you can keep on getting better [open]

[hauntedsavior]

Who: Anna Amarande and you!
What: May catchall
When: May
Where: A bar in Cellar Door, other locations to come

Content Warnings: Light alcohol use, conversations about humanity and murder, blood, vampirism

a. if you want, you can buy yourself a drink [at the bar]

[anna's made plans with a couple people to hang out this month. it's not a tense environment at all, and sometimes she can even be seen on the tiny little stage playing some chilled out bass grooves for the patrons. no concrete songs, really, mostly just improv for vibes. when she's not on stage, and most of the time she's not, she's nestled herself down into a booth down near the end. it's quiet, well-lit but not obtrusively so. people around here know her and know that that's basically her seat, so any conversations that happen there are as private as they're gonna get.]

[she's expecting a few people to show up as she nurses a beer that's so weak she might as well not be drinking anything at all. probably for the best that she's sober for these talks, whatever they end up bringing with them.]

Hey. Glad you could make it. [she tilts her drink at her guest.]

b. no you'll never drink like me [for kainé]

[there's always been a few problems with going out and hunting beasts, no matter how confident and comfortable it makes anna feel. no matter how many lives she saves, she's always putting herself at risk of corruption or injury or beasthood or all three, and one of these days it's gonna sneak up on her. all at once, extremely loudly and incredibly close.]

[anyway, when she comes back home this time, it's clear that she's been in better shape. she limps her way into the house, and she's at least cognizant enough to fix her roommate/girlfriend with a sheepish little look as she holds her side. the cloth there isn't dripping yet, but it's clear that it didn't start as red as it is now.]

Motherfucker out there got the best of me. [she's talking like she's not in pain, or like she's trying very hard to pretend she isn't.] I think I stopped most of the bleeding myself. Don't suppose we've got anything here that can help seal it up before I go to the doctor?

Comments

[foulhussy]

Do I wanna know it is? Nah, fuck it, tell me anyway.

[ Is that a reason to trust somebody? Kainé's world was full of awful people. Anna had been hurt by people in her world, by her own parents. Is it just easy to cling to something you know? Not a bad assumption, given how she started off here living in a shack. ]

I'm a cagey asshole anyway, maybe he's fine. But I sure as hell got a weird vibe from him. Too smug, acted all nice but like he knew more than you. The kind of person that conceals shit, serious shit, and can't wait til the moment the other shoe drops and he can fuck you over.

[hauntedsavior]

No, you got it right. [she laughs weakly. of course kainé got the right read. anna had been desperate for familiarity at the time and, well, all the red flags just looked like flags.]

He acts like he's hurting from some big loss, but I can see it in his eyes. I know he's lying. If I can see what that emotion looks like in gods that don't even look like me, I can recognize it in anyone. And he's full of shit. [she inhales and it turns into a dry cough, which is at least an improvement from the alternative, though the way her body bends makes her ache sharply.]

Fuck. Anyway. He knows soul magic and shit, and he knows I have two souls. I was gonna ask him to try to merge me and A2 some more, but that ain't fuckin' happening anymore. He's not gonna learn a single other thing about me if I can stop it.

[foulhussy]

[ She wouldn't wish the source of her caginess on anybody. But she sort of gets it too. She'd always been desperate to find people that could understand her, accept her. People who wouldn't turn away in disgust of a hideous thing like her. It's not the same emotion, but... she can see what Anna saw in him. ]

It doesn’t matter if he’s faking it or not, or what he's hurting from. He can still be a lying bastard.

[ She strokes idly strokes Anna's hair, not hiding the gentle concern on her face. She's been better lately. She really has been. But whenever she sees that seed of self-destruction it makes her afraid.

It makes her want to make herself better too. ]

Goddamn, Anna. But, good, I guess. That you're not giving him another fucking inch.

[hauntedsavior]

[this is. the right reaction. all of this is the right reaction. she's self-destructive when she's desperate. she makes bad choices when she's lonely. she spent so long doing it, having to do it that she never learned the right way to handle things. she's had people to care about her before but none like kainé in a long time. and that's what makes it so important to her that...]

I'm not telling him about you. About us. I don't want him to know that I have something that matters so much to me. [she reaches up and fixes kainé with a determined look, or as close to one as she can handle, while touching the side of her neck.] I don't know if I know anything for sure, but if I'm right, he's exactly the kind of person who knows how to use that against us.

I don't want my stupid ass to be the reason that anything bad happens to you.

[foulhussy]

[ Kainé grimaces. This isn't going to be some petty feud, and they're already at less of an advantage than Anna thinks. ]...He probably knows about us. He healed me that month, and I needed some relief from that Mother Mercy shit, so I told him I wanted to fuck my roommate. [ She scratches the back of her neck. ] But not... that I loved you.

[ She takes a deep breath. This is going to be the sort of thing Anna throws all of herself into, isn't it? When it's her music, or supporting her friends or adventure on the high seas, it's one thing. But this could really be dangerous. ]

But we went to that party in his damn house and had our, uh, moment. Talk spreads. He knows. But I'll keep my eye out too.

[ Which leads her to the point, her possibly futile attempt to defuse, or at least lower the temperature before Anna gets hurt. She knows both of their reckless and self destructive tendencies, knows they have to keep each other in check. She meets Anna's gaze with equal determination. ]

...You don't have to turn this into some war, Anna. In your position I would. But all I fucking knew was revenge. Fuck that shit.

[hauntedsavior]

[as much as anna would love to laugh at that, as much as she knows that teacher is aware that the two of them are an item because they couldn't keep their hands and lips off each other that whole night, she can't. it's too real, it's too much of a true risk... and, like. that's just even more of a reason to listen to what kainé is telling her. she breathes out slowly, and it doesn't feel like defeat, and she'll take that.]

I don't want it to be a war. We have more peace than we've ever had, me and you. [a slow, subdued smile.] Hell of a thing to say when I'm bleeding here. But I don't know enough about him yet to be sure he won't try to start a war. Just keeping my eye out for any bad signs.

[foulhussy]

[ What Kainé would give to take them away, into some world where danger and fear didn't menace them on a regular basis. Where they could rest together, if just for a moment. Did any such world truly exist, though?

As it stands, a powerful and untrustworthy man knows something that made them vulnerable. Love always does that, doesn't it? Kainé's expression remains stern, skeptical. ]

Do you... really think that? I... [ Does she trust Anna with this? ] Okay. But tell me if there's anything I can do. We fight together.

[hauntedsavior]

I will. I promise.

[she tries not to treat her promises loosely. she knows they're important, and that they're meant to be sincere, and she will try very, very hard to keep this one. because it doesn't just leave her or kainé vulnerable. it doesn't threaten to just hurt the people who still exist in this world, on this plane.]

I'm not doing a damn thing until I know I have to. If I go too soon, or if I'm wrong, and god I hope I'm fucking wrong... it'd be like offering up everyone I love to a meat grinder. I can't do that to you, and I can't put A2 through that again.

[foulhussy]

Good.

[ She believes her this time. She really does. Or at least, she believes the conviction in Anna's eyes, believes, though it still amazes her, in Anna's love for her. It astounds her anew that such a wonderful person could love her, could put such a wretched creature at the center of her world.

Funny how they mirror each other like that. She leans into Anna's hand on her face, kisses her wrist. ]

...I spent so many years trying to find the right time to die. Just doing what I had to do before I could rest, and see Grandma's face again.

[ There had been moments of light and those grim years, as a hunter, a lone monster raging against the world that forsook her, and at one time, it might have been enough to save her. But it wasn't enough. Fate took and took and hollowed her out until she was laid down in the rags to mourn. ]

...She didn't want that from me. And you don't want that from me. I've been learning to live, and I'm getting pretty good at it. I... like this life. We have it good, Anna. So good.

[ Unsaid: don't go starting a fight that could ruin it. ]

[hauntedsavior]

[everything here is so tender. kainé is so warm and gentle with her. and so sincere, so honest, so open. it shouldn't surprise her anymore. she's seen this side of her girlfriend many times before and she knows it's not going anywhere. that's why anna can tell what isn't being said, too.]

We really do. Better than I thought I'd ever get to have it again.

[she doesn't even care that she's been hurt anymore. that she got to come home to this woman is enough to make her feel better, though she might just be thinking that because she's taken a drink of kainé's blood and her girlfriend is currently kissing her wrist.]

I'm lucky. And I don't want that to run out. Because you're doing a great job living, and I want to see you keep doing it.

[foulhussy]

[ Kainé is still hard and scarred, brusque in her manner and blunt even to Anna Anna— especially to Anna. But that's what makes her kindness that much more intense, never hiding itself behind subtleties. She can't always say what ought to be said, but there's no mistaking what she does say. ]

And I feel the same fucking way, alright!? So keep yourself alive. It's not just me that's counting on you.

[ Truth be told: she's pretty jealous of how many people care deeply about Anna, how easily she seems to navigate friendship and basic sociability. ]

[hauntedsavior]

I will.

[it comes out so easy. she can't keep that promise, she can't guarantee that nothing terrible will happen to her out there. but she smiles up at kainé and she's so, so grateful for the reminder that there are people here who need her. no matter how confident she is that they could all handle themselves just fine without her... maybe it's part of what makes her human, too. more than the blood staining her bandage, or the way the chemicals swim in her brain when her beloved does all manner of things to her. maybe it's just a human urge to be with others.]

[she breathes out and almost lets her wrist go limp.]

I think I should probably rest. Let your blood do the work and let my body recover. Not gonna go back out there until I'm feeling better... and I'm not going back out there alone.