If I turn into another

[lightthedarkness]

Who: Usagi Tsukino, people who are bonded with her, and potentially you
What: Usagi is having a mini-meltdown about the Eternal Night
When: First half of April
Where: Usagi's house and then some parts of Cellar Door and Willful Machine

Content Warnings: Past mentions of violence, murder, emotional trauma, past mentions of attempts at genocide


A. Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me [Closed to those bonded to her]

When it was April 1st and the sun didn't initially rise, Usagi was uneasy but not worried. This was just Trench being its weird Trenchie self.

When the second day came and the sun still had not risen, slowly the memories began to come, unbidden, unyielding, unforgiving and she forced them back and away. It would be okay.

When the third day of it came?

Usagi realized that April might be the new October, and the image of herself, giggling, laughing, bleeding from her crescent moon as she hugged her friends and then killed them, as she went mad and tried to kill everyone, literally, everyone, until Rei ran a sword through her chest-

She panicked.

She locked herself in her room and refused to come out. She locked her windows and closed the blinds as she sat in the corner of her room, knees hugged to her chest.

It's okay, it's okay, it's okay!

She tried to reassure herself.

You won't turn into her, you won't turn into her, you won't turn into her!

She began to shake, trembling and feeling her eyes well up with tears as she hid her face in her knees.

If she stayed right there no one would be hurt, she wouldn't hurt anyone, no one would die.

It was only the third day, it would be okay, it would be fine. She would just stay in here, she wouldn't leave.

Her heartbeat was pounding in her ears and it was hard to breathe, harder to breath.

No, she begged. Please no.

Please, please, please, please.

She can't, not again, not that again. Not her. Not her.

Her margay, Lua, let out soft chirps of concern, trying to nuzzle Usagi's hand to help her feel better, but Usagi didn't even feel it, didn't even notice. Her whole body is trembling and she hugs her knees tighter to her chest and swallows down every sob so no one in the house can hear her.

Unfortunately, Usagi had forgotten that the bonds she had formed were telegraphing everything.

B. Sing this song [Her house - Later in the week]

It was later in the week when Usagi was finally convinced to at least leave her room even if she couldn't be convinced to leave the house. She's jumpy, skittish like an actual rabbit. Every other moment she seems to be looking out the windows only to decide she doesn't want to see, she shuts the curtains of whatever room she's in, and if she's in a room that doesn't have them, she leaves it. The full moon and the endless night is making her blood sing in her body and she immediately hates it when usually such a thing is a comfort because it's her connection to the moon.

So when she hears the doorbell or a knock she practically jumps over the course of her self-induced imprisonment, sometimes even dropping what she's holding and it smashes on the floor or spills all over. She heads over to the door, not opening it. She'll have to clean up the mess in a moment. Her hands are trembling and to stop that, she rests them against the wood of the door.

"W-Who is it?" she calls out. "What do you want?" she tries to hide the fear in her voice but can't.

C. Remind me that we'll always have each other [Around Cellar Door and Willful Machine - Second week of April]

It took constant reassurance, but Usagi has been convinced to at least leave the house for short trips... if only to give her poor kitchenware a break from being broken all the time, or from just breaking something in general in her panic.

After all, as some had pointed out, food was not scarce, no wall of corpses every twelfth hour, people weren't turning into monsters left and right, the water wasn't turned into blood or plants into ash. She was able to sleep a full night's rest without concern, she wasn't sleepwalking, there was a whole list of reasons why this was different. And she was under the moon, not those eyes.

As she walked through Willful Machine, she can softly be heard muttering 'it's okay, it's okay,' as she walks, her hands shaking as she checks again and again at the grocery list and supply list Makoto had written and all the things she was carrying for trade. She was pretty sure she'd need to find a way to make up for breaking Makoto's favorite mixing bowl that had had pink roses painted on it.

She still felt bad about that one.

She would tend to walk from Willful Machine back to her home in Cellar Door. So wound up as she was too focused on just getting home or trying not to have a panic attack in public. So she wouldn't always pay attention...

And would then smack into someone else because she keeping her head down and attention on her groceries. In her surprise, she dropped everything everywhere on the ground. She winced as she heard something shatter... again.

"I-I'm so sorry, I didn't see you there," she was quick to crouch down to pick everything up. "Are you hurt?"

D. When everything else is gone [WILDCARD]
((OOC: If you would like to plot something, please don't hesitate to contact me at snickersnack or make up your own prompt!

Comments

C - Willful Machine

[violetlies]

[Kokichi himself is on a small trip around Willful Machine. Unlike Usagi, he's looking for materials to start his business with. Make games with. The games club is still going to happen, of course - he's making sure of it. It's just this darkness that is so annoying. His eyes are adjusting to the lack of light, though, but he sees the girl that is shaking - notes her uneasiness, and clears his throat gently.]

Miss? Is...everything okay? It's kinda spooky out, so I don't blame you if you're on edge.

[That's how Shuichi would handle this, right? Right.]

[lightthedarkness]

[Usagi jumps as she's called out to and fumbles to catch the paper as it falls, able to grab it again. Since the trade items were in a basket safely on the crook of her elbow, she at least won't drop THOSE. She looks at Kokichi, her vision rather ridiculously good at night time, but she hopes he doesn't see her blushing. She nods.]

Ah yes, sorry. [She didn't know how to explain to a stranger that it wasn't the spookiness and green... glow that was affecting her.]

I um... just... lost in thought. Sorry.

C - Willful Machine

[eudaimonikos]

[For his own part, Michael's coping reasonably well with the eternal darkness! You just get that sometimes in the Bad Place. Sure, it reminds him a bit of that one awful October back in Deerington...but most of his memories of that month revolve around the rivers of blood. As long as those aren't around, he's fine.

He's setting the lanterns outside his shop - blue fire, of course - when he happens to notice Usagi. You don't really need an empathic bond there to know something's amiss.]

Hey, Usagi! How's it going?

[lightthedarkness]

GAH!

[Usagi jumps a bit when Michael calls out to her, not expecting it. She puts a hand to her chest, her heartbeat basically humming with how quick it's beating right now. She lets out a breath and then takes a deep one, trying to calm down.]

M-Michael-san! Hey! Sorry, I didn't see you there. I'm fine, you?

[She was not, in fact, fine.]

A

[droptheious]

[The sun not rising was an immediate concern to Varian. His first concerns, of course, were to Fern- because his boyfriend needed the sun to survive. So those first three days were spent trying desperately to set up grow lights up in the Disaster Hosue to make sure that Fern didn't fucking die from something as simple as a lack of sunlight. So he's had plenty of spikes of anxiety of his own.

...But Usagi's have not gone unnoticed. And he doesn't need to think too hard to pinpoint the cause. He'd brought it up not that long ago after all, and he's scared he's helped it be at the forefront of her mind when the sun just...left.

He considers just going to her house and barging in- but eventually decided to give her the illusion of choice on his company. ]

You're doing bad. I'm coming to check on you. Are you going to be at home?

[It doesn't matter if she is or isn't- he's going to find her regardless. ]

[lightthedarkness]

[She lets out a breath, she hadn't meant to share her panic. That was why she even locked herself in her room to begin with! Damn it. She swallows and wipes at her eyes, trying not to transmit any fear or panic or sadness and failing.]

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I'm... I'm in my room. It's better if you don't come, though.

[Because what if she goes insane again? What if she kills him? What if she maims him?]

B

[imaglyphwitch]

[Luz had been told by Varian about Usagi's condition, and while she still felt pretty dumb about their last encounter, that didn't mean she was comfortable knowing that the poor girl was having issues all on her own. Luz had brought over a glass piece she commissioned from Korra as well as some tea in a thermos and some well picked stuffed animals she'd had to trade about to get ahold of.

Once she was at the door, she knocked lightly, not trying to startle her friend].

Usagi? Usagi-chan? It's me, Luz! Are you there?

B. CW: PTSD

[lightthedarkness]

[Usagi blinks when she thinks she hears a knock on the door. And then blinks again when she does in fact, hear a voice following it, Luz's voice, to be precise.

Wait, why is Luz here? She tries to wrack her brain but she doesn't remember Luz needing anything from her or having asked her to make anything or...

Did Varian and Fern tell her about how she was feeling right now? She moves to the door, not opening it in case letting the outside world IN causes her to snap and kill Luz on the spot. She swallows, hands trembling and takes a deep breath to be loud enough to be heard, calling back out.]

Luz... Luz what are you doing here? [Was she hurt? Should she let her in?]

C - Cellar Door

[retsuden]

[ Sasuke's usually better about avoiding getting run in to, but his attention hasn't been the best himself since the sun disappeared. His forehead wrinkles slightly when he hears the shatter, before he goes to kneel down to try and help Usagi pick up the things she's dropped. ]

I'm fine. [ He doesn't think she looks hurt, but he's definitely concerned about her overall demeanor. ] Are you alright, Usagi?

[lightthedarkness]

[When the chaos energy that is Usagi wants to involve others, it will find a way even for the most agile and skilled of ninjas. She jumps when their hands touch, which considering how they acted when they first met, is a stark contrast. She takes a deep breath, trying to calm down.]

I'm okay... [She is not.] I'm... mn.. okay I'm not okay okay but I will be okay. [She offered softly, putting things back in her basket, sighing at the loss of another dish that was now shattered thanks to her.] Not another one...

C

[entreats]

Ange still isn't exactly feeling great. But the situation changing so rapidly the exact moment the month had changed has forced her to try and get herself back together more. She knows that she can't afford to be weak under these circumstances. She has to do her best to try and be strong, especially if things are going to be dangerous.

No matter how miserable a part of her might still feel.

And trying to be stronger involves actually getting out of the house. To help get groceries, or help run other errands..

.. or, right now, getting ran into instead, apparently.

It's surprising, and for a moment it startles Ange into dumbfoundedness, but then she realises just exactly who bumped into her.

"No, I'm.. fine.."

Physically, anyway. But Ange leaves it at that answer, moving instead to help gather up the other's groceries.

"Were you carrying too much?"

[lightthedarkness]

"Ange-chan!" Usagi smiles, because it's nice to see Ange up and about knowing the other had been deeply depressed not so long ago. But the brief joy at seeing a friend is quickly overwhelmed by her skittishness again and the idea that she might hurt her. She inhales sharply and her smile dims. She merely gets down to clean everything up.

"Oh um... no, no not carrying too much."

She checked on the dishware and her head hung in defeat. She broke the brand new dishes.

"Not these too..." she sighed and looked back up to Ange. "I um... I'm sorry, I should have been paying better attention."

A

[undermoonlight]

[It isn't hard to guess why Atsushi can feel such intense emotions through their bond. He's felt his own anxieties and worried that they might feed into Usagi's. After all, that endless month of moonlight was awful for both of them. Atsushi is almost grateful for Usagi's emotions right now since they help deafen the tiger's moonlit fury.

At least early in the month, Atsushi is still able to keep the tiger at bay. He tries not to feed into how angry he is at this place. Why wouldn't he be, after all? Hasn't Usagi been through enough without a repeat of that awful time? It feels like the tiger is clawing its way out of him; The anger hurts so much if he thinks about it.

-- But no. He can't get mad right now. Usagi doesn't need anger. So, with clenched fists and a mind focused on their bond, Atsushi stands outside her bedroom. He closes his eyes and tries to reach out, then lifts a hand to knock lightly on the door.]

Usagi-chan? Can I- [Atsushi catches himself being passive. After imagining how he'd respond if she answered 'no,' he corrects himself selfishly;] I want to come in. [... being selfish is hard.] Is that okay?

CW: Suicidal Ideation

[lightthedarkness]

[Being selfish IS hard. Usagi is pretty sure she's being selfish right now, locking herself away when people potentially need her. But she's also rather sure it's SAFER for everyone if, well if not dead, at least in one location that can be easy to find her and kill her in. She looks up, and then realizes why Atsushi is even knocking on her door, somewhat panicking more at the idea of him coming in. She takes deep breaths and curls in tighter.]

I- I don't know that I'm safe. [She calls out, because sure, she's not on a murdering spree RIGHT NOW, but that means literally nothing.]

A

[thunderingcourage]

Makoto had felt the uneasy feeling growing, the anxiousness of the night that continued on. The restless and the worry that was gradually building somewhere inside, the feeling of wanting to be locked away and to hide. Makoto's hand lingered over the bond she'd formed with Usagi, she felt the panic and the guilt, the worry. Makoto had been one of the ones that she'd hurt, the first that she'd killed that October.

Going to Usagi's door, Makoto listened for a moment before knocking firmly.

"I'm coming in."

CW: Past murder and PTSD

[lightthedarkness]

"No!" she called out, the image of hugging Makoto, of asking her for help to kill everyone and being told no so she killed her plays over and over in her mind. The memory of Makoto flinching away from her touch, all of it... all of it plays again and again and she gets up, tripping and falling only to scramble to the door again and pressing her hands against it.

Makoto is infinitely stronger than her, if she wants to come in, the auburn-haired girl is going to, but she presses her forehead to the wood, her heart pounding.

"No... no... what if... what if I hurt you again?" she pleads. "Stay out. Don't... I can't... I won't hurt you again."

A

[laminae]

April is quickly turning out to be an absolutely horrendous month. The large number of people returning to the ocean (Stan in particular) had been hard enough, and it's been made all the harder for Fern with the lack of daylight. It brings not only a tough time for him as a plant, but reminds him of those Octobers back in Deerington. He had been through several of them, and each one had left a scar on his mind.

And then Usagi's feelings come rolling in. He's been shakily getting used to having other thoughts and feelings in his own mind - he doesn't regret the bond, not at all, but for someone who spent a good deal of his life as Fern repressing the existence of half of himself... it isn't easy. It certainly isn't easy now, feeling all her anxiety and distress. He certainly doesn't blame her for all of it, in fact it makes him incredibly worried about her wellbeing.

It just... takes him a bit of time to compose himself, before sending her a message on his omni. It's simple, straightforward, concerned.

"Where are you? I'm coming over."

[lightthedarkness]

Her response takes... a while mostly because she's debating if she should respond at all. If she doesn't, she might send him into a panic and Fern panicking isn't safe for anyone. But she also knows that this month and its lack of sunlight is likely hurting HIM much more physically than it is her mentally and emotionally. She's curing the bond right now, not having wanted this for her loved ones, not wanting this weight on them.

She never meant to be a weight around anyone's shoulders or neck, but that's all she feels like right now.

So when her response finally does come, it's just as simple and straightforward.

"I'm safe. Don't come."

Above all else, she must keep her loved ones safe!

A

[loveandduty]

[So that is how the bond work. Was a though passing through Minako's mind when she felt something was off. Thankfully Minako herself hadn't been doing much beyond just writing a few notes down, so she was already on her way more than a little concerned.

Soon she was standing in front of the door and gently knocked.]

Usagi, I know you aren't okay. Do you want to talk about it or do I have to camp outside the room?

[lightthedarkness]

[Usagi tightens her grip on her knees and curls in tighter, when she hears Minako's voice, she flinches and panics.

What if she hurts Minako, too? Minako had been spared last time, but who was to say it would happen again? She's scared to let any of them in. If she can stop them from being hurt, then that would be enough. It didn't matter if she was hurt so long as they stayed safe!]

Y-You should go!

[She called out instead. She couldn't say she was fine, she knew she wasn't, THEY knew she wasn't. She could feel Minako's concern and it was like salt in a wound. She didn't deserve it, not if she hurt her friends.]

C!

[ezra_of_lothal]

Ezra tries to help, by catching things with both his hands, and with the Force. Turns, out snagging a bunch of small things while trying to not 'touch' the person who'd been holding them isn't easy, so he doesn't get everything. He, too, wincing when one of them things he doesn't manage to grab shatters.

Several things continue to hover, a few inches above the ground.

"Nope, I'm ok. What about you?"

Her presence in the Force certainly feels...choppier than other times he's talked to her.

[lightthedarkness]

"I'm fine," she offers immediately as a reflex. She lets out a breath and her head and shoulders slump at seeing her brand new kitchenware is broken... again. "Not these too..." she mumbled. Another long sigh leaves her mouth.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to run into you, I should have been paying better attention. I can't believe I broke more..."

c

[detonating]

Normally, Katsuki was incredibly aware of his surroundings. Hyper aware, at all times. Ready for a fight, to spring into action and do his duty as a Hero in training. But this month wasn't normal by any means for the explosive teenager, not with the corruption that was slowly trying to overtake him. Everything felt hazy, time felt like it was creeping. His focus? Shot.

That's exactly how he didn't avoid colliding with another person as he walked when he should have never even been remotely close enough to them to do it in the first place.

"Oi, watch it!" Incensed red eyes, bloodshot but bright against the paleness of his skin tone, raised enough to find the girl who was apologizing to him at the very same time. His scowl twisted hard, mouth opening to tear her a new asshole, when he felt something start to trickle just below one of his eyes and his nose. Fuck. Raising his hand to wipe the back of it just under a nostril. Rust colored blood smeared over the back of his hand, and the sight only made him scowl harder.

Again. He was bleeding again.

"'m fine, it ain't cause of your clumsy ass!" Katsuki spat, raising his other hand to try to wipe away the blood coming from his eye, too. Once the evidence was mostly gone (save for the light smears they left, he considered the girl who was picking up her mess of groceries. Debated on leaving her, only to think of his roommate and best friend who would only scold him for being such a bastard about it. Do better. Be better. That was what he was supposed to be doing with himself. With others. Obviously it was an accident. So after a long moment of consideration, and a low exasperated sigh, Katsuki crouched down to pick up a few items and hold them out to her to take whenever she had a moment to.

[lightthedarkness]

Usagi winced as Katsuki yelled at her, aware she deserved it for running into him. She bowed her head and nodded. "Again, I'm really sorry," she offered weakly.

"Thank you," she whispered, wincing as she heard all the broken kitchenware from one of the packages. She looked up at Katsuki and paused when she saw the blood coming from his eyes, used to seeing the various states of corruption from her old job. Usagi paused, idly debating if she could help in her current state and then deciding she should help regardless. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a handkerchief, holding it up to him.

"Here, there's a little bit..." Usagi gestured to the top of her cheek and then to him.

C

[opress]

There were a lot of giant glowy insects taking up all the space, and that meant he had to avoid looking at them. He didn't find them particularly interesting, and the fact that he didn't have much hope meant he wasn't attracted to them. He hadn't decided to kill one since they didn't seem to be corrupted and thus weren't part of his occupation.

However, he had been noticing that plenty of Sleepers seemed to be affected by them and there was so much blood corruption this month that he was kept very busy hunting down and killing wild beasts that were encroaching on the city.

It was why he was out and about in the city streets. He was on alert for signs of a creature needing to be put down. His golden eyes cast a constant glow in the seemingly eternal night, and he happened to be distracted when someone literally ran into him. That normally wasn't a problem he had to deal with being huge and being what he was.

He growled as he turned, but that noise was cut off when he noticed who had run into him. Ah. Maul's not-mate. Usagi. He hadn't seen her out and about lately. That she was out for what looked, sounded like and smelled like groceries wasn't a surprise.

He watched her begin to gather her things. She seemed... unusual. "No. Are you injured?"

[lightthedarkness]

Memories come, hazy and like they belong to someone else, but they come all the same, of Savage being even TALLER but carrying her everywhere and keeping her warm in the biting, freezing cold. She shook her head at his question.

"No, even though you're basically a brick wall of muscle," she offered as she put things back in the basket.

And winced as she heard the sounds of pieces from the package that was her kitchenware. She sighed, her shoulders slumping.

"Not more of them..."

B.

[possessum]

It's taken a little while, among everything going on, but he's managed to find her.

Truthfully, Paimon isn't sure what the young woman is. Some sort of witch, enchantress? Perhaps something else entirely: a goddess, even a demon; he's become very aware that there are different types of those.

Whatever she is, he's known her aura, energy, life beat. He'd glimpsed it in Usagi back when she'd come over to help strengthen the wards around Luna's home. Her bright whiteness, with that spectrum of rainbow along the edges. But then, there was the entity that rescued Peter in that jungle world.... something that shone even brighter, but that energy was still hers. Just... different. More. Unleashed, unfiltered. So bright that Peter had to flinch his gaze away from it, but not Paimon. Paimon had stared right into it, not needing to look away. Perhaps she's something like him, something powerful contained in a human's body. Perhaps she's the host to it. If so, does she know that Something Else lives in her flesh?

He's been wondering about her ever since, and there's a rare quiet afternoon to finally make his way to the home he's tracked down. On the surface he looks just like Peter, dressed in his clothes. But his eyes are wide and black, shimmering with a curiosity as he knocks quietly at the door. He pauses as he hears some sort of sound, like something dropping. The demon cocks his head, birdlike, not moving at all. Then there's her voice, and he takes a few moments to decide how to answer. He knows to be careful, but the demon king is bound to ancient rules, and cannot lie.

"Peter is here." ....Technically, he is. But she sounds afraid.... Paimon places his fingertips against the door, gently, and tilts his head forwards towards it.

"I came to meet you. Are you all right?"

[lightthedarkness]

Usagi doesn't sense Paimon, as she is, she's too wound up, too focused on what she's trying to keep at bay. She rubs her fingers along the wood and her brows knit together. Peter was here? Why was Peter here? Was everything alright? Was it something to do with Luna? Maul? She debated for a moment and made a noise in the back of her throat.

"Peter?" she opened the door, peeking out and glancing up at the night sky before looking back down at Peter-turned-Paimon.

"Is everything alright?" she echoes back his own question, not wanting to answer his because the answer was no, absolutely not. She paused as the hairs on the back of her neck seemed to stand on end and she felt... something in the air. Was it her? She inhaled sharply, trying to decide if it would be rude to slam the door in his face as she came face to face with the night sky.

Her skin immediately began to glow like the very moon on a clear night as her Paleblood powered her own innate abilities.

"What brings you here, Peter?"

B

[survivalthroughhate]

Maul hasn't seen Usagi in quite a while. Of course, he'd promised to give her space and had kept that promise, but even so he's seen no communications from her over the Omni on the network or even seen glimpses of her when he's out and about the town. Though he tries not to let it rise up, a knot of worry lodges itself in his mind and he just can't seem to untangle it.

Eventually, he gives into his anxiety, and heads on over to Usagi's house. When he knocks on the door, he hears a crash from inside. His whole body tenses and it takes everything in him not to break the door down right then and there. His worries aren't assuaged when he hears the fear in his best friend's voice.

"It's Maul," he calls out. "I've been worried about you and wanted to see if you were alright." It doesn't seem at all like she is but Maul waits to see what she'll say for herself.

[lightthedarkness]

Usagi freezes when she hears Maul's voice, not because she's upset to hear from him, but more because his voice immediately brings about the memories. Offering her hand and him taking it, her giggling at him and in seconds flat, obliterating his very existence.

She pushes away from the door, pressing her hands to her head, trying to make the memories go away.

It won't happen.

It won't happen again.

It won't.

She tells herself again and again. She knows it won't.

She prays it won't.

Her hands fall from her head and she takes deep breaths, pressing them back against the wood, her whole body shaking.

"Y-You should go, M-Maul!" she yelled out. "I'm not... I'm not safe to be around."