deercountry | soft hours

[We've covered that Kazuma gets some cosmic joy out of causing the floof. This is no exception. He looks a bit self-satisfied with it.]

Would you have, though? You messaged him about me and could have said something then...

[involuntarily pouting:] That's not fair to say... I, I'm a trained officer, injuries happen all the time! You're his only friend from home here, you know? There's levels of importance at play...

[you're a VALUABLE DAMSEL, kazuma.]

Levels of importance...? [1. Manabu no, just...no. 2. Never let him hear that damsel bit. Punches will occur.] If you're placing me above you again, don't. Ryunosuke cares about you, and that's enough to match the fact that I'm a friend from home, if not outweigh it.

[Do not make this a competition.]

You're not the only one with training either. But that thing...I didn't quite realize what we agreed to go up against.

[TO HIS CREDIT, he at least has the sense to look guilty after he blurted that; this is the same cycle he's been called out about before in other people. is he really destined to keep knee-jerk defaulting to this state of mind? it's almost like upbringing is hard to adjust or shake or something.

he lets the saber set back down on the floor, no longer clinging to the handle, leaving his hand to dangle over the bed.]

You... have you even gone to the perimeter before? The outskirts of town, where the monsters are?

Being at the perimeter doesn't mean much if you never really encounter something to fight. [Some would call that luck. But there's a part of Kazuma that wants to test what he can do, what he's capable of.]

Don't tell Ryunosuke that I've been out there. [He had enough to worry about.]

And I had training at home. I know how to fend for myself. [How to kill, even if he never made the final blow himself.]

It's not the same.

[he looks ahead of himself, his blind eye to Kazuma - it doesn't count as hiding if his face just doesn't let him see the other guy, right?]

Your world, this one...there's no way you could prepare for it. And I'm not saying that like you're weak, but it's just...this place is extremely strong. It's already crushed me once. [and it crushed those people there on that battlefield.]

If you're really serious about doing those kinds of things...running into hunts and fights like that...you have to do it right. You have to go to the Gate with me and Childe and the others. And even then... [he looks over at him.] You'd have to let Ryunosuke know that's your intention.

I know it's not. [He's not an idiot, but--he gets why Manabu is warning him. After that fight, it's all too clear that the dangers he knows are nothing in comparison to others. Still...he'd like to think what he is capable of means something. That it isn't completely useless. That he isn't completely useless.]

I have a bad habit of keeping secrets from him when I think it might save him from the worry or the consequences. [They both had that fault in a way, didn't they?] Back home, I had asked him to join me in traveling to England from Japan...We even worked out how to smuggle him there. I...never told him that my going was contingent on me agreeing to assassinate a man.

[He frowns, turning from Manabu to put his focus anywhere else. The wall, the thread he was picking on the bedspread. Anywhere but at Manabu. This part of his past was not something he was particularly proud of.]...I won't be making the mistake of hiding things from him again.

What?

[the sharp concern is clear - there's even a note of disbelief. he doesn't know Kazuma as well as Ryunosuke, but just by proxy...he didn't strike him as a killer. just kind of a hard-nosed, well-meaning jerk who needs to ease up on the height insults.]

You... [used him like that?] This whole time, you've been friends, and you didn't tell him something like that?

He was always the one to keep me focused...On a better path. [He knows how terrible this all sounds, how it must look from the outside in.] I didn't tell him because I...Truthfully I was trying to find a way out of it at the time and I--

It's not the easiest thing to tell anyone. Let alone a friend like him, a partner.

I never got the chance to tell him either. An accident kept me from making it to England. He, for a time, thought I had died. I was left behind not remembering myself, let alone my mission...I'm not proud of any of it.

[hearing partner sparks a little indignation in Manabu, especially in light of this.]

Running into battles you're not ready for... That's easier than being honest with your friend. Is that what you mean to say? Kazuma-!

Running into battles of any kind is easier than putting him at risk by getting him involved. The man that assigned me--he had power. Bringing Ryunosuke to England also removed him from that influence.

[It didn't help that he's rather certain Ryunosuke's case was just another means of demonstrating what power Jigoku had to hurt people he cared about if he screwed up.]

I already said I'm not proud of it. And that it isn't something I care to repeat.

[as Kazuma talks, Manabu's jaw clenches tighter and tighter, fingers curling into fists that have nothing to punch. the very idea of using someone as good as Ryunosuke for the sake of murder, of all things...!

spoken in a low tone:] You...didn't trust him at all then, did you? The one you call 'partner.'

What--[The accusation has him whipping back towards Manabu. It probably wasn't the smartest decision, with his injuries. But the thought that he didn't trust Ryunosuke...that hurt worse.]

I trust him with my life. [But--He had a poor way of showing that. Didn't he?] It was never a matter of not telling him at all, Manabu. I had every intention of telling him long before we reached England...[But then he had been concussed to the point of amnesia, Ryunosuke had thought him dead...It had all turned into much more of a complex affair than he had ever intended it to be.]

Intentions don't mean anything if they stay that way, Kazuma! [Manabu has the upper hand in barking out words - his ribs aren't broken.

oh-- speaking of barking, this spike in agitation stirs the dog at the foot of his bed, ears flatting out and teeth bared, growl-whining. boys stop fighting this is a hospital and the head nurse will kick ur asses!!!]

Intentions are what drive us to do the things that we believe in, but if you haven't even told him by now, then what do you really believe, huh?! Is that real trust? Think about it!

He knows. [Where Manabu's voice is a bark, Kazuma's breaks. This is not something he's proud of and it hurts.]

He knows...That accident, it had been well over a year before we met again in England. Before I remembered everything--and the truth came out. The only reason it had stayed that way for so long was that I didn't remember.

[He takes in a shaky breath--whether it was such because of his condition or their argument was uncertain.] I trust him, Manabu. I don't intend to keep secrets from him again.

[Manabu's eyes wince, but his lips stay curled back in a grimace. this is not his business, but the talking points are pretty personal - the sort of thing that would rile him up no matter who was talking about it, never mind regarding someone he's pretty invested in now.

after all, he knows what it's like to have been kept in the dark by someone he was supposed to consider a partner; Manabu isn't a grudge-holding type of person (in regards to other people, that is; grudges against himself, though? eh...), but he can't forget the way it felt to realize that the entire time Bruce was pushing him away was because he didn't trust Manabu to be able to meet and overcome his fears with him. after all the effort, finding that common ground...]

...That's something...I didn't expect to have in common with him. [he slumps back against his pillows, looking at the ceiling.] That kind of circumstance. That feeling...

[does Ryunosuke even have it? or is he an even kinder, more forward-feeling person than he is?]

I'm sorry...[For doing what he did? For unintentionally bringing up a sensitive topic? For being a right arse--well that last one would be a given regardless.] I do trust him...

And, for what it's worth, I trust you. Enough to give you that part of my past at the very least...No one else here knows, outside of the two of you.

[Manabu cuts in around no one else here knows with a negative sound through his nose.]

No. Those kinds of things... Those are the kinds of things that need to be earned, not just given when someone's getting grilled. [he turns his head to peer over the bridge of his nose Kazuma's way.]

If that's the sort of thing that takes the ultimate kind of trust, then that's the level I have to reach first. Don't just hand it over simply. Got it?

[Kazuma's stare is static, broken only when he cocks one eyebrow in question.]

And who would be the one to decide if you've earned it or not? I don't think that line is as clear cut as you think, certainly not something that is leveled so strictly.

[Grilled or not, he chose to tell Manabu what he did because he wanted to. He could have just as easily shut him out or not said a word about it in the first place.]

I didn't choose to tell you so simply.

[despite himself, Manabu's face flushes hot, dispersing up his scalp to fluff his hair.]

S-so what! I'm, I'm just saying! I don't take those things so simply too, okay?!

[Kazuma wheezes out a laugh, a sharp ha immediately punctuated by a groan. Broken ribs, worst thing.]

What I am saying is that I trust you, because to me you've already done enough to earn that. [He gives a smile.] That kind of thing doesn't come easily to me, so trust me when I say you have earned it.

[what, now he's laughing? good, he BETTER suffer for laughing at him!! jeez...]

Fine! [he's still puffed up, folding his arms tightly around his UNINJURED ribs and looking pointedly ahead of himself.] Even if I don't get it, I'll accept what you say. You know where I stand anyway!

[Jokes on you Manabu, being puffed up and a bit annoyed with him is kind of endearing.] I know where you stand. And you know where I stand.

Seems we've reached an understanding, then.

[still kind of pouty:] Yeah, I guess... [beat.

he shoots a look over.] D-don't go tattling on me to Ryunosuke like that anymore, though! I'm an adult, an adult!

You can't say that as if you didn't do the same! [Excuse you, sir. He too is an adult.] With luck we won't both get into trouble at the same time again...

[Yeah, how likely is that?]

soft hours

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