deercountry | If I turn into another

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If I turn into another

Who: Usagi Tsukino, people who are bonded with her, and potentially you
What: Usagi is having a mini-meltdown about the Eternal Night
When: First half of April
Where: Usagi's house and then some parts of Cellar Door and Willful Machine

Content Warnings: Past mentions of violence, murder, emotional trauma, past mentions of attempts at genocide

A. Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me [Closed to those bonded to her]

When it was April 1st and the sun didn't initially rise, Usagi was uneasy but not worried. This was just Trench being its weird Trenchie self.

When the second day came and the sun still had not risen, slowly the memories began to come, unbidden, unyielding, unforgiving and she forced them back and away. It would be okay.

When the third day of it came?

Usagi realized that April might be the new October, and the image of herself, giggling, laughing, bleeding from her crescent moon as she hugged her friends and then killed them, as she went mad and tried to kill everyone, literally, everyone, until Rei ran a sword through her chest-

She panicked.

She locked herself in her room and refused to come out. She locked her windows and closed the blinds as she sat in the corner of her room, knees hugged to her chest.

It's okay, it's okay, it's okay!

She tried to reassure herself.

You won't turn into her, you won't turn into her, you won't turn into her!

She began to shake, trembling and feeling her eyes well up with tears as she hid her face in her knees.

If she stayed right there no one would be hurt, she wouldn't hurt anyone, no one would die.

It was only the third day, it would be okay, it would be fine. She would just stay in here, she wouldn't leave.

Her heartbeat was pounding in her ears and it was hard to breathe, harder to breath.

No, she begged. Please no.

Please, please, please, please.

She can't, not again, not that again. Not her. Not her.

Her margay, Lua, let out soft chirps of concern, trying to nuzzle Usagi's hand to help her feel better, but Usagi didn't even feel it, didn't even notice. Her whole body is trembling and she hugs her knees tighter to her chest and swallows down every sob so no one in the house can hear her.

Unfortunately, Usagi had forgotten that the bonds she had formed were telegraphing everything.

B. Sing this song [Her house - Later in the week]

It was later in the week when Usagi was finally convinced to at least leave her room even if she couldn't be convinced to leave the house. She's jumpy, skittish like an actual rabbit. Every other moment she seems to be looking out the windows only to decide she doesn't want to see, she shuts the curtains of whatever room she's in, and if she's in a room that doesn't have them, she leaves it. The full moon and the endless night is making her blood sing in her body and she immediately hates it when usually such a thing is a comfort because it's her connection to the moon.

So when she hears the doorbell or a knock she practically jumps over the course of her self-induced imprisonment, sometimes even dropping what she's holding and it smashes on the floor or spills all over. She heads over to the door, not opening it. She'll have to clean up the mess in a moment. Her hands are trembling and to stop that, she rests them against the wood of the door.

"W-Who is it?" she calls out. "What do you want?" she tries to hide the fear in her voice but can't.

C. Remind me that we'll always have each other [Around Cellar Door and Willful Machine - Second week of April]

It took constant reassurance, but Usagi has been convinced to at least leave the house for short trips... if only to give her poor kitchenware a break from being broken all the time, or from just breaking something in general in her panic.

After all, as some had pointed out, food was not scarce, no wall of corpses every twelfth hour, people weren't turning into monsters left and right, the water wasn't turned into blood or plants into ash. She was able to sleep a full night's rest without concern, she wasn't sleepwalking, there was a whole list of reasons why this was different. And she was under the moon, not those eyes.

As she walked through Willful Machine, she can softly be heard muttering 'it's okay, it's okay,' as she walks, her hands shaking as she checks again and again at the grocery list and supply list Makoto had written and all the things she was carrying for trade. She was pretty sure she'd need to find a way to make up for breaking Makoto's favorite mixing bowl that had had pink roses painted on it.

She still felt bad about that one.

She would tend to walk from Willful Machine back to her home in Cellar Door. So wound up as she was too focused on just getting home or trying not to have a panic attack in public. So she wouldn't always pay attention...

And would then smack into someone else because she keeping her head down and attention on her groceries. In her surprise, she dropped everything everywhere on the ground. She winced as she heard something shatter... again.

"I-I'm so sorry, I didn't see you there," she was quick to crouch down to pick everything up. "Are you hurt?"

D. When everything else is gone [WILDCARD]
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Oh, yeah, it's got a ton of names. It's very popular in...not Japan, I guess.

[None of his human friends were from there!]

It relaxes you, so that's why we've been using it to try and...you know, chill out a little.

I wouldn't know, I don't know anyone who uses it. [Maybe one of the outer senshi did? But she sort of doubted it.]

Oh... I don't know that it would work on me under the circumstance. As soon as it stopped I'd be reminded of... everything... again.

Mmm, I guess. It was just a suggestion. [Shrug!] You wanna come in and have something to drink? I'm not trying to sell you clothes, honestly, no one's really buying these days anyway. I guess it doesn't seem as important when the sun is gone.

[Which - eh, maybe he doesn't feel the same, but he gets it?]

A-A drink would be nice. [A break, in general, would be nice. She lets out a small breath.] And I think a lot of people are reminded of October and are just being cautious.

I'll be honest, most of that is a weird blood-induced haze for me.

[Did he drown someone, or was that a dream? Was Eurydice there? That doesn't even make sense!

Michael leads the way into his shop, which is lit by oil lamps now that the sun is out. Not the best lighting ever, but it's okay for just sitting. He moves behind the counter to where the refreshments are.]

Sit, please.

Oh... um, well, I apologize again for what happened during it anyway.

[She moved to the sit down at his prompting and looked out the windows towards the sky. At least she wasn't glowing anymore since she was outside much more.]

Ah, that was nothing.

[It had destroyed his suit pretty thoroughly, but he'd been too out of it then to even care. The only person who even found out his secret as a result was Vyng, and that was...well, it was stressful for a little while after, but nowadays, Michael's quite glad it happened.]

Here, have some water. Doubt we need booze right now.

[She takes the water and sips it, sighing.]

Thank you, Michael-san. I remind myself that this isn't like October, having actual drinking water helps.

...man, I forgot that was part of it.

[To be fair, it was easy for that to escape his notice, since he doesn't really require water anyway. He's drinking now; it's nice to do. But if there were a shortage, of course he wouldn't.]

Yeah, I try to keep some food and water of my own stockpiled. Just in case people ever need it. Going without when things get tough only does so much.

We keep a stockpile too, ever since October. Though, it's hard to remember that you gotta change those things out.

I can't get any more kigurumis though, unfortunately. I wish I knew how to get more like them.

Yeah. They'd be easy enough to make, but I can't put any of those enchantments on them. Doesn't sound like a Coldblood thing either.

[He works with them on occasion to put element-resistance in his clothing, but Michael expects "relaxation" is not an element.]

They were handy, though. Wish I could replicate that kind of magic.

The ones I had in the house came here with the house. So I have mine, but I don't know who else has the ones I gave them or who gave them to someone else, ya know?

I... mnn, maybe I can ask someone to see if they can replicate the magic? Someone has to be able to, right?

I would think so! Lots of different kinds of magic around here, right? Maybe...huh. I don't know if that's a Coldblood thing, but maybe some Paleblood could help? That seems sort of in their wheelhouse. Or if someone just has powers from home, you know.

Oh... um, well, I'm a Paleblood, actually. But my only ability seems to be forcibly dragging people into my head.

You... you really think I could replicate something like the Kigurumis?

Oh! Yeah, that makes sense.

[Had he known she was a Paleblood before? But they're associated with the moon, aren't they, that tracks]

Maybe? I'm not sure - it'd probably take a lot of R&D. Testing, that sort of thing.

R&D? [She tilts her head. Rest and Dress?]

Research and development!

[ULP! She blanches.]

I did not know what I was expecting, but I know I would have hoped for not that.

...why not? That's just part of making something, right?

Because I'm bad at it? Just cause this place is filled to the brim with geniuses doesn't mean there aren't major dummies here too.

Oh - hey now, don't say that! Inventing magic stuff is a whole thing, most people can't do it.

[She knows she can't, though. She doesn't HAVE those types of skills. Yeah, she has MAGIC but it's not like it helps with stuff like THIS. She shakes her head.

It's not Michael's fault.]

Yeah... [She's part of the "most." Maybe it was wishful thinking. Dumb bunny, she shouldn't have even brought it up.] I guess I should just be glad I have what I have.

...hey, it's fine.

[He can tell she's upset, even if he doesn't quite know what to do with that.]

I don't know how to do it, either.

[She doesn't mean to be upset. She just knows her limits, she isn't smart, and she's surrounded by literal geniuses who make building portals look like an afternoon of effort or writing an entire opera only cost them one hour of work. It was that way back home as well. Still, she appreciates Michael trying to make her feel better, smiling at her friend even if it doesn't quite reach her eyes.]

I could probably put out a call to those with magic abilities, and see what they might be able to help with. I don't know that I want to trust the magic of HERE, ya know?

Mmm, yeah, that's probably true...that sounds like something you'd get from a Pthumerian, and I don't know if I'd ask them.

[Michael doesn't think of the Pthumerians in the same way most people do, he thinks. He's an immortal being too, after all, if not really the same sort. Still, that doesn't mean he trusts them - honestly, it means rather the opposite most of the time.]

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lightthedarkness - 2022-06-05 19:19 (UTC) - Expand

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