deercountry | If I turn into another

Who: Usagi Tsukino, people who are bonded with her, and potentially you
What: Usagi is having a mini-meltdown about the Eternal Night
When: First half of April
Where: Usagi's house and then some parts of Cellar Door and Willful Machine

Content Warnings: Past mentions of violence, murder, emotional trauma, past mentions of attempts at genocide

A. Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me [Closed to those bonded to her]

When it was April 1st and the sun didn't initially rise, Usagi was uneasy but not worried. This was just Trench being its weird Trenchie self.

When the second day came and the sun still had not risen, slowly the memories began to come, unbidden, unyielding, unforgiving and she forced them back and away. It would be okay.

When the third day of it came?

Usagi realized that April might be the new October, and the image of herself, giggling, laughing, bleeding from her crescent moon as she hugged her friends and then killed them, as she went mad and tried to kill everyone, literally, everyone, until Rei ran a sword through her chest-

She panicked.

She locked herself in her room and refused to come out. She locked her windows and closed the blinds as she sat in the corner of her room, knees hugged to her chest.

It's okay, it's okay, it's okay!

She tried to reassure herself.

You won't turn into her, you won't turn into her, you won't turn into her!

She began to shake, trembling and feeling her eyes well up with tears as she hid her face in her knees.

If she stayed right there no one would be hurt, she wouldn't hurt anyone, no one would die.

It was only the third day, it would be okay, it would be fine. She would just stay in here, she wouldn't leave.

Her heartbeat was pounding in her ears and it was hard to breathe, harder to breath.

No, she begged. Please no.

Please, please, please, please.

She can't, not again, not that again. Not her. Not her.

Her margay, Lua, let out soft chirps of concern, trying to nuzzle Usagi's hand to help her feel better, but Usagi didn't even feel it, didn't even notice. Her whole body is trembling and she hugs her knees tighter to her chest and swallows down every sob so no one in the house can hear her.

Unfortunately, Usagi had forgotten that the bonds she had formed were telegraphing everything.

B. Sing this song [Her house - Later in the week]

It was later in the week when Usagi was finally convinced to at least leave her room even if she couldn't be convinced to leave the house. She's jumpy, skittish like an actual rabbit. Every other moment she seems to be looking out the windows only to decide she doesn't want to see, she shuts the curtains of whatever room she's in, and if she's in a room that doesn't have them, she leaves it. The full moon and the endless night is making her blood sing in her body and she immediately hates it when usually such a thing is a comfort because it's her connection to the moon.

So when she hears the doorbell or a knock she practically jumps over the course of her self-induced imprisonment, sometimes even dropping what she's holding and it smashes on the floor or spills all over. She heads over to the door, not opening it. She'll have to clean up the mess in a moment. Her hands are trembling and to stop that, she rests them against the wood of the door.

"W-Who is it?" she calls out. "What do you want?" she tries to hide the fear in her voice but can't.

C. Remind me that we'll always have each other [Around Cellar Door and Willful Machine - Second week of April]

It took constant reassurance, but Usagi has been convinced to at least leave the house for short trips... if only to give her poor kitchenware a break from being broken all the time, or from just breaking something in general in her panic.

After all, as some had pointed out, food was not scarce, no wall of corpses every twelfth hour, people weren't turning into monsters left and right, the water wasn't turned into blood or plants into ash. She was able to sleep a full night's rest without concern, she wasn't sleepwalking, there was a whole list of reasons why this was different. And she was under the moon, not those eyes.

As she walked through Willful Machine, she can softly be heard muttering 'it's okay, it's okay,' as she walks, her hands shaking as she checks again and again at the grocery list and supply list Makoto had written and all the things she was carrying for trade. She was pretty sure she'd need to find a way to make up for breaking Makoto's favorite mixing bowl that had had pink roses painted on it.

She still felt bad about that one.

She would tend to walk from Willful Machine back to her home in Cellar Door. So wound up as she was too focused on just getting home or trying not to have a panic attack in public. So she wouldn't always pay attention...

And would then smack into someone else because she keeping her head down and attention on her groceries. In her surprise, she dropped everything everywhere on the ground. She winced as she heard something shatter... again.

"I-I'm so sorry, I didn't see you there," she was quick to crouch down to pick everything up. "Are you hurt?"

D. When everything else is gone [WILDCARD]
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"The chances... are better, yeah," she rubbed her arm. That was why she was even outside in the first place, she kept reminding herself that it was different. No bleeding walls, no loss of water and food, no rivers and mountains of corpses.

"I... I guess I'm just... I know I'm being nervous for no... well, not NO reason, but... I don't want to hurt anyone again, you know?"

"Usagi.."

Ange's voice is soft. The way she says the other's name isn't exasperated at all. It might have been in some other cases, but Ange is taking this seriously - and she knows that Usagi means all of this seriously as well. It's clear that she's just been traumatized from something that happened before.

.. and Ange knows very well too that you don't just suddenly get over that. Especially when it's something that could happen again.

"Is there anything I can do for you right now..?" Her voice is a little softer as she asks it. Maybe it's the best course of action for now. Let Usagi determine if she feels like there's anything she needs right now. She's the one who knows best how she feels, after all. "If there is, just tell me. I won't mind."

Usagi is a close friend, after all, and Ange is much more willing to go out of her way for those than she might ever admit to.

She presses her knuckles to her lips in thought, looking at her wrecked plates and groceries. She let out a long breath.

"Would... would you walk home with me?" on the one hand, if she turned Ange would be in immediate danger. But Ange said she could transport. And she had left several unharmed when she was Serenity, Sakura had survived unscathed, Sana too, others had been safe...

"I'm really... really tired of breaking these plates."

She nods, and without hesitation Ange adds to that nod. "Of course."

The girl doesn't even have to think about it. After all, she wanted to make sure that Usagi was safe either way - and what better way is there for that than to stay with her for a while more? Even more so when it actually comforts Usagi to have someone with her.

To not be alone right now.

Ange helps gather the stuff Usagi was carrying before fully getting back up on her feet, trying to give them both some of the groceries to carry. They can fish the broken pieces out of there later, no big deal. What's more important right now is making sure they both have a hand left free, just so Ange can hold out hers towards Usagi, offering to let her hold it.

"I'll be by your side the entire time. There's nothing to worry about."

When Ange takes her hand, she'll feel how it's shaking, but she gives Ange's hand a gentle squeeze. She is so grateful for the touch and for the help. She offers a smile, some of the tension in her shoulders leaving.

"Thank you, Ange-chan, I really... really am happy you're here."

If I turn into another

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