deercountry | September & October Catch-All

[Maul lets himself sink back into the meditation, allowing the Dark Side of the Force to flow through him. At its core, Dark or Light, the Force is something that flows through all life and Maul can feel that through everything. Here in Trench, everything is full of it. The people, the animals, the Omens, the deer, even the monsters are all full of it.

It makes Maul feel connected and centered. He may be a bad person but the darkness that permeates through all things is not evil and that reminds him that he doesn’t always have to be either.

Through the Force, Maul feels out the edges of Vyng’s energy. He’s full of it, much more so than anything else Maul can sense, the same way a light will illuminate a dark room around it.

It’s strange. Energy seems to be attracted to Vyng in a way Maul hasn’t encountered before. It’s like he connects with it in such an effortless, gentle manner that he can’t help but respond. Weirdly, that makes it just a touch harder for him to connect to the Dark Side. Sith bend the Force to their will and now the Force seems to be resisting given it has found a vessel that doesn’t do that. There’s a small swirl in the dark as Maul lets out some of his frustration at suddenly finding it harder to use the Force.]

[With Vyng's current hyper-awareness, he's soon distracted by ripples in the energy flowing between them — evoking the imagery of fish that briefly thrashes in the waters of an otherwise still pond, before diving back under. Maul appears to be the source.

He lets out a slow breath, before cracking an eye open.]

What's going on over there?

[Whatever if it is, Vyng gets the sense it's related to the uneasy feeling that coils in the pit of his stomach when he's around Maul sometimes. Not anxiety, fear, or anger...but certainly a distinct push-and-pull between them and their surroundings. Vyng hasn't felt anything quite like it before.]

You. You're like some strange magnet for attracting energy. The Dark Side seems to like you better than it does me.

[He deliberately tugs on a string of it again, this time showing how it resists a little more than usual when Maul pulls it towards him, whereas when he lets it go it flows right back towards Vyng.

There's just a hint of jealousy in Maul's voice but not as much as one might think for Maul being so emotionally stunted. He's known his whole life he wasn't as connected with the Force as some others might be and therefore weaker with it. That's what happened when one was the apprentice of the strongest Sith in a thousand years. Even here, compared to someone like Anakin, Maul wasn't nearly as naturally masterful when it came to connecting with and using either side of the Force. Knowing something like that has always been a good counterbalance for Maul's natural arrogance.]

Well, maybe if you weren't being such a dick to things like your caper crystal...

[That's what they're called, right? The memory is distant, literally a lifetime ago, but he now recalls a different conversation with Maul on another beach. In any case, the Sith's demonstration makes it impossible to miss: Maul's reach for the spiritual threads between them feels more like trying to redirect a particularly stubborn river current. When left to its own devices, it naturally flows where it will.

Despite the harsh wording, Vyng's tone is more matter-of-fact than anything else.]

It's like trying to catch flies with vinegar. Sometimes a little honey goes a long way.

Kyber crystal.

[Maul corrects absently. Then he goes on to explain.]

The Sith’s tenants believe in bending the Force to our will, that it is there to be for our use and benefit instead of the other way around. Because of that, we bleed our kyber crystals, pouring all of our negative emotions into them until they turn red, to show we have mastered them.

[It truly is a horrific process, taking all the anger, hate, and pain that one possesses and forcing it upon a crystal that is nearly sentient in nature. For Maul, it was even worse, given he’d bled six crystals over the course of his lifetime to create his double-bladed lightsaber. In a way, it shows just how damaged the Sith really is at his core, so full of anger and pain that he was able to do that six times over to crystals that had been attracted to him simply because they wanted to help him.]

[Vyng patiently listens to the explanation. With each second, their last conversation on the beach gains more clarity. Maul described it as a Sith tradition back then, too. Before that point, Vyng had simply considered their tenants to be one half of a whole: The dark to the light, the two philosophies' existence forever entwined. But knowingly depriving other entities of their autonomy isn't something Vyng can condone. Maul isn't some parasite or fungus driven to take over its host by design — he's a man capable of saying "no".

And yet, no rush of anger or indignation flows through Vyng's veins. Maybe when he was younger, he might have allowed self-righteousness to take over. More than anything, he pities them — both Maul and the crystals he's chained with his own misery.]

That sounds exhausting. [His words are quiet and measured.] Why waste the energy, when you can find a crystal that's willing to help you? What does dominating them like this prove?

The Sith believe in power above all else. That's one way to show it. If I had been too weak to bleed my crystal and show that I could wield my power over it, I'm sure my master would have considered me unworthy and killed me on the spot. [He pauses and considers what has happened in his past.] It was not an easy thing to do young and inexperienced as I was, even with all the rage I possessed.

[He'd been a teenager, barely fifteen years old when he'd made his first lightsaber.]

But they would not let themselves be found by me at all unless they had intent for me I cannot yet see. The crystal chooses the Force-wielder, not the other way around. I could be standing in a cave full of crystals and never be able to take a single one unless one of them spoke to me.

Bleeding the crystal was something you did to save your own life, then.

[A simple observation, with no moral judgment attached. Most creatures are driven by their need to survive. It's totally understandable.

And yet, from a Druidic standpoint, a survivalist who views the world as an obstacle to conquer will only stagnate spiritually. Vyng's own Winter Walk, a right of passage for many young Druids, was an absolute failure for that reason.

Once you're no longer ruled by your fear of death, however, something incredible happens. Your way of moving through the world radically changes. You're not a single person anymore. You're everything...and everything is you.

But also? Maul's master was an asshole. That's the obvious takeaway here.]

Does that mean a Sith never waits for a crystal to choose them? It's just...take-and-take, all the time?

In a fashion, I suppose. I spent most of my early years blindly following my master's commands because I knew that if I did not, nothing but horrific punishment and possible death would follow.

[It really was a matter of survival for the young boy, scared and alone as he was, being terrorized by a monster. Of course, that didn't absolve Maul of knowing right from wrong when he'd gotten old enough to make his own decisions, but it did explain why he'd done the things he'd done being raised by Sidious.]

Traditionally, yes. Most Sith gather their crystals by killing a Jedi and taking the kyber crystal from their slain foe. I, however, was an unusual case. My master knew if I killed a Jedi, it would draw suspicion onto him, and he wanted to keep his secrecy until he was ready to unfold his plans. So he took me to a planet that was full of them called Ilum. He gave me an hour to find one. It took me an hour and a half because I kept finding another and another until I had four, which is a most unusual number for any Force-user, Light or Dark aligned. He whipped me in the face for taking too long before he ordered me to bleed them all.

Man. What a dick...

[Vyng can already imagine what it's like to grow up under the thumb of a man who wants to mould you into something you're not, just for his own ends. But to have the threat of a swift, brutal death always hanging over you like that? Fucking yikes.

He lets himself sit with that feeling for a moment. Finally, he asks:]

Where's your master now? Is he here?

No. Still alive currently back in my own galaxy. I have been told he will die in the future but I will unfortunately be dead by that point.

[Ah, the complications that came with time-traveling, people from the future showing up, and all the other shenanigans that this place could get up to. Still, Maul does sound quite satisfied at even just knowing that Sidious will die at all. He's been afraid the old man never would, just go on ruling the galaxy forever and ever until the end of time.]

You'll be dead too? [Vyng quietly frowns.] Did they say what happened?

[An insensitive question, maybe. But Vyng doesn't always have the most tact, and he can't help but ask. Besides, he's pretty sure most Sleepers have died at least once. It's basically a given at this point, right?]

One of the apprentices he takes after me eventually betrays him when he tries to kill his son. [Maul sounds very satisfied with the future he has yet to behold.] He never has understood the loyalty and love that binds families together and never will. It shall be a fatal mistake for him.

[His question was about Maul, not about his old master. But Vyng doesn't correct him. Instead, he notes the satisfaction behind Maul's words and gives a sympathetic nod.]

We reap what we sow. Sounds like he treated people like tools...until he finally became the tool's tool and got his ass handed to him.

[Maul nods slowly.]

A very good way to put it. And why I have been trying not to do the same.

[Maul knows anger and vengeance will only end in an empty life for him, so he's determined to do better while he's here in Trench.]

Yeah? [Vyng regards him curiously.] How's it been going?

[Sounds like a radical shift from the life Maul knew before. Even if he's moving in a healthier — and, as Maul notes, a more practical — direction, he can't imagine it's been an easy transition.]

[Maul moves his hand back and forth in a 'so-so' motion.]

I do my best. But it is easy to backtrack when my entire life has been spent looking out for myself and my own interests rather than others.

[Maul's got a lot of people here who are looking out for him and helping him along the path of redemption but it's not easy. So often, he's liable to backtrack into what's quick and easy for him instead of trying to what's right and just.]

I don't want to be a good person. I don't think I'm ever going to be good. But a better person...perhaps that I can manage.

What's your idea of "better"?

[Different people are going to have different definitions, obviously. And in places like Deerington or Trench, Vyng can see how progress won't necessarily be linear.]

[He pauses and thinks on that hard. Maul's not good with talking about abstract concepts. There's a reason he's a much more physical being in nature, used to getting what he wanted through force or using his skills as an assassin.

When he speaks, the words come slowly and haltingly.]

I suppose...I don't want to always have to hurt and kill people to get what I need or want. I want to protect and help those I care about without having to worry that someday I'll need to kill them for some reason. I've only ever cared about a handful of people before in my own galaxy but here...I have formed actual connections with people and have become friends with them. That isn't always a good thing, you seem cognizant enough to realize love can be as toxic and destructive an emotion as something like anger can be. I've done my best to kill people when they hurt those I care about. It's easy to slip back into the idea of murder in those moments. But so many here believe I can be redeemed, and while I don't think that process will have a set end goal of ending up on the Light Side, I at least think their faith is not completely misplaced.

[This is the first time Maul has really put into words what he actually sees his end goal as on the path of redemption that so many of his friends are helping him to walk. He's not looking to become a "good person" in the sense that he sees people like Usagi and Obi-Wan are. But better is something he can strive for, someone who isn't just a destructive force of nature, a weapon meant for killing.]

[Vyng waits, patiently, for Maul to sort through his thoughts and give them a voice. That he's managed to form meaningful connections is a promising, essential piece to his journey. No doubt those relationships give him the motivation he needs to change at all.]

You have faith in their faith. You understand hurting others won't end well for you. You're willing to find alternatives for getting what you want.

[All contrary to the me-first, survival-of-the-fittest mentality his abusive teacher instilled in him. Vyng nods in quiet acknowledgement of the strides he's already been making and says:]

You've come a long way, Maul.

[Too often, Maul bristles when people congratulate him on how far he's come in his path of redemption, especially when they've already made it clear they don't like him. It feels condescending to him, like someone saying 'Here, doggie! Have a bone for being a good boy!' But he doesn't get the sense that Vyng is like that at all. If anything, the Druid seems to get his personality, mindset, and past better than many people who have known Maul far longer in the city do.]

From you, I shall take that as a compliment.

[Maul's eyes soften up just a little bit.]

You are not nearly as much of a fool as I first mistook you for.

September & October Catch-All

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cw: physical child abuse mention

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