[July catchall] There's no safe place, no sanctuary

[ezra_of_lothal]

Who: Ezra Bridger ezra_of_lothal and you!
What: a july catch-all with various semi-open starts
When: Post-boatgate, mid Chara's rampage, and the rest of the month
Where:  Centered around Cassandra, but could be anywhere 

Content Warnings: Violent death, grief, hauntings. May be updated here and have cws in thread subject lines

Comments

[ezra_of_lothal]

I mean, that's not how I-

[His expression crumples.]

There was a Sleeper killing Disciples here in Cassandra. I couldn't let them-

[jedies]

[ a sleeper. obi-wan frowns. ]

Were you alone?

[ezra_of_lothal]

[He nods and then bursts out-]

I'm - I'm sorry -

I should have-

I didn't think. Not really. I just saw them kill someone who couldn't really fight back-

[jedies]

[ ah. obi-wan's expression softens. ]

I'm not blaming you, Ezra.

[ezra_of_lothal]

...But I should know better than that.

[Rex beat the concept of teamwork and tactical advantages into his head for years, for one thing.]

[jedies]

Knowing and doing doesn't always align.

[ now he does sigh. ]

Were you really concerned that I was angry?

[ezra_of_lothal]

Not angry.

...I never wanted to give you more reasons to be sad. Or disappointed.

[jedies]

[ ah. the kindest of motivations in the saddest of statements. ]

It doesn't work that way, Ezra.

[ezra_of_lothal]

[After a long moment - a flash of emotional turbulence surging in the Force. Before it breaks and subsides - he nods, then slumps, settling into sitting.]

Emotions are very weird, like this.

[jedies]

[ obi-wan momentarily struggles, words slipping through his palms like sand. ]

You went through something traumatic. It's expected.

[ezra_of_lothal]

Obi-wan.

[He reaches then pauses, because he has no idea what touching would actually to do either of them.]

Please just talk to me. You don't have to - to talk me through this.

[jedies]

[ obi-wan nearly doubles down on it, his expression tight. but it slowly loosens, the hurt simmering just under the surface. it's not ezra's fault nor is there blame in obi-wan's heart.

and yet, the hurt exists. ]

. . . How do you feel?

[ezra_of_lothal]

[What did he just say?

But he can see the minute shift in body language. Feel the shift of Obi-wan's emotions, in the Force. His hold on his own emotions loosens a little, too.]

Confused. Worried. Sad.

Anger feels...very far away.

[Bluntly-]

How about you?

[jedies]

. . . I don't think there are words left for me.

[ezra_of_lothal]

[He debates for second. Takes the plunge. ]You could just...show me?

[This tinniest hint of tease, in his voice-]

We are empaths, bound together in the Force.

[jedies]

I think we've both been through enough.

[ezra_of_lothal]

Uhuh. Well that's not not true.
,
[He looks at Obi-wan steadily.] And how...alone are you feeling about all those emotions, right now?

[jedies]

I would not say I feel alone.

[ezra_of_lothal]

[His eyes narrow.]

It's always fun, playing the 'is that evasive sounding and vague because words can be dumb and inadequate, or was that just utter nerf shit' game.

[jedies]

[ his jaw tightens. ]

This is not my idea of fun. Or games.

[ezra_of_lothal]

[With careful, deliberate patience-]

I didn't think it was.

[The next part is said with some obvious affection and admiration.] I just think - aside from being a useful tool when there's genuine need to obfuscate -

[But then he drops back to level seriousness.] 'A certain point of view' is sometimes your fallback position when you aren't sure how else to respond. Or you don't like the other impulses that bubble up, for whatever reasons.

[jedies]

[ obi-wan sighs. ]

Is there a need to respond?

[ezra_of_lothal]

[Ezra's figure shrinks back a little. Even wavers and flickers and he begins to doubt his certainty that Obi-wan even wants him here.]

Not if you - [Don't want to, he finishes, in his thoughts.]

I'm sorry. Shutting you down is the opposite of what I wanted to do.

[jedies]

. . . Anakin died. When he first arrived here.

[ezra_of_lothal]

[Suprise/horror/sympathy flares in the Force as Ezra's eyes widen.]

I didn't know. That must be been- [A heart wrenching blow. Even saying that feels in inadequate.]

...did you yet? How it usually works? That'd probably come back?