deercountry | Some nights, I stay up cashing in my bad luck

[Getting up is a struggle - he was so cozy! And Min nuzzled into his neck, that was so sweet! But, they need to. They can't just live in cosmic pocket space forever.

At least Min's there to give him a hand, and once Ryan has that hand again he keeps it, lacing their fingers. Apparently he's starting to get the hand of his powers too, since a doorway just appeared out of nowhere.

It doesn't sound like anything bad is happening on the other side. Ryan can't hear all that well but no one seems to be screaming about a robot or anything.]

Yep. Ready!

[And together, hand in hand, they walk through the wormhole Min's made.

On the other side it's striking how it both does and doesn't feel like the same time of day. The moon is still out just like it's been for days, and the glow returns to Ryan's veins gradually, but...there are fewer people on the street, and the nearby stores seem to be closed. They definitely look a little out of place with their shopping bags.

Second most importantly, the Steward seems to be gone, as is the portal that it came from. All is quiet.

Most importantly, after just five seconds to process everything else. Tomo appears at their feet in a sudden poof of smoke, stamps their feet on the cobblestones, and SQUEAKS IN ANGER. Even Ryan is taken by surprise and nearly jumps out of his own damn skin.]

Tomo? What the fuck?! Don't do that!

[Tomo is not listening. Instead they've gone right up to Min, standing up on two feet and papping him on leg a couple times. Let them up, right now! Pap, pap, pap!]

[Min had also jumped a mile but kneels down almost immediately to collect Tomo, feeling pretty rotten that he'd completely forgotten about the omen's task. In his defense, he wasn't really paying attention, caught hard in the face of a panic attack. He doesn't really even remember Tomo had a task.]

Hey, hey, I'm sorry. It's okay, it's okay. Have you been out here all this time?

[Because it's genuinely never occurred to him that you could be separated from your omen like that. And speaking of, where the heck has Yeong been all this time?]

I'm a little gross right now. Something spooked us and my powers appeared.

[That's putting it mildly...]

We didn't mean to leave you behind.

[Ryan makes a bit of a face at Min over that self-description.]

Dude, you're not gross.

[Not even a little. Cut that out, Min.

Tomo also doesn't seem to think Min's gross - they just curl right up in his arms and nuzzle right into the crook of his elbow, just as needy and clingy as Ryan himself is.]

That's...definitely weird Tomo couldn't come back to me though.

[Huh. Ryan sighs though, and offers an apologetic head scritch.]

Sorry bud. Min's right, we didn't mean to ditch you.

[All seems forgiven - mostly they just want cuddles from Min specifically and if he moves to put them down, they will whine.]

[Min tries twice because there are bags to carry and he figures Tomo would want to be with Ryan, but the whine gets more intense and he doesn’t go for a third.

Instead, he ignores getting corrected because he was very gross earlier and is still gross but whatever, and awkwardly gives over the parcel he’d been attempting to carry in favor of holding the otter more securely.

They aren’t going anywhere, apparently.

It’s pretty nice.

Min said they needed to make a run for it but that doesn’t seem to be required. He hopes. They’re definitely taking a lantern home, though.]

Hey Tomo… when you were out here did you see a big, like, metal octopus looking thing with a face? Do you know what happened to it?

[An image will pop into Ryan and Min's minds of the immediate aftermath - Ryan and Min fall into a wormhole that closes behind them before the Steward can get inside, though it does tap the ground a few times with metal claws.

It scans for signs of them, but nothing appears. The crowd of shoppers who have been watching seem just as perplexed, but before any of them can think to be worried about the Steward, it crouches low to the ground and then leaps in several bounds away from the busy street and out of sight.]

Huh. So...it's not here, but it's still out there. Cool, cool. Uh. Did you ever find the closest lantern?

[That answer is even quicker and more instant than the last. Suddenly they just know the answer - less than a block away, in front of a fancy-looking shoe store a couple doors down from where they are.]

[Amazing.

Min-Gi hates that the thing is still around somewhere, his paranoia spiking (justified!!) but the lantern is close and they head in that direction right away.]

What would we do without you.

[Mindful of claws, he smooths his knuckle over Tomo’s little snout but then it’s all business until they’re through the lantern and safely back inside. All those locks on the door bolted and chained.

See? There’s justification for having them. A train thing is loose in the world and they have no idea when it might show up. If it will show up. Love that.

Exhaaale. He’s exhausted. This has been such a fucking day.]

[Ryan is just as beat. He drops the bags unceremoniously on the floor and gives the biggest, most dramatic yawn while Min's locking the door - complete with a full, wide stretch.

He isn't going to say so, but given how dead Willful Machine was when they finally walked of that pocket dimension, Ryan's pretty sure he skipped right past when he should have headed back to sleep. He could totally use a nap right about now.

Min's smart and will probably put that part together later and feel bad about it, but right now Ryan's crossing his fingers he's too exhausted to think about it. He doesn't need to feel guilty when everything's been so much today.

Still, he tugs on Min's sleeve once the locks are all locked.]

Alright - bedtime, dude. It'll help, I promise.

[And he's going to playfully (and maybe sleepily) pull Min in the direction of the stairs, whether he starts to follow on his own or not.]

You're gonna stay?

[Ryan doesn't have to tell him twice, but after all of this he wouldn't be surprised if Ryan didn't at least consider going back to Shiro's to decompress.

But even as he asks, Min-Gi nods tiredly and steps out of his shoes before following. So there's a little tug in the delay but not much.

Sleep is coming thick and fast, so there's no avoiding, but if he were slightly more awake he would surely lay there analyzing the events until morning. Whenever...morning is supposed to be. This total darkness all the time thing is starting to get disorienting.]

[To be honest? He had considered it earlier, when Min was being a jerk in the middle of the street. Part of him had just wanted to go home, and in that moment home was Shiro's house. Even after he saw Min had corrupted, he had assumed he would need a break after he got Min home safe and sound.

But, that isn't how things shook out. They stayed in a pocket dimension for...several hours? Maybe even most of the day? He's not sure and like, he could look but he doesn't feel like it. They talked some things out, talked down Min's corruption just a little bit.

And now they're both exhausted and Ryan wants nothing more than to curl up with Min and doze off for who knows how long. He's seen how scared Min is of this corruption, and he doesn't want to just leave him alone.]

Uh-huh. Tonight anyway. Or-- whatever time of day it is.

[He waves a tired hand, because fuck if he knows.]

I'm not going anywhere right now. Plus, we both need a nap and you make a great pillow.

Ah, I see. My true calling in life.

[Min-Gi Park, not entirely in his right mind or body, does not love the openendedness of that answer but simply does not have the energy to open that can of worms right now.

They didn't really get to a concrete answer about moving in and he's trying not to think about that either, but..

No, actually. Just no. He isn't going to think about it. He's about to pass out.

So clothes are taken off and abandoned in a pile by the bed. The covers are pulled back. He double checks for cheeky omens trying to scurry in and priming themselves to be crushed. Then, and only then does he slip into bed with Ryan.

He he had even slightly more energy he'd lay awake and evaluate everything that's happened, but that is definitely a tomorrow problem at this point.]

Man, I'm so tired. We h-hh- [yaaaaaawn--] -have so much to do for our show this week, too.

Mm-hm. Min-Gi Pillow.

[It's not even that funny, but sometimes you just hit the point of tired where the dumbest things are hysterical, and that's why Ryan's snickering now.

His clothes come off too, tossed into another pile, and he slips on a set of sleep clothes he's been keeping at Min's for when he forgets to bring some or just spontaneously stays over - an oversized T-shirt and the shortest pair of comfy shorts.

When Min climbs in bed, Ryan turns and makes space for him, keeping his arm out so Min can slip in and let Ryan hold him. Tonight, he's decided he's big spoon. If Min indulges him, Ryan will snuggle up close, like he's hugging a big teddy bear.]

Shh...that's a problem for tomorrow Min. Tonight Min's gonna sleep.

[It's at this point that Tomo hops up on the bed, and they will try to claim the space in front of Min. Between Ryan and Tomo, they've made a Min-Gi sandwich.]

Mmph. G'night tonight Ryan.

[He can't argue. Won't argue. Ryan can be whatever spoon, knife, fork he wants. Min-Gi lays down and settles in up against him in his soft, warm pjs.

Tomo is pulled close like a teddy bear (how can you not, it's criminal not to try to cuddle an otter), and arranged like this he'll be asleep in no time, lazily wandering through how nice and safe it feels to have Ryan around him. Really makes a guy feel safe. God knows he use a little extra safety right now.]

[A good, long rest in the arms of the man who loves you can do a world of good. After such an awful day, Min-Gi did wake up feeling a little better, but the corruption is still there.

It courses through his veins like an infection, swinging his moods around like a rag doll. One minute he's passably fine, the next minute he's obsessing about everything negative and impossible to control. It's probably best that Ryan doesn't want to move in together. Who would want to live with this.

There's been tension, that much is sure. With Ryan urging him to take it easy and Min-Gi wanting to do anything but. He isn't on vacation. They have a show this week, back to business as usual and he's still got shifts at Rocky's, too. Things to get done. People to not let down. He can't run away and hide, not after making it such a huge part of his personality for so long. He needs to come around to the fact that this is his life now. He lives here, in Trench, and if he feels bad about that then it's his problem and the only solution is to beat through it bare knuckled and howling.

And yes, he's still worried about what's going on outside, and yes he's definitely obsessed with knowing what happened to that thing from the train, but he can't fix it all at once so focusing on one thing at a time is the logical solution. It's slow, and not totally satisfactory, but he's only human and he's only one man.

The thing he decides to start with, besides band practice, is how to finish his shopping list but avoid going back to Willful Machine. Lucky for him, there is a solution: bespoke.

And lucky for him, there's a sleeper run business which does exactly that. So he writes a few Omni-Mails of inquiry and agrees a price, which as it turns out, is much easier to do behind a screen. The price is a little daunting, but he'll figure it out. Sansa Stark wants darkblood crystals. The blood he has, a whole body's worth, but the crystal part is going to be tough. He's got to learn how to make them.

Which is what he's doing now, sat at the dining table with a sharp knife, a towel, a book, and fluctuating amounts of queasy determination. There's already some blood glittering around in the air from failed attempts to catch the damn stuff. Same with the towel, splattered with blackberry colored stains. Does he need to cut deeper? his claws wouldn't cut, wrists seemed weird and painful, forearm it is but it's hard to do that and guide the blood into the bottle. He'll try deeper. Maybe if he bleeds a lot all at once then he can catch some of it. ]

[It's been a rough few days, because of course nothing is as easy as just cuddling until it's all better. Min's mood is still all over the place and Ryan hasn't been able to convince him to do much actual resting. No, he isn't on vacation, but he should be on sick leave.

He has no idea how to broach the subject of their show this week. Unless Min actually rests enough to make his claws disappear, he's not going to be able to play his keyboard. Ryan didn't exactly take it well when Min canceled their show, but somehow he feels like Min will take it even worse.

Because he's been such a jerk overall, Ryan has definitely been taking chances to go back to Shiro's and decompress, or even just get out of the house, but any time he does he's left Tomo behind to look out for Min. Even if he's being extremely frustrating, Ryan is still worried about him.

Even Tomo can't watch him literally every second though.

This time, Ryan's stepped out for groceries. It's an easy thing to do that Min isn't a fan of anyway, and something that will help without being overbearing. He's kind of excited too - he's coming back with oranges. Maybe if he sits with Min and peels some, he can actually convince him to stop for a few minutes and rest.

It's a nice night (since it's always night now) and Ryan's taking his time walking back in the moonlight, but then he hears something clearly in his head.

"You need to come back. "

Ryan pauses in his tracks. It's a voice he hears so infrequently that it actually catches him off guard.]

...Tomo?

[There's no follow up, but he doesn't need one. He finds the nearest lantern and takes it back to Min's place, cutting his walk short. When he unlocks the door, before he can even yell a greeting to Min, Tomo is at the door stamping their feet and running around, trying to lead Ryan toward the kitchen.

Ryan, too alarmed by the fact that Tomo actually spoke to him, drops his bag by the door and follows.

When he gets to the doorway, his blood runs cold. Then he does probably the worst thing you could do when someone is holding a knife - he yells.]

MIN?! What the FUCK are you doing?!

[Frankly he doesn't actually care what Min's doing though. Either way he's going to approach and try to take the knife.]

[Yeah, yell at the guy with a knife, that's a great idea Ryan.

The corrupted guy with a knife who absolutely 100% snuck around Tomo but still set himself up in a very open part of the house to dice himself up.

Of course what you think it going to happen, happens. He jumps a mile and hisses as the blade plunges deep into his arm, then realizes it doesn't hurt nearly as much as ~~it should~~ he thought it would, and shoots Ryan such a fucking look of warning before drawing the blade back. It barely hurts at all. Or maybe it does and he just can't feel it, nerve receptors blocked with corruption.

He doesn't have the time to have this conversation and he wasn't ready so it's a race to pull out the knife and snatch up the bottle to catch the (quite frankly enormous amount of) blood that comes pouring out of the wound.

Min-Gi could barely pick his finger when he first arrived. Look at him now.]

I'm busy Ryan, back off.

[Another warning, snapped as he focuses. Darkblood doesn't behave and collecting it is a pain in the ass. He can feel Ryan's panic trying to invade his lungs and he can't devote energy to that right now, this is too important.]

[The knife goes into Min and for a split second, Ryan hears nothing. The whole world goes unusually silent.

Except, that isn't quite right.

Every silence has something in it, and this one has an electric hum, like a florescent light that's about to burn out. A small static that rings over everything else until the world is quiet.

He can't stay that way though, because Min's hurt and he's not doing anything about it - neither of them are - and yes that was kind of his fault but Min was going to do it anyway and could do it again if he doesn't do...something!

Unfortunately, that something is going to come with more yelling. Ryan shakes his head hard, and he glares right back.]

Busy with what, Min? Slicing your arm open? You're-- you'll bleed out like that! What are you thinking?!

[Then, hopefully before Min stops trying to collect the darkblood floating in the air, Ryan reaches to snatch the knife away from him. In the meantime, Tomo is on the hunt for the first aid kit.]

Edited 2022-04-25 22:38 (UTC)

Hey!-

[But Ryan snatches the knife before Min-Gi can stop what he's doing, and he can't grab now because he's got the vessel pressed up against his wound. Little bits of blood join the rest of the collateral loss in the air but he is actually managing to harvest this time.

Ryan knows this, Min-Gi knows that he knows this, and gives another dirty look because he's either got to sabotage his project or let it happen. So it happens.]

Before you lay into me, I'm solving a problem! I need a blood crystal and in order to do that I need blood!

Edited 2022-04-25 23:07 (UTC)

[With his free hand, Ryan pinches the bridge of his nose under his glasses. There's worry, there's a lot of worry and a strange amount of panic, but a lot of it is being covered up with frustration.]

Min, you don't need to solve any problems! You're supposed to be taking it easy so your corruption heals! What could you possibly need a blood crystal for right now?

[It's so hard not to gesture with both hands, but he really doesn't want to be waving a knife around right now.]

Besides, there are other ways to get blood crystals, dude! We don't even know how to make them or safely harv-- safely do this so you don't accidentally kill yourself!

[Again, what the FUCK, Min.]

[Min-Gi watches Ryan for a moment, now satisfied that he's catching most of his blood. There's a whole lot of energy coming from Ryan but right now it feels mostly like there's a sheet of cotton wool between them and he remains unconcerned.

Maybe in an hour or two when his energy tries to right itself, but in the middle of this? Not a chance.

So Ryan's totally and completely valid concerns, and callback to personal trauma, are met with a brick wall.

If Min were in his right mind this would not be the case. If he were in his right mind this never would have even happened. This is, after all, what Bloodministers are for amongst many other things. There is a service. They have generations and generations of knowledge and experience.]

I'm not going to kill myself.

[It would be deadpan if he weren't ever so slightly indignant. Clearly, Ryan, you are dramatically overreacting. Isn't that always your problem? That you're so much? Even Min-Gi thinks so. Min-Gi is corrupted out of his fucking mind and he still thinks so.]

I made a deal with a seamstress so I don't have to go back to Willful Machine. She's going to make the stuff and she wants darkblood crystals. I have a book. It really isn't that big of a deal.

Edited 2022-04-26 01:17 (UTC)

[This is maybe one of the most ridiculous things Ryan has ever heard Min say. Oh, sure. It's fine. He has a book so now he's an expert at cutting himself open to make jewelry to barter for things, obviously. Min's being completely unreasonable, and if he keeps trying this he's going to wind up passing out.

Unfortunately, Ryan isn't feeling terribly reasonable either at the moment. He...cocks his head to the side, a little. His voice takes a strange tone.]

Ohhhh. It isn't that big of a deal, hm?

[Ryan lets that hang in the air for a moment. Then, a big, exaggerated shrug! This is fine, probably!]

Well, alright! You've sold me, Min! Sorry I worried so much - it's tooootally nothing.

[But, he doesn't give the knife back.

Instead, he oh so casually slides the book away from Min while he's still occupied with bottling his own goddamn blood. That's his now, thaaaank you.

Every little action is deliberate and pointed. He picks the chair farthest from Min-Gi at the table. He rolls up his sleeves. He lays his left arm flat against the table. His right, which bears a jagged scar along the forearm from the last time his blood was harvested for something, holds up the knife - tip pointed down, ready to cut.

(In truth, his hands are shaking and he feels so fucking nauseous but he's running on desperation now, and maybe even a little spite. If anything might make Min see reason, it's this.)

He takes a deep breath and looks to Min-Gi, grinning.]

We could probably talk her into taking paleblood crystals too, right?

[He moves the knife around like he's tracing the air above his arm, trying to decide where the best spot to do this is. It's still stained dark from when Min used it.]

If not, we can always find someone to trade them to for more darkblood crystals. Because it's totally not a big deal at all.

[Right?]

Edited 2022-04-26 02:20 (UTC)

[For a second Min-Gi thinks Ryan has seen the light and is coming around to his project, but that isn't the case.

The tone is sarcastic and dramatic, so he very quickly realizes that Ryan is, in fact, being the opposite of helpful. Mocking, even. And that's just plain rude.]

Oh fuck you, man. Quit screwing around.

[A sneer.

Some part of him is extremely concerned about Ryan holding that knife. The same part of him that worries about the scar on Ryan's forearm and the story behind it.

The very same part, bound and gagged, that can hear Ryan unhinging and winces like it's nails on a chalkboard. This is making things worse. This isn't right at all. Look how upset he's getting, listen to him. Listen to yourself, Min-Gi, you're acting totally insane right now!]

You're being such a dramatic asshole, Ryan. Unless you're actually going to help me do this, which I already know you won't, the door is right there.

[Well. This isn't going as planned.]

Whaaaaat? Who said I'm screwing around?

[He is absolutely screwing around. He's stalling, because he thought just threatening would be enough to make Min see reason. At the same time, it's enough for Ryan to know Min clearly isn't himself. Min - the Min he knows anyway - wouldn't want him to hurt himself under any circumstances, for any reason.

This is so fucked up.

Maybe it's more fucked that he's actually thinking about stabbing himself a little to prove a point?

Maybe they're both just fucked up irreparably now.

...No, that one's exactly as overdramatic as Min accused him of being. But the thought still stings, and the smile falls off his face.]

You're the one being the dramatic asshole. This literally isn't something you need to do right now and you know it. I know you know it, so honestly? Fuck you for spinning it back on me.

[It's shitty. Was he this shitty when he was corrupted? That's probably unfair to think about it that way, but he can't help it. He's been trying to help Min the way Min helped him, but he's been meeting so much resistance.

It's paradoxical, but. ...Maybe he's just not as good a person. Not as patient a person.]

But if you seriously want my help, then...

[Ryan raises the knife. He shuts his eyes tight. For a second, it really seems like he's going to just stab down recklessly. He feels so fucking sick just thinking about it.]

[Ryan drops the knife, and lets it clatter harmlessly to the table. His eyes are actually watering a little, and he takes a deep breath to try and make himself stop.]

...I can't.

[He stands up, feeling almost like he's being pulled up by strings, by something other than himself. There's an...almost odd seriousness to him that feels out of place. But maybe Min will be happy about that - he did want him to stop screwing around, didn't he?]

Groceries are by the door. Some of them go in the fridge. Tomo's staying here. ...And we're not performing this Saturday. So if all of this was for that, then stop it.

[It's a lot for Ryan to say that, especially when he wasn't able to perform for so long because of his own corruption. He doesn't want to cancel, and honestly he wanted to give it longer, but...he can't be around Min when he's acting like this, so he's saying it while he's still here.

The door is right there, as Min said. And even with all of this, Ryan hesitates for a moment. Even with all of this, even with how pissed off and frustrated and upset he is, he's still worried on top of it.]

...Get some sleep, Min. I'll check on you later.

[He doesn't specify when later is. He just heads for the door.]

[Good! Go! That’s what he wanted.

At first, Min feels justified. He called Ryan’s bluff and got rid of him, good riddance. He sneers at the door, visible from the dining room, and then sneers again at the empty air where Ryan had just been. That was so dramatic, fuck you Ryan!

He huffs and finally takes his arm off the mouth of the jar he’s been bleeding into, quickly capping it before holding his wound closed. It still doesn’t hurt, which isn’t right at all, but he isn’t questioning that.

Sleepers heal fast, which he’s banking on, not realising that corruption messes with that alongside all the other things wrong with him.

Tomo is somewhere looking for the first aid kit that Min-Gi insisted on not very long ago, and from it he will take a bandage and gauze.

And as he dresses his wound, Tomo who watches him with a look Min isn’t exactly sure how to place. It sure seems a lot like judgment. He ignores it for a long moment but the otter is still staring at him.

Min-Gi scoffs.

Tomo stares.

Min-Gi ignores them longer and scoffs again when he looks back and nothing has changed.

Tomo is still staring.]

What?

[The stare continues. Min hates it.]

Don’t look at me like that, he did that to himself. I haven’t done anything wrong and he flew off the handle. It’s my blood, I’m allowed to bleed if I want to!

[And like, valid. But forget a judgment train, he’s got a judgment otter to deal with, now. Great. Love that.]

Look, I know it looks bad but it’s just a little blood and it’s my choice! How else do you get a blood crystal and I don’t want to go to Willful Machine. You know this makes sense, Tomo, it’s not my fault Ryan flipped out. I didn’t ask him for his blood and I’m not apologising because he hurt his own feelings.

[Tomo’s whiskers twitch ever so slightly but the stare continues, unblinking. Min growls with frustration and drags his book back across the table to try to get back to his project.

Two minutes of intense reading later and he can’t focus enough to set up the ritual. Tomo is still there and still judging the fuck out of him so Min gets up from the table with a huff and heads for the sofa.

The issue with being in there is that it puts him back in range for particularly strong projected emotions and it’s like walking into a rainstorm.

Air pressure dips low as he sits on the couch, angry but starting to actually think about what Ryan had said before he left. He sees the groceries, hastily dropped in panic. Three bright, perfect oranges have escaped their bag and lay on the ground.

Min sees then and his corruption begins to suspend in the air before falling back like a pendulum. It feels like he’s losing his mind. Min looks down at his hands. The claws aren’t going away. In fact, if anything, they’re getting sharper. His teeth, too, discovered this ‘morning’ when he bit his cheek and woke himself up. That was the prompt to try to solve at least one stress in his life.

Which so far has super totally been working.

The ritual handbook is attempted again but by this time Min is really starting to feel Ryan’s energy and place it as that. He’s still around. And what was it the at Ryan said as he bounced? About the show? What a bullshit thing to just slip in there before you leave.

No, no he can’t read this thing right now, he can’t leave that conversation.

The book is slammed closed with a heavy sigh and Min gets up, going over to the door and opening it. There Ryan is, sitting on the step.

Min crosses his arms over his chest and leans in the doorway, debating whether or not to nudge the back of Ryan’s hip with his toes.]

Did you say you cancelled our show?

[Ryan's intention was to leave and go back to Shiro's, but as soon as he was out the door he could feel himself coming apart at the seams. If he went back right now, literally anyone who looked at him would ask him what was wrong, and he has no idea how to answer that question.

Honestly, he doesn't know if he did the right thing. Maybe that's why he's sitting on Min's front step, curled up in a ball with his head on his knees. He can't quite bring himself to just...leave him.

"You Ļ̕͜͞E̷̷̡͘F̴̛T̶́͟͞͠ me!"

He doesn't want to. God, he's such a shitty fucking person for doing it, for ditching Min when he obviously needs him, but he literally almost stabbed himself to prove a point, and he can't take care of Min if Min's going to drive him to corrupt again...can he?

Except, none of that was Min-Gi's fault. Ryan should be able to tough it out, he should be able to help Min without losing his shit, and if he can't? Then that's just h͡i̡̛s̡͡͞ ̴̨f̨̀a̸̸̧̡͞ų̧̨́l̸̨҉͟t̸͟͟͡, isn't it? Is he really just going to be a baby about knives forever? This is a world full of blood. Maybe...

This was supposed to be easier than it's been. He literally just told Min he wants to be with him forever like, a few days ago, and he fucking stormed out.

God. Ryan is the worst. He's sure he's the worst. He's the w̵̴̧͘͟ó̶͠r̶̷̸͡s͏t̢̢͞͠͏ ̸̶h̢̕͢͡ę̧̛͟'̧̧̕s̨̨̕͢͠ ͏̴͢t̀͠h̷́ȩ̨̀ ̛̀͢͡w̵͘o̸͘͘͜r̢̕͜͟s̷͟t̛҉ ̸̡́͟͜h̡́͘e̴̴̶͜͡'̴̵͘s͢͏͞ ͢͡g̨͡͝a̷͜͠͠r̛͟b̷̡́a̵̵̢͢g̨̕͏e͏̴͟͞ ͏̵̢͏̷h̀̀̕͘͡e͘͟'̴͢͟s̨̀̀͠͝ ̵͟͠͠͡a͘͡͡҉ ͡͝t̸͟͜ę̴̨͟͡r̴ŗ̧̛i̡͡҉̢b͘͢͜͜͞ĺ̴̵͢e̢̢͜͠ ̨͘b̸͡ó̸͟͟y͟͜f̸̴̕r̢͟͡i͏͟e͠͞͠҉ņ̷̧͡͠d̵̛.҉̸́͜͠

How could he do this to Min again?

He hears the door open, but he doesn't look up right away. Every bit of energy is spent trying to hit the brakes on all of these thoughts so Min doesn't have to deal with them on top of his own shit.

Finally, he sits up a little, and rubs at his eyes under his glasses. He totally wasn't crying; he's fine. But...he doesn't turn around to look at Min either. His voice sounds a little watery.]

...I haven't yet, but we need to.

[It doesn't sound like a threat or an ultimatum, despite how he brought it up initially. It's just an unfortunate reality of the situation. Ryan takes a deep breath, and it's painfully obvious this isn't what he wants either.]

You won't be able to play your synth with claws. You...know that, right?

[Deep down, Min has to know that, even if he's not thinking clearly. Even if he hasn't let himself go there.]

Your corruption seemed a little better after that whole wormhole pocket thing, so I thought it would just, you know...but it's getting worse, man.

[It's getting worse, and Ryan doesn't know what to do about it. He doesn't know if there's anything he can do about it, and that's even worse somehow. Min helped him so much and he can't even return the--

No, he has to stop. He has to stop or it'll leak out of his head in static and Min will hear it. Min's...sick. He can't do that do him right now.]

Edited 2022-04-26 21:32 (UTC)

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A few days later - cw self harm ig?/bloodletting

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cw: threat of self harm

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