deercountry | All that I am

Entry tags:

All that I am

Who: Allen Walker and Shouto Todoroki ~~with guest appearances by The Fourteenth...~~
What: September Paleblood effects, and getting trapped in a version of Allen's horrific world and life for a time courtesy of a cursed book/the Absolute Immersion prompt 🙂 Many CW for mentions and flashbacks of Allen's very abusive childhood. also red light districts. (to date: pet death/abuse, child abuse, suicidal impulses of a child)
When: Later September
Where: Their house, and then Victorian England sorta

[ When Shouto had become blind, it had been Allen who fret and fussed more than he needed to. Hovering by his side and always ready to take his arm and steer him gently this way or that, explaining whatever the goings-on were with an animated chatter born first from concern and then increasingly just out of enjoying conversing so later on. Describing the world and especially the people around them like someone reading a particularly good story aloud might and getting caught up in it with an actual delight.

It wasn't so bad for him after all, he'd say, since he lost first his sense of taste (that was insulting but something he dealt with just by pouting at dinnertime) and then touch. Annoyances more than anything, nothing that bad. Touch bothered him more than he thought it would, leaving him staring down at his hands with an unsettled expression from time to time when he thought no one was looking, but he tried to avoid letting that on.

When Allen lost his sense of sight, he became almost unsettlingly... quiet, actually. Not complaining even a little. But off, perpetually distracted and a little jumpy at the slightest noise or sense of movement. With it ironically around the same time Shouto finally regained his own vision. Something he expressed relief for -- it'd be rather silly and unfortunate for them to both lose their sense of sight at the same time, wouldn't it? -- but that was a little hollow too.

Whether Shouto thought to read to him or it happened by accident when Allen was half-dozing near him one day when he asked him out of bored senseless curiosity what he was reading, it was one of the few things that made him perk up. Even if he usually dozed off on him, it was comfortably and amicably so and eased a lot of his restlessness. Something he started to look forward to and ask him a little more eagerly each time what he was reading that day.

Today, he wrinkled his nose at the smell of this new book when he came back with it. Musty and old, and something that just... unsettled him on some very deep, instinctive level. Like if black magic had a smell. Easy enough to pass off at the explanation it was handed to him from someone in Gaze offering free books to passerby, everything there was a little weird and derelict, and the explanation it was a story (apparently) about an exorcist who saved souls was enough to both baffle and intrigue him. Weirdly... spot on, wasn't that? But curiosity alone was a good enough reason for him to shelve any misgivings and settle in, leaning his chin on his shoulder and peering over like he was actually trying to peek at the pages he couldn't see. Also, Shouto's monotone could put anyone at ease (and to sleep). Allen's disarmed and lulled off pretty quickly, relaxing as the tale begins and meanders vaguely around a nameless boy who loved too much. Who was thrown at odds against the home he had always known first for wanting to save those they wanted him to destroy, and then for finding out he was fated to become their enemy and the very thing that would destroy them and the world.

Allen stops dozing off and becomes very awake. Very quiet, and very still.

Shouto can get to the part where the boy says goodbye and leaves in order to keep his home safe, and that's when Allen will fumble for his hand. Grasping his wrist tightly with alarmed urgency. ]

Shouto. [ It's laced with a strange sort of fear, a rising panic. Stop reading.

It's also too late.

Reality... warps. Uncomfortably so, like vertigo but pulling your soul inside-out instead of your stomach. It feels like falling. Falling forward into freefall, which... is accurate. At first it feels like falling into a vacuum, and then the wind is quickly rushing past their ears. They burst through what feels like a thin glass pane of light that shatters harmlessly around them and melt away, geometric patterns in the sky, and the air is crisp and cold; the first kiss of winter, and for the first time smelling clean and entirely without the odor of blood, decay, and industry that clings to Trench. Into the middle of a city park, rows of brick Victorian buildings lining the sides of it with a clocktower and castle in the distance.

They're also about fifty feet up in the air, upside-down and in rapid freefall. ]

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[ He doesn't move when the other leans forward. Frankly, he doesn't need to. That hand will start to freeze over the moment he tries to touch his collar. Do not touch. His cold demeanor seems to imply his quirk slamming down the edict without Shouto ever needing to utter a word. Cold and aloof, he stares bluntly at the stranger holding Allen's body hostage and regards him with an unexpressive look at the show of bloodlust on a face that's only given him a kind demeanor in the past. ]

...

[ Shouto doesn't answer the question. Trained in hostage situations, he knows better than to give an assailant the upper hand without getting something in return. So he stays silent, not pressing him, while maintaining the air of an unyielding force. Soon, he'll learn he's not someone he can sweet talk to gain an advantage, Shouto doesn't care what he says, only what he does.

Try again. This time, give him a reason to answer. ]

Edited 2022-11-04 03:29 (UTC)

[ Not doing that, then. He's a bit disgruntled to be shut down so effectively, but retaining his ability to move is going to be crucial. He withdraws his hand and just sits back on his haunches to regard him and wait for that ice to crack. ]

...

[ Or not. ]

Not a very talkative one, are you? [ He snorts. Chatterboxes or brick walls; it's one or the other it seems when it comes to the company Allen keeps.

But he hums to himself lightly, seeming to mull something over as he rocks side to side for a moment to get himself comfortable. Laid back and for all the world just seeming... rather bored. ]

That's bad manners. Didn't someone ever tell you that if you want something you should offer something in return?

[ He waited for 35 years to return to the world, he can out-wait you. ]

Edited 2022-11-04 03:49 (UTC)

[ It's a statement he's heard many times, and one he doesn't deign with a response. Rather, he stands at the 'bad manners' reference, heading for the door and cutting it off as a possible escape route with a thick wall of ice that covers every inch of it. Once it's secured. He moves to the bathroom door, but this time he only freezes the handle. Next is the window; it gets completely covered in ice with no hope of ever opening the latch. Once he's secured the exits, he walks to the bed and picks up the strip of fabric he cut earlier as a makeshift cooling towel. Snapping between his hands to affirm himself of its strength, Shouto turns to Allen and issues an order. ]

Turn around.

[ Yes, he has every intention of tying you up in your underwear. He can either do it the easy way or the hard way. ]

Edited 2022-11-04 04:17 (UTC)

...

[ This ability of yours is extremely annoying, you know? Knowing he's being trapped like a rat and can't even use the idea of hurting Allen's body against him except to avoid prolonged restraint. The good humor act drops at that display, and at the request he does no such thing. Merely returning Shouto's stare with a shrewd and scrutinizing one of his own.

His eyes dip to the strip of sheet that he's gripping before coming back up. He taps a finger to the side of his mouth then, so thoughtful and like someone who wants to share a secret. ]

I'll tell you what I think it is. [ He continues talking with a velvety sort of confidence, leaning back slightly and crossing his legs at the ankles in a brazen sort of defiance. ]

He finally managed to ditch those two from the Order that tracked him down but got into a situation he couldn't handle. [ Bouncing his foot, tapping a finger lightly against the cold wood floor-- he's like a child who can't sit still even if his actual demeanor is frightfully calm. He levels a finger at Shouto plainly. ]

You're the outsider who found him when he needed someone but has no idea about any of this. Probably thought he was so kind but so sad, how could you not be drawn in by someone like that.

[ He cants his head to the side, golden eyes bright and sharp as he taps a finger knowingly against his lips. ]

Maaaayybe you even started to care for him more than you should.

[ Don't think that just because he gets labeled a monster that he doesn't recognize the subtle way Shouto had started to lean towards his hand before he grabbed his throat, the way his demeanor had gentled. Nea might be a Noah but he was raised human. Though it also means he's just as likely to jam a red hot poker into the discovery as much as anything.

But he gives a hum, cocking an eyebrow in a way that's... genuinely kind of pitying. ]

I don't know whether to throw up or feel bad for you.

Edited 2022-11-04 04:47 (UTC)

[ The thing is, he doesn't care what he's trying to imply. What pieces of Allen's past he's trying to lure him with don't matter to him. He could spend a lifetime with Allen and never learn a single thing about his past and be happy. There's a reason, he doesn't ask Allen questions about who he was but instead focuses on what he likes. He cares about that. About Allen. The one he got to know in Trench, not some figure from the past or the future. He could care less what others think of Allen or what they think of him. The Order means little to him, their commendation of anyone even less. The fact is, his feelings for Allen aren't so fickle to change at a whim. They were slow in budding, but the roots grew deep. There's nothing anyone could tell him that would ever change his feelings for him. ]

If you throw up, you're going in the bath.

[ A promise. One he makes as he reaches for his foot to secure the strip of cloth around his feet. He reverts to his hero training. Secure the area. Secure the victim. Secure the perpetrator. When the latter are one and the same, there's only one choice. Secure them both. With minimal force if possible, but Shouto isn't so naive to think he won't need to use force, so he's careful how he applies, careful how much he gives away. He can't read Nea like someone with more experience dealing with people, but that's never been an issue for him. He's always been able to handle every situation thrown at him with a calm and stoic demeanor, covering his point of weakness with a mask of indifference. ]

Edited 2022-11-04 05:25 (UTC)

[ ...This guy isn't giving him anything? Seriously? Talk about a brick wall.

He watches him approach warily, golden eyes lidding in a low, brooding sort of way. The bindings he clearly means to put on him. Does he actual think those would hold Allen's body? Maybe that says how much he knows about Allen. Maybe he's just not thinking about that. Maybe the guy's immature behind that frosty demeanor and just needs to do something so he's going on autopilot.

But okay, fine. He'll play along. Bide his time. Doesn't mean he's not going to artfully lift his foot up just before he grasps it though. Playfully. You really think he'll make it that easy? ]

What do you think tying me up is going to do, hm? [ He tips his head to the side, blasé. ]

"Allen" is still somewhere you can't reach him.

Edited 2022-11-04 23:21 (UTC)

[ Playful isn't what he reads, it's simply defiance in his eyes, the art of subtlety lost on him. So is what he failed to get across. ]

When I call the exorcists, you'll need to be tied down.

[ He says it bluntly without looking at him. The gold disturbs him more than he lets on. He ties his feet in a specialty knot he learned at UA. ]

[ Oh, it's absolutely defiance. He just dresses it up. But that answer--

He smirks, tugging lightly at the bonds to test them but not seeming to mind. ]

And what makes you think they won't just throw Allen back in that dungeon? Or didn't you know that's where they kept him?

[ He smiles, slow and sure of himself, as those oh-so-golden eyes narrow and lid in a predatory way. ]

If they don't kill him on sight.

Edited 2022-11-05 01:01 (UTC)

[ He stills. What dungeon?

A prickle of worry starts to chip away at the cold demeanor. He meets those golden hues in search of a hint of Allen behind the foreign smirk, shifting his delicate features into a grotesque imitation. ]

Where who kept him?

[ This time, there's no denying the effect his words have on him. Those mismatched eyes stay on him, no longer carrying the bite of frost, stunned by the proclamation. Why would they-- ]

Kill him?

[ There it is. The chink.

Though to be honest, he didn't think the guy was that in the dark when he made it obvious he knew of exorcists. It was more he thought he was calling his bluff in order to prove a point and show him how woefully bad an idea it was. So that response gets a cooled reaction from Nea, and he tilts his head slightly, regarding Shouto.

He's not cruel, you know. Not a monster, even if people tried to make him one. He wished kindly for "Allen" you know, before Allen was the one who betrayed him and declared them enemies. His friend. ]

His "friends", of course. Until he wasn't useful to them anymore. [ He says it quite calmly, like stating something both obvious but hard to swallow. ]

Surely you didn't think it was a coincidence that he tries so hard to avoid contact with the Order? With anyone he might have known before?

[ He leans forward, though without any hostility. Not even any bravado, though the way he holds Shouto's gaze is with an unwavering intensity. You tied his feet but not his hands yet, and while he makes no move towards Shouto he gestures towards the wound on his stomach where the feathers of Innocence are still holding it together. ]

Who do you think tried to gut him and gave him this?

[ A scar that was visible back in Trench too, though there it was healed over if just barely. Maybe not as big as the more obvious one that cleaves him from shoulder to hip, but still an ugly one both front and back though where it looks like someone had taken something spearlike and jagged and rammed it clean through him. ]

I'll give you a hint: it wasn't anyone he thought was an enemy.

Edited 2022-11-05 02:20 (UTC)

[ He tries so hard to avoid contact with the Order... Who do you think tried to gut him?

A heartbeat passes. Another. Shouto forgets about the enemy in front of him. Nea opens his eyes to a truth he's been blind to this whole time. Allen spoke of the War back home and his place in it. Of the teach he lost. Of his Innocence going wild and out of control. He never pressed him for more, never needed to, but now that another puzzle piece reveals itself, the image changes. Morphs.

His eyes stray to the gray wound festering with deadly feathers. Like a monster in a pit, he doesn't know when to expect another attack. It's the same with his abductor. Taking precautions was the only choice he had after he tried to strangle him. This close, the differences between him and Allen are startling. His eyes stray to his mouth, where he finds the root of his disturbance. More than the golden eyes, his smile tarnishes his entire demeanor. It lacks the selflessness always present in his every word and action.

There are many things that go over his head, but this strikes a chord in him, maybe because he's so familiar with his smile in a way he isn't with anyone else. He opens his mouth to say something, thinks better of it, and falls silent instead. If he means to air out Allen's every secret, it's not what he's focused on at the moment. Right now, there's only one thing he wants to know. ]

Who are you?

[ Like with anything, he starts at the beginning. ]

Edited 2022-11-05 03:06 (UTC)

[ The good secrets he'll keep. His own secrets he'll keep. Allen's secrets though, the ones that have nothing to do with Nea's goals? He couldn't care less about them: neither the incentive to keep them nor spill them. Sometimes they're tools to use to prod answers out of someone else or needle them off balance, like now with Shouto—but only for a good reason like that.

Maybe he can be useful, after all. Likely not. But he's been dead and driven half mad from sitting in his own resentment and plans for thirty five years. So do keep him company if you're not going to let him go. ]

I'm who he becomes. [ He doesn't say it tauntingly. Just with certainty, and this time leans in close to Shouto. Almost nose to nose with those catlike glimmering golden eyes. Like there's a secret he'd like to share, and his tone drops to a soft, edged sort of murmur.

Now he's cocksure. ]

N · E · A.

Edited 2022-11-05 03:17 (UTC)

[ Born into a world of privilege and quirks, where heroes are placed on pedestals by the masses, that cocksure mannerism is commonplace among the lower ranks. It's the look of someone who thinks they're on top without realizing there's still a mountain left to climb. ]

You're not who he is.

[ The name incites no more than a momentary regard. It means nothing to him. The only reason he's still speaking with him is that he has HIM. Not his body, Trench proved how easily that matters, but his memories. ]

Wher is Allen?

[ What a privileged sort of view. How naive.

But he just smiles at that sort of response though, sitting back while continuing to regard him. Measuring. Like he has an answer and it's one he's debating if he should bother sharing. He cocks an eyebrow at him. Leans against the binds on his feet lazily as he scratches at his cheek for a moment. ]

Still here. Asleep. [ He taps the side of his head. Knock knock. ]

Don't worry. It's not his time yet. [ Though it will be mine soon. ]

Edited 2022-11-05 04:09 (UTC)

[ Asleep. No, trapped. ]

Let me speak with him.

[ Flatly: ]

Not that easy.

[ Did you really think it would be? Please. ]

Why not?

[ Yes. ]

[ Wow. How dumb are you?

He holds his gaze though. For a long, meaningful moment. ]

Because that's up to Allen, isn't it?

Edited 2022-11-05 04:30 (UTC)

[ He holds it right back, unwavering. ]

Ask him.

[ He tsks, ruffling his loose hair for a moment. Wait. Did Allen's hair get... tremendously longer since the last time he was awake? It only seemed like days.

This body feels different too, like he might have aged... ]

Doesn't work like that. [ Said blandly, bored. ]

How does it work?

[ Does Allen find this routine charming? Because Nea certainly does not. ]

You were the child who tried to force the square peg into the round hole, weren't you.

[ He leans back and glances to the side, seemingly bored although his eyes slowly trace around the room. ]

I wouldn't want to come out and talk to you, either.

[ Considering he doesn't understand that statement, Shouto ignores it to focus on what he's after. ]

Why not?

[ ...? How dense is this guy?

This is tedious. The whole twenty questions routine while not giving Nea literally anything other than that one subconscious slip. He's also not entirely certain how stable his possession of Allen's body is, and it's not like some damn jack in a box swap like this guy apparently thinks it is. He could escape back within and Allen's consciousness could take control, whether Allen himself is actually in a state of being conscious enough himself to do that or not, but there's no telling when he could come back then and he isn't about to do that so soon unless he has to.

Allen could fight his own way back, like he did before, but he would need some kind of bond to anchor him enough to find his way back. Would need to want to come back enough, but knowing his old friend that isn't an issue. Likely he just can't see a way back from Nea's own dreamworld, the place where Nea stayed locked all that time. It isn't something you can force, and that's why Nea isn't worried.

We aren't so different from akuma at all, are we, "Allen"? Isn't that funny.

He glances away though, pointedly ignoring Shouto to look around the room with a caution disguised as laziness. He could fight. He could try to invoke Allen's Innocence again. But does he particularly want to unless forced? No. He could use a trump card, but how soon does he really want to tip his hand... ]

Where is this place?

It smells old.

[ Is he ignoring you? Yes. The question was stupid. ]

[ Don't expect much from him. Shouto doesn't give his opponents anything to work with, which ends in his favor most of the time, giving him no reason to alter his current course. Nea may have patience, but he's willing to bed it's a different kind than what it takes to deal with his brand of questioning. Where Allen was at least interesting to dissect, Shouto was not. Single-minded and purposeful, he presses on. ]

Did you put Allen to sleep?

[ Did you think he'd stop at twenty? Or that he would so easily stray from his objective? He's a trained hero in training which means three things for Nea. One. He won't hurt him. Two. He'll restrain him. Shouto picks up another strip of cloth with every intention of tying his hands together up front where he can see them. Three. He will bore him to death with a lot more inane (they're deep for him) questions until he snaps and starts talking. ]

Can you speak with him?

What does NEA stand for?

Are you a ghost?

Where you always inside of Allen?

Is Allen in danger?

Why do you have feathers?

[ And so on and so forth, every single one made with the same expressionless facade that gives nothing away, his tone serious. No, he's not pulling your leg, and no, he doesn't know that's an idiom. ]

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