deercountry | better to burn out than to fade away ☼ may catch-all

Anakin waits patiently for Maul to answer, keeping himself steady in the moment and tried to refrain from immediate judgement. It's not easy, but he doesn't betray any effort. When Maul finishes, Anakin takes a moment to let it settle in his mind. He replies evenly.

"What were you going to do with that power?"

The Sith Lord thinks for a long moment before he just shrugs. "I'm not sure. Take over the city and rule it, perhaps?"

Honestly, Maul hadn't though that far ahead in advance of what he would have done with the amount of power he received through his bond with Anakin. Mainly he'd done it because the idea of having more power appealed to Maul. Like many Sith, he is driven by fear, and he's still got the delusion that if he gains enough power it can prevent him or anyone he cares about from getting hurt.

Anakin's eyebrows raise. For one thing, who'd want to conquer the Trench of all places? And stealing power for a vague, nebulous plan seems ridiculous. Especially given the pain and anguish it caused.

He supposes it would make sense to someone who's lived in the Dark as long as Maul has. The drive for power twists one's perceptions, he imagines.

Still evenly: "Did you know what it would do to him? The pain it would cause?"

"I didn't and wouldn't have cared if I did. The man is determined to be unhappy no matter what goes on to him here, I just happened to be the cause that month. Besides, he's caused more than his share of miseries for me."

Maul sounds dismissive of the entire matter. He honestly didn't care all that much what had happened to Anakin. It was only when Ezra had compared him to Sidious that he finally got an inkling of what he'd done. He's been more concerned about how the fallout had affected Obi-Wan and has finally realized doing things to Anakin affects the man he loves quite deeply.

Anakin's jaw tightens. What Maul says is bad enough, but the dismissive attitude makes it worse. The anger he's kept at bay presses against the back of his mind again.

"It's okay that you tortured him because you don't like him? Did I understand that right?"

"No. It's not alright," Maul says flatly. "Why do you think I didn't fight harder to prevent that little meddler Ezra from breaking it? I was made aware what I did was wrong and so I let the bond be broken to help fix things." That in itself was a breakthrough for Maul. But being compared to Sidious was always a good splash of cold water in his face when he needed to see what he'd done was wrong.

"I simply don't feel bad about what I did because it was done to him. It's hard to feel guilt when you do something to someone you hate even if it is wrong to do so." Maul's not emotionally developed enough yet to feel bad about doing things to the people he actually cares about most of the time, let alone someone he despises as much as the elder Anakin.

Anakin's anger retreats. Maul is halfway there, he supposes. And the point of this exercise is to let go of his anger.

"It gave you power and allowed you to hurt someone you hate. How did you come to the conclusion that it was wrong?"

His voice has returned to its calm, even, non-judgmental tone.

For the first time, Maul looks uncomfortable with answering one of Anakin's questions. This actually means talking about himself in a personal manner, and as usual, there's that voice in the back of his head that tells him not to do it, that it's a weakness and anything revealed about himself will be used against him later on by the person who hears it.

He tries to silence that voice but it's not easy. "Ezra made it clear to me I was acting like my old master with what I had done. I know you don't think much of me but while he may have raised me, I never want to be like him." Maul picked up a lot of bad habits from Palpatine over the years and he'll spend the rest of his life undoing them, so comparing him to Darth Sidious is a very good way to emphasize when he needs to do better.

Anakin waits patiently while Maul thinks it over. The fact that he answers does show some amount of maturity that he didn't entirely expect.

"I agree with Ezra." He pauses. "But regretting your actions shows that you aren't like him."

He understands that Maul doesn't feel bad about what he did to Anakin Skywalker. But regretting acting like his master is enough to help Anakin let go of his anger.

"You know I don't actually hate you, right?"

Maul tilts his head slightly to the side, regarding the young Jedi with a look that's a little quizzical in nature. His voice is gruff as if trying to hide other emotions. "I didn't but I don't really care. Most people tend to hate me soon after I make their acquaintance."

Maul has a very 'love him or hate him' personality and he's well-aware of that fact. First impressions tend to count for a lot when it comes to the Sith Lord and he's learned most people aren't able to stand his type of personality very well.

Maul's reaction is almost a little funny, though Anakin keeps his expression neutral. He says he doesn't care but his reaction suggests that he might, even a little. Maybe not about Anakin's opinion, but perhaps others'.

"Are you sure they hate you? Hate's a strong emotion."

"I tend to invoke strong emotions in most people I meet, especially given I was prone to being much worse before you ever arrived here."

There is good reason Maul has become a bit infamous among the Sleepers, especially those that are still present from Deerington. He'd done enough there to make even those with the most forgiving and kind natures take pause.

Anakin can't deny that. He remembers all of the times his anger nearly boiled over whenever he spoke about what Maul did. It had gotten messy. But he'd argue that his reaction to it all is his failing, not Maul's.

In any case, Maul's statement makes him curious.

"What changed?"

"I made friends."

This is said with Maul's usual serious nature which somehow makes the phrasing of the sentence all the more humorous. He doesn't elaborate about how those friends had basically patiently worked with him to become a better person, showing him a lot of kindness and love until the lessons they'd taught him had finally stuck.

As often happens with the theme of people from their galaxy, it had been the power of love that had made Maul become, if not good, than at least not as evil as he had been. His friends and the small family he's formed here have kept him on the right path.

Anakin just stares at him blankly for a moment. It makes sense, he supposes. Being a Sith doesn't lend itself to making friends. And he imagines Palpatine didn't exactly foster a fun, cooperative working environment. Anakin himself didn't have many friends growing up, but he'd had a loving and supportive family. Maybe if Maul had that, they wouldn't be having this conversation now.

"Oh. That must've been weird."

Going from looking out for yourself to trusting others, he means.

Maul shrugs, eyes going faraway and expression turning a little sad as he thinks of the ghosts that still haunt him from his past. "It was. The last time I had friends before here, I was fifteen years old and forced to kill them all." No prizes for guessing who made him do that.

"It is still....difficult sometimes." Maul expects the worst out of everyone, that anyone he dares to trust will use what they know against him in the future. It's taken him two years to realize his friends won't do that to him and that anyone who would do so to begin with was never his friend in the first place.

Anakin's jaw tightens again, though it's not because of Maul this time. He knows Palpatine had untold depths of cruelty; but, every time he learns more, he's glad the man is dead. It's not a very Jedi-like thing to think, he knows.

"If it helps, I know for a fact he's rotting in Hell."

Granted, he didn't remember it really, but he heard the story later. Jedi sacrificed themselves to make sure he couldn't escape again.

Maul notices the look on Anakin's face. There's something a little gratifying in knowing Darth Sidious is such an odious individual that he can even stir a Jedi to feel angry about what he did in the past.

Maul looks somewhere between pensive and a little sad. "It is a small comfort." But only a little bit given Maul knows he dies before Palpatine does. At least he now has the knowledge that he doesn't always win and gets what he wants. "Your uncle showed me the moment of his demise. It was very satisfying."

"I know it is." Palpatine's cruelty left scars on the galaxy, on cultures, on individuals. The only real comfort is that he's gone for good. Imperial sympathizers still exist, cruel people still rule and conquer, but a small victory is still a victory.

"I can imagine." He hasn't told anyone except for Ezra that Palapatine's death on the second Death Star wasn't a permanent death. How could he? His uncle just walked away from that. He had to watch as his father sacrificed himself to bring an end to Palpatine.

No, he can't do it. Not yet, at least.

Maul doesn't like to dwell too long on his master when he can. The man is already always present in his mind on a subconscious level and he has nightmares almost on a daily basis because of that. He doesn't need to think of him during his waking hours as well.

Maul gives a brisk shake of his head, trying to dispel the thoughts, and rolls his shoulders back. "Well, I should be going. I have a Mankey to train and followers to attend to." Well, mentioning his cult doesn't make Maul sound ominous at all.

He turns towards where his Pokemon has finished eating his chestnut. "Cranky, let us be off." The Mankey screeches in agreement and jumps onto Maul's back, hanging there like a fuzzy backpack. He waves a paw at Anakin, still glaring at the young Jedi a little bit.

better to burn out than to fade away ☼ may catch-all

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