deercountry | If I turn into another

Entry tags:

If I turn into another

Who: Usagi Tsukino, people who are bonded with her, and potentially you
What: Usagi is having a mini-meltdown about the Eternal Night
When: First half of April
Where: Usagi's house and then some parts of Cellar Door and Willful Machine

Content Warnings: Past mentions of violence, murder, emotional trauma, past mentions of attempts at genocide

A. Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me [Closed to those bonded to her]

When it was April 1st and the sun didn't initially rise, Usagi was uneasy but not worried. This was just Trench being its weird Trenchie self.

When the second day came and the sun still had not risen, slowly the memories began to come, unbidden, unyielding, unforgiving and she forced them back and away. It would be okay.

When the third day of it came?

Usagi realized that April might be the new October, and the image of herself, giggling, laughing, bleeding from her crescent moon as she hugged her friends and then killed them, as she went mad and tried to kill everyone, literally, everyone, until Rei ran a sword through her chest-

She panicked.

She locked herself in her room and refused to come out. She locked her windows and closed the blinds as she sat in the corner of her room, knees hugged to her chest.

It's okay, it's okay, it's okay!

She tried to reassure herself.

You won't turn into her, you won't turn into her, you won't turn into her!

She began to shake, trembling and feeling her eyes well up with tears as she hid her face in her knees.

If she stayed right there no one would be hurt, she wouldn't hurt anyone, no one would die.

It was only the third day, it would be okay, it would be fine. She would just stay in here, she wouldn't leave.

Her heartbeat was pounding in her ears and it was hard to breathe, harder to breath.

No, she begged. Please no.

Please, please, please, please.

She can't, not again, not that again. Not her. Not her.

Her margay, Lua, let out soft chirps of concern, trying to nuzzle Usagi's hand to help her feel better, but Usagi didn't even feel it, didn't even notice. Her whole body is trembling and she hugs her knees tighter to her chest and swallows down every sob so no one in the house can hear her.

Unfortunately, Usagi had forgotten that the bonds she had formed were telegraphing everything.

B. Sing this song [Her house - Later in the week]

It was later in the week when Usagi was finally convinced to at least leave her room even if she couldn't be convinced to leave the house. She's jumpy, skittish like an actual rabbit. Every other moment she seems to be looking out the windows only to decide she doesn't want to see, she shuts the curtains of whatever room she's in, and if she's in a room that doesn't have them, she leaves it. The full moon and the endless night is making her blood sing in her body and she immediately hates it when usually such a thing is a comfort because it's her connection to the moon.

So when she hears the doorbell or a knock she practically jumps over the course of her self-induced imprisonment, sometimes even dropping what she's holding and it smashes on the floor or spills all over. She heads over to the door, not opening it. She'll have to clean up the mess in a moment. Her hands are trembling and to stop that, she rests them against the wood of the door.

"W-Who is it?" she calls out. "What do you want?" she tries to hide the fear in her voice but can't.

C. Remind me that we'll always have each other [Around Cellar Door and Willful Machine - Second week of April]

It took constant reassurance, but Usagi has been convinced to at least leave the house for short trips... if only to give her poor kitchenware a break from being broken all the time, or from just breaking something in general in her panic.

After all, as some had pointed out, food was not scarce, no wall of corpses every twelfth hour, people weren't turning into monsters left and right, the water wasn't turned into blood or plants into ash. She was able to sleep a full night's rest without concern, she wasn't sleepwalking, there was a whole list of reasons why this was different. And she was under the moon, not those eyes.

As she walked through Willful Machine, she can softly be heard muttering 'it's okay, it's okay,' as she walks, her hands shaking as she checks again and again at the grocery list and supply list Makoto had written and all the things she was carrying for trade. She was pretty sure she'd need to find a way to make up for breaking Makoto's favorite mixing bowl that had had pink roses painted on it.

She still felt bad about that one.

She would tend to walk from Willful Machine back to her home in Cellar Door. So wound up as she was too focused on just getting home or trying not to have a panic attack in public. So she wouldn't always pay attention...

And would then smack into someone else because she keeping her head down and attention on her groceries. In her surprise, she dropped everything everywhere on the ground. She winced as she heard something shatter... again.

"I-I'm so sorry, I didn't see you there," she was quick to crouch down to pick everything up. "Are you hurt?"

D. When everything else is gone [WILDCARD]
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Memories come, hazy and like they belong to someone else, but they come all the same, of Savage being even TALLER but carrying her everywhere and keeping her warm in the biting, freezing cold. She shook her head at his question.

"No, even though you're basically a brick wall of muscle," she offered as she put things back in the basket.

And winced as she heard the sounds of pieces from the package that was her kitchenware. She sighed, her shoulders slumping.

"Not more of them..."

He made a soft pleased noise in his throat to be called a wall of muscle. That's exactly what he intended to be, and he didn't stop his exercise routine despite having limited fights in this place. It was good that people recognized it, even if it only came about by literally ramming into him.

He watched her clean things up with a tilt of his horned head. "That sounds broken. I expect you have to go back and get another set?"

She was a klutz he knew, but she normally was more mindful. "Is moon affecting you?"

"This is the third set," she sighed. "It's... it's getting ridiculous. I should just use wood or plastic at this rate, I guess."

At his question, she merely nodded, no point in hiding things from Savage considering he knew plenty about her as it was...

Oh... but maybe not...

Well, maybe she shouldn't mention THAT to the other half of the deep brother complex duo.

"I- yeah... just... some bad memories cropping up, is all."

"Why don't you just get someone else to carry them for you?" She knew plenty of people so why not badger them into helping out. Unless they were all affected by the Moon too. That could be. Palebloods might flock together or something.

He expected there was a lot more to the explanation than just bad memories. However, he wasn't one to pry to much. Information was valuable yes, but it was more his brother's style to search aggressively for it.

"So you probably aren't sleeping much?"

"I've been trying to keep away from people at the moment," she offered honestly. She had made it a point to try and keep away from most people outside of those who knew, not wanting to risk it even as things weren't the same as last October. She didn't want to risk... anything.

Usagi shook her head.

"I've been sleeping fine, just... not going outside that much." This little venture was one of her first outings this month, if only to give her plates and bowls a break.

"Are you going to break people like plates?" The Force that blazed through and around her was too strong to deny that he was powerless under any circumstances. Even as a tiny child, there had been something about her that could be dangerous if unleashed.

"Do you want a ride home?"

"I..." she sighed. "I'm trying not to," she offered instead, well aware Savage has seen her as Sailor Moon and with the whole Force thing, it wasn't like he didn't know.

"I... Are we going to ride your horse again?"

"That must power requires concentration to control," he agreed. Clearly she was having issues, but so far, dishes and other inanimate objects had been the only ones broken.

"Rampage? We could," he said, uncertain how much she remembered of the time he had taken her in as a kit. "He's running around town somewhere, and he didn't hate you." Rampage liked kids, just not most adults.

"Oh, plates are pretty easy to break if you're tall enough..." She knew she was setting herself up for a joke but that Savage wasn't likely to make a joke about her height, it required him to have a bigger sense of humor.

"We don't have to, I just remember uh... in any case, would he even recognize me? I'm older now."

"Which you aren't," he said, looking down the full difference in their height. "So maybe you're breaking plates to relieve some tension or to show off." It didn't look like either, but he wasn't about to guess too far.

"Rampage has a good memory," he said. "And you're short enough to be a child still."

"First of all, you could drop a plate from just a foot high and it'd still break if it hits right. So rude. Second, I'm not breaking plates to relieve tension or to show off. Cause who on earth is impressed with plate breaking, Savage?" Really!

Usagi went even redder in the face, doing a pretty decent impression of Maul.

"EXCUSE YOU! I am not THAT short!"

"Maybe you should find or make sturdier plates," he pointed out to the first position. "Depends on accuracy. I would be impressed if you could throw plates consistently on target." And he knew a handful of other Nightbrothers would admire skill. Of course, all Nightbrothers tended to kill strangers to their planet, so the opportunity might be lost.

This might have been the first time he embarrassed her. So her height was a sore point. That was typical.

"You are very short. I was still considered a kit and taller than you are now." Savage had the advantage of being the tallest member of his male bloodline.

"I don't know that they have plastic plates here, but yeah, maybe wood." If she wasn't so flustered, she'd be grateful he managed to get her to feel something other than jumpy and paranoid.

But she was flustered so she blushed deeper.

"You do not get to talk about height, I don't think ANYONE is taller than you here, Savage. So comparing me to you is silly."

"You could eat without plates too. They just contain the mess, but just lean out a window and you don't have to contend with a mess anyway." This was his version of being helpful. He didn't have to worry about making a mess with his food because they had so many pets that cleaned up any crumbs.

He snorted in pleasure at her continued embarrassment. It was so rare he had to live in this moment.

"I was comparing myself to you when I was a kit," he pointed out. "I had twelve cycles to my life and reached your height." He had good growth in his youth. "And I expect Rampage was taller when he was a foal."

"... Ew... Savage, no. Gross." No wonder he was called Savage.

She pressed her lips together and gave a 'hmmph!'

"You're also not human." Technically, neither is she. "And now you're comparing me to a horse. Just how many people do you think are taller than horses, Savage?"

"How is that gross?" She was just too prim and proper when it came to eating. Food to mouth was all that mattered; some people just tried to make eating too fancy.

He raised a brow at her. "I expect you're not fully human either, not with the power contained in that tiny little body." Well, if they were talking about species in his galaxy, a lot. "You liked Rampage," he pointed out. Then he made a low howling sound from his throat that echoed off buildings nearby. "We'll compare you to Rampage when he arrives." Which wasn't fair given Savage was barely taller than that horse.

The hilarious part was just how much of a black hole Usagi had as a stomach. He only thought she was prim and proper cause he's never actually seen her eat. Maul could probably explain that horror show sometime later if asked.

"CHHH CHHH CHH!" she reached up and covered his mouth, which, she could somewhat BARELY touch considering their height differences. "Don't... could you NOT. I know Force users see... everything, but it's not like everyone knows I'm- just enough with the talk about power, alright? Could you not just go spilling someone's secrets like that out in public?" She pulled her hands away.

"DON'T COMPARE ME TO A HORSE!"

How she reached his mouth clearly came down to panic more than anything else, and she was well and truly distracted from whatever was bothering her in the first place - broken plates aside. He did raise his brows when she scolded him, snorted softly in disbelief that she was so worried anyone would listen to him of all people. They probably wouldn't believe him even if they did listen.

"Not everyone knows that you're annoying and have power inside of you? I expect humans would take one look at you and discount anything I have to say about it," he remarked, but he would also say no more about it. It seemed to be of particular importance to her. "You have the power to break plates. Fine."

He grinned with all of his teeth on display. "But you still want a ride home, yes?"

Cocky bastard!

She'd deal with his notion no one listened to him later. But hey, now Savage got to enjoy one of his brother's favorite games: Usagi Teasing.

She took a deep breath. She will not stomp on his foot. She will NOT stomp on his foot! Not like it'd even HURT, the giant!

"Yes... please," her face was beet red. "I hope when Rampage gets here he steps on your foot!" she couldn't help it.

He leaned over just slightly so he was looking down at her as she puffed up and seemed on the verge of either shoving or kicking him. He couldn't decide which was more likely, and unless she was tapping into her hidden 'secret' power, he doubt he would even step back from either.

"He'd probably break my foot," he remarked without caring. Even for him, Rampage was solid and heavy and those hooves were made for damage.

Speak of the creature now, Rampage had heard the call and come looking for him. The big black draft horse nickered and trotted over, large and definitely in charge. He received a headbutt for greeting, and he pushed the stallion's head away from bowling him over to instead catch sight of Usagi. The stallion stared with one intelligent eye, assessing her.

"She's was even shorter - but not by much - when she gave you apples a few months ago," he told the horse.

Usagi looked up and actually smiled at the horse, having a fond memory of the behemoth of a creature only to immediately scowl and clenched her fist, resisting every urge to kick Savage in the shin... or pinch his cheeks!

Instead, she just takes a deep breath and adjusts her grocery bags.

"It's nice to see you again, Rampage."

Rampage gave a single narrowed eye glared because he wasn't fooled that this was a grown up version, but she had given apples and be slobbered on for it. So the horse swished his tail and then nickered, pricking his ears forward at the greeting.

Savage patted the horse roughly on the neck and gestured with his head for Usagi to come around. "I'll help you up onto his back. Want to try riding him on your own this time?"

She went deep red in the face... again.

"Yes, sure, besides it's not snowing, you don't need to wrap me up in your coat."

"I'm not wearing my coat, so it works out," he pointed out, corner of his lip pulling in a faint sign of amusement.

"You were very tiny, and now you're just small."

"Being turned into a child will do that, Savage."

She took a deep breath as she looked up at the horse. How is it she can FLY but the idea of getting on top of the horse? She looked back to Savage.

"So you gonna help me up or not?" she's tired of being embarrassed about this.

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