deercountry | when nothing you do matters

[ Look at Faith here. Being a good friend. Allowing Ange to keep even a scrap of dignity. Ange, in turn, didn't even have a clue about the danger that was hanging above her head, since the compliments about Ruby just now came out as easy as breath itself. She hardly even realised she was doing it.

So much so that her focus is still entirely on this weapons thing, rather than the Ruby angle. ]

You should go for it.

[ Ange shrugs a little, but rather than being dismissive, it's more encouraging. A 'why worry' sort of thing. ]

I mean, you could always just test it out. Judging by what you've got here [ - and by who Faith always seems to be, just as a person - ] I'm pretty sure you can handle any weapon. You must have sucked up my portion of talent for that as well. It'd explain why I suck at it.

[ Look, that last part is not even meant to truly put herself down here! It's just casual deadpan, especially now she's growing back into it more after her weeks of depression. ]

Maybe. [She hums, thoughtful, though she huffs a laugh at the "handle any weapon" comment, and the sucking of talent, which really just... there's so many innuendos she could make, if she hadn't clocked that those tend to make Ange flustered.]

It's part of the Slayer toolkit. We... inherit bits of the skills of our predecessors. The Council tries to teach us these overcomplicated techniques, but I think it's just 'cuz they wanna feel important.

I can try teaching you sometime, though.

Hold on. Teaching aside--

[ Ange's voice momentarily trails off, and she shakes her head before continuing, clearly having had a slight moment to think there. ]

Is that inheriting business literal? [ It feels like a safe enough question to ask. Especially since Faith can be so blunt about stuff, as long as - Ange assumes - it doesn't get too personal. Or anywhere too touchy. ] Did you just.. come out of the womb flailing some sword all over the place?

[ She is genuinely interested. Despite the deadpan. Of course Faith wouldn't have been a baby with a sword, but, you know. She's still curious how far this inheriting business goes. ]

[She huffs a laugh.] Not out of the womb, god no.

[She would have butchered her entire extended family at the age of like... eight, if she had. She might even be happier for it. She, for obvious reasons, doesn't mention this to Ange.]

I inherited it at... seventeen. Buffy was medically dead for half an hour or so, and it called the next in line, which was this chick named Kendra. So there were... two of 'em. Then she died going up against Buffy's ex boyfriend.

[Technically it was Drucilla, but all she knows is that Angel was loosely responsible.] Then I got it. The day after I got expelled for putting some assholes in the hospital.

[There wasn't anything that told her she was the Slayer, just this pervasive sense inside of her that something vicious had woken up. She's still not sure if it was her being the Slayer that caused that feeling or Malice lingering around her soul.]

[ What a prophecy. Someone dies for half an hour, and there's immediately another one to fill their shoes, and then another one. And what when the first one comes back?

Ange kind of feels like whoever thought up this system didn't fully think it through very well. ]

That must be kind of awkward. [ She slowly says, after having considered it for a moment. ] Being the third in line like that, I mean.

[ Sure, sure. There probably were generations ahead of that Buffy person - or so Ange assumes, anyway. But even so.. ]

Usually stories make the whole chosen one sound a little cooler than 'if two people just happen to die, I might become special.'

[Ange would be right. The Watcher's council of old were idiots playing with fire and congratulating themselves when they got burnt.]

Kendra didn't come back. [It's selfish that she's so honestly glad of that. She already felt like they all looked at her as if she was filling shoes that weren't hers, she can't imagine all the ways she'd be shunted off to the side if she couldn't even be used as the back-up.] So it was just me and B, sharing a spot that we were always supposed to have to ourselves.

'Course, she did have it to herself for a year. We had the same powers, but the world still revolved around her. Friends, Watchers, family, weirdo vampire boyfriends. I got a shitty motel room that vampires didn't need permission to break into. [She shrugs, like she's not still extremely bitter about the difference in their treatment. That when she made a mistake and lodged a stake in that guy's heart, nobody even gave it a moment's thought that Buffy could have screwed up like that. Because Buffy is good. Because Buffy's the fucking hero.]

Anyway, technically I was uhhh... god, I don't know, about ten thousandth down the line? Most Slayers don't live long after being called, so there's a high turnover rate. Besides, I'm not rich, but isn't that how inheriting anything works?

Edited 2022-05-24 06:44 (UTC)

[ Ange makes a little bit of A Face at that, tilting her head left and right before shrugging her shoulders. She supposes there are some similarities, sure, but she still thinks this entire weird chosen deal from Faith and the others' world is still a little different from just a regular inheritance.

And Ange "part of the 1%" Ushiromiya would know. ]

Usually it's not quite as long lasting. My idea when I tried to kill myself was that everything would end with me there.

[ The Ushiromiya family fortune. The Ushiromiya family abuse cycle. The powers of Beatrice, the golden witch. ]

If I had properly died there, rather than getting stuck in some sort of weird witch-induced time loop of alternate realities, then it's not like there suddenly would have been some random person out there who'd have to deal with all of my mess from then on. So I definitely think you got a rougher deal in that sense.

[ Especially since even though Faith doesn't sound very affected by the stuff she's talking about, Ange can't help but think that it's bothering Faith all the same, judging by what she's seen from the other and knows. ]

[She smiles, thinly and humourlessly.]

I had a rougher deal before I got called, though. I was a dirt poor runaway from the foster system with no power over anybody who wanted to hurt me. At least when I suddenly got the abilities I could hit people hard enough to make them reconsider. [She shrugs. It's more Buffy's thing, thinking of it all as a curse. A set of responsibilities, the weight of the world on your shoulders, the inability to live a normal life.

Of course, a normal life for girls like her and a normal world for girls like Faith was always going to be pretty different. Dark Slayer or a homeless orphaned nobody, both would have ended in prison or dead.] If I died when I wanted, it'd all go to some other girl. Might have ruined her life, might have saved it. Can't say that I really cared at the time.

...Though, gotta say, that sounds like a whole clusterfuck. [She furrows her brow.] Reminds me of a Vengeance Demon, honestly.

[And Alex - Or Malice, as she ended up being called.]

[ Ange considers it for a moment. If she knew that all her pain would be pushed onto someone else the moment she jumped off that building, would she still have done it?

... maybe. She can't say for sure that she would not have done it because of that, but she does know she would've cared. Hesitated. The choice to end everything had been so easy exactly because Ange knew it wouldn't affect anyone but her, after all.

It's a little reminiscent of the talk she had with Faith close after Sayo's confession, especially with what Faith is saying about this as well, and Ange shakes her head, trying to get it out of there for now. She doesn't want to think about it too deeply. ]

I'm really sorry stuff was always bad for you regardless.

[ It sounds surprisingly genuine on Ange's part. Sure, there's not a whole lot of emotion in her tone - not as much as there might be with someone else - but every inch of Ange's body language seems to indicate she means it. ]

I know it's just how life is. [ Unfair. ] But that doesn't mean I can't get annoyed at it anyway for your sake.

[Throwing her destiny away to give it to someone else never really struck Faith as much of a moral dilemma. She never really had the chance to consider that maybe being a Slayer was anything but a gift, and she wasn't in the right mind to slow down and consider at that moment. The people Faith had actively hurt and killed when taking them along with her to hell pressed on her mind far more than sparing some stranger who would've been doomed in a few years anyway. She's just not a selfless enough person. She could pretend that she liked to think that it would be someone better than her, but the truth is, Faith didn't give a damn about a world that never gave a damn about her.

Faith's reaction to sympathy has always been mixed. She never wanted to be someone worthy of pity, not in the way that they pitied her in Sunnydale. She wanted to be a hero, she wanted to matter.

But Ange's acknowledgement takes her by surprise and Faith raises her eyebrows. Oddly touched. It's more kindness than most people showed her in her own world. She shrugs, all the same, offering a small smile.]

Yeah. Well. I'll get mad for your sake and you can get mad for mine. We'll call it a trade.

when nothing you do matters | April Catch-All

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cw for neglect

cw: talk of past suicide

cw for talk of past suicide

cw for talk of past suicide

cw for talk of past suicidal ideation