deercountry | you're never coming back

Entry tags:

you're never coming back

Who: Zib and maybe even you! This is an OPEN log for everyone who wants to get involved /o/
What: Mostly studying butterflies and skeletons, and then beast hood shenanigans thanks to the portals from the event
When: During the month of April
Where: Tends to hang out around Disaster House, but the prompt with beast corruption will be throughout Trench, see inside for further details

Content Warnings: despair/potential suicidal ideation because of the butterflies, skeletons(???), paranoia/hallucinations, obsession, insect/alien body horror per beast hood corruption, parental neglect, will add more if they come up

[So Zib has been... well, not well. He's been showing some signs of undergoing the corruption that others have here and there in the form of the extra green arms he's been walking around with lately, and with some strange lines that have formed against his face, arms, anywhere that he allows any skin to expose that take the shape of something reminiscent of spider-web cracks.

Like as if his body is merely a cocoon and something is bursting at the seams waiting for the right type to hatch.

But, thankfully, Zib had started out being at least semi-aware that he was very much stretching the definition of being "okay" in any way, shape, or form. He's told a few people about it rather than hiding it, at least, and has tried to find things that he actually enjoys to see if it helps any or at least serves as a nice enough distraction for now.

However... it seems that April has other ideas.]

[ooc: Toplevels with what's happening with Zib will be below with their own headers! They're all mostly related to the event, but if you want a closed thread with Zib that falls outside of the prompts offered, hit me up and I'll make it happen! I've also got Zib's plotting stuff for the event over here that you're free to go to for info or hit me up on as well!]

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[ .. ouch.

Honestly, it would have been awkward even if there was some sort of loving exchange there. Ange would have felt way too much like she was listening in on something entirely personal anyway, even though it sure wasn't her intention. It was just that she was walking across the street and managed to catch a glimpse of that conversation, and - upon realising she recognized one of the voices involved in it - couldn't help but stop and listen a little.

But now? It's doubly awkward. Even though Ange isn't really learning something new, given what Zib had said about his family before, hearing something like this is still a little..

Well. Not great. Especially considering her own terrible family experiences.

Ignoring it and leaving him alone just doesn't feel like the right thing to do here. So even though she knows it's also the awkward option here, Ange still approaches Zib, at first slowly clearing her throat to try and catch his attention after all that, and then speaking up. ]

.. sorry. That was pretty crappy.

[ Her tone still sounds a little weak. Which could be sympathy, but it's also easy to blame on the fact that she's probably not fully recovered from last month in the first place. ]

[He jumps a little when he hears the sound of Ange clearing her throat--oh great, not only did he just have to experience that embarrassment, but someone else was also witness to it too.

Zib is at least a little relieved though that it was just Ange--sure, he's still embarrassed, but... well. This is practically nothing in comparison to what he knows of Ange's own circumstances, and there's a strange part of him that feels guilty at the idea of complaining about his family right in front of her.

As such, he gives a very awkward-sounding laugh in an attempt to act like he's fine, scratching at the back of his neck.]

Yeah, that was... uh, not great. But I can't say that I'm surprised really, thinking about it. Dad probably didn't have enough time to notice that I don't look like... well, like normal.

[He says, with a gesture to the PAK, the holes in his coat for the extra arms that like to burst out at random lately, and generally just looking worn down like he's been sleeping in the woods or something lately. ~~Which he very well might have been at some point this week, knowing Zib~~.]

[ Yeah, for real. It's one thing to not miss something small about your kid, but it's not like there's only something small wrong with Zib here. Sorry for the assessment, dude, but it's just the truth.

This isn't the sort of thing a parent should look at and be totally indifferent about. It's instantly noticeable about the other, in Ange's opinion. ]

Hey. [ It's why she speaks up like this, rather than going along with his awkwardness. Rather than pretending what he's saying is totally possible and likely. ] Listen, if this is a coping sort of thing, I get it.

[ That's valid. Ange knows that sometimes you just need ways of coping with crappy situations, even if said coping ways are ridiculous. ]

But if it isn't.. then there's no way it's just that. How could he see you looking like this and assume nothing is wrong? He called you his boy child! [ Unless that's a term of endearment.

But then it sure is the weirdest one Ange has ever seen. ]

Huh? Oh, yeah, he does that sometimes, though most commonly it's "son" when we talk...

[... There is a very unfortunate implication here that Professor Membrane doesn't call Dib by his own name very often, if at all in fact.

The thought does occur to Zib too, however, and after a moment he looks away, still scratching at the back of his neck awkwardly.]

That wasn't my real dad anyway--or rather, he's not the one from my universe, I think? That portal was more likely just a glimpse into another reality where he and my sister are still alive.

[And yet, given the way Zib and his Dad were talking to each other, this sounds like a conversation that would have happened even if it had been his same Dad from Zib's own timeline, so that's a pretty weak defense.]

.. he still knew it was you though. [ So indeed - it's a weak excuse, since even if it wouldn't be the same world, it'd still be a world where Zib exists.

And where his dad treats him that way.

It's said with something a little softer around the edges though, since Ange is very rapidly realising that this is probably a coping method. Even if Zib doesn't openly admit to it, the way he's trying to find excuses for it is very, very telling. Especially to someone like Ange. ]

Aren't you mad about it?

[ Granted, the question is more do you not want to be mad about it, given these coping methods. Given the way he's making excuses for it. Is it easier on Zib to just write this all off?

.. maybe not. If Ange's own experience is anything to go by, the feelings will still fester deep down anyway, no matter what you try to tell yourself. ]

... Of course I'm mad about it. Why wouldn't I be?

[He finally looks up at Ange properly, albeit his smile is still there, rather forced.]

He's never been the best dad--he's always busy, and even when he does have the time for me and Gaz, he always treats her nicer than he does me. Because... he doesn't think that what I'm interested in is real science: he thinks cryptids and aliens don't exist. So he never takes me seriously when I try to tell him about them.

[He's suddenly reminded of the memory he had accidentally allowed Varian to see back in November, of an argument he had with his Dad about Zim.]

"Oh, son, not this nonsense again." "I have tried to be patient with your unscientific interests, but I don't see any proof in what you say." "Wishing isn't very scientific, son." ... He just says things like that when I try to explain what I do, or when I say the reason I come home injured is because of my fights with Zim, or how I wish he would just believe in me just a little more...

... Ha. Come to think of it, when I first ended up with this thing--[He says, pointing at the PAK]--I offered to let him look at it as proof that it was alien technology, and he thought it was just... just a hat and that it didn't require any thorough investigation. That I was just making things up again when I told him that I got it from defeating Zim... didn't even notice when my skin started changing color, or when my teeth fell out to be replaced with new ones that grew in... or even when my ears just slid right off the sides of my head one day because the PAK decided they weren't necessary anymore while I have these antenna to do all my hearing for me...

[He says, reaching up to the sides of his head where his hair has been covering the fact that, yeah, Zib doesn't actually have human ears anymore. Those hair scythes on his head have not just been a weird hairdo, they're antenna which explains the times when they would rather expressively flick about during conversations.

Something that Ange might notice now as well though is that since Zib has stopped scratching at the back of his neck, there's now an odor of flowers that's become noticeable, and when he then proceeds to hold both hands up next to him in a rather dismissive gesture, there's visible vileblood on his fingertips as well as his neck from where he had been scratching at it hard enough to draw blood before now, as he suddenly laughs.]

But you know, he was getting better in his own way--now showing up at home at least once a month instead of only once a year, intervening more often with telling my sister to "try to be nicer" instead of just ignoring her whenever she decides to insult or hit me... so really, it could be a lot worse!

[It's all said with the tone of "at least there's that", as if this bare minimum is better than nothing.]

[ Oh. Sheesh.

There's a lot going on here. At least fifteen different coping methods are being thrown around here. It's a good thing that Ange has been through so much, because it means that it's a little easier to not get too overwhelmed to do or say anything in a situation like this, when Zib clearly needs help.

She's concerned about that blood, but figures that it's probably better to take care of that in a moment, after she's addressed everything else here. And the concerns about the obvious body horror going on in what he's saying are momentarily shoved aside as well, to be dealt with at some even later point.

If not just because it feels more important to address the emotional issue here first, in this place where it's exactly those issues that can lead to people being transformed into beasts. ]

That it could be a lot worse doesn't suddenly make it good.

[ After all, sure. Ange knows it could be worse through experience. She's pretty sure that if she went through Zib's physical changes, she wouldn't just have been ignored, but probably actively sold to be dissected by her aunt.

But just because she knows of the existence of worse scenarios doesn't make this one okay to her in the slightest. ]

If you want to get mad, then be mad at him! Don't just smile here, or try to justify anything he's done to yourself. If you want to yell at him, then we'll go find another portal, and you can tell him whatever you want about the way he treats you!

[ It ought to at least be healthier than letting it all fester like this, she thinks. ]

What?

[That actually causes him to falter for a moment, dropping his hands back down to the sides.]

Is that... is that really okay? To just go find a copy of my dad to yell at? I mean, he probably deserves it since he likely treats whichever me exists in that universe the same...

[... However, would he end up making things difficult for the Dib that lives in that universe? ... Then again, if it turns out to be the same alternate Dib he knows of, he wouldn't care. That Dib can go to hell.]

Why wouldn't it be okay?

[ Maybe Ange is coming from a slightly biased angle here, considering her own complicated relationship with her aunt - one of the issues she never really got to resolve, considering she just decided to move on from her messy past in this place rather than actually finding closure.

But with her own experience in mind, she can't see what's so bad about it. Especially when it might bite Zib in the ass more in the long run to tuck all of these feelings away in a place where said feelings might fester into something literally lethal. ]

The one you saw just now didn't treat you any different from what you're used to, right? [ So in that case - it might as well be his own dad from his unique timeline. ] If he cares about you at all, he'd just apologize upon hearing your feelings.

[ And if he doesn't..

.. well, at least it ought to be cathartic for Zib all the same, she thinks. ]

[As Zib listens to what Ange has to say, he finds himself nodding in agreement.]

Yeah... yeah, you're probably right--no, you're definitely right.

[His Dad had told him exactly once that he was proud of Dib, what felt like a lifetime ago. No matter what, even if he didn't believe in aliens, or any of the more absurdly neglectful things he ended up doing to Dib. He wants to believe that Professor Membrane would be proud of him for confronting this, too, rather than hiding from it.

Still, he can't help but laugh a little.]

It's funny... I have no fear when it comes to fighting Zim or getting involved in other crazy stuff that could kill me, but confronting my own family feels intimidating by comparison. Is that weird?

[ Even though Zib is asking that question with a laugh, Ange can't help but think it's strangely relatable. After all, she's been through so much danger that she didn't even bat an eye at, while dealing with thoughts about her strained and abusive relationship with her aunt are always so much more complicated and messy to deal with. ]

.. no. That's not weird.

[ The lived experience resounds in Ange's voice as she says that, her voice suddenly sounding very far away before she shakes her head, trying to drag herself back to reality. ]

I mean.. it's still your family. It could be that it's because you still care about them. Or maybe you still want them to acknowledge you, even though it's not happening. [ And that makes it so much harder to dismiss stuff like this. ]

Yeah... I do still want that, some days.

[Maybe his other self had been on to something, back then, when he had pointed out that messing with other timelines could mean bringing harm to their family. At the time, Zib had been too angry, too confident that his plan would really work to take it seriously--and besides, there were infinite timelines. Just because one of them was destroyed didn't mean they couldn't just start over with their family in a new timeline, right?

But... on some level, he does still care about them. Or at least, care enough about the idea that maybe, just maybe, there was one timeline out there where his family did in fact care about and support him too.

After a moment, he reaches up to grab the hood of his outfit, and pull it up over his PAK.]

Okay. I think I'm ready now to try to find them again. Maybe... maybe this time it'll go better... and if not, at least I'll be able to tell them how I feel anyway.

[He doesn't sound very confident in that though, but at least he's willing to try again.]

[ Ange is merciful enough to not point out the fact that he doesn't sound too sure.

These kinds of things can be a struggle, after all, and Zib having complicated feelings about it is entirely natural. She won't blame him for that. Instead Ange stares for a moment at him, seeming to think, before she asks: ]

Do you want me to come with you?

[ She purposefully leaves the question very open, so he can give whatever answer. If he'd rather do it by himself, she gets that.

But who knows, maybe Zib feels like he could use someone there. Everyone's needs are different when it comes to this, right? Ange of all people gets that. ]

... If--If you don't mind, I'd appreciate that. Who knows, maybe my Dad will be more inclined to listen if he sees someone backing me up on this.

[Which, says a lot if his Dad is more likely to take someone else's considerations on the matter more seriously over his own kid's thoughts on it.]

I don't mind.

[ She doesn't even have to think about that answer. Considering how much family trouble Ange herself has lived through, there's no way she'd abandon anyone else who needs help with it.

Especially when Zib is.. well, he's a little odd, but he's never been actively mean to her in any way. He even seemed concerned back last month when she could barely leave her bed, let alone the house.

This is the least she can do for him in return. ]

So I'll come with you then. I'll just factually tell him what I know. I mean, anyone with half a brain could tell that that thing on the back of your head is something that goes beyond normal human means. [ Let alone everything else that's going on with Zib, but the PAK feels like the safest thing to point out. ] I'd just be telling him the truth.

Yeah... for a guy that everyone thinks is the smartest scientist on the planet, my Dad does seem like an idiot for not realizing that this isn't just a dumb fashion statement or something, huh?

[Zib's Earth must be pretty fucked if they think his dad is the most intelligent person in existence, honestly.

But, enough of that--]

Let's go. I think I see some more starting to open up that way, so we can start checking for which one has my Dad in it to try talking to.

[ Ange glances over in the direction he's talking about, and then nods. ]

Alright.

[ Better to do it now than to put it off, right? Especially since they have no idea for how long these portals may be appearing - and whether or not Zib could find one that leads to any version of his world much later on.

So Ange is already starting to walk, glancing back at him. ]

Let's get going then.

Right.

[So, onward they go. The first few portals are primarily dead ends, unfortunately, either because they don't lead to anywhere that either of them would want to look for, or because even if Zib recognizes something in the portal, it's often because it's from a planet other than Earth being shown. (Take for example, the Snarl Beast. Looks like a cute kitten, but Zib very quickly ushers them past the portal that has these things before it can spot them, stating "just trust me on this one, you don't want it to take notice of us here")

Until they come across another portal that looks like... oh, wait, isn't that Zib's kitchen again? This time, however, it looks like it's not dinner time happening yet, and his sister Gaz is sitting alone playing her game slave again.]

--Oh, hold on, here's one! Gaz! Gaaaaz!

[He calls out to her, and unlike last time, she actually does look up from her game at him... albeit, very slowly, and with the murderous glare of someone who really doesn't want to be interrupted right now.]

"What."

Is Dad there with you? I need to talk to him.

"Why?" [A pause, before she looks past him, at Ange.] "Who's that?"

... That's what you're curious about? Not "why am I on the other side of a portal", or "why do I look like this"?

"That would require caring about whatever weird nonsense you're up to this time. Although, you are right about being grosser to look at than usual."

[W... well, at least his sister seems to have a working pair of eyes noticing that her brother doesn't look normal? Still not a great response, though.]

[ It's saying something that Ange doesn't really bat an eye at some of the stuff they see in the portals - even though it's pretty wild. But it's hard to not feel desensitized to this stuff after witnessing the crazy stuff back home, the crazy stuff in Deerington, and now the crazy stuff here, really.

Weird cute kitties that Zib seems to be very concerned about? Totally normal now. She'll just move right along, sure. Whatever.

But when Zib spots a portal that seems right and starts talking to his sister - that's something she's paying so much more attention to. It might not show, since Ange's expression doesn't really shift from what it was, but she's listening very attentively to this entire exchange. ]

.. hey, is that really something you should be saying to your brother when he's looking like this?

[ Maybe it's harder for Ange to grasp, since she doesn't quite have the average sibling relationship with her own brother. Sure, she has joked about him before, but never while he was in a truly dangerous situation.

It's one thing to insult someone's natural hairstyle, but to see Zib changed this much and just call him gross.. ]

Aren't you worried?

[At that, Gaz raises an eyebrow.]

"Knowing my brother, he did that to himself because he's an idiot that doesn't think things through before doing them."

[As such, she has no sympathy for anything that comes out of Zib's own mistakes. Zib, surprisingly, doesn't argue against this point and instead winces in response because... she's not wrong, he did choose to attach the PAK to himself all on his own...]

"Also, you didn't answer my question. Are you a friend of his or something?"

[ .. okay. Well.

At least that's a brother sentiment Ange can kind of understand, and judging by Zib's silence, Gaz is right on the money about it too. But Ange still thinks there's a difference between saying that over a typical dumb small brother thing, and saying it about literal bodily mutilation.. ]

Yeah. I am.

[ It's definitely saying something about the situation that Ange is saying that so easily. Under other circumstances she might have hemmed and hawed more about it, always worried about coming off as too soft, but when she needs to stand up for someone?

Of course she's going to admit to that. With zero hesitation. ]

That's why I'm so weirded out by your total lack of concern. How come I'm worrying more about him than you are, despite the fact that he and I are not the ones who are related here?

"It wouldn't be the first time I've seen him looking or acting crazy. At least he's not made out of baloney this time--it was funny at first and the baloney actually tasted pretty decent, but it made the house smell bad until he eventually got better."

[But, she's been giving Ange a more scrutinizing look than before at her admitting to being Zib's friend, and after a moment, she does something that Zib doesn't expect: she actually pauses her game, and puts it down now when she looks to Zib, her attention now fully devoted to the conversation at hand.]

"... So, you actually have friends now? And a normal sounding one at that, for once, if she's actually worrying about your gross appearance rather than just ignoring it."

[Zib gives her an annoyed look in offense.]

Of course I have friends. Plenty of normal ones, in fact.

"Could have fooled me. Normally you don't talk about other people unless they're willing to listen to you rant about Zim... come to think of it, you haven't mentioned him once this entire time, so this must actually be serious for once."

[And then, to Ange. She still has that look of someone who thinks that they'd rather be doing literally anything else than talk, but that seems to just be her default manner, and while her tone of voice doesn't change, at least her words do seem to be taking the situation more seriously as she points to her brother.]

"Keep an eye on him. I don't trust him to not say or do something stupid if I leave for even a minute."

[And then she's getting up and walking away. Distantly, she can be heard saying "Dad, Dib's being weird again in the living room. Like, even weirder than usual. Can you go talk to him... no, not you Clembrane, you can just keep making pudding."

While that's happening, Zib glances at Ange.]

Uh... well, that's my sister for you? Sometimes she can be reliable under the right circumstances...

Well, it's a good thing she was. Or I would've turned her gaming system into a frog.

[ Is that something Ange can even do, let alone across multiple planes of existence? Who knows. Ange seems pretty serious about the intent behind it though, judging by the way the bridge of her nose wrinkles slightly, like the faint hint of a pout.

The way Zib's sister treats him still definitely isn't ideal, but.. well, she at least partially seems to care?

Maybe?

Look, Ange is used to having such an overly loving brother that this is new territory for her. ]

.. seems like she at least kind of cares, though.

... I kind of wish I could see that, but then again it's probably better that you don't. Gaz would become far more scarier after she sees what happened to it.

[Because Gaz absolutely would have tried to destroy them both somehow if any harm was brought to her gaming system, regardless of her feelings on her sibling or not.]

It's probably inconvenient for her if I stay like this... or at least I would bet that's what she's going to say about it, if asked.

[Is Gaz a tsundere or is she genuinely heartless, it's a mystery--a mystery that they won't really get to inquire about further because after a moment, their Dad comes into view.]

"Oh, there you are son! I was wondering where you had gotten off to... is that a new hat? I've never taken you for the type to be concerned about fashion before... although, it is kind of a strange choice in headwear. Have you considered getting one that fits your head better?"

[Wow, already this is a bad start.]

[ Sheesh.

Zib's sister aside, who seems like she might at least be kind of closer to a border case.. This is so serious. Ange thinks her own dad is kind of stupid as well (sorry, dad), but she's pretty sure that he wouldn't be totally oblivious if he saw her current form compared to the six year old Ange he knows.

Hence why Ange's facial expression is just.. severely unimpressed at the moment. ]

Is that really the only thing you have to say?

[ Look, maybe she should have introduced herself first, rather than being this Random Girl Who Is Suddenly Speaking Up.

But she can't help it in the face of all of this. ]

you're never coming back

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cw: alien body horror description, self harm, familial neglect/abuse

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cw: mention of body horror

cw: mention of body horror

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