deercountry | If you get a feeling next time you see me, do me a favor and let me know

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ryan akagi: billie sue

If you get a feeling next time you see me, do me a favor and let me know - SEMI-CLOSED

Who: Ryan Akagi [

chickenchoicejudy] and Close CR, with open prompts to be added when the event goes live.
What: Ryan is having a pretty hard time with the paleblood effects this month. Body of the post is a general summary of where he's at, and starters will be in comments.
When: All of March
Where: Various locations - likely haunts are Cellar Door, Crenshaw (specifically Mouse House or Min-Gi's place), and the boardwalk. Event locations to be added later!

Content Warnings: Severe hallucinations, severe face blindness, corruption, unintentional self harm (scratching).

It started mild enough - with mushrooms of all things. Nothing to actually worry anyone about.

At first he hadn't even realized they weren't real. There's plant life growing in abundance all over Trench and it made perfect sense for mushrooms to be one of those things. It wouldn't have even been the first time mysterious mushrooms popped up out of nowhere. Ryan leaves them be and barely thinks about it.

Then they start growing out of people. That's when it becomes apparent that...no one else can see them. He's moved to gently tug them off of people only to realize he can't grip them. His hand slips through and they vanish.

And that's...concerning. But it could be worse?

And about a week into the month, it absolutely gets worse. He starts having trouble recognizing people. People he's known for ages now catch him in the street and he can't make his brain put together the shapes of their faces into something he recognizes. Mushrooms obscure other features that might make identifying them easier - hair, clothing, frequently worn accessories. Any time he starts to focus on something, mushrooms start to sprout and block his view.

He makes excuses. He spends more time on the network because he craves interaction but it's less stressful that way. He texts people more frequently, even when he would normally see them in person. Even if they're literally nearby he might text them, just to make sure. Just to watch a faceless someone react when their Omni dings.

Sometimes he catches himself in the mirror and doesn't recognize who looks back at him, which is a problem he's never had before. He doesn't want to talk about it, because it feels absolutely insane to try and explain it to anyone, but also because he's lost any and all ability to recognize people by that point. Who would he even tell? But, it's also become impossible to hide. Not when there's no recognition in his eyes when someone says hello to him. Not when he texts someone several times to ask where they are, including when he's standing right next to them.

He's in a sea of strangers, and it's disorienting. It's even a little scary, particularly in public. He's losing his grip and it's slipping further and further from him, but maybe if he like, tried harder? This is a stupid problem he's having. A stupid dumb problem that he should be able to just...get over and walk off.

The mushrooms even grow on him sometimes. At his worst, small fluorescent green ones will sprout out of his right palm in the shape of a 202 and he'll scratch at it desperately, leaving harsh red marks behind. Even places will start to look unfamiliar, as the confusion only gets worse and worse as the month goes on.

[ooc: Top Levels coming soon, open top levels coming when the event goes live. Hit me up at

goodhotcocoa if you want something in particular!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[It wouldn't have even been a big deal. It would have just been a minor correction, maybe a suggestion that he doesn't want to be treated as though he knows less than everyone else despite being here just as long.

But there's a static in his brain that makes it feel like an impossible conversation. He just...couldn't do it.

He shakes his head into Min-Gi's shirt.]

No, you don't have to do that. I-- it's not that I don't want him to? I just...

[He takes a deep breath. There's still more greenish-brown in his aura than there was before, but a small amount recedes.

(Talking helps.)]

He's going to worry. But he'll worry more if I cancel, so... Path of least worrying is having him over?

[Wow, he's pretty sure that's not reassuring at all. So, he follows it up more seriously:]

...I can handle it. We can.

[Because he'll handle it better with Min to take cues from, Min to smooth things over if he loses track of what's going on and who's in the room with him. It will be alright because Min's there.

It's well into when their show would have started, which means it's almost absurdly early for them to go to bed. A little early for Min, and ridiculously early for Ryan. Despite that, Ryan is bone tired. He's been hanging on by a thread and he's beat - honestly he probably could sleep for a solid twelve hours right about now, even if it's not what his new nocturnal body clock thinks is a normal time to sleep.

But Min suggested it, so maybe he won't overthink it. Maybe they can just start over tomorrow.]

...Yeah. Yeah, bed sounds good.

[Despite that, he just sort of snuggles against Min. They'll be sore if they sleep like this but ugh, he doesn't want to get up.]

[Relief falls like dominoes, one little tile at a time. The newest poison drops back just enough to be noticed and while Min doesn't exactly know why, he's glad it does.

Which is weird because all he's doing is making things worse but... small mercies, maybe.

Together. They. We.

Yeah.. okay. That's good.]

Okay. Are you hungry? We could do like.. breakfast for dinner and then bed? Dinner in bed? Do you really wanna stay?

Edited 2022-03-19 05:49 (UTC)

Yeah, man. Of course I wanna stay.

[Despite the whirlwind of emotions he's had over this and the fact that he barely recognizes Min with all the stupid mushrooms, he's still comforted just being around him. He would rather trust that Min is nearby, even if he isn't sure, than be alone right now.

Ryan's appetite is famously garbage when he's upset. It's often one of the first things to go, and he's been known to skip food for days or just flat out forget about it when something's wrong in his world. He just gets nauseous, and then not eating makes him more nauseous and it just goes in a cycle until he can't possibly put it off any more.]

I'm not hungry.

[The full range of options hits him after he says that though, and Ryan actually reconsiders.]

...Dinner in bed sounds kind of fun though?

[It felt like a long shot but he thought he would try anyway.

The first rebuttal isn't a surprise, but the reconsideration is, and Min smiles to himself.

This all feels a bit weird against what's just happened. Against his insides feeling so convinced that this is all nosediving harder and faster than ever. And yet somehow it isn't? Somehow the words coming out of his mouth now are getting good reactions? Is he nailing this or messing up catastrophically, what is happening.

Nevertheless: he (cautiously) continues.]

I've got flour. And some eggs from that wedding we played. And a little bit of butter. Annnnnnd a tiiiiiiny bit of chocolate..

[You see where he's going, here? Think breakfast, not trauma.]

[He can't help it. His brain isn't great at the moment, but he at least spins it into a gentle joke.]

So...brownies for dinner?

[They can joke about it, tiny things that only have meaning to the two of them. Only they know why it's funny.]

I'm kidding, I promise.

[He can't make himself kiss a face full of mushrooms, but he reaches up for Min's hand and takes it, so he can kiss the back of it gently. He loves Min, he loves him so much and he's so sorry he's been so weird.]

...Pancakes?

[He knew Ryan would say brownies. He knew it. It's kind of a relief that he did, and he chuckles, but no. No brownies for dinner.

Maybe tomorrow, though. He could scrape together some of the weekly budget that he's made and get some more chocolate. Make some brownies. Maybe lift Ryan's spirits a little bit if it doesn't put him in train trauma.

Who is he kidding, with his luck it would probably make train trauma.

Can't even bake right, damn.

Which is what's rolling around in the back of his head as he forces a half smile and drags his nails over Ryan's scalp.]

Bingo. And, special offer, one time only, you have the choice of Mickey Mouse or hearts and stars.

[There's no way it's one time only, but Ryan plays along and pretends he has to think about it, even though he knew his answer instantly.]

Definitely hearts and stars.

[He doesn't have a good way to articulate it, but it feels like them. Rising stars in a loving relationship.

It doesn't make everything go away, but it all helps bit by bit. Even though the green-brown patches are still there, the red shines more like it normally does.]

Gotta say, it's really sweet you're risking maple syrup in your bed just for me.

[Mrs. Park would be horrified at the thought, probably.]

[Oh she would, absolutely be horrified. Food in the bed? Are you sick? Dying? You better be dying if you’re eating in the bed. Maple syrup would be the straw that breaks the camel’s back.

Wait a second- ]

Is there maple syrup here??

[Genuine question. He sure doesn’t have any but man… that really would make this whole concept work.

Will it still be any good without? Is this doomed before he even tries? He doesn’t want to make bad pancakes without syrup. ]

[Now that Ryan is starting to feel a little tiny bit better, he can feel anxiety creeping in Min-Gi, and he frowns. Why couldn't he feel that a minute ago? Is it really just about maple syrup?

Either way, it helps Ryan know which way to spin his answer.]

By Canadian standards? No, totally not. We're better off without it.

[There's syrup around, but it's not good authentic Canadian stuff so it's fine that they don't have it. It's whatever, they're above it.

It's...actually a white lie though. He's had the maple syrup around here before and it's really not that bad at all. But he also doesn't want Min to be feeling like shit just because he doesn't have maple syrup, of all things. Besides, then when Min inevitably finds the good maple syrup they can just be excited he found something that reminds them of home and everyone wins.]

Mm.. okay..

[He isn't convinced but fine. Your noble sacrifice goes unappreciated for now, Ryan.

Eventually he'll get up and make dinner for them. Hearts and stars little pancakes that spell out Ryan's name. Things he learned at Dumpty's for the kids and thought were super lame until suddenly they've become useful just this moment.

It might be a nice night after all. Put them in bed and eat, side by side or back to back instead of facing, then tug Ryan in against him back to chest, crumbs and all.]

[It's been a never-ending roller coaster and Ryan would like to get off now.

He's at Min's place right now, and he's...alone. Min had to go somewhere and Ryan can't really remember where exactly but Ryan had to stay behind. Min didn't say why, but the implication was pretty clear to Ryan - he was too sick to go. Too out of his mind, too off his rocker, too fucked up.

And he can't even say Min's wrong. But he wasn't supposed to be gone long. How long has it been...?

(The kitchen clock is covered in mushrooms, so Ryan decides it doesn't matter how long it's been.)

This wasn't a good idea. He said he'd be fine (He's fine. He's fine. H̡̡̢́͟e͏̧'̢͡ś̛͟͟ ҉̷f̴̢͝i̸̴͜n̢̕e̡̡̛͜͝.̵̴̷) but being alone makes him feel melancholy even under normal circumstances. It reminds him of that shitty apartment he stayed in for months. It reminds him of his dad's van! His dad's van! There would be mushrooms all over both of those places for sure.

It reminds him of a lot of things he doesn't want to think about. Like how when he caught sight of himself in a mirror this morning there were little neon green mushrooms sprouting out of his hair.

He should have pushed harder to go, but Min had seemed pretty sure he should stay and he's already being enough of a burden as it is. It's even spreading to Wu, which means it's spreading to Mako. There's no way Shiro hasn't figured it out too. Fuck, the whole city probably knows since they had to cancel their show.

It's a dark thought, but he kind of hopes anyone who had planned on seeing them isn't thinking about it much. He's suffocating from the weight of everyone's concern, and even though he hasn't been able to feel it as strongly as he usually does he knows it's there. Even Tomo has been trailing at his heels as he paces from room to room, and he kind of hates it.

But that's even more fucked up than the mushrooms, isn't it? That he's freaked out about people worrying about him? They're just trying to take care of him because apparently he can't take care of himself because he's a͘͠n̶͢͟͡ ͘͡U͢͝͠N̨̧̛͢Ǵ͠҉҉R̸̵̡̕͝A̴͟T̷̴̕҉E͏̴̧͜F͝͏̵̡̀U̶̶͘͘͡L̸͘͟͞ ͘҉̀͜p̷̀i̵̧e̛c͢e̷͜͟͏ ̴̵̢̨͜ǫ̷̴̨͝f̧͟͡ ͏̵̢S̀͏H̢̕ÍT̛̛͜͡͞ ͏̨p̨̀͞e̡̨̨͘r̢̀ś̷̡́̕ò̶̧n̴̷̢̧.̴͡͡

He slumps onto one of the couches and shuts his eyes. Fuck, he's tired. Maybe it's good he's here alone. Tomo whines and lays across Ryan's lap, and he idly pets them. Maybe he can just sit here and chill the fuck out until Min comes back.

Everything freezes when he opens his eyes again. There's a green glow below him that's all too familiar, and his stomach turns when he looks down at his right palm.

202, spelled out in bioluminescent green mushrooms.]

...No. No, no, no, no, nonono--!

[He desperately rubs at his palm, as if that would ever make it go away, but before he can even finish processing one thing, Tomo squeaks to call his attention to the window.

Someone is coming up the walkway. Someone--

He can't f̨̕͜͞ù̷c̸͘͢͠k̴ì̷́͡n̡g͘͞ ̨̛̀͞d͘͘͞ó̕̕ ̸̸̴̛͡t̸̡͢h̴̡͟i͘͘͏s̴̷̕ so he does the only thing he can think to do in his panic. He locks the door and does every single deadbolt and slides down onto the floor to listen.

Maybe if he can stay quiet and they can't get in they'll just...go away for now, until he can get his shit together.]

Edited 2022-03-21 04:20 (UTC)

[Groceries were the official reason, but that isn't strictly true. Even with Wu's generosity (charity) the budget is too tight for Min-Gi's comfort. Ryan isn't getting better, the air around them is increasingly stressed and tense, the visions and auras and everything else are getting... so heavy.

Something has had to give, and so he gave. But not for nothing.

Min jostles his welcome bag (scent proof and thus the ideal grocery bag), digging for his keys. Where- huh. Crap.

A low growl and he sets the bag down, crouching low to ruffle through the shopping. He can hear them- they're here somewhere. Past the bread and dried pasta. Past the weirdest squash he's ever seen and obviously had to buy just to make fun of. Past the black, neatly folded apron apron, emblazoned with the logo of Trench's newest barcade.

A pause. He exhales. Suddenly his shoulders feel that little bit heavier.

He starts tomorrow.

Anger (anger? pressure) surges up and Min growls louder, shoving the apron back in and roughly rooting around until he finds his keys before he jams them into the lock and turns, shouldering into the door as it opens--

Thunk-

The door should have opened.

It does not. In fact, Min-Gi goes into it hard enough to make it rattle, which is odd given the fact that lock is undone. It's the other several that aren't.]

Oh c'mon, what?!

[He tries the handle again and rams hard into the door with a hiss.

No luck. Min rattles the door before kicking it half halfheartedly and banging his fist.]

Ryan!! Ryan are you there? The door's stuck!

[The initial frustrated outburst doesn't register as Min-Gi, but Ryan startles like a frightened animal when the door is rattled and kicked and banged on and he scrambles away from it. His palm still glows under his hand against the floor.

But then, the person on the other side starts calling his name.

Anyone could say his name if they knew he was here, but. It does sound like Min. Ryan cautiously crawls back to the door and sits on his knees so he can peek out the letter slot, pushing it open with his fingers - of his left hand, of course. Can't let Min see that glow.]

Min! Min-gi! Is that you?!

[Being at knee-height kind of helps, actually. Those do look like the pants and shoes Min was wearing when he left...

Meanwhile, Tomo has scurried up to stand on Ryan's shoulder, and they're attempting to undo the deadbolts. From outside, Min might hear the lowest one click open. They would love to go faster than one at a time, but they're an otter and they only have teeny hands with no opposable thumbs.]

[Tomo, how thoughtful. Maybe a bit more helpful that Yeong's solution, which would be to maul the whole damn thing down.

She may, still.]

Ryan!

[Min crouches and rests his head against the wood, face hidden by the angle.]

It's me, man. Open the door! Are you okay?

[It's Min.

......Wait, of course it's Min. He said he was going to be right back, and here he is.

And Ryan locked all of the locks on him. Fuck.]

I--

[--am obviously not okay. That's probably what Min is thinking, because he freaked out and locked all the doors and locked Min out of his own house.

He's breathing hard and his heart is pounding in his ears. When he looks down at his hand, he can see the green mushrooms wiggling and he doesn't have the stomach to see if the number's about to change.

(Obviously it would, he just did something kind of shitty to Min).]

--Y-Yeah! Yeah, I'm. I just...

[Every single thought in his head is consumed by a thick static that Min will actually be able to hear even through the door. When he finishes his thought, his voice sounds distant - he feels like he's listening to himself talk from miles away.]

......Just. Give me a sec.

[There's a shuffling noise, and then silence. Then a small thud against the doorknob and slowly the second and third locks come undone. Min will be able to open the door now, but Ryan is nowhere in sight on the other side.

Just Tomo, who hopped to the ground as the door opened and is now squeaking at him and is stamping their little feet on the floor.]

Edited 2022-03-21 06:49 (UTC)

[The sound of static has never been so terrifying. No TV, no radio, nothing in any kind of range that could make that noise.

Except, well. Ryan, he knows for a fact, is on the other side of this door. And Ryan, he knows for a fact, is the source of the noise.

It's happened before, several times now, but never this loud.]

Y-yeah, okay.

[The static stops. The deadbolts slide. That's all promising, right?

It ever it were so simple.

Min opens the door and Ryan is nowhere to be seen.

Min opens the door and it's just Tomo, papping the ground with his little paws and a litany of distressed pleas.

Min brings his bag inside and closes the door behind him, crouching back down to the otter with confused concern and open hands.]

Hey Tomo, where's Ryan? What happened while I was gone?

[Tomo takes the opportunity as soon as it's there and leaps right into Min-Gi's arms. And as soon as they do, Min will instantly know where Ryan is.

A clear picture pops into his head. No static to be found.

Ryan is a few feet away in the kitchen, his back to the doorway. He has his right arm on the counter, palm side up, and he's hunched over it - focused intently on something Min can't see. It's hard to see what Ryan's doing with his back turned, but it almost looks like he's desperately scrubbing at something, as if his right hand were a stubborn pan with years of burnt gunk.]

Ugh, why won't it fucking come off?!

[It's so small, muttered strictly to himself, but Min can hear it through this picture Tomo's given him.]

[Well that's not unsettling or anything.

Min-Gi gathers Tomo up into his arms and holds the little otter against his chest as he squints in the direction of the kitchen.

It's dark in here now. Sunset was about an hour ago and there hasn't been much in the way of lights turned on. Also not unsettling or anything. A result of Ryan hunkering down probably, but Min-Gi isn't thinking about that too much. He's thinking about the human shape in the kitchen, hunched over muttering to himself as he scrubs.

Right. Awesome.

Min-Gi presses his lips thin and holds Tomo up to hide his face as he approaches, stopping about three feet from Ryan.]

Hey man. Whattcha doin'?

[Ryan hasn't thought to turn the lights on. It's gotten darker in the last several minutes, but in his mind his palm glows bright. Of course, as a hallucination is doesn't cast its light on anything else, but Ryan is too far gone to realize that.

As far as he knew, Min was still outside and waiting for him to hurry up and unlock the door. He was so focused on desperately trying to scratch the mushrooms off his palm that he didn't notice anyone approach either, and didn't hear anyone enter the kitchen.

So when Min speaks? Ryan almost jumps out of his goddamn skin. He whips around and stumbles back, and--

Tomo???]

...What? Min-Gi?! How did--

[His brain is still spinning, trying to figure out what the hell just happened and how the sequence of events here lines up into something that makes sense. His aura is almost 2/3rds greenish-brown right now. He holds his right hand to his chest, hiding what he thinks is there.]

[Ryan spooks like a B rated horror and Min-Gi steps back immediately, still hiding behind Tomo. It feels awful and super weird so he just. Turns around. That's better, right? To have his back to Ryan?

This feels so wrong.

But if they aren't facing then Ryan isn't forced to see his weird ugly mushroom face and Min can shift Tomo back against his ches.]

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. Tomo opened the door for me.

[A beat. It is by design. You know, because you didn't open the door]

You kinda left me hanging out there.

[Right. ...Right, that makes sense. Tomo was already undoing the deadbolts earlier, right?

But he did leave Min hanging out there, didn't he? He ditched him. He can almost hear a whirring noise from his palm as intense guilt digs its claws in.]

Sorry. I was going to come back, I swear! I just...

[How does he even explain himself? He just left Min out there! It's getting dark out; what if he'd been in danger? Min's probably irritated with him too. His powers aren't telling him anything and his ability to read body language is at an all time low with mushrooms covering everything.

He's the worst.

The absolute worst.

He's garbage, just like the train always knew he was.]

...Sorry.

[He spares a look down at his right palm. 202, still spelled out in mushrooms. It didn't actually change, but that's kind of typical when he thinks about it.

What if...what if this is all just some very long and extremely complicated train car?

The thought turns his stomach, and since Min's back is turned he takes the opportunity to scratch at his palm again, as hard as he can. His fingernails aren't doing enough, aside from leaving a couple of particularly angry marks behind, but he doesn't know what else to do. He has to get this off of him.

In his mind, Min-Gi will hear something. Not that low buzz of static Ryan's giving off, but a clear voice that cuts through to speak to him directly. It's gentle, but firm. Not quite feminine, but not quite masculine either - and definitely not Ryan's voice.

It's not a conversation. It's a succinct instruction.

You need to turn around.]

[It's a weird sensation to hear someone else in your head. He's getting more used to it with Ryan but a voice he doesn't know? It's startling.

He stiffens to look around before his brain catches up and he looks down at Tomo.

You?

Of course it is.

Huh! He would take the time to appreciate it more if he weren't given an urgent instruction, which he follows immediately and spins on his heel.

What is it, what-

It's Ryan clawing his hand off.]

Dude, stop!

[Min moves without thinking, hand not holding Tomo shooting out to firmly grab Ryan's wrist. Maybe not the best thing, and probably scary, but it's reflex to stop him so it is what it is.]

What are you doing??

[Definitely scary, but fortunately (or unfortunately) Ryan is more scared of what he thinks is on his hand than of Min. He actually struggles in Min's grip, desperately trying to pull his hand free. ]

It won't come off! I can't get it off me!

[Ryan's eyes dart around, and he tries to think of an alternative he can do one-handed.

Table. Table's in arm's reach.

So, very abruptly, he smacks his hand on the table and pulls it, as though he squashed a bug and is trying to scrape the guts away.

Tomo leaps out of Min's grasp in a poof of smoke to a nearby counter so he can have his other hand - it looks like he might need both of them.]

[Thank you Tomo, that was his next move.

Now free, Min-Gi is able to come right up into Ryan's space and grab his other wrist as well. Right into that awful aura that makes him feel all kinds of ways, straining the entire time against Ryan's strength. It's like there isn't enough time to really get a grip on the situation. Like he can't move fast enough, isn't strong enough, can't get through.

And Ryan panicking only seems to make him stronger, so it's a wild struggle.]

Ryan, listen to me- NNgh- There's nothing on your hand! You're hurting yourself, c'mon! Freaking out is gonna launch you nuclear, dude. Listen to me!

[At first, it seems like the wrong move. Ryan does not like having both arms restrained and he struggles twice as hard to pull away. Min has a better hold on him now though, so Ryan can't actually do much about it. Min's hands are bigger; they easily hold his wrists in place.

There's a few more moments of pulling and trying to get any sort of leverage, but it becomes pretty clear that he's not going to get away. The wind is knocked out of his sails.

The second the tension is broken, his eyes water and he chokes up. He looks from Min's mushroom face (not in the eyes, but where he thinks the eyes should be) to his own restrained hand, glowing green even while Min insists it's not real.

It sure looks real.]

You--

[He has to stop, try and collect himself. Breathe, just a little.]

...You really can't see it?

[Ryan can't stop looking at his hand, staring at it even as he talks to Min. It looks so real to him, even though he knows the ones growing on others haven't been.

But Min wouldn't lie to him. Min would tell him if it was real. He would.]

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(just a few days after that)

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