when nothing you do matters | April Catch-All

[slayerskiss]

Who: Faith + assorted others.
What: Catch-all for the month of april.
When: April (and late march in one of them)
Where: Clochouse mostly. But also all over.

Content Warnings: vampire killing, talk of mass murder, awkward third wheeling.

Comments

[slayerskiss]

[She smiles thinly in recognition. It's a familiar feeling. She goes quiet and considers her own circumstances. Her own feelings on killing. She'd be lying if she said she felt no guilt. She felt a lot of guilt, sure. But the actual collission itself, the begging and shock in his eyes, the feeling of plunging a stake into his chest.

It felt the same. The guilt came when she realized. When Buffy realized and saw Faith for what she really was for the first time. But the thrill felt the same, and that's what scared her.]

You won't. End up in that place again, I mean. [She shrugs, trying to be nonchalant.] I'll pull you away from the edge if you need me to.

[It's a serious oath to make, disguised as an offhand remark. She means it too. Come hell or highwater. She'd do the same for Angel.]

I guess I just sort of wonder... Buffy said we were made to kill demons. But our instincts are honed for killing anything. Anyone. I couldn't even tell the difference until... [She frowns, looking down at her lap, suddenly unsure of herself.]

What made you stop?

[frogfear]

[It's appreciated, Faith's promise to keep her grounded if need be, and she nods with a little smile.]

Thanks. I'd do the same for you too.

[Or at least she'd try. In a place like Trench where monsters, or the world itself can influence behaviour, Willow is well aware that trying to stop any of them from falling victim to darkness could be an exceptionally difficult, if not impossible task.

She takes a deep breath as Faith brings up her first human kill, and that it had not been an intentional murder. Years later, as much as everything had changed, it's easier to recognize what a difficult situation it must have been for her.]

It was an accident, Faith - a horrible one, but still an accident. We... probably could have handled it better too.

[Would it have changed anything ultimately, Willow's not sure, but the acknowledgement feels important.]

Umm... It was Xander. I was gonna destroy the whole world. Giles had turned up with, um, magic given to him by this coven in Devon. I took it from him - which, I guess, he knew I'd do, and I could feel everything. All the pain everyone in the world was feeling. That, um. Wasn't part of his plan.

But Xander turned up, and talked me down. He reminded me who I was.