deercountry | don't know who I am right now [open]

Entry tags:

don't know who I am right now [open]

Who: Yuri Lowell, but as a child, & you!
What: Yuri attempting to train with a sword and stealing some jerky
When: January 12-19
Where: Crenshaw, Willful Machine, the beach

Content Warnings: N/A

A. Training
[ When Yuri first woke up here, he woke up in a room with a lot of weapons in it. At least three swords, two shields, and more knives than he could count. He immediately took one of those swords. He doesn't have one yet at home, but it's a dream, a dream to have a sword and become a knight and change the Empire for the better.

With stolen sword in hand, a ten-year-old Yuri is out in some barren area of Trench, whatever greenery was there killed by the cold and snow. The sword is too big and too heavy for him, more than half his height in length, and his arms are shaking from the exertion, but he needs to learn. He needs to fight. He was told that this place is dangerous, and he needs to be able to fight, to defend himself, and defend those who can't defend themselves. That's what he's going to do. That's part of the oath he swore with Flynn: to make the world a better place for everyone.

He slashes down with a grunt, but with too much force, and the tip of the sword lodges itself in the ground ]

Stupid-- sword--!

[ He grumbles and tries his best to get it out, but the ground is frozen and hard around it ]

B. Haggling
No, that's too expensive.

[ Maybe it isn't that strange of a sight in Trench to see a child haggling for food. Here is a ten-year-old, bundled up in a coat that is too big for him, sleeves bunched up on his arms, the shoulders hanging off his thin frame. He's trying to buy some jerky, something that seems practical and filling and he's ten and doesn't know how to cook yet.

The Trenchie doesn't look very enthused by this kid who only has a few stones to his name, and rejects his offer. Yuri's little hands ball into fists ]

Fine.

[ He turns on his heel and stalks away, making a show of it, only to twist on his toes a few yards later, and lurches back toward the stand to grab some of the jerky, making off with it before the Trenchie can grab him. Who knows if this is even illegal in Trench?

Yuri dodges through the crowd, clutching the jerky close. Do you stop him? ]

C. Wildcard
[ Want to run into tiny Yuri somewhere else? He can be found around Crenshaw, Willful Machine, and by the beach. Hit me! ]

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[ It is his voice. Complaining and soft, familiar, not ten—Flynn's hand lands on his shoulder. ]

I didn't mean to wake you.

[ Except he sort of did and he'd really like Yuri to wake up because he has to absolutely make sure that he's okay. Is he still changed? Just slightly older? Does he remember Flynn? ]

Yuri, you're going to hate yourself if you keep sleeping here.

[ Yuri grumbles again, but that's definitely Flynn, and wherever he's sleeping is definitely hard. He rolls over a little, his back bumping against Flynn's knees. Opening bleary eyes, Yuri squints up at him, then he glances around. Right, he's in the living room. Why is he in the living room? ]

Uh... what'd I do?

[ Because if he's sleeping down here and not in bed with Flynn, one of two things happened: either Flynn kicked him out, or he did something he'll regret. Maybe he drank too much and passed out here, maybe he had to hurt someone again, like with Diluc, and couldn't bring himself to go upstairs. But he doesn't remember, which points to drinking, but he also doesn't have a hangover. He actually feels pretty great. ]

[ Something about those particular words in Yuri's sleep-scratched voice, confused and bleary, is what sets Flynn off: lets the relief wash over him in a wave, pushes up through him until suddenly he's laughing. Laughter escapes and Flynn presses a hand to his mouth to try and stifle it so he doesn't wake Blue. He's still holding onto Yuri's shoulder.

Yuri has blanket-creases on his face. Flynn's shoulders shake. ]

Nothing, you—well—are you feeling alright? It's really good to see you, Yuri.

[ Fuck, that's cute. It's really cute, and Yuri can't help but smile back at him, laughing a little as he pushes himself up, because he's awake now. Repede grumbles and huffs, moving to take his spot, but not without nosing at him first. Yuri pets over his head, looking between the two of them ]

Good to see you too? Why are you acting weird?

[ That confirms one of Flynn's half-thoughts from this week, at least partially. He'd wondered in the dead of night, trying to keep himself warm with blankets, wrapped around a pillow in place of Yuri, whether Yuri would remember any of this. Flynn has only a very shaky understanding of how it worked in the first place: how does one simply become a younger version of themselves, losing memories and years and age in the process? Time, as far as Flynn knows, couldn't possibly work like that.

He'd had no way to predict what might happen when (and he had to believe it was when and not if) Yuri came back. ]

It's a very long story, [ Flynn says finally, because he can sort of pick up on Yuri's ambient confusion, along with some sort of warmth aimed at him, and oh, he doesn't know what to do with that, that's something he'll have to tell Yuri about, certainly, but not now ] and I'm not entirely sure you'll believe me, but really, are you feeling alright? You know where we are, and why?

[ Do you know about us, he almost says, but bites it back. One thing at a time. ]

Yeah, I'm fine.

[ A little stiff from sleeping on the floor, but he's 22, his body can recover from that easily. But Flynn seems very serious about this, so Yuri does his best to match that, eyes flicking over Flynn's face ]

Yeah, we're in Crenshaw, in our house. Why? That's a damn good question, I'd like to know someday. Are you okay? [ Are we okay? Yuri grimaces, stretching out his stiff shoulder ] Is why I'm on the floor part of that long story?

Edited 2022-01-17 02:55 (UTC)

You didn't trust the bed.

[ Flynn says it sort of offhandedly, letting his hand slip from Yuri's shoulder down along the line of his arm, trying not to laugh too much except that he's relieved and honestly, he'd like to know too, but that isn't the point here. He's worrying Yuri, he can tell, which means he needs to actually explain this.

Somehow.

Start at the beginning, he tells himself, and settles onto his heels. ]

Remember the awful way our skin was feeling? It turns out there were side-effects, and those side-effects are varied and make no sense at all. My blood changed. You... woke up last week, ah. As a ten-year-old version of yourself, very confused about where you were and who I was.

[ That... rings a bell, actually. He doesn't remember it like it was a week ago, but he also doesn't remember it like it was ten years ago. It's fresher than that, like it was a few months, a year ago, but he was also a child, and thought like a child, and that's weird as hell to remember. Things were so simple, so black and white in his mind. If only things were that simple now.

He snorts a laugh, though, remembering exactly how he woke up, that he threatened a very confused Flynn. It's all coming back to him now, and he leans into Flynn's touch without really thinking about it.

And then, well. Then his eyes land on the skin on the ground. The small skin, the size of a child, with long black hair and he shudders. ]

We have to deal with that.

[ He pushes himself up, even if he wants to stay close to Flynn, but in his mind he was with Flynn... not last night, but recently.

But then-- ] Your blood changed?

...yes. It did, somehow. I went to the archives to figure out what was happening, and apparently burning that— [ He gestures to the... very creepy form of Yuri's crumpled skin ] —is meant to hasten transformation back. I'm not certain what that would mean now. Perhaps we should bury it.

...yeah. [ Yuri glances back at him, eyes skating over him, still in his pajamas. Yuri rarely gets to see him in the morning. It's kind of nice. ] Yeah, I'll do that.

[ He shivers, somehow back in his own pajamas he was wearing before this all happened. He crouches back down by the fire, tossing a few logs on it, much to Repede's chagrin. He snaps his fingers, intent to light them on fire, but nothing happens. He frowns, and does it again. And then again. And then he tries to really concentrate on it, on trying to channel the fire, but... he can't find it. It's not there. His brows furrow, and he stands up to get the matches they have if he's not in the house, and starts to try and light it that way. ]

...Yuri?

[ Flynn hasn't seen him struggle to light the fire since the first few weeks here. It was one of the first things he learned to master. He rises after Yuri, padding in his slippers to follow him into the kitchen. ]

You can't light it?

...no.

[ He doesn't really know what to think. When he woke up here, having new powers was weird. Now, not being able to use them is weird. Ice always came really easily. He holds out his hand as he goes, trying to get it to ice over.

But he's also not that cold? He is cold, because it's the dead of winter, but he's not the kind of cold he's been since coming to Trench, the kind that's bone deep and aching. He's just... cold. Like he used to get cold before coming here.

He snatches the matches from by the stove ]

That's weird, right? That's weird.

That is weird.

[ Flynn is following Yuri around a little bit like a puppy, trailing after him back into the living room once he has the matches in-hand. After a moment, he holds his hand out for them, figuring he can get the fire going while Yuri deals with his own... skin.

So strange. ]

A few other strange things happened while you were a child. You pulled us away from an Unsnake like we were going through a lantern.

[ Yuri hands them over, because he's mostly annoyed at himself for not being able to do it. But that-- ] What? I... huh. I kind of remember that. Yeah, we just... poof.

[ Yuri surveys the skin with a grimace. It's weird. It's really weird. Would... folding it be weird? Or maybe he should throw it into the fire once it's going. But that might smell awful... maybe they can light a fire in the backyard. ]

You said your blood changed? What, huh. Can you do fire now?

[ Striking the match gives him something to do with his fingers, anyway, which is good because Flynn is unaccountably nervous to tell Yuri about this.

He isn't entirely sure why. Yuri has changed, too, and it isn't as if Flynn chose this, it's just...

It's different. It's another sign that they are well and truly citizens of Trench, and not of Zaphias or Terca Lumireis. ]

Unfortunately not.

[ The match strikes, loud in the quiet of the morning. Outside, the sun is just beginning to rise, distant and pink. Small rosy stripes light up the couch and Flynn's fingers through the window. The windows down here are full of blooming frost.

Their wood burns quickly, at least, dried by Yuri in the backyard before they brought it in. The bottom log catches with a crackle, sending sparks up the chimney. Flynn leans back, twisting around to look at Yuri. ]

I believe my blood is the same as Blue's, now. Pale. And... Yuri, [ This is the part he's truly nervous about. Flynn swallows. ] My artes are gone. Some of them, anyway.

[ Yuri's about to bundle up the skin when Flynn says that. He stops and looks back at Flynn with a frown ]

What do you mean, gone? You can't do them?

[ Somehow, they've had access to mana since being here in Trench. It's faint, but it's there. ]

What-- how? Flynn--

[ It's not like they can't live without artes. They did their whole lives until they got blastia. But now, fighting for the lives every other day, artes are indispensable. ]

[ Yuri's immediate worry is something of a relief. Flynn nudges one of the logs into order, letting it catch as well, and leans back on his heels with a small frown. He's been trying to keep his own worry at bay, telling himself he can get around it like he always has, but it's more than simply losing his artes. It's losing his way of fighting, it's a change on top of a change. Flynn feels different. Weaker in a way that he hates. ]

That's the only way I can explain it. It's only the combat artes. I can manage First Aid just fine, and a few of the more arcane artes, but... it's like I don't have the power behind the combat ones anymore. It just doesn't happen. I've tried everything.

[ Well, Yuri can deal with that weird gross skin later. He drops down next to Flynn to offer him what solidarity and comfort he can, sitting side by side with him. ]

Well... First Aid is damn useful. Out of everything, I'd keep that one. I know I'd be dead ten times over if you and Estelle didn't know it.

[ He doesn't think he's the best as reassuring people, but Flynn is clearly messed up about this, so he tries. He tries, and tentatively offers Flynn a hand, placing it over his. ]

We can figure it out. If I don't have fire or ice anymore, I'm gonna have to relearn some stuff, too.

[ It's that very solidarity that Flynn missed over the last week, Yuri's preternatural calm and his certainty that they'll figure things out. He hadn't realized precisely how much he leaned on steady, sure Yuri until all of that was gone and he was left to puzzle through dreams and feelings and visions on his own.

Without thinking too hard about it, for once, he leans against Yuri's shoulder and flips his hand over to tangle their fingers together. ]

And it isn't as if I can't fight. We fought for a long time without artes, and I was already re-learning how to fight without a blastia before Rita and her team introduced mana-casting. We'll be fine.

[ The fire is really catching now, crackling brightly along the new logs, smokeless and cheerful. It casts even more of a pinkish glow than the sunrise outside, warming them both.

Flynn blinks. Squeezes Yuri's hand. ]

You're warm.

...yeah. Guess I am.

[ He knew the cold was a blood thing, and so far signs pointed toward his blood being different, but this just solidifies it. He squeezes Flynn's hand back, feeling a little self-conscious about it, but also, the only other person here is Blue, and Blue knows about their relationship. He knows more than they probably want him to. ]

It's weird. All of this is weird. [ His eyes skip to the skin again with a grimace ] I think we should burn it, just in case.

[ It's weird, but at least it's weird for both of them. Shouldn't Flynn be stronger than this? Why is he feeling so seen, like they're doing something—

Oh. Oh, that's what Yuri is feeling, that odd self-consciousness, that hint of strangeness.

He should really tell Yuri about all the changes. ]

What if you change back again? I'm not a very good babysitter, Yuri.

Yeah, but... I'm not back to normal.

[ Obviously. Even if he hated being cold, it's weird to be different all of a sudden.

He's worried that he's too different now. He's worried that something inherently changed in him with this change of his blood. Is weird and invasive, to have your blood just change in an instant. ]

Did you burn yours? My other one? I remember... seeing it.

I burned mine, and yours is buried in the backyard. I didn't feel right burning it with you gone.

[ Yuri's worry is a palpable thing, echoing through their little bit of contact. Flynn shouldn't really be this relieved that he can feel that, can he? But it's nice to know he's not alone in being uncomfortable with it, nice that... it isn't just him. That they're in this together again. Flynn lets out a quiet breath, watching the flames. ]

There's something else you should know, Yuri.

[ His own nerves are likely evident to Yuri, too, twisting in his belly like they are. ]

[ Then he can burn them both, so there isn't some weird skin version of him in the dirt ]

...okay.

[ That's not a good thing to hear. Yuri looks sidelong at him. He can feel those nerves, somehow. Maybe Flynn's just at nervous. He does know Flynn pretty damn well, after all. ]

Tell me.

[ Goddess, how does he say this aloud? He hasn't talked about it to anyone but Blue and Paul, not really. Flynn's thumb drags over the back of Yuri's hand. They're a nervous mess, the two of them.

First things first, no matter uncomfortable he is. Flynn has always been good at charging on ahead in the face of fear, and he's determined to do the same now. ]

Since my blood changed, every time I've touched someone, I've been able to feel some of what they can feel. It's happening now. I'm also having strange dreams, and there are—well. Blue said something about visions. Of the future, or possible futures. They're quite unclear, and I can't control them at all.

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