deercountry | Feburary Catch All - Wandering This Month

I'm sorry about the last time.

[It had been weighing on her mind. It didn't help that she worried about the impression she made or that she had done something to make Ange dislike her. It was that same worry when she met Willow's friends in Sunnydale. Some things never really went away, did they?

She fidgeted with the notes in her hands, things left over from her research. She had been doing her best, even if she still had her blips.]

I didn't mean to um...get weird. The blood zealots really rattled me. They were the first thing I saw here.

It's okay.

[ It feels a little awkward to say 'it's okay' when it really wasn't okay back there, but what else is she supposed to say? Sure, Tara's behaviour was really odd, but if it was just a one time thing, then it's not like she can really fault the other for it either.

Hence why Ange tries to casually shrug after she says those words, not wanting the other to think it's some sort of big deal. ]

Was that back in November?

[ Considering that's when those guys were really running around all over the place. Ange remembers it pretty well too, for personal reasons. ]

I think so? It's honestly kind of hard to tell how time passes here.

[And it seemed like time ran together, but that was just her basic response to everything? Death, coming back, being a weird squid and whatever else happened since. November, December, this whole place was like a bigger Hellmouth with the same chaos and lack of time.]

I think it was the first big thing that happened to me besides turning into a human from a squid.

That was weird too.

I don't know how you guys process all that and then some having the experience in Deerington too.

[ Well, those statements make some stuff a little more clear to Ange, as she moves to sit down too. Might as well not remain awkwardly standing around if this is going to be an actual conversation - and one about important, serious topics too. ]

Well, after a while you just.. kind of get used to it, you know?

[ Ange doesn't know if it's necessarily a good thing, but at least it's handy. You can't forever keep freaking out at everything, or it'll break you, she thinks.

Though Tara's way of freaking out does seem weirdly calm, Ange thinks. She's not sure what to entirely make of it. ]

If enough weird stuff keeps happening to you, then after a while, it just becomes normal. You learn to adapt to it, because.. [ Ange's voice momentarily trails off as she searches for the right words. ] You've still got to live, you know? You can't just let the dumb stuff that happens here define your entire life.

Yeah I guess that should be something I have some experience in, after Sunnydale. Maybe I lost that ability between death and here. [She tried to brush off the heaviness of that comment with a small shrug and a smile.] It's been a weird sequence of events. I think the squid was the easiest out of all of it.

[Used to it. Would she get used to how she feels now and the effects of her blood?]

No, I don't mean for it to define me. I just want to...um, understand better, I guess? I keep thinking about the stuff we saw in Sunnydale and what we were told about other dimensions. Sometimes... [She let out a breath] sometimes I think this might be a Hell dimension.

There's a lot of them and they all have different kinds of horror. But if it's not that, then I don't know how to make sense of any of this in my head.

.. then why don't we talk about it a little? [ Ange offers.

She figures it ought to be fine. Hopefully this won't be anything too personal to talk about. Ange knows it won't be too personal from her side, at least, and maybe talking about this sort of thing and trying to make sense of it will be easier for Tara than to talk about herself, or her current state. ]

Where I come from, we also have the concept of different dimensions existing next to each other. [ Even if they tend to call it a little differently - but Ange can work with this terminology. She's spoken to enough people about it to be at least a little familiar, even if she might not necessarily know how it works in Sunnydale. ] So maybe we can make sense of it together?

[ Maybe it'll at least give Tara some peace of mind, Ange thinks - no, hopes. ]

For example, where we come from, I'm pretty sure we don't exactly have a hell dimension-- or at least, we might not call it that way. What is it supposed to be?

[That offer moved her and it was clear in the way she looked at Ange. It might be one of the few times that she felt genuine emotion since coming back from the dead. And honestly, she needed to talk to someone that could help her feel less crazy. Which this place seemed determined to drive her to.

She shifted over so Ange could sit next to her.]

A Hellmouth is basically the entrance to a hell dimension. It draws demons and other big bads. There's a lot of things that can happen. Like a God looking for a dimensional key thingie in the form of a person. Or um a bunch of vampires trying to raise an ancient vampire.. There was also this time where a spell was cast and everyone started singing.

[Weird isn't it? It's enough to mix someone up.]

You'd think I would be prepared for a squid entrance and blood zealots.

[ Ange sees the movement for the invitation that it is, and she does move to sit down next to Tara. She gets that this is an involved enough conversation that it's easier for them to talk while sitting relatively close by each other like this.

Thankfully the rest of the house seems relatively quiet right now. Hopefully quiet enough that no one will walk in on this and make it awkward for Tara to talk about her feelings, Ange thinks. ]

I don't think it's that weird to have to deal with all sorts of ridiculous crap back home, yet be caught off guard by this place all the same. [ Ange tries to lower the amount of deadpan there usually is in her tone, and filling up the void that leaves behind with sympathy.

Because she gets it. She's used to Trench shenanigans now, after basically two years of it between here and Deerington, but she can see why it's harder for newer people. ]

After all, even if the stuff you've endured back home was crazy, it was still more.. familiar, you know? Even if they might have vampires here, or witches, or other stuff like that.. If it's different from the exact kind you're used to dealing with back home, then it might all start to feel much more overwhelming and confusing really quickly.

[It helps Ange is easy to talk to. Given all the weirdness with the research, the fact that she didn't say anything or point out the insanity. She can't say she knows many of the others in the house, but she hopes that they're all like Ange and Oz. Nice, accepting and polite.

She relaxed a bit, not fidgeting as much with the book, able to smile more easily.]

It...um, doesn't help that I died before being brought here. So there was all that too. [Which might help explain some of her weirdness too.] It's...it's a long story. I don't know if Willow ever mentioned the event or anything, but yeah, it really left me feeling out of sorts.

Yeah, that's it exactly. When Willow said Oz was a vampire, I thought it might be like the ones we knew back home, but I didn't think it might be connected to blood stuff. I mean, not the sort of blood stuff like in the movies, but vile blood stuff.

The magic stuff too. It's different than I'm used to. Sometimes it feels really wrong. It's not connected to the energies I know or the order of nature.

It's probably since it's the magic of this world.

[ That part feels the easiest to talk about here. Since the vampire stuff is probably something Ozpin could explain better, having lived through it, and the death stuff is.. well, Ange wouldn't want to thread on anything that might seem too painful, though Willow did briefly mention that it could be the reason as to why Tara might seem off.

But this feels the safest to talk about - and it's something she can actually offer some more information about, just to try and help. ]

I've spoken to a lot of people who use magic at this point. It seems that the nature of magic really varies across worlds. For example.. in my world it has very little to do with nature. [ Yet Tara talks about it so easily, like it's just a ground rule for magic in her world. ] So it'd make sense that the kind of magic we find here is nothing like any of us are used to, despite us all being used to really different kinds of magic.

[ Ange sucks in a breath, and then slowly releases it, shaking her head as she looks at Tara. ]

Though I know that it's still a pain to deal with. So.. please don't feel weird for struggling with it. We all are, you know?

Maybe that's where my problem is. Willow usually took control of spells back in Sunnydale, but she's had me to do them a bit more here. [She thinks it's because Willow is worried how her magic works here, which doesn't help Tara's concern and issues.] She always channeled magic different than me. The way I learned, you tap into the laws of nature and the energies that guide the world.

It's supposed to be pure and...well, natural. Which probably doesn't make sense.

I don't know how to do use magic any other way, so the energy here and the powers around us, they are so different. Maybe I'm biased too. This place just feels...off, if that makes sense?

[There's a genuine warmth on Tara's face, touched by the words.]

I'll keep that in mind. Do you use magic?

[ Ange nods. She holds out her hands in front of her. They slowly start to glow with a soft golden light, and then a butterfly - seemingly made out of nothing but golden light - flies up from her hands, flapping through the air for a moment or two before landing on Tara's hand instead. ]

Yeah. I already wasn't that good at it before ending up here though. [ So Ange started already behind - especially compared to Willow, and, she assumes, to Tara. They seem like they've been doing this witch thing a lot better and for a lot longer than she has. ]

But I've also had to rediscover how to use it in this place. And with the nature here being so.. well, I'd say 'different', but it's closer to 'non-existent' sometimes, huh.

[ It's not exactly the most green place around. ]

I can imagine that you might have to figure out how to use it again too. We're all just trying to see how magic works here.

[ Which isn't easy. Ange knows it. But.. ]

And, you know, I never mind having a partner to practice with.

[The magic reminds Tara of Willow's. The pure glow, the seeming ease that she wielded it. It was impressive, reminding her of the first time that she met Willow. Though, Ange's strength and skill matched Willow's much later on.]

Really? I couldn't tell. You seem really powerful. [It wasn't an idle compliment but one rooted from what she could sense in Ange and the potential for even more power.] Non-existent is the right word, I think. Everything is just dark and...tainted, but maybe it's my own feelings coloring that perception.

Is all magic wonky here?

[She smiled, genuinely touched.]

I'd love to practice with you.

[ When Tara compliments her magic like that, Ange can't help but momentarily duck her head slightly, definitely looking flustered about it. She always feels like she's not that powerful at all compared to most other witches where she comes from, so it's honestly kind of nice to hear someone say she seems powerful.

Especially since Tara seems so nice, now Ange just has the chance to have a normal conversation with the other girl. ]

Have you tried going out into the forest here yet?

[ Ange can imagine if Tara already has, but-- ]

If there's any place where you could try to get in touch with nature here, it's got to be there. So if you want, we could try going out there to see if we can find something that resonates with you. It's supposed to be kind of dangerous out there, but I think we should be fine in dealing with that between the two of us.

[That's something she can completely understand. Next to Willow, she feels far from the most powerful witch in the house. It wasn't that big of an issue, but there were times she still felt a little flustered about her abilities.

It just never occurred to her that Ange might be something other than what she was.]

No. I haven't really wandered too far. What's it like?

[Dangerous, probably.]

I've tried the gardens, but that doesn't seem to work too much. Nature here feels off somehow. Usually I stretch myself to feel the energy in the ground like roots, but the ground is kind of tainted.

Yeah, I don't think that's much different out in the forest. [ The tainted ground, she means. Ange remembers seeing blood all over the place here - and with the way blood seems to work in this place, it can't mean much good for the quality of the ground there, she figures. ]

But at least there's some more nature there. There's a lot of trees. If there's a chance for you to feel anything at all from the nature in this place, then I'd say it's somewhere out there.

[ Even if Ange isn't expecting much, since the forest isn't exactly a super lush place, she also thinks it's at least worth a try. It'd be nice if Tara could feel a little bit more comfortable with her magic here, after all. ]

Really? I would have thought there might be monsters out there or like man-eating plants. Nothing ever seems to really be easy here. [She considers this. If the energy was possibly stronger there, she could tap into it. Maybe its magic was stronger there?] I guess I could take a look?

Um, I'm a bit nervous about finding my way alone. Would you consider showing me?

[Trees would be better than bushes and flowers at any rate. The roots would be easier to tap into.]

[ She nods. ]

Oh, there's definitely monsters. [ And she adds that too, though Ange sounds.. weirdly calm about it? Although she's sounded calm pretty much the entire time now, so maybe it's just an Ange thing, who knows. ]

But I don't think it's anything we couldn't deal with if we were out there together, so of course I can come with you. I don't mind at all.

[ Otherwise she'd just be out studying at the Archives between her work shifts, after all. ]

I'm kind of curious about your magic anyway.

[It's definitely strange how calm she is about monsters. Tara can't say she's really ever been the same, even when she helped with patrolling after Buffy died. Meeting them here with her magic wonky, it seemed like a bad idea.

But the forest. If there was anywhere she could tap into the energy forces she drew from, it seemed like it would be there.]

Thanks, I appreciate it. I've never really been so good at fighting.

[She was better than she used to be, but not by much.]

Um...it's nothing really special. Most of what I do is natural magic. Um...meaning it taps into nature and follows the rules set by nature. I don't tend to do manipulation or summonings so much.

I guess that makes us opposites.

[ Not in the monster fighting. Ange was never good at that either. It just wasn't something she really had to ever do back home. But this place and the place before it sure have forced her to adapt real quick.

No, instead it's the magic she's talking about. ]

I've never done nature magic. .. In fact, I'm pretty sure I've never even seen anyone do it where I come from. [ Does it even exist in her world? She has no idea. ] Summoning is what comes easiest for me, but I've been practising with reality manipulation in this place for a while too now.

[It was easy to guess what Ange meant. It wasn't really a surprise either. Willow was much the same, as were other witches she knew. Tara always seemed the odd one out, with strong values and codes that came with her magic.]

My mom taught me all of this. She was special too, like me. I guess it was a family thing. She had a strong sense of what was right and wrong, so she made sure I followed rules for how magic is used and drawn.

She always believed it was gift given to us, so we shouldn't abuse it.

[She shrugged her shoulders. She still missed her mother and it showed on her face. Magic was one of the ways she still felt connected to her.]

I'm not so much "nature" as I just draw its energy. I mean, and I follow the rules as much as possible about the laws of nature. If that makes sense?

Reality manipulation? Not like, manipulating people, I think? But illusions and stuff?

[ She nods. ]

Yeah, not.. manipulating people. [ Ange would hate that sort of power, really. Maybe she could do it if she trained her power that way, but she doesn't even think about it. Just the idea by itself is.. not great.

But that's not the main thing she's thinking about here. Instead she thinks about what Tara told her. About her mother. ]

It must have been nice though, learning magic from your mom. Or.. at least, it sounds nice to me.

Feburary Catch All - Wandering This Month

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