Dabi (荼毘) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
burnitblack) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
deercountry2022-04-10 02:05 pm
burnitblack) wrote in deercountry2022-04-10 02:05 pm
[Open] 🚬 April Flames
Who: Dabi & others
What: April Catch-All
When: Various
Where: April
Content Warnings: Scenes and mentions of domestic / child abuse, some body horor and monstrous transformations, violence, adult language, topics of patricide and fratricide
Notes: General and specific starters will be below. Contact under cut.
If you want to hit me up for ideas on prompts or plots, feel free to comment on Dabi's plotting post, hit me up on my contacts – Plurk (![[plurk.com profile]](https://plurk.com/favicon.ico)
StarSeed69) / Discord (StarSeed#3572) – shoot me a PM, or drop an ooc comment down below, and we’ll hash it out. I'm down to write a unique starter for our threads if you prefer.
What: April Catch-All
When: Various
Where: April
Content Warnings: Scenes and mentions of domestic / child abuse, some body horor and monstrous transformations, violence, adult language, topics of patricide and fratricide
Notes: General and specific starters will be below. Contact under cut.
If you want to hit me up for ideas on prompts or plots, feel free to comment on Dabi's plotting post, hit me up on my contacts – Plurk (
no subject
He smiles at that. Again, not the happy kind, but a cavalier sort of dealing with devils renewed determination when the other man takes his hand. And he grips it in return, strong and like a promise. ]
Not that kind. [ You seem absolutely nothing like your brother, you know. It's that bright but hard sort of glimmer in his pale eyes that he keeps squarely on Dabi's turquoise ones, the little upward twitch of a lopsided cocky smile.
But for a bit of a dick you might not be all that bad.
There's a faint glow from the cross on the back of his hand though. A gentleness that would radiate through his palm, something that feels soothing and cleansing like a fresh breeze on one's face. And even if it isn't a full invocation -- better not be, he wouldn't want to slice through that man's hand right after he got him to reluctantly trust him -- there's a rush of white and light as luminescent feathers lick their way like a sudden fire from his wrist up over his shoulders to the other and surround them in the whirl of what is either a cloak -- or wings. Or both. Bright but altogether unlike the neon firelight, more like being briefly caught in a blizzard that's both warm and cool. Crystalline but soft fragments of feather-shaped light wafting like snowflakes in the air. Even the scent is cool and soothing; clean and thin, crystalline, like fresh snow. And the faintest sort of note of ozone, like electricity in the air -- or magic.
That's the shape of a heart that just wants to "save" people and their souls given form and power. The most condensed form of spiritual power that comes solely from an unwavering sense of love for humanity, so deep and raw it's almost ragged. Bright as the brightest light right before it's burnt itself straight out from existence --
And something that exists solely to soothe and purge the dark, as it whips around them both. ]
sorry for the delay, had to figure how i wanted to do this
of course he's nothing like that damn puppet. dabi focuses instead on the issue at hand. while it's interesting to think his body's out there raging and making a mess of things, the lack of being in control... yeah, allen hit that one in the chest. he hates not being in control of himself. hates being under the reign of another person or thing. that's not what he fought to break free of. he runs his own damn life. no one else!
the sight of fire emerging from the man's shoulder and rushing down his arm towards their clasped hands startles him, though apart from a brief widening of his eyes, dabi doesn't react much. there's a temptation to ignite his own flames, return like for like, but he figures it probably won't do much, considering the way the man didn't react to the fires so close to him earlier. he said he wants to help and that's one thing heroes are so fucking stuck on doing. so bent on "saving" people, they're willing to speak the truth and sacrifice themselves for someone they owe nothing to. but dabi's still not one to trust someone like allen. even as that white light envelopes them. whatever feelings of "love" come from him, it breaks around the charred remains of touya's heart, like rive water against a rock. if there is any scrap of his true self left within the hatred and pain, any piece that still longs for the love and acceptance touya had so desperately craved, he certainly doesn't want it from this person, and refuses to even recognize it. allen's free to deal with the corruption clinging to him... but in exchange...
the light dies down and fades away into a new scene, devoid of any flames and instead seeming to become a cool, crisp spring day outside of a grand estate surrounding a large traditional japanese house with outside views from walkways and a garden in the middle of a courtyard. the scent of sakura and new buds hang in the air, the trickling of the garden pond offering that zen quality of the asian home. but it's otherwise quiet, unnervingly so. as if there are no people living within the building. its wooden floors outside and the tatami mats inside left alone and untrod.]
Who're you?
[the voice has similarities to that quiet voice before allen came to the darker, burning void. the same that had asked for someone to notice him. but this one doesn't have the same sadness and longing. calmer, a little aloof, and belonging to a 13 year old boy with white hair standing by one of the doors.]
you're totally fine! this is brilliant
It's disorienting, and at first Allen blinks a little at trying to take in where he is now. Truth be told, he really didn't know what was going to happen next. Most likely, he figured they would return to the present -- to the physical world. But this hardly seems that, even if it looks so very real. Smells real, but is nothing like anything he remembers or that seems like it would be in the Trench. A memory, perhaps...?
It's so very... normal-seeming. Not what he was expecting. Certainly not after that emo-type display earlier and the flames. A creepy dungeon would have seemed next on the docket. Maybe a morgue. Cemetery at midnight...
-- o-oh. ] Ah...
[ Small child? ]
I'm-- Allen Walker. [ He raises his gloved hand in a small, tentative wave even as something is so eerily familiar about the boy. Those eyes, and his voice... No, from before? While he was fighting? He was distracted at the time, but...
He takes a small step closer. None of the white or glimmer of his invocation, just a teenager wearing what looks to be a uniform coat of sorts, the hood down. ]
Who are you?
no subject
Oh.
[he doesn't break eye contact, as if debating on whether he wants to continue talking. a person from outside? dad always said they were better than those people. kinda like the other kids from school. they were beneath him. not a part of his world. because he was destined for greater things than them... he knows that. has to be. his dad said he was... a long time ago.]
Touya. Todoroki Touya. [far more formal introduction than the monster he'd become.] Why're you here?
no subject
Eh... [ He blinks for a moment. Better come up with something quick; 'exorcist come here to save your soul from the monster you've been corrupted into' won't cut it in this case. Just a hunch. Don't break the memory. ]
-- I came to meet you. [ Disclose himself as a friend of his brother? No, given his feelings towards Shouto earlier... that probably isn't a good idea. ] I'm a friend of the family.
[ Close enough. It's technically true, at least. Even if his thoughts are still windmilling -- how is he supposed to proceed?? Except, before, what the boy had said... because it had been him speaking as the soul of the beast, not the man he saw later with all the burn scars... "Notice me."
He hesitates for a moment, before smiling a little then and making an offhand gesture towards Touya. A small, quiet and understated sort of smile. Understanding a little maybe -- or at least he'd like to understand. ]
You've been working really hard, I hear.
thanks for traumatizing this kid, allen. you're the worst. false hopes soon to be dashed... shame.
To meet me?
[sounds confused. surprised, but not in a negative way. the boy cocks his head to the side, wondering why someone dressed like a stage magician would want to meet with him. doesn't look like someone from school.]
Are you one of Endeavor's interns?
[most of the people he knows are family members, their servants, and the people from school he doesn't really care about. sometimes one of endeavor's agency interns, but that's a rare thing. and none of them ever show up uninvited.
but that's kind of brushed to the side a bit when the man mentions his efforts. touya's expression changes a bit, this time a bit more surprised. before a smile shows up.]
Really? You mean it? Did he tell you about me?! [it blossoms into excitement and relief, a surge of welling elation.] What'd he say?! I know he noticed! He couldn't have not!
:'''') why do his good deeds always backfire so horribly!!
He blinks for a moment, before laughing a touch sheepishly and waving a hand. Endeavor. That name again. ]
Ehhh, why don't you show me first? [ And he taps a finger against his lips with a good-natured and mildly conspiratorial smile; secret, secret. It's congenial, warmer and more natural. Genuinely so, given that reaction, and feeling a bit more at ease like he he might at least be moving in the right direction.
Hopefully. ]
Maybe I can even help you with it.
that's what you get for playing hero...
how has allen been friends with shouto this long and not realize who "endeavor" is asides from a name? that alone should tip him off big time when dealing with a todoroki.]
Okay! [show off for the guy who his dad told him was doing a good job? sure! touya quickly curls one hand by his side and pushes the other one up in the air. orange flames burst from his curled hand, charging up a fireball within it, while he simultaneously lets a plume of the same orange flames burst upward into the sky.] No thanks! I got it.
[he doesn't need help cause he can do all this on his own. check it out!]
smh, you don't have to be right you know
And look! They've been friends under... intense situations! And were gooey pod people for a long time! They haven't exactly had time for normal friendship stuff! It's hard to have a chat about things like that while fighting their way through a lot of really cheap tests when you're god knows how many hundreds of feet underground in the catacombs! And he was worried about finding his friend Midoriya before so they were looking! ... and the one time they did talk about their families or lack thereof after not dying, Allen also accidentally set off a Todoroki family landmine there without realizing it and it went from a really nice, happy moment to... not... he'd kind of dropped Allen's hand like Shouto had been the one burned... and then there was a house on actual fire so it never came up again. ...yeah there's kind of a pattern here... ]
Ohhh-- [ Orange flames! More like Shouto's. He figured it would be fire, but honestly would have expected to see the blue from before. Still, from a kid... wow. They got their powers young. Some exorcists would be chosen by Innocence as children, but not always. "Quirks", Shouto called them?
He gives an appreciative clap, watching, and smiles wide. ]
You seem a lot more natural with your ability than I was at your age, you know.
right and deadly
touya balances the two effects, trying to keep the ball of flames in his hand charging in a messy spin while the pillar of flames above his head continues to spread into a cone of blazing heat. pushing himself a little, yeah, but this is someone who endeavor complimented him to! he has to make sure he measures up to everything his father said was good and go even further than that! if this guy said he was working really hard, then touya's gonna show him he's working to become the greatest! just like his father always said he was going to be. right? right? that's what he said, right? had to be!
he grins wide and bright when allen's "ohhh" comes out and the flames seem to get even hotter with the swell of his elation and pride. yeah, about those blue flames... not quite puberty yet. if allen looks at touya more closely, however, he's gonna notice the bandages. white gauze on the side of his neck, a patch on his cheek, though anything else is hidden beneath the long sleeves and pants of his clothes. not that he cares, what with allen clapping like that and smiling at him.]
Uh-huh! I've been practicing with my Quirk since I was five! I'm gonna be the strongest there is!
no subject
But those bandages are out of place in this kind of setting and on a child like that. It doesn't seem right. Not that it had seemed "right" in his world either, but... Maybe that's the key to why he's here, too. Can't forget that; this isn't real. This person is the same as the man before, but something happened. And he has to be in this place here with him like this for a reason, something related to the corruption of his soul, so...
His smile becomes a bit quieter and faintly nostalgic, watching how elated the boy seems at that and his own abilities. Bittersweet. "The strongest there is..." ]
Mm? Aaa, I believe it. [ He approaches, waving a hand slightly aside as he does so. It's okay, it's okay! You can stop, you've impressed him.
This is a gamble, but if he goes by what Shouto said about the world he came from... Even despite what "Dabi" said before, and in fact that might make all of that suddenly make a lot more sense... ]
Tell me, what kind of hero do you want to be then?
no subject
touya drops his arms, still smiling, and starts shaking his hand, flapping them around like they got burned or something. ow... but it's okay! he blows on them a few times, calming the faint redness on his hands down, before looking up to allen again.]
Of course you do! I just showed you why. My flames are even hotter than my dad's! [said with all pride and assurance. he'd been having a bad day, but hearing endeavor had complimented him to another person, even if he wouldn't say anything to touya, had made this one of the best days in his life!]
What kind? Duh. I'm gonna be the strongest hero! Just like my dad said I could be. Stronger than even All Might. Someone the world looks up to in awe. [touya wipes the corner of his eye with the back of his wrist.] So that... when Dad looks at me... he'll be happy he made me.
no subject
...their father. "Made" him. Them, most likely.
Suddenly a lot of things start to make a bit more sense. And his mouth goes a little dry at that phrasing. ]
... [ He crouches down to be eye to eye, with a very faint, sad sort of smile. Bittersweet. ]
Being the strongest just makes you strong. It doesn't say anything about the kind of person -- or hero [ he has to correct himself, it's not a natural word for him to use, and in fact tastes wrong in his mouth ] you want to be.
[ He reaches out his gloved right hand towards Touya. Let him see your hands? ]
Although I think you are very strong for everything you've gone through. [ Even if not in the way he probably thinks he means. You've had to endure a lot while still trying to smile, haven't you. ]
That's something that should make anyone happy to know you.
no subject
touya blinks when allen crouches down in front of him, though there's a slight guard that comes up. cause really, this is a stranger getting up and close with him and his parents aren't around.]
I wanna be a hero who is so strong, the world notices me. The top hero who surpasses any challenge.
[he frowns at the reach towards him and takes a cautious step back. he doesn't know you. even if you are one of his dad's interns. sure he's happy and all, but he's not ignorant.]
It's... It's not been that bad? Dad's just been busy. Distracted. And... and I know I haven't been the best to him. But I'm really trying to become strong enough! I'll be better than Shouto. He'll be proud of me, I know he will! Once he sees how much I've improved, just like he wanted.
[the smile on his face is there, proud and happy again, but the kind that's plastered over something else that feels far worse.]
He told you, right? You said he told you I was working really hard, right? So I know he sees me, even if he's too busy to tell me himself.
no subject
Allen's no stranger to stitching a smile together and putting it on even when he doesn't feel like smiling at all. Sometimes it's the only way he can keep going, and because the alternative is a deep dark pit he can't fall into again. Sure it's to try and help reassure others often, but... usually, it's for himself as well. So his smile drops a notch and he bites his lower lip for a moment, seeing that threadbare sort of desperation in the boy.
It isn't really a child in front of you. This isn't the real world. It's a hard thing to remember but he has to try to keep that in perspective. It's the man you saw before, even if this suffering is still here and real. And that's heartbreaking, honestly.
Because what can you even say when you know you can't fix any of that. He's not his father, who it seems would have made Allen's own mentor who raised him look like a saint. They'd loved each other at least, something Allen always knew even when he was being tested to his limits and near death, even when they were nothing but antagonistic. But this...
... ]
...It's okay not to smile sometimes, you know. When you don't feel like it.
[ He stays where he is, his hand curling in on itself before he withdraws it, leaning against his knees with his elbows. He can't lie, even if he wanted to. What would even be the point; this is that man's heart, isn't it? A core of it. ]
To be upset and feel pain or cry. Especially when it feels unfair and you try really, really hard but it seems like it never makes a difference. [ Different situations, but doesn't he know that so very, very painfully well. But it is why he continues speaking so very gently, soft-spoken with a very calm and bittersweet manner. ]
Those kinds of human feelings can make someone strong, too. If you don't let them consume you. [ Gentleness and suffering. Love, as terrible as it is, the horrible things it can bring about. Everything he had tried to bury before, in order to be what he was an exorcist. Every piece of a cracking heart and compromised values shoved under a rug in order to not disrupt the sense of belonging in finally finding "home" --
--and all the utter heartbreak and ruin doing that had caused for everyone, the destruction of that very "home". ]
They aren't something you should feel like you have to bury for anyone's sake.
no subject
He said that, right? He told you... that I was trying hard... right? You weren't lying... were you?
[touya's voice shivers, trying to hold onto the hope that it had been true. that his father really did care even if he was too busy and distracted to say it directly. he was waiting for touya to prove himself. that's what it had to be, if he was still able to tell someone he worked with that his eldest son was trying hard.
the smile stays on his face, because if it leaves, then he knows that all of that which just transpired was done on a lie. saying it's okay not to smile... he felt like smiling because he'd been so proud... so happy, with what allen had told him!]
It... It made a difference. It made a difference! You said it did! You knew how hard I was trying! You wouldn't have known that unless he told you! [touya's voice rises in protest, almost accusing at the other man in front of him. the pain and anger surfing behind that tiny, thin net of remaining hope begins to push through the gaping holes as it snaps and swells.] He told you! Endeavor said-- my dad said I was trying hard! Tell me he said that! Tell me he told you!
[both hands grab onto the man's knees, small and tight, a shattered face staring into his as the tears began falling down the side of his face. because he already knew the truth. endeavor never told him. allen didn't learn that from his father. he was probably just saying that to be nice. it wasn't real...
it wasn't true...]
Liar...
[flames burst from touya's back, arching out in a spewing rush of uncontrolled orange and red. sweeping down his arms as the scent of burning flesh began to creep into the air. more of those orange tongues scorched at his clothes, revealing burns on his body through the blackening holes. burning himself up inside because he wanted so desperately for his father's attention, to be stronger so his father would pay attention to him, so endeavor wouldn't regret creating touya.]
Liar...
no subject
Those wide swaths of darkened, purple burnt skin on the man before -- that's what it had to be, and his eyes snap open wide with the horror of it. What kind of damage...
...could make a child do this to himself? ]
Stop! [ The heat of the flames hits him full in the face as well, hot but not physically hot like it would be in the "real" world but like being scorched by the intensity of emotion itself, but he doesn't care and lunges forward anyway. Soft white condensed light whipping in a flame-like array of feathers that take shape around his arms and down his back as he does so, the full invocation of his cloak spinning protectively to life even as he tries to pull the burning boy to him in a fierce hug.
Smothering, or trying to at least, the flames as the heavy spiritual weight of his own cloak wraps around them both and pulls in tight. ] Please stop!
[ It might burn them both alive even through the nullifying effect of his Innocence -- consume them, the other's emotions -- but he isn't letting go. These aren't their real bodies, who knows what can even happen, but he doesn't care. ]
I -- I know... I'm sorry. [ He really, truly is. ] But you mustn't do something so sad! If you do...
[ It's heartbreaking. Utterly heartbreaking, and his still-human fingers twitch for a moment, digging against the intangible fabric of his own cloak. If Touya tries to pull back, he is holding on with an absolutely iron grip, no matter how much it might hurt him. ]
If you do isn't that the same as letting someone like that control you too?! The same as letting them think they're right?! [ His voice doesn't pitch in anger or frustration, but from being distraught. Pleading, if fiercely.
Your corruption is controlling you. You can't let it. ]
You have to be stronger than that!
no subject
fire blazes up into he feathered folds of that attempted embrace, rushing through any opening it provides. it's not aimed, it's not focused, simply blazing up and out of control with the barely-contained welling emotions surging through him. he wanted so badly to believe his father had said something nice about him. for once. to praise him to someone else... but in the end, it never happened. he sees that now. this person, this stranger, lied to him. doesn't even know why. maybe he thought it was fun.
hard to smother flames when the very source of them is not fuel so much as production. even as the cloak pulls in tight around them, touya continues to fume in rage and sorrow. finally bubbling along his lower lids before falling down from the corners of his eyes and trailing over his cheeks.]
You're horrible...
[why'd he have to do that? why'd he have to say something like that... and go along with it? breaking into the memories and feelings of his soul, only to plunge that proverbial knife in and then give it a good hard twist. touya doesn't move when he's pulled, standing his ground in the soulscape of his own world. they're not real bodies, right? orange flame pours onto the ground, belching out in a curving flare above them.
I know ... he says.]
No you're not. [he's not sorry. not when he continued down that path, letting touya's hopes grow and rise before bringing them crashing back down into a wrecked pile.] You're... you're just like dad.
[no wonder he didn't bother lying under the guise of being some intern at endeavor's agency. he acted like him. giving him that fire to start off and burn bright, only to pull it out from under him and deny him. sad? of course he's sad! he really thought his father had finally noticed him! really thought that here, at last, was proof endeavor actually paid attention to his progress and growth in a positive way, instead of ignoring him or yelling at his mom for letting touya get out of the house! and now it's all been a lie?
touya doesn't try to pull back. he only burns more. flames dragging along his body, licking out from beneath the bandage and starting to flash from the inside of his mouth. the scent of smoke and cooking flesh grows stronger and the boy's eyes lock onto allen's, already growing hot enough his tears are beginning to evaporate.]
I'm not letting him control me anymore... No one controls me. [some of those dark, purple patches fade slowly into view on his body. touya's soul blackening once more into dabi's tortured and twisted spirit. the child's voice of sadness and frustration overlapping with dabi's calm fury.] He's gonna see exactly how wrong he was about me. And I'm gonna burn it into him one damn piece at a time.
[small hands clap onto either side of allen's face, touya's expression warped between his anger, sadness, pain, and now that insane glee once more.]
I am stronger. Stronger than even him. Stronger than you.
sorry for delay! I needed to flail properly over this
He does get it, or at least enough of it to put a rough picture together to see how very badly he had misjudged. How little he knew -- yet again -- and that that was the worst sort of misstep here. A father named Endeavor who was neglectful of his own child to the point where he'd burn himself alive just to be recognized by him -- to be loved by him. That's what this is, isn't it? Staring into Touya's eyes and seeing the tortured madness, the desperation and the vaporizing tears.
The strongest hate always comes first from love.
But Shouto... Shouto is so different. But also is so very deeply damaged; not just the glimpse he caught in the catacombs when he walled his feelings off so abruptly, but that deep, deep sort of buried sadness and need to connect that lonely people can recognize in each other. The reason Allen had always felt compelled to be around him, at least initially. "I'll be better than Shouto. He'll be proud of me." That's what he'd said. They were treated differently, but both of them...
Maybe he should have asked Shouto about it at that time, instead of letting that moment slip by.
He swallows. His cloak, normally impervious to anything outside the realm of the spiritual, is catching fire along its feathered edges. Holes slowly being burnt through it in patches as that's what this is, isn't it. Spiritual. With scorching intensity, agonizing searing, to the point where if Touya removed his hands he's certain his prints would be seared there like a brand. Shouldn't he be screaming? Burnt alive as well, as Touya himself is burning up from within and his cloak can't smother that? It's a dim realization, but... it's different than if it were purely physical. And even facing Touya right now and the horror of realization...
...he just feels such a deep, deep sadness. ]
...Mm. [ it's soft, when he finally speaks, with cast-over eyes and the small twist of a bittersweet smile ] I'm the worst... thinking I could say something easy and that might make a difference. I didn't know.
[ The way he says that, "I'm the worst"... is like it's from the deepest sort of depths of him. He means it so very genuinely, spoken so gently but so heavily.
Bringing up his right hand, the human one still gloved in intangible white, he rests it against the side of Touya's face. Thumb brushed lightly against the corner of his eye where the tears would normally collect. It's okay.
You can take it out on him. ]
I'm sorry.
I should have tried to understand better.
flail some more~
disappointing his father, leading endeavor to not only reject his son's (even if out of some concern for his safety) but to also scheme to replace touya entirely in order to break his spirit and force him to give up on ever becoming a hero. without the dream to be a hero, without ambition or determination to succeed, there'd be no need for him to practice with his quirk, or even use it much. gutting him, stripping out his insides, and removing the very reason for his creation.
shouto's birth effectively replaced touya's existence in the mind of his father. and in his own. with shouto being everything endeavor ever wanted, there was no room for his eldest child left in his father's world. touya desperately continued to train, convincing himself that if he could only become strong enough, unique enough, to set himself as "better" or even "equal" to shouto, that he would be once again noticed by enji.
look at me, endeavor!
nothing left inside but those raging flames of hatred, born of agony and sorrow and desire to be worth his own creation. oh he was very much different from shouto now. while one child sought to become a hero, yet desired nothing to do with his father to the point of rejecting as much of endeavor as possible, the other became a villain, obsessed with his father to the point of wanting to destroy everything the man ever held dear just to inflict as much pain and suffering on him as possible before killing him.
look at me, endeavor!
the other thing being shouto didn't burn himself to death in the middle of a mountain forest, hoping against all hope that his father would actually be curious enough to wonder what this "new thing" his unwanted child could possibly have to show him.
now, take that child and lie to him about his father actually saying such a compliment as "you've been working really hard" to his face.
touya's gaze remains the same cold, lidded gaze as dabi's from before, no longer the bright-eyed child who had looked to allen with hope before. callous and uncaring that the man in front of him is showing signs of actually being burned. that's fine with him. burn alive and blacken. burn out to nothing but ash. doesn't even bother to let go of his hands on allen's face. content to pour his flames through his palms and fingers all over the other man, his own fires burning at his clothes and his own skin. peeling flakes of lighter flesh off to reveal the gnarled, purple burn scars beneath and those metal staples holding his skin onto his flesh.
oh... he's still saying something.]
Now ya do.
[of course he didn't know. shouto wouldn't have known, too young to have realized. no one else could've told him. but if this man's so arrogant as to walk into people's minds, step into their souls, then he can learn and deal with the consequences. he's seen and heard heroes condemn themselves before, but it's the same shit as always. not really a true apology, but more moaning in self-sympathy because the thing that usually makes them feel good about themselves ended up fucking them over. complaining because they didn't get to be "right" for once. it's not an apology to others, but regret to themselves for no longer being that image they try so hard to present to other people. a whining attempt to save face before damnation.
or that's what dabi's twisted mind wants to hear.
the hand on the side of his face doesn't earn a flinch from him or a stumbling of the flaming outpour. even his apology earns nothing more than a derisive scoff as smoke drifts from the corner of his mouth.]
Like I wanna hear that from you. You're nothing to me. Stay here and die or run away and live, I don't care about your life. Now do whatever you gotta do to bring me back. That's what ya came in here to do, right? So go back to pretendin ya can give a shit.
ヘ（。□°）ヘ !! also cw: MORE severe child abuse, vaguely implied sexual assault
Aaah, this is bad... His cloak is engulfed in fire. Light itself lit up and being consumed and turned slowly to ash and ember like some kind of white phoenix. I might actually... even here...
He swallows, pale eyes kept strongly to turquoise. ]
Even if... you don't know me... [ It's a little shaky at first, but he drops a knee to the ground to plant himself a little more firmly. ] And I'm no one to you...
...I'm not running. [ He would die before that, you better believe him. But he also refuse to die. Not right here, not right now. Fading away into nothingness was something he was told would happen to him, knew in his heart would happen, but it isn't going to happen here.
He breathes in, the anguished kind of hatred behind those flames scorching his lungs in a blackening, sickening sort of way, but keeping his eyes centered on Dabi's. It's a different kind of determined light. Steadfast as before, but quieter. More wrought. I will save you, still. From the corruption that ended them both here, but not just that. Something gentler. Born from a deep sort of sorrow.
I want to help you.
There isn't any grand or noble purpose to his life, not as he sees it. Not as he's tried to explain it. He's one small man who lost everything that was important to him, who doesn't have what he would think is a noble reason -- he just doesn't like to see someone suffer. Whose heart is moved not by a noble or heroic purpose, but by the people in front of him. The people he sees. The souls he sees, long forgotten by the rest of the world and seen as monsters. They exist and they suffer, so he wants to help them. He wants to save them, because of finding that so very sad.
Even if that isn't what the world needs. Even if they're a villain.
So no, he can't look away. And he won't burn to ash. Even if you hate him and maybe even the world, part of him can never be burned.
He lifts his other hand up, the left one now black and with wickedly long and sharp, luminous white bladed claws for fingers. Not to strike -- but to delicately but quite firmly press his palm to other side of the man's face, ever-mindful of his claws and keeping them turned out and away from skin. Locking them together like that.
And even if you try to burn me up too... I'm okay with that. [ He won't burn, but he doesn't blame you either. ]
Because I think... it's easier to just assume that no one cares. To say "oh, they never loved me, so no one is capable of love." "Oh, he was a monster, so everyone is a monster." "I'll be stronger then, strong enough to show them all." [ His hands press tighter for a moment, leaning forward with an earnestness that makes his jaw tight. ]
Right? [ It's not sarcastic; it's raw. A sliver of very real and genuine anguish.
A toddler sold to the circus freak show by his parents because of his ugly left arm. A world full of people who spat on him and starved him, full of grown men he had to work with who would get drunk and pin a six year old down to laugh over and grope that left arm of his, with that man grabbing him by the face to stroke his lip and say "you're my possession"...
And ugly world that was cold and without love.
His hands twitch for a moment, and stay pressed tight. ]
Because it feels easier when you take it on alone like that, isn't it? When it's you against a world that just seems to spite you. When all you need to do is just become stronger so they can't hurt you anymore. But it isn't! [ He did that. He tried to force through his situation with brute strength. He woke up his power through sheer rage.
And he irreparably broke the only person who was ever kind to him. ]
It hurts! Caring hurts! But the answer isn't to just stop caring!
[ That is what makes you weak. What makes you lose everything. ]
And even if I'm wrong... and even if you don't believe me... there is someone who "gives a shit". Someone who I bet that even despite the horrible situation you both had, he cares and would want to be the one here right now. I'm sure of it. [ Because he's kind. You can judge Allen or even the both of them all you want for all the things about this sordid past he didn't know, but he honestly couldn't give a crap about any of that when it comes to his opinion of Shouto. He didn't need to know, even if he appreciates him more now for the knowing. But he already knew the most important thing about him without needing to know any of that.
He's kind, and even if you've gone insane and are striking out in pain, Shouto doesn't seem like someone who would ever turn his back on his own brother. ]
It'd probably be better if he was... [ it's softer with genuine regret and sentiment ] But I'm the one you've got.
But he's a kind person who cares and would be sad... [ His voice lowers in pitch and rises in strength, twisted again with a raw sort of anguish that makes his voice quaver slightly in anything but weakness; utter conviction.
Even if the flames lick across his face in a way that should consume him, that condensed sort of black emotional turmoil given power turn his flesh to embers and sear through to bone -- they don't. The tattered and flaming remains of his cloak limn in stubbornly resistant white-gold light, and his hands do too from where they're pressed to Dabi's face. Like a gentle sort of silent white flame that isn't fire at all, but the cool and almost wintery shape of his own conviction and heart and consumes him in a protective embrace. The thing that's Crown Clown, but also him. One and the same. Unyielding kindness, the kind that would feel gentle and calming to the soul, cleansing; the sort where even the most piteously twisted soul of an akuma would give a rattled sigh of relief, even as it was cut down by those claws. "Aaah...
"Somehow... I feel good."
Even if maybe it'll never reach him in this state, the intent is still there. It's always his intent. ]
He wouldn't run and leave you alone, so neither will I.
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Ya statin the obvious. [dropping to his knee like that would suggest he's not running. doesn't know much about this guy, but he can tell he's stubborn. like all heroes with that 'savior' complex going on. thinking they're so strong they can save everyone. blotting over the other person's desires in the name of "salvation" like a hypocritical tyrant.
dabi doesn't want him to fade here because as far as he knows, this guy is the ticket to getting out of this damn monster predicament. his body's transformed into a monster outside all of this. he's not in control. this guy said he could help him regain his body and that's all the villain focuses on now. everything else parts around him like a river rushing around a rock in the middle.
those eyes stare into his, determined, and yet the other man gazes at him, not interested in "seeing" him so much as watching. waiting for what he's going to do. there's no a shred of care or concern in his gaze. the person inside doesn't give a shit about allen walker. his kindness, his determination, his thoughts, his gentleness, or his sadness. none of those things matter to him. none of those things are helpful in touya's insane ambition to torture and destroy his father.
if allen wants to help him, then he'd better be prepared to act according to what dabi wants. the man who abused him, neglected him, replaced him, erased him, isn't going to get off so easily. his legacy, his image, his ambitions, all of them can burn to the ground, rip him to pieces in the process, until there's nothing left of endeavor but a pathetic, powerless wretch lying in his own misery, hated and despised, abandoned by everyone and everything. then he can die.
a hand settles on the side of his face, clawed and black, but dabi neither flinches nor looks to the sides at it. focusing on allen instead like some weird game of chicken. even as pieces of his flesh continue to burn away and the scene behind him begins to go up in flames.]
Okay.
[before immediately igniting everything. pulls one hand right off allen's face, shoves it palm-first into his visage, and detonates a massive burst of fire. fully intending to incinerate him where he kneels. his other hand bats away the one on his face as touya's childish body finishes changing back into dabi's full-grown state. allen's still talking and the villain's flaming output doubles, the roar of a flamethrower threatening to drown him out.]
Got news for ya, ringmaster! I don't care!
[azure flames bloom again in his other hand and he drives that one down as the first one slings back. more flames, pouring out like water from a hose full blast. fanning out in a massive burst that scorches the ground in front of him, bright enough he can't even see the kid's shadowy form inside the attack. drowning out half his words in the process. oh there certainly are things he cares about, but none of them would be something this bleeding heart would agree with him on.]
Sure ya are. Fun fact: we already met. Only reason I didn't kill that little puppet then was cause dad passed out and wasn't awake to watch me do it! [both arms up this time, charging towering plume of flames as dabi leans forward and his entire body combusts into a raging torrent of blue flames. had enough of that white shit floating around him. before firing the entire charged blast towards the burning image.] Keep your damn nose outta our family business! It ain't got shit to do with you!
[whether he's burning allen or not doesn't matter. what matters is ending this ridiculous conversation and getting on with the reason this guy is here. and until he gets back to that reason and starts working on getting dabi back in control of his body, touya's content to sit here and burn the unburnable over and over and over. drown out those stupid words of a man who has no idea what's going on in their lives. he doesn't need some damn "hero" to come along and "save" him. right now, all allen's good for is accomplishing that goal of his: get dabi's body back.
there is no healing to his soul. no cleansing he's willing to accept. if he wants to give him some soul-bound morphine drip and then rip him apart to bring him back, go for it. he's still within arms distance, even though allen's all but face first inside an exploding bonfire of azure that keeps pumping one shot after the next. ignores kindness, forgot what that even was, gentle and calm would only come with endeavor's death, at best it'll feel like a drugged up stupor where nothing matters for a little bit. that can feel good. even venting this fire on him feels good. but dabi's too far gone to let someone like this "save" him from the path he's decided. narrow minded, tunnel vision, revenge soaked to the point of all else being worthless outside of it.]
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But throwing his arms up instinctively in front of his face in a futile attempt to ward off a firestorm, it begins to erode the protective sleeve on his right arm. Turning even that willpower given form into scorched embers that get eaten away, making him feel that penetrating through even his left arm straight into what feels like his soul. Feeling the remains of his cloak, flung back behind him like wings from the force of that output, continuing to burn up and slowly be consumed. He grits his teeth with a pained grimace, certain he can taste blood through the smell of heat and char.
And the horrible smell of cooked skin. Whether it's from him or Dabi, though -- hard to tell.
But as soon as he says that -- "only reason I didn't kill that little puppet" -- Allen's eyes snap back up over the top of his crossed arms. Hard, trying to stare through that blinding kind of pummeling over and over of fire and hate (madness?) with almost concussive force to where the other man's face has to be, and he shifts. Pushes into the teeth of it and rises.
Both of his hands snap out through that fire. To lace fingers with the other man if he can, pressing his more-impervious palms flat against his and artfully managing the claws on his left hand to still avoid actually hurting him.
All to twist their hands violently about to try and throw Dabi's arms out wide and away from his face. Or to at least lock them together like that. Stop it.]
Don't say something like "oh, this is family business" while at the same time as saying you'd kill someone whose life is dear.
[ He's gone cold and steely just that fast, and it doesn't even have anything to do with trying to burn him to ash. Fuck off with that holier than thou family business nonsense, you just made it entirely his business. The whole "family business" pretense can go to hell. All of its forms he keeps running into it in are shitty. People who say stuff like that are shitty.
Seared handprints were indeed left behind on his face, and his temples have deep blackened scorch marks despite the delicate, protective radiance still enveloping him. Skin turned to fine, ash-like powder there and cracks spreading across his cheekbones like a porcelain mask should instead of flesh.
And he really doesn't care. Unlucky for you this isn't reality. ]
It has everything to do with the people whose lives you're affecting.
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Hm?
[dabi's little surprised noise carries curiosity and mounting frustration. never did like someone who he couldn't burn to ash, but it's not like he hasn't come across someone who could counter, block, or tear through his flames. didn't make him happy to deal with someone like that though. even if this is some kind of mental or spiritual battle of wills. something he said just roused this guy into resisting...
only to tense up when hands suddenly catch onto his own, surprising him enough the fire actually cuts off for a second like a flamethrower splashing against a wall. fingers lacing through his own, those claws failing to skewer his hand. before strong arms abruptly twist and throw, almost wrenching his wrists in the process as his arms are flung out on either side of him. he steps back once, eyes widening slightly in irritation at allen's stubborn will to push through this.]
Ain't dear to me, idiot. Already had a death in the family and no one gave a shit! Turn a blind eye, just like every hero.
[hypocrite. telling him what to do. this wasn't his business to start with. damn hero decided to stick his nose into a place it neither belonged nor was asked to be in. that's called invasion. as for "family business" pretense, someone who never had a family in the first place doesn't have shit ground to stand on when it comes to telling others how to deal with their families. go die on a hill you actually know how to stand on. people like him are why some heroes are so damn despised, because they're desperate for some shitty validation of their own existence or power, and are willing to make use of anyone and anything, even invent problems that don't exist or invade into other's lives, in order to force a shred of "where I belong" into the world to make their life worth a fraction more. when the vast majority of people couldn't give a shit whether they lived or died.
if allen thought dabi's arms were the only place where his flames come out of... the villain abruptly ignites his own chest and blasts him straight in the face and throat with another roaring torrent of blue flames.]
Then ya better get me back in control out there, "hero", cause the longer we stay in here, the more everything and everyone out there burns!
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And you just gave Allen a lot more reason to stand his ground on that point and pissed him off in the process which is why his power and will both suddenly surge, so it's on you.
Dabi's chest ignites and Allen snaps his arms back in front of himself again, claws spread wide as a shimmering shield bearing a cross appears between them. The spiritual kind that rejects flame and pretty much anything else like his cloak, and doesn't seem fazed by the full-bodied force of Dabi's flames, parting them like water around it. Even his cloak seems to be reforming, reknitting itself, and leaving him fluoresced in white energy and particles trying to reknit themselves. Something that's cool white fire and light and snow and ragged feathers like a falling angel.
You pissed him off and he and his weapon are both standing their ground on this point, so fuck off. ]
It's dear to me. Saying you'd kill him makes it my business! [ Revenge-soaked idiot. ] Saying you'd kill a good person will always make it someone else's business -- even killing a bad one will! What could he have possibly done that was so terrible anyway if he was just a child too?!
[ "The longer we stay in here, the more everything and everyone out there burns!" Yeah, he knows. It's a cold, dry worry in the back of his mind. And you aren't helping that, ass, but he isn't going to take the bait.
He leans forward, pushing closer with his shield. ]
What even does that matter in a world where none of that exists anymore anyway?! None of us are the same person, it isn't a "home" we can just return to -- they're just memories that we have! You're a new person with a new chance, so live for yourself here, stupid!
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I had this finished ages ago but never posted it sadjkaj smh, I'm sorry
done that before. it sucks.
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