deercountry | open | homesickness

Entry tags:

open | homesickness

Who:

undermoonlight + Open
What: Atsushi explores and misses Yokohama
When: Sept 1st - 6th
Where: Boardwalk, Odd End, & Earworm

Content Warnings: N/A for this log.

A | The Boardwalk

[Out of reach, purposefully ignored, is a thought: "This is pointless. They're not coming here."

But Atsushi comes back to the Boardwalk anyway. He's figured out by now that new squids won't be appearing on the shores and no new faces will be arriving, but he still wants them to. He's spent a few hours walking up and down the beach in search of familiar items, but nothing from Yokohama has washed up on shore.

When he goes back to the boardwalk, hoping to clear his head, he only finds himself more distracted. Male presenting characters with brown hair might hear a startled Atsushi walk up behind them and call out hopefully, only to be quite disappointed when they turn around. Otherwise, characters may notice him calling out to a native;]

[He goes from reaching out his hand to lowering it. Disappointed. Sometimes he'll do this to a non-sleeper and watch them walk away afterward. In these cases, Atsushi gives them a few seconds to get away. Then he clenches his fist and lowers his head; Guilty, ashamed, and frustrated all at once.]

B | Cassandra District - Odd End

[Missing Yokohama makes Atsushi want to be a proper apprentice. He's been poking into shops for a while now in search of a blank notebook to write notes in, and Odd End feels hopeful. The things here don't cater to the uncomfortable blood magic that seems to be everywhere else.

Some of the odds and ends even seem charming at first glance. He doesn't recognize the occult value for the candles or plants, but he does think they look interesting. Usagi might like that candle and Makoto likes plants, doesn't she? But as soon as he crosses paths with someone else, Atsushi withdraws his hands and awkwardly tries to move away.]

need

C | Cellar Door Distract - Passing Earworm

[After some wandering, Atsushi ends up in the Cellar Door district. It feels nicer than the rest of the Trench (which isn't saying much,) and the atmosphere change does help him relax. Enough so that he's able to notice the Earworm and look at the sign curiously.]

[He stands awkwardly there for a moment longer. Atsushi never had time for this sort of thing in Yokohama. His only experiences with them are judgmental ones, where he thinks they're indecent and vulgar. But compared to the hellhole that is the Trench, the Earworm looks like a nice place to visit. It looks like a normal place for someone his age to go.

After getting a look from the bouncer, Atsushi steps away in a hurry. Shaking his head and scolding himself aloud;]

[But he does look over his shoulder as he tries to walk away. And nearly collides into someone as a result;]

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Hearing Makoto does help to snap Atsushi out of his self hatred. He lifts his head to look at her, noticing that she seems to be collecting things for the house.

Shouldn’t he be doing that?

Why isn’t he helping with the house?

He needs to stop thinking about Yokohama…

He slowly unclenches his fist, trying to appear relaxed. He needs to focus on the present, and yet…

“Mm. Sorry. I thought I recognized someone.” Atsushi sighs. This is Makoto. He should be more open with her, right?

Yet he’s quick to try to brush any concern for him away, “Did you find what you needed? Need a hand?”

It had been something for herself more than the house really, something to hopefully make her feel a bit more like herself. He'd probably noticed that since arriving Makoto's hair had actually been down a lot more than it usually was.

"I was just looking for this. And found a few other cute things too."

She held out the hair tie with the rose that she had found when she first arrived, at a stand that Usagi had pointed out to her. Makoto hadn't had anything to trade for it, and so far it had been a little difficult for her to get much. After all vilebloods weren't the most welcome from what she had heard. That she was a rotted soul.

"If you could help me hold it for just a second while I put it in place."

Lifting her hair a little she looked at Atsushi, she was happy to see him but he seemed distracted, like there was something missing.

"Who was it you thought you saw?"

Seeing the rose on the hair tie immediately makes him think of her. Roses suit her image so well and he thinks of her every time that he sees them.

Atsushi nods, smiling faintly, and reaches to take the hair tie. He even takes a step closer, offering to help with her hair like he would for Usagi.

“Mm. I haven’t seen your hair up in a while, huh..? It looks cute down.” Oh wait. Said too much. He can feel his cheeks redden.

“Uh- Dazai-san… he’s the one who saved me. But I should have known he wouldn’t get caught up in something like this.” Dazai was so smart. If he came, they would get out of Deerington in no time—

Except they’ve already gotten out, and look how far that got them.

Makoto's cheeks felt a little warm as she blushed with him that close, it deepening when he said that it was cute when she wore it down. She'd never been sure about it, and with martial arts and everything just having it pulled back and out of the way was easy. Plus she had thought she looked cute with a ponytail since it helped to show off her earrings.

"Thank you."

She'd have to try wearing it down more when they were just around the house. When Atsuahi said the name though she tried to remember if it was one she recognized.

"You never know, there's all kind of people that show up and some of them I wouldn't have expected. Though if he does, I think I'd like to meet him."

They'd had the choice to get out, but Makoto had chosen to stay as had Usagi, Rei, and Minako. In hope of continuing to protect those who showed up, and for Makoto in hopes of was right here in front of her now.

"I'd like to..." Introduce them? Atsushi felt flustered at the thought. He knew that he would be teased for having a girlfriend. Would it feel strange for the agency members? The last time they'd seen him, Atsushi had been a sad orphan seeking a reason to stay in Yokohama. But now...

He moved to help her with the ponytail, briefly falling silent. Did he even want to go home anymore? He had a lot to protect in this life too.

"... Dazai-san is really amazing. I'm sure you'd like him." Atsushi finally agreed, "Has everyone you were hoping for washed up, Makoto-chan?"

It seemed like Atsushi really looked up to Dazai-san, probably the same way that she did to most of the girls like Rei, Minako, Ami, and especially Usagi. Everyone was just so amazing and had great qualities and she wouldn't know where she would be without them.

But at the moment she couldn't think of what to respond with, their faces were so close and then he'd asked that. Really there had only been one person she had been looking for, and at the same time scared to see, for the moment her green eyes locked on Atsushi. She felt warm, as she blushed a bit.

"Yes."

His devotion to Dazai may have been quite similar. Atsushi was certain that, without Dazai's odd kindness, he'd had died in a ditch by now. He had been a homeless, starving, and unwanted orphan when Dazai found him. Now...

He closed his eyes. An image of the Agency had flashed behind his eyelids, the figures of his ADA family briefly flickering into view around him due to his paleblood powers. But they evaporate quickly when he opens his eyes to look at Makoto.

"Good." Smiling more easily, but not yet moving from their close proximity, "The people I need are here too."

Makoto caught a glimpse of the image, they all looked so happy and like they were very all very close. It did remind her of the other Senshi, and at the same time made her miss Ami, which made her realize that Atsushi was probably feeling the same way, he'd been here so long and unlike Makoto or Usagi, his friends from home didn't join him.

"You were the one I was hoping for. I'm sorry if that's why you weren't able to make it home to them."

He did feel lonely and he did miss them. Atsushi even missed Dazai's risky antics by now. He missed the way Yosano scared the hell out of him sometimes and being bossed around by Ranpo. And his promises to Kyouka and Lucy, now broken, hung over him miserably.

Even so, Atsushi gave his head a small shake and smiled to Makoto.

"I still don't know what makes a place 'home,' honestly. But I don't think Yokohama would be that either." Talking about his feelings? This was new. And hard. He wouldn't be able to address everything right now, but at least he could try to say enough to reassure her. "If I was back in Yokohama, I'd be missing you... At least this way, I know you're safe."

Makoto leaned in, placing a kiss on Atsushi's forehead. That was just what she had needed to hear, and while it did ease her guilt a little she still wished that she could do more for him. Something to help with how much he missed his friends or something small thing that she could do to honor them and make it feel a bit more like home here.

"And I know that you are as well. We can keep each other safe, and together we can protect everyone important to us."

Trading affection is something he's still working on, but that doesn't stop him from trying. Especially in a moment like this, where Atsushi has no words to fully describe how important Makoto is to him. Without her, the Trench would be a true nightmare. He'd have felt trapped and punished. As long as she's here, he's almost glad that he woke up on the shores of the Trench instead of in Yokohama.

He trades her kiss on the forehead for a brief but proper kiss, pulling back relatively quickly in case he's overstepped boundaries. "Mm. I feel like we could make a home out of this place if we're together--"

wait.

wait, that came out sounding embarrassing.

"-- with- everyone! Not to invite myself into your group or anything, I know you're all really close and I don't think I could ever compare or even understand it, uh..."

Makoto blushed, not at the kiss but the words that followed afterward. He really thought that, that they could possibly. A smile formed even as he started stammering again and adding to it, she had known what he meant and he wasn't inviting himself by any means. Usagi and Mina-chan had been adamant about getting the two of them together, Rei even seemed to not object which was a rare thing, so there was no reason not to include him.

And so Makoto pulled him into another kiss to keep him from continuing on or adding to the thought or explanation. She was happy to have him there, for the support and love that he provided, even with all that she had from the other girls this was different and was special in its own way.

"I think we can too."

Thank goodness for kisses. That kind of silencing was one he could get behind and conveyed her feelings perfectly. Atsushi relaxed back to a shy smile, nodding in agreement when she reaffirmed his statement. As embarrassing as it was to admit, he was glad that he wasn't alone in thinking it.

"Though... This place does seem to be missing a lot of the comforts from Japan." Again. The nightmare had been lacking too. "We might have to get creative with meals and baking ingredients, huh? We'll have to spend a lot of time in the kitchen together."

A subtle request to spend more time together. Atsushi hadn't been conscious of his time away, but he could tell that Makoto had been affected by that time. In a strange sort of way, it led him to retroactively miss her.

She had missed him, she had missed being able to cook, and to help as much as she always had. It was true that many of the comforts were missing, what was important had come now and that was all that really mattered.

Picking up a little on the request and the want, it was something that she would never object to and had been wanting as well. Bringing a little more brightness to the smile she was wearing and receiving a nod.

"I'd like that. I have a few ideas of what to try."

"Me too. Making meals from whatever I could get my hands on is sort of like an orphanage specialty." Atsushi chuckled lightly, trying to cast some humor on his miserable past. But his favorite meals had become favorites out of that kind of necessity.

"It might be hard, but I think we can manage. After all... We are a team here, right?"

"We are, and that means we can do anything."

Whether it came to cooking for necessity or getting by on the care minimum it would be that much easier with someone else there to share it with. Pulling Atsushi closer, Makoto hugged him so happy that everything seemed to be alright, and that they were on the same page about everything. At least for now.

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open | homesickness

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