't have the deathflu to contend with, so all it is is general exhaustion from having been dead and literally regrowing his entire body. It means that for the first few days of being back, he sticks near the house in Cassandra instead of going out to his usual haunts in Ache and Willful Machine, not wanting to worry anyone about overexerting himself.

He can generally be found up on the roof, always accompanied by one horse-sized black wolf who happens to be toasty warm. There's one huge upside to having a fire wolf for a friend, Hazel's proximity is perfect in fighting off the chill of winter.

If anyone approaches the house and enters the yard Hazel's ears will perk up, though Fern will give the wolf a reassuring pat on the head before waving.]

The Red - Rest and Recovery

[The flyer sounds a little sketchy, but Fern remembers some of the kinder parties in Deerington, and honestly, the idea of hanging out somewhere supposedly safe from corruption sounds nice. Exactly the kind of thing at least half the Sleepers in Trench need after the situation with Varian, and even though he had been dead at the time that includes himself.

He can be found at The Red on various nights, dressed up in his outfit from Madam Generosity, a style that's a combination of viking and barbarian with one very furry, very cozy-looking fur cloak. Early on in the month he's more commonly found curled up in one of the giant cushions, drinking some soda, exhausted and recovering from his time being dead.]

The Red - Music Jam

[Later on in the month, when he's feeling more like his usual self, he'll be taking a bit more of an active interest in the talent and fashion shows. He finds a seat near the stage, especially interested in the musical acts.

Maybe he's brought his guitar with him tonight, strumming it idly in between act. Or maybe it's another night where he has one very steampunk-looking flute in his hands, drumming his fingers along it anxiously. If anyone happens to take a seat next to him he looks over.]

They're pretty good, huh?

Comments

TIME FOR PAIN

[droptheious]

[It's a good thing that Varian has had people consistently taking care of him, post-beasthood. They've been making sure he's rested as much as he can, eaten and started to heal. And he has been healing. What's left are just vestiges of his corruption, ashen skin and too-long claws. The hallucinations are mostly gone now, and he does feel like he's on the road to recovery.

But Fern...Fern is the one thing keeping him from healing entirely. Until Fern comes back, a piece of him has been ripped out of his chest, making a full recovery impossible. And so Varian has waited, focusing on the fact Fern will return, unable to entertain for a second that he might not. He doesn't want to think about that- he might regress completely and bring them back to square one.

So he's been staying close to Fern's little pot, very rarely letting it out of his sight, except for when he's dragged away to eat or rest. He;s deeply, endlessly grateful when those strands of grass finally start to show movement, to show life. He's ready to just...pick him up and huck him into a bathtub if he needs to- if he gets stuck in squid form. Luckily, it doesn't go that way, and Fern quickly shifts into his grassy self. Not all the way there yet, but familiar enough for Varian to recognise. Even with the super smooth crash landing.

He moves close to him, putting a hand on what equates as his shoulder. ]

Fern? You- [obviously he's not okay] it's- you're back. [A little sob breaks out, that he's been holding in for what feels like weeks.] You're back.

LET'S DO IT

[laminae]

[Fern is going to be eternally grateful that Varian hasn't been left alone after everything that happened (once he knows what happened). As it is, right now it feels like his head is stuffed with cotton balls, and he's still sorting out which blades of grass are tied to limbs and which aren't.

He doesn't hear Varian, he doesn't have his ears back quite yet, but he does see him and that's enough for him to try and rush the whole regrowing process. Making a bunch of garbled noises that don't sound like anything at all he tries to shake himself down to his normal appearance, get his ears and nose back hands back in order. Once he's halfway there he latches onto Varian in a tight hug, nearly barreling him over.

He still doesn't look great, but his boyfriend's appearance and behaviour has improved immensely since he last saw him.

As soon as it's even possible his eyes are filling up with tears, and Fern is making no attempt to stop himself from blubbering all over Varian's shoulder. He doesn't care, he's alive and Varian is alive and the corruption is going down and everything seems okay, right now.]

S - sorry, I really donked it up, huh?

[droptheious]

[Varian takes the barrelling hug, deeply glad for it. While he's seen people do revive here, that the process post-death is certainly kinder than it was in Deerington, he was still afraid of him not coming back. Repressed as it was. But he's here and he's back and that means they can heal from this.

The tears come freely once Fern speaks, one he starts crying himself. The dam has well and truly broken. His arms tighten around his boyfriend another soft sob breaking out of him before he shakes his head. ]

N-No. You didn't. You just did what you thought was best. [Which turned out trying to fight a god but that's Classic Fern right there. ] It was my fault. Dipper told me how to handle this, what I needed to do and I just...I didn't do that. And you got killed for me doing something stupid and reckless. Again. I'm- I'm so so sorry.

The Red - Music Jam

[demonicbeauty]

[Ariadne isn't an exhibitionist by nature. But there's something about the Snake's Den that makes her feel more comfortable, at ease. It isn't the drink, although she's had a few glasses of something the color of a snake's tongue. Alastrians can't get drunk. It's just...the atmosphere.

It just makes her want to...be more herself.

Which is part of the reason why she goes up on stage that night, playing one of her father's lullabies on her father's flute.

The song is as light and as airy as Ariadne herself. Soothing. Beautiful. And really quite simple.]

[laminae]

[It's very cool to see Ariadne up on stage. Fern knows she isn't the most outgoing person, so putting herself out there can't be easy, but oh man, why hasn't she done this sooner? He's totally enraptured by her flute playing (Grass Demon especially, given his own skills), and when she finishes her set he's hauling himself off the exceptionally comfy cushion and going over to her, his own flute in hand.]

That was awesome. I had no idea you could play the flute, too.

post death!

[grice]

[ it was actually pretty easy to start talking to the plants once he, you know, actually started doing that. falco would come by nearly every day to talk to fernie and wait for fern to be at full growth. talking about . . . everyday things. how the weather was, what he saw on the way over, how many memes he’s sent varian, how much he’d walk around with his plant knives— all examples! useful tools that he’s now traded in his switchblade for, falco always has them by his side; one at his hip and the smallest of the set tucked away in his pocket for emergencies.

his trek to disaster house today was one of surprise, to see a massive canine on the roof with a green buddy— to which, once he recognizes and realizes that he’s there and back, quickly picks up his pace and holds his arm up to wave back with bolting energy, all while trying to jog through the messenger back hitting his side. ]

[laminae]

[Fernie certainly appreciates the attention, and is going to be thriving by the time Fern comes back. Fern, on the other hand, is very much recovering from having been dead for days. It isn't as bad as the deathflu in Deerington, but it's still rough, and that's why he has Hazel so closely attached. Who wouldn't want a toasty, fluffy giant wolf helping them get back on their feet?

Though when Falco arrives, both he and Hazel get up and make their way over to the edge of the roof. Instead of hopping off himself he clambers onto Hazel's back, and the wolf leaps to the ground, making growly noses as he approaches the boy to sniff him,]

Hey, dude.

the red - rest and recovery

[entreats]

Fern!

[ Is that voice just slightly too loud by Ange standards? It sure is, considering she usually keeps her tone relatively even - but true to extrovert January, all of that went out of the window for this month. There's no way she's even going to fuss about approaching Fern when she can just do it without thinking for once.

Especially since she's so concerned. It's a concern that shines through in her voice. Sure, she's glad to see him here now, back after that post she saw over the network about what happened to him, but that doesn't mean she can't still be worried about how all of that felt to him.

If happens to look over, Ange is fairly.. noticable too. She is wearing a huge golden gown after all. And she's currently trying to lift the bottom of it up a little so she can run over to the cushion he's sitting on without tripping over her own dress. ]

It's so good to see you back.. How are you feeling?

[laminae]

[Oh. Oh wow, he has to do a doubletake here because all of this is so un-Ange that for a second Fern thinks this is some other redhead trying to get his attention while dressed in an enormous gown.

But no, it's just Ange, and as he sits up on the cushion he's left thinking just what the heck did he miss when he was dead?? He wasn't gone for that long, was he?]

Uhhh, hey. [He raises a hand, then drops it, looking up and down at her dress. It's so much dress. So much dress.] I'm not dead, so that's good? Do you, uh. Need help sitting down?

[He's just going to go ahead and hold his hand out to help her out a bit.]

Post-death

[themuseabandonsyou]

[ Orpheus has been heading over to the house nearly ever day since - well, since everything. He doesn't always go in. Sometimes he just hovers nearby, debating whether his presence would make things better or worse before deciding 'worse' and leaving. But today he spots the bundled silhouette and the massive wolf on the roof, and breaks into a run. ]

Fern! [ It's him, right? It has to be. Orpheus is limping pretty significantly, the skin on his leg still tight and painful and healing, but he ignores that for now. ] Fern, is that you?

[laminae]

[Despite the whole dying thing Fern is as stubborn as ever, and having a fire wolf just means that he has a very good reason to be able to hang out outside rather than indoors.

Hazel lets out a loud woof at the appearance of Orpheus, giving his tail a little wiggle. Fern, meanwhile, notices the limping, and looks concerned as he leans over the edge of the roof.]

Yeah, man. Back from the dead. You okay?

Post-death

[no_reload]

[With the news that Fern had been killed, Reaper had stayed closer to Disaster House to remain vigilant over it while it could be considered 'defenseless' in a sense. He never entered the house or even came in the yard, but until he was certain that Fern had made a return, he at least had it within his sights most days and nights.

Once he knew that Fern was back, he had eased away for longer periods of time. He knew what dying was like in this place, and while it wasn't particularly unpleasant compared to Deerington, it was not without its flaws either.

Maybe that's why when he saw that Fern was vegetating on the roof with a large canine that he sent over a care package. His Omen, Wraith, flew the distance between the rooftop where he was standing and to where Fern was. In clawed feet, the black peacock carried a loaf tin secure in a bag. With a haunting call, the bird circled down and down until dropping the package in Fern's lap.

Then, Wraith fluttered to land on the chimney and watched, letting Reaper view the scene through his Omen's eyes.]

[laminae]

[Recovering is at least going a lot smoother than it ever did in Deerington. No deathflu, no amnesia, just exhaustion and a feeling of raggedness from having been dead and regrown his entire body. It could be far, far worse, and that's why Fern is feeling well enough to hang out on the roof with Hazel. The wolf is cozy and toasty warm, and it feels better than being cooped up inside.

Fern recognizes the peacock immediately, no other Sleepers having a bird like that for their Omen. Hazel's ears perk up and he raises his head, but Fern tells him to shush and that Wraith isn't food. He gives the bird a wave before starting to open the package.]

red music

[siriusly]

[Manabu and Magnet are here now and then, the former not entirely ready to admit it's for his own sake as it is just checking into see if anyone he knows is here and alright.

point in case: Fern. he hasn't seen the green kid in a while, and if he's honest, with all the things that have been going on in his own life? he kind of hadn't thought to check, and that gives him pause and a little pang of guilt the moment he actually catches enough glimpse of green under that furry getup to notice it's him. he doesn't move to approach right away - that's awful close to the stage, not his style - but his omen certainly has no inhibitions the way the rest of him does.

the dog takes the direct route under tables and chairs and legs, pawing at Fern's feet for his attention so he can dog-point in Manabu's direction.]

god I love your art

[laminae]

[Oh hey! Fern is never not going to be thrilled to see a dog, especially one that he knows. He grins when he notices the pawing, hauling himself up so he can just scoop Magnet up into his arms. As happy as he is not being in Ooo he still misses his brothers, so Magnet is going to get all the snuggles!!]

Hey, boy!

[Eventually he looks up, still pretty tired and ragged from recent events, and gives Manabu a wave.]

'Sup dude.

post death

[zib]

[Thank goodness Fern is back. Granted, he looks like he's still recovering from dying and all that, but it's better than being dead, he thinks.

When Zib sees him on the roof of the house, Zib gives an awkward wave back and, if allowed, will climb up onto the roof as well so that he can talk with Fern properly.]

Hey... uh, I'd ask if you're okay but that's probably a dumb question. So... are you feeling any better?

[laminae]

[Zib is absolutely allowed on the roof, and Fern will scoot over a little so that he can sit with him and Hazel. Hazel lifts his head up, making grumbly noises, and leans over to sniff Zib curiously. It's all good.]

Pretty exhausted, but it's better than Deerington's whole process. Every time you died there you came back with the flu, and the more times you time the harder you got hit with temporary amnesia. It sucked, big time, and this is a cakewalk compared to it.

post-death, pls forgive i do not have pictures yet for BABY ILLARION

[unsheathedfromreality]

Fern!!

[Hey look, it's another person who knows Fern and is delighted to see him alive again!

Wait, who is this kid running up to the Disaster House with an enormous grin on his face? Not human, for sure, with chalk-pale skin and red stripes on his face and black-and-white feathers for hair and covering his sharp ears. But he certainly looks like he thinks Fern should know him.]

You're back! You're alive! How are you? What happened?

[There's a familiar pentas-flower clip pinned near one temple to keep his unruly bangs out of his eyes.]

I want pics when you get them!!

[laminae]

[Thaaat is definitely a kid he doesn't recognize. But a kid's a kid and he isn't about to tell them to get lost, especially when he seems to know him. So he's a bit confused, but he still waves, hauling himself to his feet to make his way to the edge of the roof.]

Hey -

[That's when he sees the flower clip, and it clicks in his head.]

Hold up, Pentas? [He frowns a little, and with Hazel following him he'll climb onto the wolf's back so he can jump down to the ground.]

wildcard!

[vibing]

[ Yuri's spent most of his time in Trench so far people watching. He goes from roof to roof, a sword strapped to his back, weighing him down, but there's no way he's going to let go of it, not in an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people. He's seen strange people here, not human, not Kritian, like nothing he's ever seen before, and he is just young enough and just rude enough to do something about it.

He's seen a green guy more than once, and his curiosity isn't satiated by just watching him, which he does. When the green guy walks through the market, Yuri is watching him. When he leaves to head home, Yuri scrambles down the wall and runs after him, stopping short (maybe) of being seen.

He needs to know, and he will ask, maybe. But right now, he's trying to figure it out. Is this guy... made of plants? That's so weird, and so cool. He picks after him for as long as he can without being seen, but he is ten, and isn't the most stealthy ten-year-old at that. ]

[laminae]

[Fern isn't the most observant person in Trench, so it takes him a little while to notice he's being stalked. But eventually he starts getting that itch at the back of his mind that something is off, and the more he walks around the city the more clear it becomes that someone is following him. He just isn't sure who or for what reason, and he isn't totally sure that a weird grass kid that tried to fight a Patron making a scene in the middle of a busy street is the best idea ever...

So he's going to go and duck down an alleyway that's pretty empty. He's got this, he's totally got this.]

Lets Fight a God

[givehead]

(Dirk felt good. It had been a while since he had a good brawl with something that could potentially actually fuck him up. He had nothing to lose here. The stakes did not exist and it made him feel like he could do anything in the world. It's about the best place for Dirk Strider to be in a fight. Just arrogant enough that he would risk bold moves. The only real downside was that he could get a few people fucked over in this situation. Part of him almost wanted to tell Fern he could handle it, but as a closet romantic, he understood the desire to fight for one's boyfriend. He had ripped someone's soul out before over that kind of thing.

Plus, he trusted knights. If Fern was a knight, if Fern knew how to fight, then he had to trust that this guy could handle something dangerous. He wasn't about to disrespect that either. Fern seemed confident enough to swing into this. So, he was capable. That was good.

Dirk practically blends in with the pale statues around him. His expression is blank, unmoving, his skin pale as the marble surrounding them. The only difference was all of his cracks and fractures were internal. He had his own sword in hand, but he wasn't in a fighting poise. If anything, Dirk almost looked bored at a glance. He was leaning against one of the statues, a comfortable slouch in his shoulders. He was anything but bored, but he had taught himself to look casual no matter the situation. It was a good way to fuck with an enemy's head.)

We'll be fine, man. Don't worry. I got your back.

(He did, too. He would put his life on the line so Fern could get out of this if it could be managed. That's what his role in these situations was supposed to be.)

Chill. (His advice comes softly. He's empathetic to why Fern might be nervous, but still.) I know it sucks, but just focus. (He leans on his sword.) We got this.

[laminae]

[Fern is the opposite of casual. He's anxious, nervous, ready to start stabbing instead of exercising any reasonable behaviour. Varian is in an awful state and he's at the end of his rope, and it's all too tempting to just let the octopus in his head take over. Dirk's reassurance helps a tiny bit, and he's grateful he isn't doing this on his own. If he was he's pretty sure he'd be guaranteed to screw this up.

Fern gives a little nod, absently rubbing his upper right arm.]

Thanks, dude. [He just needs to repeat that a few times in his head. Dirk has his back. If he could breathe he'd be taking a very deep breath right now, but as it is he just pauses for a moment, trying to focus on his happy place, that quote Varian had told him, before heading towards The Tower.]

Right. We got this.

[He keeps on going towards the Pthumerian, stopping in front of him. Glaring him down a little.]

Uh... hey.

[There isn't an immediate reaction from the Tower due to the whole statue thing, and that is already making Fern more anxious.]

Post Death [Can't believe I missed this]

[imaglyphwitch]

[Did Luz know that her light wasn't going to amount to much? Yes and no: in the back of her mind she knew that all of them were pretty much squid guys now, so even if Fern was a plant, he would start as a squid and then come into his own. Really, there was just some dumb comfort to having him under the light.

Once she's told he broke through though, Luz searches for him and finds him on the roof, full on resting style. She approaches warily at first, not wanting to full on disturb him, but finally she settles next to him, her legs drawn up, doing her best to not bawl all over him].

It's good to have you back.

[Gosh, what else could she say? She really didn't want to go on how she hadn't felt like doing anything, but after seeing Varian she had to seclude herself and see a blood minister so she could lower her corruption. She didn't want to say it was so quiet that she'd forced herself to sleep most days, because she felt so restless she wanted to scream.

She also didn't want to hug the ever loving crap out of him to feel he was here and permanent even though that was exactly what she wanted to do, more than anything].

How are you feeling?

[There. That sounded good and mature].

[laminae]

[It's weird being back after all of that. He's pretty sure he's never going to get used to the squid thing. But he's back and it's nice being himself again, it's nice being not dead and it's nice seeing Varian's condition improving.

So when Luz climbs onto the roof and sits down next to him he gives her a tired grin. And he's totally dragging her into a hug, because it's clear they both need one right now.]

Thanks, Luz.

[He is noooot letting go anytime soon.]

Tired. Real tired. Not flu-y, so that's a plus.