[003] And the walls kept tumbling down

[themuseabandonsyou]

Who: Orpheus (themuseabandonsyou)
What: January Catch-all
When: January
Where: Crenshaw, The Red, one of Trench's parks

Warnings: burns, discussion of organ theft, forced honesty effects, memory loss/loss of sense of self, disorientation, possibly more as marked in thread headers



I. Gray clouds roll over the hills bringing darkness from above ( cw: burns, discussion of organ theft ) ( closed to Eurydice )

Orpheus comes stumbling in the front door a little over an hour after he ran out. It had been abrupt and frantic when he went, snatching up one of his spare sets of guitar strings and wordlessly sprinting down the street towards a plume of smoke in the distance - whether Eurydice had been there to see him go, he'd been too distracted to tell, too focused on the problem at hand. But she's here, now, as he returns, smelling of burning cloth and worse.

One of his pant legs is seared off up to the knee, still smoldering slightly, and the exposed skin of his calf is - not looking good. He was still able to put weight on it long enough to get home, which is promising, but as he makes it through the threshhold he collapses sideways, leaning heavily against the wall and sliding down it awkwardly into a crumpled heap on the floor.

"I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it." He repeats it to himself quietly, over and over again. His shoulders shake as he puts his face in his hands, breathing hard between the pain and apparent distress.

II. But if you close your eyes ( cw: forced honesty effects, possible further warnings in thread headers ) ( OTA )

It's not the first time Orpheus has seen the gigantic gemstone octopus that decorates the Red's entrance - he spent a great deal of time there on his first day, even, trying to figure out how to find Eurydice, and even after that he passes by it regularly on his way to find work in Cellar Door. But there is a certain sense of awe that comes with actually walking through the betentacled doors, having been invited in. Something about it feels like a massive weight has been lifted from his shoulders, and he blinks in wide-eyed surprise at the luxury of the club that lies within. It's like nothing he's ever seen before, save for in photos, and he stands there for a long moment just taking it all in until someone jostles him out of the way.

II-A. Watching
Despite Orpheus being, well, himself, it actually doesn't occur to him to get on stage at first. He watches the other acts with enthusiastic attention, whistling and clapping for his friends and strangers alike, but whenever the call goes up for the next performer, he looks... torn. Fidgeting with the strap of the guitar on his back, he frowns, glancing around him, then back at the stage with almost an almost hungry look. He wants to go. He doesn't want to go. Even feeling more relaxed here than he has in days, all the ostentation around him, the high-class of the setting and his own feeling out of place in it combine into the sort of pressure to do well that he's rarely felt before. Usually all he does is play for friends, but this? Even if the audience is mostly other Sleepers, this feels different.
II-B. Playing
Sooner or later, though, someone convinces Orpheus to take the stage, to swallow his reservations and just go, and ultimately he's grateful for it. He strides up to the spotlight and slides his guitar around in front of him, taking a deep breath, and begins to play a lively, rousing song, the crackling glow of campfire-light cast all around him as he sings.

"It's only for need to pay the bills
That a man goes to work in the mine, in the mill
For what does he trade the sunshine?
For a couple of nickels and dimes
But up on top a man can breathe
When he's livin' it, livin' it up
With friends and family to meet his needs
Livin' it up on top
Won't make anyone a millionaire
We're livin' it, livin' it up
But what we have, we have to share

Give me a lyre and a campfire
And an open field at night
Give me the sky that you can't buy
Or sell at any price
And I'll give you a song for free
'Cause that's how life ought to be

So that's how I'm livin' it
Livin' it, livin' it up
Livin' it up on top"
II-C. Mingling
And when he comes back down, it's like all his worries have washed away. He practically bounds off the stage, face flushed and grinning, making a beeline for the first person he recognizes or maybe just whoever catches his eye.

"How was that?" he asks, earnest, eyes shining. "I've been - I couldn't fix things with my music before, so I was worried I was losing it, but that - it sounded all right, didn't it?"

There's a beat, then his brow furrows slightly, a look of confusion on his face. What did he just say?

III. Does it almost feel nothing's changed at all ( cw: memory loss/loss of sense of self, disorientation ) ( OTA )

The man standing out in the middle of one of Trench's few, scattered parks looks a lot like Orpheus. He's older, though - it's hard to tell how much, but clearly well past his 20s, and looking even older than he probably is for the stress lines on his face, speckled with old, faded little scars from stray sparks kicked up while welding. He seems exhausted, too, like every movement he's forcing himself not to just collapse on the spot. None of Orpheus's puppy-like exuberance shines through in this man, bundled against the cold like he's even less accustomed to it than usual in layers upon layers and just silently putting one foot in front of the other, except -

The sun starts to peek through the clouds, a lone shaft of sunlight falling on one of the trees, and he raises his head from where he'd been staring at the ground to look - and his eyes grow wide with childlike wonder. He doesn't move towards it. He doesn't dare breathe, for fear that any slight change could take this sight away from him. A tear runs down his face all the same. It's been so long.

Comments

[entreats]

Despite Orpheus going out of his way to apologize here, Ange doesn't seem offended in the slightest. In fact, she even seems to smile a little at him when he looks up at her, especially now the heaviest part of the topic has most likely passed.

"Right now? Mostly kind of worried about you."

That's still a little more honest than she'd usually be, considering how openly and easily she's saying that, but.. well, this place just drags it right out of her.

"You seem to be taking this really hard, if you don't mind me pointing that out so bluntly." Because even in its bluntness, it does seem true. For Orpheus to start about that at an occasion like this.. It must mean that these thoughts have been hanging around in his brain.

[themuseabandonsyou]

Orpheus smiles at the concern, or at least the honesty over the concern, laughing a little. Turnabout is fair play, he guesses.

"I just... worry," he says, looking down at his hands in his lap. "About being a burden, or a bad friend. A bad husband. It seems like everyone else is so smart, or strong, or clever, and I can... play the guitar."

He's underselling himself, he knows, but it's hard not to when he feels so ineffectual.

"I keep trying to help, but it either doesn't work or makes things worse. I couldn't help Julia back in Deerington, and when I tried during that experiment with the portals it just put the people who were trying to keep me safe in danger. Eurydice died before I could fix the seasons back home, because I was too focused on something that wasn't going to work the way I was doing it. And, here all I really did while trying to help Varian was hurt myself and upset Eurydice by putting myself in harm's way again."

He shakes his head. "And I'm not even sure if any of that would've happened if I'd managed to get the prophecy about it right? I don't know what to do. I feel like I just get in the way and hurt people who care about me."

[entreats]

"Just because some stuff goes wrong.." Ange starts, but then she stops and shakes her head. When she speaks on, she corrects herself: "Just because a lot of stuff goes wrong, that doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you."

Especially in a place like this, Ange thinks. He might be including stuff from back home as well, but Ange thinks there's just a natural tendency for a lot of things to go wrong in this sort of place. And they're mostly unable to do anything about it.

It's all just too big for them, like a force of nature.

"Especially since you have plenty of good qualities, Orpheus." A topic that Ange usually would be pretty hesitant to start about, but under the current circumstances, she just smiles and speaks on - as if it's nothing. "You're infinitely kind, which is something we could use more of in the world. Not to mention you always try to lend a helping hand. Sure, it might not always turn out the way you'd like it to, but.. If I was in trouble, I'd rather have someone reach out to help and fail, rather than have no one attempt to help me at all."

[themuseabandonsyou]

Orpheus just worries his lip and nods along as Ange speaks. He seems a little distracted at first, caught up in his own head, but as it becomes clear just what she's saying, and with such open sincerity, he starts to pay much closer attention. By now he knows Ange well enough to get the impression that her saying something like this is significant, and he's clearly touched by it, eyes wide and surprised.

"Thank you," he says, smiling. It's a little forced, trying to power through the lingering sense of helplessness, but he does mean it. "That - that means a lot, to hear. I do my best, to be kind and help when I can? It never feels like enough, but. You're right. Sometimes the important thing is trying."

It doesn't take the sting of failure away, but it does re-frame it in a way that hurts just a little less. He can still show that he cares, at least, even if he can't fix everything he feels like he should be able to. That counts for something.

[entreats]

It's not like she doesn't get it. If there's any feeling places like these foster, it's that sense of helplessness. It's the worry that all of your friends are eventually going to get hurt, and there's nothing you can do about it.

But Ange hates lingering on that feeling. She doesn't want to feel helpless, let alone have people who are as consistently kind as Orpheus experiencing it.

Maybe that's why she's clinging onto it so much right now.

"I know it isn't enough," she admits. "But it's better than nothing, right?"

At least then you can still get some positive feeling out of the mess this place often leaves them in.

"I sure know that if something ever happened to me, I'd already be glad if you tried to help me out. It's better than having no one care at all about me."

[themuseabandonsyou]

"Right. There's - something important, in knowing someone cared enough to try, even if they weren't sure they could succeed," says Orpheus, thinking back on his own experiences. All the imperfect little gifts people have given him, handmade and wonderful for the flaws, all the times people have reached out and done their best and come up short but still tried no matter how hard it was. And the latter of those two were all - sort of awful, actually, because he didn't like knowing that someone got hurt or embarrassed over him, but it was still touching in its own way, knowing they were willing to risk it.

He smiles at Ange, genuine and still a little out of sorts, but clearly feeling much better than he was.

"It's a lot better than nothing," he says. "Thank you. I still - I still wish I could've done more? But I think maybe I'd feel that way no matter what happened, unless everything went perfectly, somehow." Which even he knows better than to hope for, at this point.

[entreats]

"I think that's just called 'being a good person'," Ange says. Lightly, almost teasingly, really.

Because she gets it. Ange feels the same way whenever she tries to help someone, but it just isn't enough. Which happens a lot in this place.

But she also thinks that with how specifically hard it seems to be on Orpheus, it's saying a lot about him, and a lot about how much he cares about other people.

Which means she's lightly poking fun at that very fact right now, but.. it's in a fond way, really. Ange admires his unending kindness, even if it's also exactly what makes her worry about him.

".. but, you know, I could be wrong about that."

Still a joke, judging by that smile on her face.

[themuseabandonsyou]

Orpheus seems a little confused at first, looking over at her and blinking owlishly, before it sinks in that she's not making fun of him. Or she is, but. In the nice way. He grins, laughing a little.

"I'm glad you think so," he says. "I don't think I'm a particularly good person? At least, not any more than anybody else. But, I try. And I think you're a good person too. I know you've been through a lot, but, you've always tried to help me, at least."

He beams at her, earnestly. Sure, he's seen some memories that paint her in a less than flattering light, but since he's known her? She's been nothing but helpful and concerned about his and others' safety, and he figures that counts for a lot.

[entreats]

There's an urge in Ange to protest that statement. To say that she and Orpheus truly can't be compared on absolutely any good person scale, because he would always, without a doubt, end up way above her.

But something makes her realise that maybe, just maybe, she should take the compliment for once.

".. thanks," she therefore ends up saying. "It's just that I think helping each other in this sort of place is important. Even if it might not always work," considering what Orpheus literally just told her about, "there still most likely are many cases where worse case scenarios are prevented, just because someone's getting help in time."

Hence why Ange is doing her best here in the first place to try and reassure Orpheus a little. You can never know which negative feelings might end up festering if they're left alone.

[themuseabandonsyou]

Orpheus just beams at her - knowing how hard it is to take a compliment sometimes and pleased to watch her accept it more-or-less gracefully.

"Exactly," he agrees. "I guess it's good, to look at it that way? What we do might not solve everything, but we don't know how much worse things could get, if we didn't try at all."

Ironically, Orpheus's optimism makes it hard for him to think in terms of worst case scenarios, even when it's framed as having averted them. But what Ange says makes sense, and he files away a mental note to try to consider that, going forward.

"I've been talking to some people, about all this," he says. "And I think - aside from trying harder to keep an eye on each other, I think the key is going to be knowing when and how to ask for help, ourselves. And that's... harder, than it really should be, sometimes. But it's important, here more than anywhere else, by the looks of things?"

[entreats]

"Yeah."

It's something Ange easily agrees with, though some of her good cheer does seem to be replaced with something a little more serious as she speaks on.

This is a serious topic, after all. What's happening to some people, the way they both physically and mentally change.. It seems like one of the biggest problems in this place. Especially since it's not just something that's contained to a single month - something they just have to tough out until it passes.

It's going to be a constant threat for them, apparently.

"I think it's a combination of both that, and the fact that people need to be more aware of when they're slipping in the first place."

Maybe it'd be harder to deny some physical changes, but..

"It seems that for some people the whole withdrawing and not asking for help is a part of their change, which makes it even more difficult to discover that something is wrong in time."

[themuseabandonsyou]

"Does it? That would make things harder."

Orpheus frowns, thoughtfully. Honestly, Varian's been his only major experience with any of this, and he'd sort of been distracted for a lot of the later stages. Maybe he should ask around for more details, if anyone's willing to share.

"I guess the good thing to do would be... just to make sure that everyone has at least a few people who can check on them, every now and then? So they can't just isolate themselves. That's also hard, though. Not everyone has people they're willing to trust like that."

Which seems sad, but even Orpheus knows that it's just how it is for some people.

[entreats]

Ange seems to contemplate that for a moment too, but then she slowly speaks up.

".. they'll get there."

After all, she's speaking from experience. Ange didn't trust people either for the longest time. She remembers just how long she spent in Deerington pretty much mostly by herself, unwilling to trust others, to fully let them in.

If this had been a problem back there? She would've been screwed.

But..

"I got over that as well. And maybe people will get over it even more easily here, once they realise just how important it is. Without trusting anyone, you're an easy mark here." And she doubts anyone likes the idea of falling into corruption.

[themuseabandonsyou]

There's a sort of pride to the look Orpheus gives her at that admission too, knowing how hard a time she'd had making friends in the past.

"I'm happy to hear that," he says. "Not just because of the corruption risk, but. It's good to have people you can rely on. And I think you're right. Maybe all of this will make it easier for people who have a hard time with that to open up a little more."

It's a shame that they're essentially being threatened into trusting others, and Orpheus doesn't sound as enthused about it as he could be given that part, but he guesses there are worse fates. Like turning into a lava monster, for example.

"I think tomorrow I'll take a day to just visit with people I don't see as much of," he says, thoughtfully. "I don't expect them all to tell me everything about how they're doing? But maybe just having someone check in on them will be nice. It's something, at least."

[entreats]

"That's a good idea," Ange replies - and with a smile on her face. Because honestly, the more she thinks about it, the more that's just so much like Orpheus.

He's a guy who's truly just too kind for this world. Too kind for any world. Even as he's sitting here at this fun party, he's still trying to think of what he can do for other people. It's a trait Ange has always admired in other people, that endless flow of kindness.

"Then what should I do, hm?" While the last part sounded serious, this, on the other hand, sounds a lot lighter. More casual. Honestly, Ange just sounds amused. "Should I start a class on how to make friends when you're anti-social?"

Hey, she is a success story in that regard.

[themuseabandonsyou]

Again, it takes Orpheus a second to catch on that she's joking, looking confused and a bit concerned at the self-effacing comment for a moment before it hits him. He grins, laughing a little.

"Maybe," he says. "I think a lot of people here could use that, and I'm sure you'd be a good teacher." And that's not a joke, he does genuinely think that. But even he can see how something like this might not necessarily pan out.

"I think the best we can do is just keep looking after the people we care about. So, you're already off to a good start!" He beams at her, bright as anything and a far cry from how nervous and self-conscious he'd been before.

[entreats]

For a moment Ange does wonder if that compliment is in there. It feels like it, but on the other hand, Ange sure isn't the type to go looking for compliments in statements where there aren't any.. though thankfully Orpheus' smile confirms to her that it was indeed a compliment.

It makes her smile right back at him. It feels like a relief, just knowing she was able to make him feel a little bit better in the moment. She knows that feeling of inadequacy will inevitably return in a place like this, when something might happen to someone close to you at any time without you being able to do much about it, but.. well, even managing to get rid of it for a moment feels important.

"If you ever feel like you need someone to talk to, just send me a message, alright?"

Ange might not always feel up to talking in general, but she will make an exception for friends. Especially when they need it.

"I don't doubt you have plenty of others you could send messages too as well." Since Orpheus is so social in her eyes. "But just know that my line is always open for you too."

Because Ange is not above thinking that the two of them run just as much of a risk to have something like that happen to them, if they don't seek out help when they need it.

[themuseabandonsyou]

The feelings of inadequacy will probably come back, it's true. This isn't the sort of thing that gets fixed in the course of a single conversation, not when it's been reinforced time and time and time again, in Trench and in Deerington and back where he came from. But he does feel much better for having had the chance to air out his concerns and have them soundly refuted by someone he trusts, and he'll be able to remember this conversation going forward when he starts feeling low again. At least, ideally.

"Of course!" he says, brightly. "And the same goes for you, okay? I know you've got your other friends, and Ruby to look after you, but it's always good to have options!"

Both for reasons of more people meaning more chances to catch someone who's around to listen when you need it, and that he knows sometimes there are things that could be hard to talk about with one friend but easier with another. Having a variety of people from different walks of life to talk to can make a lot of things more manageable.

[entreats]

"I'll remember that," Ange says. And she seems to mean it, since she's actually openly smiling at Orpheus as the words flow out of her mouth. If she ever ends up needing the help, and she's not too far gone yet, well.. she will call him for sure.

Though she glances around after she says it, and then shakes her head.

"Speaking of Ruby, I guess I should look for her now." Make sure she isn't doing anything ridiculous. "Thanks for the performance, Orpheus. And for the talk."

[themuseabandonsyou]

"Of course!" Orpheus beams. "I should probably go see how Eurydice's doing, too. I'll talk to you again soon, hopefully! Enjoy the rest of your evening."

And with that, he'll see her off before getting up and disappearing into the crowd himself.