If I turn into another

[lightthedarkness]

Who: Usagi Tsukino, people who are bonded with her, and potentially you
What: Usagi is having a mini-meltdown about the Eternal Night
When: First half of April
Where: Usagi's house and then some parts of Cellar Door and Willful Machine

Content Warnings: Past mentions of violence, murder, emotional trauma, past mentions of attempts at genocide


A. Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me [Closed to those bonded to her]

When it was April 1st and the sun didn't initially rise, Usagi was uneasy but not worried. This was just Trench being its weird Trenchie self.

When the second day came and the sun still had not risen, slowly the memories began to come, unbidden, unyielding, unforgiving and she forced them back and away. It would be okay.

When the third day of it came?

Usagi realized that April might be the new October, and the image of herself, giggling, laughing, bleeding from her crescent moon as she hugged her friends and then killed them, as she went mad and tried to kill everyone, literally, everyone, until Rei ran a sword through her chest-

She panicked.

She locked herself in her room and refused to come out. She locked her windows and closed the blinds as she sat in the corner of her room, knees hugged to her chest.

It's okay, it's okay, it's okay!

She tried to reassure herself.

You won't turn into her, you won't turn into her, you won't turn into her!

She began to shake, trembling and feeling her eyes well up with tears as she hid her face in her knees.

If she stayed right there no one would be hurt, she wouldn't hurt anyone, no one would die.

It was only the third day, it would be okay, it would be fine. She would just stay in here, she wouldn't leave.

Her heartbeat was pounding in her ears and it was hard to breathe, harder to breath.

No, she begged. Please no.

Please, please, please, please.

She can't, not again, not that again. Not her. Not her.

Her margay, Lua, let out soft chirps of concern, trying to nuzzle Usagi's hand to help her feel better, but Usagi didn't even feel it, didn't even notice. Her whole body is trembling and she hugs her knees tighter to her chest and swallows down every sob so no one in the house can hear her.

Unfortunately, Usagi had forgotten that the bonds she had formed were telegraphing everything.

B. Sing this song [Her house - Later in the week]

It was later in the week when Usagi was finally convinced to at least leave her room even if she couldn't be convinced to leave the house. She's jumpy, skittish like an actual rabbit. Every other moment she seems to be looking out the windows only to decide she doesn't want to see, she shuts the curtains of whatever room she's in, and if she's in a room that doesn't have them, she leaves it. The full moon and the endless night is making her blood sing in her body and she immediately hates it when usually such a thing is a comfort because it's her connection to the moon.

So when she hears the doorbell or a knock she practically jumps over the course of her self-induced imprisonment, sometimes even dropping what she's holding and it smashes on the floor or spills all over. She heads over to the door, not opening it. She'll have to clean up the mess in a moment. Her hands are trembling and to stop that, she rests them against the wood of the door.

"W-Who is it?" she calls out. "What do you want?" she tries to hide the fear in her voice but can't.

C. Remind me that we'll always have each other [Around Cellar Door and Willful Machine - Second week of April]

It took constant reassurance, but Usagi has been convinced to at least leave the house for short trips... if only to give her poor kitchenware a break from being broken all the time, or from just breaking something in general in her panic.

After all, as some had pointed out, food was not scarce, no wall of corpses every twelfth hour, people weren't turning into monsters left and right, the water wasn't turned into blood or plants into ash. She was able to sleep a full night's rest without concern, she wasn't sleepwalking, there was a whole list of reasons why this was different. And she was under the moon, not those eyes.

As she walked through Willful Machine, she can softly be heard muttering 'it's okay, it's okay,' as she walks, her hands shaking as she checks again and again at the grocery list and supply list Makoto had written and all the things she was carrying for trade. She was pretty sure she'd need to find a way to make up for breaking Makoto's favorite mixing bowl that had had pink roses painted on it.

She still felt bad about that one.

She would tend to walk from Willful Machine back to her home in Cellar Door. So wound up as she was too focused on just getting home or trying not to have a panic attack in public. So she wouldn't always pay attention...

And would then smack into someone else because she keeping her head down and attention on her groceries. In her surprise, she dropped everything everywhere on the ground. She winced as she heard something shatter... again.

"I-I'm so sorry, I didn't see you there," she was quick to crouch down to pick everything up. "Are you hurt?"

D. When everything else is gone [WILDCARD]
((OOC: If you would like to plot something, please don't hesitate to contact me at snickersnack or make up your own prompt!

Comments

[undermoonlight]

[So held she shall stay. Atsushi tries to pat her back too, though his efforts are cautious: He isn't sure how to comfort people, since he didn't get much comfort as a child.]

I have to be careful this month too. If I touch the moonlight, I might transform, so... We can stay together? Just in the house for a while... until we know for sure that it's safe. We can check up on each other. If we see the signs, then we can take it from there.

[lightthedarkness]

In the house sounds like a good idea. We'll have to figure out groceries but I think we can manage. At least we'll be easier to find if we have to be stopped.

[She wanted to tell him she LIKED his tiger, but she knew how unkind that was, how much stress he felt about the tiger.]

[undermoonlight]

Mmm... But it won't come to that, okay? We'll be fine.

[he'll be eating those words in a few days. then spending the rest of the month as an overgrown housecat.

For now, he tries to smile again;]

Makoto-chan can help. And we can spend our time planning a big 'thank you' party for her when it's over, hm?

[lightthedarkness]

[She feels like such a massive burden, but what alternative is there? What if she goes insane again and kills everyone? She can't!]

It's okay if she doesn't want to. [What if she scared Makoto again?] I would understand.

[undermoonlight]

Usagi.

[Atsushi doesn't mean to sound like he's scolding her. He's hardly upset with her for being so persistently worried. It's something he's familiar with for himself. Seeing the person who typically comforts him in such pain is, itself, painful.]

... It's okay. You can doubt us a bit. Being scared isn't fine, but... I get it.

We'll just prove it to you, 'kay? [He tries to pat her back, wishing he knew how to properly communicate his feelings. Words aren't working and he worries that this hug isn't enough either, but Atsushi is still trying to show how confident he is. In an effort to remind her, he puts his hand on her back; Covering the spot where he left his handprint for their bond.]

We can get through this. Together. Give us a chance to show you? Makoto and I won't leave you.

[lightthedarkness]

I... [She didn't realize it sounded like she was doubting them. Guilt riddled through her. She just wanted to keep them safe, she wanted them safe from HER. She didn't mean to make it sound like she didn't trust them. She trusted them with her life, she trusted them with her death. Her shoulders sagged as she hugged onto Atsushi more.]

I... I believe you. [She whispered, both scared about hurting them but no, he was right, she needed to trust that Makoto and Atsushi could handle this. Things were different this time... right?]