deercountry | Blessed Day [Open]

Entry tags:

Blessed Day [Open]

Who: Tara Maclay and OPEN
What: Dealing with her Blessed Day
When: May 7
Where: The Sanctuary Courtyard, the Gardens

Content Warnings: Talk of death, numbness and grief.

The Sanctuary

[Seated in front of the guardian sapling, Tara managed to connect her energy to the earth and everything beneath. It was risky, possibly drawing in darker forces than her magic ever allowed. The puzzle of it, was finding the pure energy and weeding out the bad. She liked the challenge, it kept her occupied and pressed her to have more active control over her abilities. This place largely had good energy, what she had been searching for.

There were flashes of memory, even as she tried to put everything else from her mind. 'Your shirt'. A "POP", a sudden sting and then nothing. Endless peace, comfort, and rest.

Tara sighed, severing the connection to the earth. She pressed her gloved hands to her eyes, well aware that meditation wasn't happening today of all days. Though she had no idea what any of it meant. Blessed day. What exactly was supposed to happen or what was she supposed to feel? At the moment, she felt numb, not really feeling "blessed" on her death day.

She noticed a figure from the corner of her eye and forced a smile to her face, getting to her feet.]

Are you here to see the grounds or are you here for help?

The Gardens

[Bausphomette. They were the most honest and empathetic of the Pthumerians, though why she had never reached out to them, she couldn't say. Maybe because it was an effort to figure it out, along with so much else in this place. She had been here for half a year, but still never spoke to her Pthumerian Patron. It occupied her as she tried to remember if someone had told her before, leaving her restless.

She likely looked like she was lost, pacing back and forth around the grounds.

Summoning was easier in Sunnydale, here, did it require blood or something?

There were others here, though she didn't pay much attention to them at first. Some came, others went, it just meant there were figures in the park. It was only when someone came directly in her path that she pulled out of her daze, fumbling to smile.]

S...sorry, am I in your way?

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[She feels a little strange at seeing Willow on this day, but had she already had a blessed day under her belt, maybe it wouldn't seem so odd. It wasn't that long ago she found out what Willow did after she died. So this day wasn't just marked by her loss of life, but the lives of others and the near destruction of the world. It's a lot to take in.

For Willow, she's done her best. She's forgiven people before and honestly, in Sunnydale, who didn't nearly end the world at one point or another? That seemed to be as common as gaining the freshman 15. But it was a bit harder to look past this since it was related to her, done in her name in a sense.

But she hadn't left or made any indication that she planned to do that...only that she didn't really want to deal with that matter on top of trying to fix herself. One hurdle at a time.

So Willow's visit isn't unwelcome, but she's not quite prepared in her head how to respond. Everything feels awkward again. She understands though, this day isn't just about her. It was a big one for Willow as well.]

No it's fine. I've been getting visitors all day. Can you believe Faith got me a present? [It's said mostly to try and find something to smile over, to lighten the mood a little. She was making an effort.] She and Giles think alike apparently.

Another crystal ball, huh?

[It's said with a hint of a shy smile as some of the tension drains away from Willow. She had been worried that Tara wouldn't want to see her, and it's a relief to discover that's not the case. Even if it feels strange, and awkward, like she's not completely sure where she stands, or if, between her issues and Tara's, it will ever be something they can completely work past.

She still wants to try.]

I - I got you something too. From John's shop - well. Luna's now, I guess.

How've you been?

I really don't have one here and it's not a bad gift.

[She might be able to use it for some meditation or channeling. Or maybe even trying to contact Baus. There was at least some thought put behind it, even if it left Faith feeling like she didn't really know Tara.

She is a little surprised Willow got her something as well, given that the day was awkward for them both. Still, she smiled shyly.]

You didn't have to get me anything. Or is that the custom? I'm so confused by Blessed Days.

[Loaded question, but she let a measure of her numb apathy show. The brief glimpse of warmth at least progress of some kind.]

Working at the Sanctuary is helping.

[So not great yet, but working on it.]

No, it's a good gift, and a really nice gesture.

[It's just hard not to see the humour in a crystal ball becoming a very traditional gift for Tara to receive from their friends, but there's no doubt in her mind, Faith had given it with no shortage of consideration for something Tara would find genuinely useful.]

I don't know if gift giving's really traditional for Blessed Days, but our patrons give us things, so, maybe?

[The blanket from Bausphomette was a welcomed gift, although she could do without the transformation aspect of it. There's enough transformations in her life already. But it feels like a thoughtful present all the same.

Willow reaches into her pocket and holds out a small package wrapped in plain paper. Inside is a rose quartz pendant on a soft leather necklace.]

It, uh, might help with your meditation.

I'm glad being here helps.

I guess I kind of open the door for that sort of gift. I must give off fortune teller vibes or something?

[Look, a joke. It's progress.

She doesn't mind the general sort of presents. There's at least a measure of thought for her, even if it's unclear what she might like. Giles and Faith obviously wanted to do something, which was more than Tara could say for her family.

She unwrapped the present, turning the rose quartz over in her hand. There was a warmth emitting from it, a sense of healing as well. It was thoughtful. She touched Willow's cheek with her gloved hand, as good as she could give in thanks. Kisses, she wanted to give that, but her blood powers were still wonky.]

Thanks. The sapling has been a nice connection and it's been easier to draw energy from.

How are you?

[The joke lands, and Willow laughs, a warm and quiet chuckle. It's good to hear Tara trying, and it feels like genuine improvement.

She watches quietly as the crystal is unwrapped, and the uncertainty is chased away by the gloved hand on her cheek. It feels like a quiet reassurance that Tara does, indeed, still love her in spite of the last several months - all of the death and heartache and confessions that have been wrung out of them thanks to the influence of the city.

Willow reaches up to squeeze her hand gently.]

Oh, uh, you know. Not bad, I guess. All things considering.

[She doesn't really want to burden Tara with all of the problems the last month has brought - losing John, and Herc, and Glitch, throwing herself into working at the shop, trying to find a cure for wolfwalking. It's been a lot, but Tara has enough of her own problems.]

Not bad? I thought we weren't downplaying or suppressing things with each other now?

[It's a gentle reprimand. She's not exactly in a position to lecture, given everything, but she wants to try and move forward with Willow. That required honesty and trust. She touched Willow's hand, trying to give her a bit of strength. That at least she had to give since her work in the Sanctuary.]

You're not going to upset me or disturb me. I want to help if I can.

[She's at least more open in her thoughts and wanted to give Willow the relationship they used to have. It couldn't have been easy for her. Finally having Tara back after such a traumatic loss, only to have her feeling different and emotionally numb.

She had time to make up for.]

[Willow manages a little smile and gives Tara's hand a gentle squeeze. She's right of course. It's easy to want to shield Tara from the things that are bothering her in the name of giving her space to find her own healing, but they are supposed to be trying to be more open with each other.]

Yeah... [She takes a deep breath.]

Last month was... kind of rough. John, Herc, and Glitch all went back to the ocean. Luna and I took over his shop, but, uh, she was out of commission most of the month.

[She's not unaware of what Willow is doing and that she is trying to shield her. It's happened too often for her liking, but she doesn't blame Willow for her concern. Given their tendency for obfuscation regarding their issues, it was threatening to be a habit and, to survive here, they had to trust each other.

She nodded, sympathetic. Remembering how Willow dealt with so many other losses the years she was here, it's painful to hear she's hurting again.]

I'm sorry. I know that a lot of them have been family for you.

How are you managing?

Yeah... They were.

[Willow sighs. It really does feel better to get it off her chest, and she does trust Tara. It's just also remarkably easy to fall into the habit of coping by pretending it's not actually a problem.

She remembers what feels like a lifetime ago, Tara reassuring her in their room that she didn't have to pretend everything was okay when it really wasn't, and she manages a little smile.]

Uhh... I think I've been managing by keeping busy with the shop. But it's getting easier.

That's sort of what I've been doing too, so I understand.

[She does miss sharing a room with Willow, but between the issues with touch that she hasn't figured out yet, there's been a number of revelations that probably need to be worked through. Willow killing someone, nearly ending the world was part of it, but mostly how easily they kept secrets from each other.

This though, this was a good start and gave her hope.]

If it helps, we could start having lunch together? I get some time off or are you too busy?

[There's so much uncertainty in the things that go unsaid between them, but the reassurance, and the understanding, and the offer is very much appreciated.

Willow's smile warms as she nods.]

Yeah. I'd like that. I'm definitely not too busy to make time for lunch.

It seems a bit better than just coffee, right?

[She's shy and flirty with Willow again, as she used to be. Maybe it was better that they went through that hurdle, because at least now, they could genuinely try to find their way back to each other.]

And that way, you can talk about anything you need to or tell me about your day?

[Willow absolutely beams. It's nice to feel back on good terms with Tara again. Things haven't felt this right in a long time - not since Sunnydale, as far as she can recall.]

Yeah! And you too, of course. I know you're going through stuff too. I'll help however I can.

[She knows that the awkwardness between them is her fault. The lack of feeling and desire, the sense of decay, she had pulled away from the person she loves the most. Now, with the help of the sapling, things were starting to change.]

It's hard. [She offers this chance to talk, the sort of stuff she normally talked to Faith about. Willow deserved to know and have a part in her healing.] It's going too slowly for my liking, but maybe that's how it should be?

I'm meditating every day and linking my energy to others to help them, it gives me a sense of their emotions. That taps into the ones I used to feel.

[Willow blames herself for the awkwardness between them as well, and everything that's happened (that she remembers anyway) since Tara came to Trench, then some of the things that happened before. Even under the best of circumstances, she can imagine how difficult Tara must find it to be, especially after the unwilling confession of what happened in Sunnydale after her death.

She nods with a small, sympathetic smile as Tara chooses to tell her how her recovery is going - that it's hard, and slow going, but she feels better.]

I'm glad it's helping. Even if it's hard. And slow. I'll help however I can. If you want, I mean.

I know you will.

[She hesitates, but decides to open up a bit more. It's a big step she's offering towards their relationship healing even more, but she wants to try. Just like before, she doesn't want to put too many hurdles between them.

Willow was important to her.]

I...I think you will be really important. I'll tap into other people's emotions, but there's only one person that can help remind me how big love feels.

We...we can practice together again?

[The way Tara hesitates, just for a moment, makes Willow think she's gone too far too fast, and she half expects the offer to be turned down as the smile begins to fade.

Tara doesn't pull away, though. Instead, she reaches out, and the warm smile returns with relief and joy. Willow has been worried that they wouldn't be able to find a way past everything that's happened - that she had crossed too many lines for their relationship to be repairable.

It gives her hope.]

I'd like that.

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Blessed Day [Open]

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