deercountry | open | homesickness

Entry tags:

open | homesickness

Who:

undermoonlight + Open
What: Atsushi explores and misses Yokohama
When: Sept 1st - 6th
Where: Boardwalk, Odd End, & Earworm

Content Warnings: N/A for this log.

A | The Boardwalk

[Out of reach, purposefully ignored, is a thought: "This is pointless. They're not coming here."

But Atsushi comes back to the Boardwalk anyway. He's figured out by now that new squids won't be appearing on the shores and no new faces will be arriving, but he still wants them to. He's spent a few hours walking up and down the beach in search of familiar items, but nothing from Yokohama has washed up on shore.

When he goes back to the boardwalk, hoping to clear his head, he only finds himself more distracted. Male presenting characters with brown hair might hear a startled Atsushi walk up behind them and call out hopefully, only to be quite disappointed when they turn around. Otherwise, characters may notice him calling out to a native;]

[He goes from reaching out his hand to lowering it. Disappointed. Sometimes he'll do this to a non-sleeper and watch them walk away afterward. In these cases, Atsushi gives them a few seconds to get away. Then he clenches his fist and lowers his head; Guilty, ashamed, and frustrated all at once.]

B | Cassandra District - Odd End

[Missing Yokohama makes Atsushi want to be a proper apprentice. He's been poking into shops for a while now in search of a blank notebook to write notes in, and Odd End feels hopeful. The things here don't cater to the uncomfortable blood magic that seems to be everywhere else.

Some of the odds and ends even seem charming at first glance. He doesn't recognize the occult value for the candles or plants, but he does think they look interesting. Usagi might like that candle and Makoto likes plants, doesn't she? But as soon as he crosses paths with someone else, Atsushi withdraws his hands and awkwardly tries to move away.]

need

C | Cellar Door Distract - Passing Earworm

[After some wandering, Atsushi ends up in the Cellar Door district. It feels nicer than the rest of the Trench (which isn't saying much,) and the atmosphere change does help him relax. Enough so that he's able to notice the Earworm and look at the sign curiously.]

[He stands awkwardly there for a moment longer. Atsushi never had time for this sort of thing in Yokohama. His only experiences with them are judgmental ones, where he thinks they're indecent and vulgar. But compared to the hellhole that is the Trench, the Earworm looks like a nice place to visit. It looks like a normal place for someone his age to go.

After getting a look from the bouncer, Atsushi steps away in a hurry. Shaking his head and scolding himself aloud;]

[But he does look over his shoulder as he tries to walk away. And nearly collides into someone as a result;]

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[ At least she's kind enough to not answer his initial question. It's so obvious that even just saying 'yes' would be kind of sad.

So instead Ange focuses on the rest of what he says, her head dipping into a nod. ]

Yeah, it's been.. a long time. [ She can't even remember what the last time was that she spoke to Atsushi. It must have been so long before they ended up here instead. And yet he was brought here too - just like the rest of them. ] And.. I guess that means you didn't choose to go here, the way the rest of us did.

Choose to be here? What do you mean? Did you-- Did others get to choose to go back... [Back home is what he wanted to say, but the words fizzle out on his tongue.

Where even is his home? Yokohama feels so far away. Sometimes he can't even remember the route from his apartment to the Agency. He doesn't remember the faces of some of the Agency staff anymore. He's afraid he's forgotten even more. But does he really want to think of the horrific town they were in before as home?

Atsushi tries to push those thoughts aside and focus on Ange. Concerned now as he realizes what her choice to stay implies.]

... You stayed? Why? Did things get better over there? [x to doubt.]

We got to choose, yeah.

[ At least she can confirm that much for him. It makes her wonder how he ended up here all the same, if he didn't make the same choice as them. Does this place draw random people in exactly like how Deerington did? Now she's thinking about it, she does think she heard a few messages from people who seemed totally new to this entire situation..

.. it's such an odd thought, but Ange frowns and shakes her head, shelving it for now so she can answer him. ]

And of course I chose to go here. For me, choosing to go back home is the same as choosing to die.

... Right. Sorry.

[Ange and him may both be orphans, but Atsushi has somewhere to go back to. Or did have somewhere to go back to. Looking at Ange and remembering the times they spent together (the less horrific ones, anyway,) he feels less lost than he did when walking up and down the shore.]

It's not bad... the people, at least. Maybe I chose to be here too. I don't think I could have left you behind, anyway. I'd never stop worrying about you, so... mm. [Maybe he subconsciously decided to stay and that's why he's still here.]

[ The words 'don't apologize' are on the tip of her tongue, but Atsushi continues before she can say a thing.. and then, of all things, he says that. It steals any words right out of Ange's mouth, making her instead stare at the other blankly.

.. well, and perhaps with just a bit of surprise and fluster in her expression too, all at the same time. ]

You'd.. never stop worrying about me?

[ Ugh, why is Atsushi like this! He's always been like this, hasn't he? Just way too nice. ]

[Meanwhile, Atsushi fails to understand how this could fluster her. He's more concerned that he's said something wrong as in 'incorrect.']

Of course, I mean. We've spent so much time together and I like you. I can't just leave you behind anymore..?

[He's searching her expression for approval when it occurs to him what he might have said wrong.]

Not that you need me for anything! I know you'd be fine without me! But I'd still worry!

What? [ She glances back over at him, looking surprised for a moment before realising what kind of leap his brain is making, causing Ange to shake her head. ]

No, it's.. [ It's not that she's offended that he thinks she couldn't handle herself! She shakes her head again, still flustered. ]

It's just that you shouldn't worry about literally everyone you meet. [ Because, knowing Atsushi, Ange doubts that this is a worry that's purely reserved for her. ] Then you'll never be able to stop worrying.

Ah... Yeah, I guess that worrying all of the time is bad, huh?

[He laughs nervously, perhaps because he knows that he would always find reasons to worry. A thought that is at least partially addressed as he continues,]

But you know... If I'm always worried, then that means I've always got people to care about. So it's not the worst thing. I'd just rather be able to see you and talk to you while I worry... Kind of selfish of me, I guess.

[ If there's anything that proves that this really is Atsushi standing in front of her, as if no time has passed at all, it's the fact that he instills the very same feeling inside of her as before.

A combination of fuzzy warm feelings at the thought of being cared for so much by someone, and yet at the same time a violent desire to grab him by the shoulders and shake some sense into this boy. Because by god, is he ever - always - too hard on himself. ]

If you're going to say one more negative thing about yourself, I'm going to have to flick your forehead, you know. [ The most TERRIFYING of threats. Beware, Atsushi. ]

.. why don't we just worry that this place is a little safer than Deerington, so you can instead worry about more mundane things then, huh?

B-But... [She wouldn't ever do that to him! Right? Right??

... Yeah, best not test that. Atsushi nods in agreement, sensing the desire for a topic change.]

That would be a nice change of pace, huh? At least the buildings here are mostly in tact. Have you been settling in okay? Not looking for anyone..?

There are still some people I'm missing.. [ Ange frowns a little as she says it. She's been trying to not think about it, but it does sneak into her mind occasionally, like a worry she just can't get rid of.

Thankfully most people she was expecting to be here are here, even some surprises included like Atsushi. But.. ]

I know that some people went home, so of course they wouldn't be here. But there are people who moved on to the next place, just like us, but who I haven't seen here at all.. Like Amara.

[ ... ]

I wonder what happened to them.

[He feels like he said something wrong. There are still people he's looking for, sure, but Atsushi almost expected that. He's never felt truly whole or at peace anywhere, so why would the Trench be different? Hearing it's the same for someone else, though, is upsetting.

Atsushi finds himself struggling to reassure her;]

Ah, well... You know, when we woke up it seemed like a lot of people were expecting us. Maybe it'll happen again and more people will be here soon. And when that happens... maybe your friend will be there, right? And we can be waiting..?

[please smile, ange.

... Okay, asking Ange to smile is a lot.]

[ Asking Ange to smile might just be a useless venture.. Sorry, Atsushi...

But she does recognize what he's trying to do here. It's clear as daylight, after all, that he's trying to cheer her up. And it's not like she wants that effort to fully go to waste, so she lets out a deep breath, trying to release some of the tension from her shoulders. At least she can do that much for him. ]

I hope so.

[ After all, the alternative is the idea of never seeing those people again. Never knowing what happened to them. ]

But it's so hard when everything is so uncertain. There's nothing here to give us answers.

Uncertainty can be a good thing, right? It means we have the option of making things better?

[He hopes that will be the case. Though, her second concern is one that he shares. Getting information has been difficult and it's an important step to changing their fates.]

We'll find information somehow. Uh... Have you tried the archives? I mean, you probably have, but um. Maybe a second pair of eyes would help?

[ .. a second pair of eyes, huh. ]

Are you saying you'd want to help? [ Because yes, Ange has looked there already. But if he's offering help, then.. well, she could use it. If not just for the fact that there's absolutely no organisational system with the books there, so it's hard to find what you're looking for, especially all by yourself in such a big place. ]

.. I guess that would be better than wandering here alone by yourself like a lost puppy.

[ She doesn't want to see him that way, even though she can understand why he'd feel bad. ]

If you'll have me! I'm probably not as well educated as you, but I can read.

[The bar has been set. Atsushi can at least help look through the archives and determine which books are worth a deeper read.

His shoulders do sink when compared to a dog.]

... You don't have to say it like that, you know. [but she's not entirely off base, is she?]

It's okay. It's since you're cute.

[ It's said with Ange's usual flat tone, sure, but.. there's a little more in it this time. A faint kind of amusement, like she's aware that she's just teasing him.

(Besides, she's not wrong, is she? To her it's really how Atsushi comes across. As someone who's too cute and too nice to everyone he knows.)

So she turns, looking back at him. ]

Come on, let's go there together right now. I actually never paid much attention in school, you know, so I doubt our levels are very far apart.

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