Dabi (荼毘) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
burnitblack) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
deercountry2022-04-10 02:05 pm
burnitblack) wrote in deercountry2022-04-10 02:05 pm
[Open] 🚬 April Flames
Who: Dabi & others
What: April Catch-All
When: Various
Where: April
Content Warnings: Scenes and mentions of domestic / child abuse, some body horor and monstrous transformations, violence, adult language, topics of patricide and fratricide
Notes: General and specific starters will be below. Contact under cut.
If you want to hit me up for ideas on prompts or plots, feel free to comment on Dabi's plotting post, hit me up on my contacts – Plurk (![[plurk.com profile]](https://plurk.com/favicon.ico)
StarSeed69) / Discord (StarSeed#3572) – shoot me a PM, or drop an ooc comment down below, and we’ll hash it out. I'm down to write a unique starter for our threads if you prefer.
What: April Catch-All
When: Various
Where: April
Content Warnings: Scenes and mentions of domestic / child abuse, some body horor and monstrous transformations, violence, adult language, topics of patricide and fratricide
Notes: General and specific starters will be below. Contact under cut.
If you want to hit me up for ideas on prompts or plots, feel free to comment on Dabi's plotting post, hit me up on my contacts – Plurk (
no subject
You don't know anythin. Don't pretend ya do. [that stubbornness is met with a callous indifference as solid as a stone wall that has no clue what "give" actually is. an automatic defense like that is simply more proof this guy knows nothing.]
Then what are you? [if it's annoying, then use another term and not the word that everyone everywhere associates with 'casting out spirits' in almost every nation and culture. idiot. otherwise, expect the annoyance. (and now that he knows...)]
Oh yeah? That sounds amazin. Hope it burns this place to the ground. [his eyes widens and there's an obvious delight in his tone, both that his body is still causing destruction out there even if he's not in control of it, and that this guy would compliment him on the achievement. even the flames get brighter around him.] It'd be better if I were in control though...
[one small caveat that murmurs in the crackling of flames. dabi's not fond of other people controlling him, certainly not fond of losing control of his own body either. his gaze flicks back towards the man when he offers to help him return. it narrows in suspicion.]
What's in it for you?
no subject
That's how Allen sees it, at least.
The other's obvious enjoyment at the destruction his body is causing though -- Allen grimaces a little at that. Really, the psychopath response? No, he can't presume anything about him from that. Not entirely; if this man's soul was corrupted then who knows just how much it's twisting him. And... it is the Trench they're talking about. He can't condone it, but he can understand how someone could have a bitter resentment towards it.
That said, it still leaves an unpleasant sense in his gut. But to that question, what's in it for him...
...he relaxes, actually. For the first time since he came here, still squared off against the other but in an easygoing manner. Chin up, meet his eye, smile -- in a softly wry sort of way. Almost as if to say "shouldn't it be obvious?" ]
Absolutely nothing. [ Is he ridiculous? Yes, absolutely. ]
I just don't like to see anyone suffer.
[ But he is gentle and unflinching about it. ]
So if I don't understand anything, then make me. [ It's his best hope right now, isn't it? Trying to reason with him. Understand him, so that maybe he could talk him down from his corruption... if it still worked like beasthood did in some others. Violence and using his Innocence -- that doesn't seem like the right course right now, if they even work in here.Sorry, Shouto. ]
Why does he feel like he has to take care of you?
no subject
the way allen's face crimps like that when he relishes in the destruction dabi's body is currently causing is a pretty large giveaway. not a fan of wanton destruction, huh. unfortunately, yep. thanks to his life, a sociopath is exactly what shouto's eldest brother has become. too bad the guy didn't get a chance to see him fully before the transformation. might've explained a few things at least. can't say he's all that fond of being stuck in this world either.
flames shift and slide in the background, moving within the darkness that keeps more of himself hidden away behind the brilliant blue fires and the black shadows they cast. allen's countenance changes and the soul's eyes narrows within that burning pillar, unamused at the way the exorcist is setting up for this "reveal" of an answer.]
Bullshit. [calls him out on that immediately. and then the clarifying statement, earning a faint scoff from somewhere within the azure inferno.] So ya doin this cause it makes ya feel good about yourself. Kinda selfish... typical hero.
[nothing positive is attached to the dismissive way he says "hero". almost like it's an insult. which to a villain, it pretty much is. grouping allen with the collective bunch from his world that's full of blind, hypocritical, self-serving idiots.]
That ain't any of your business. ["make" him understand. that's impossible. someone with that kind of selfish mindset, entrenched in heroic ideals, would never understand. like all the others, would simply try to force a viewpoint disagreeing with his own.] He ain't even here right now to suffer for it. So what's the point?
[the latter part is more musing than anything else, as if his thoughts are wandering, before dabi's eye focuses back on him once more.]
Ya said you wanted me to regain control of my body, right?
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But it's forgotten when the other continues and his eyes widen as if struck, and then immediately narrow. ]
Suffer for it? [ that -- his own brother? ] Why would you want him to suffer?!
[ Tch, he shouldn't yell. That's not the point here: this is the person in front of him he wants to save right now. But even so...
He throttles back his outrage but it's clearly a struggle, hands balled into fists at his side and mouth set like he's tasted something bad. ]
I do. [ Even if you're being a bastard. ]
Right now, we were fighting out there. Our bodies are. [ still are? who knows, it's not a comforting thought ] If I can't stop you --
[ Trailing off slightly for a moment, he takes a moment to press his lips together a little more tightly than he needs to, to dig his fingers more deeper into his palms. "If he dies" is what he means. ]
Then you need to be the one to fight the corruption in you yourself.
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dabi's eye doesn't change its focus when allen reacts like that. another bleeding heart.]
Same reason you'd wanna save him. [they're not talking about the same person, but he's letting it run its course.] Cause it feels good. Cause ya get somethin outta it.
[the escalated voice does nothing to his presence, the flames not even burning brighter against allen's outrage. content to watch him like he's some piece of meat on a slab for inspection. noting his anger, the way his hands curl into fists, mouth twisting around that sour truth heroes like him hate to taste on their tongues.]
Am I winning?
[it's mildly annoying he can't "see" outside of this place, doesn't even know what his own body's doing. has to rely on this guy (who he has zero reason to trust) to know what's going on. which unfortunately backs up a little of what allen's said regarding his physical body. this is some weird ass out-of-body experience... though he does remember the butterfly.]
Fight it? [this time, his eye narrows before the flames begin to peel back from his flesh. revealing spiky white hair, another brilliant turquoise eye, and burn scars all over all over his face and lower. carving a burned rictus look on his face as silver staples and hoops hook the gnarled purple burn scars onto what still-remaining healthy flesh rests on his body. leaning out of the flames until they're licking around his waist, revealing the entire expanse of his upper torso and the burns covering it, shoulders, arms, chest, stomach, back, patchwork of burn and clear.] Why would I wanna do that?
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He grimaces, briefly looking like he swallowed something so bitter and listening in a growingly uneasy silence as the flames peel back and reveal his human form finally. Even moreso than the sight of stapled together skin and such horrific burns -- no, it's that lazy-seeming smile that unsettles him the most. I think... maybe my first thought was right.
His eyes narrow, chin lowering slightly when Dabi leans forward, though to his credit he doesn't flinch and keeps his own pale eyes locked to his turquoise ones.
He's a little unhinged.
That said... it's still horrible. He looks like someone who's been burned half alive. Despite wielding fire himself, not entirely unlike Shouto? Presuming that is his actual body; Allen didn't get the greatest look before he became a beast. It's sickening to think about what would have caused that and how he's still alive despite it, but... he swallows. And he's never one to stare at another's disfigurements, not with dealing with it so much himself, so he keeps his own fire-brightened silvery eyes to Dabi's and takes a step forward instead.
And then another, calm and steady. Close enough to touch, if either of them were to reach out. He's a little shorter, less than an inch, but almost painfully more slender.
Remember, this is the person—the soul—you want to save right now. It doesn't matter what sort of person he is, even if this is him talking and not the corruption. That's what he has to keep telling himself.
(He's Shouto's brother. He has to save him now, even if he had to before as well.) ]
Because you don't seem like someone who likes to be controlled.
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allen doesn't know the full story behind these burns and dabi doesn't have much reason to tell him. mostly because the one responsible isn't here to answer for it. half the reason he tells someone is to discredit heroes and to heap more burdens on his father. but knowing what little he does of allen now, the reaction likely would be the opposite of anything dabi wants to hear.
doesn't sound like he knows much on his own either. that must mean shouto never told him, since he obviously knows his little brother. which brings up some other questions, but those are for shouto, not allen.
dabi lingers where he is as allen approaches him, not retreating, but not inviting either. despite the annoyance of his invasion into his mind, the villain at least seems to be willing to converse. still not ready to reveal more than his guarded soul wants.]
Had enough of people tryin to control me.
[defensive, but agreeing. allen said his body was currently running rampant up there and dabi has no intention of bring relegated to a box in his own body.]
So now what?
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No idea whatsoever. [ And he doesn't sound even the least bit disturbed by that.
He is nervous, unsettled about the not knowing of it, but most of his life is like that. So you kind of just have to get used to rolling with it. It isn't the first time his eye has evolved. It isn't the first time corruption in this world has made his abilities become unpredictable and wild -- more powerful, it almost seems -- and it won't be the last. Exorcism -- the purification of the corruptive material from the soul that can drive it and the body mad -- of someone still alive is different than the souls of the dead he's lived nearly his whole life doing. But...
He brings a hand up -- his left one, blood red and plated in carapace-like armor around his fingers and knuckles, long black nails befitting a devil more than a human -- and merely offers it as means of true answer. More to grip and clasp than to shake as gentlemen do.
Dabi -- Touya doesn't seem the type. ]
But I think it starts like this.
[ Now take his hand you bastard. ]
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that's reassurin.
[it drips sarcasm. shouto mentioned corruption and the like, but no comment on how to undo the corruption or beasthood. the journal of information he got at the beginning didn't offer much in the way of advice either. as for relying on this hero? ... yeah that's not really encouraging to dabi's idea of "going forward" either. especially if he's got no idea.
what he's offered, however, is a hand that looks monstrous. that or some wicked armor clinging around the bones and fingers with claws and shell-like metal. turquoise eyes glance down at the offered grip, then lift back up to allen with a wry look running across his face. surely the guy didn't think things would be that easy, did he?]
What's that supposed to do?
[from what he understands, allen's already invaded his damn mind and dabi put up walls fast, but not fast enough. he knows the man heard some of what he thought, those vulnerable feelings that tipped him off about things. he'd rather not give the man access to further recesses and even more thoughts.]
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Save both of us, I'd like to think. [ It's as wry as Dabi was sarcastic.
It's definitely more monstrous than artificially armored, and he wouldn't even deny it. He himself thinks it's an ugly thing that he usually keeps gloved anyway so it doesn't cause a scene. The armoring is seamless with and indeed part of his "skin", hairless and looking more like polished stone or leather than anything resembling flesh, and on closer inspection the back of his hand has a golden crystal fused into it. Four thin points like a star, or perhaps some sort of cross.
But don't give him that look. Before the Trench he might have been used to mothers ushering their children away from him on the street and telling the constable to lock him up for looking so hideous, obviously a freak, cultist, or just insane, but please. You're in no position to judge him for something like that. ]
I told you, I'm an exorcist. [ It's more conversational as opposed to a chide. Easygoing even, despite the entire situation and how serious he truly is. And he flexes his fingers for a moment, as if to demonstrate. ]
What lets me destroy the corruption that can take over a soul is my left hand.
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the last part is the only real weight on his end towards accepting this.
and that hand still doesn't even look human. though dabi's from a world where one hero has a literal centipede for a head and the nomu all for one and the league of villains utilize are even more monstrous than that. it doesn't bother him so much as gives him more reason to be skeptical about this. he doesn't exactly want allen diving even deeper into his psyche and the idea of "destroying" the corruption inside him is a vague threat in line with some aggressive hero wanting to "eradicate the villainy" from some villain they deem unfit to continue existing the way they want.
he's in every position to judge him because dabi doesn't give a shit about what "position" he's in in the first place. if he doesn't like someone, he'll fucking say it and/or show it. right now, this guy's threading a thin line between dislike and wary acceptance.]
But not that kind. [as he'd been so quick to point out with that exasperated huff earlier. for a few more seconds, he lingers on the option, hating the idea of accepting "help" from someone like this, but certainly not afraid to take someone's offered aid to utilize for his own advantage.] Tch-
[and takes allen's hand.]
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He smiles at that. Again, not the happy kind, but a cavalier sort of dealing with devils renewed determination when the other man takes his hand. And he grips it in return, strong and like a promise. ]
Not that kind. [ You seem absolutely nothing like your brother, you know. It's that bright but hard sort of glimmer in his pale eyes that he keeps squarely on Dabi's turquoise ones, the little upward twitch of a lopsided cocky smile.
But for a bit of a dick you might not be all that bad.
There's a faint glow from the cross on the back of his hand though. A gentleness that would radiate through his palm, something that feels soothing and cleansing like a fresh breeze on one's face. And even if it isn't a full invocation -- better not be, he wouldn't want to slice through that man's hand right after he got him to reluctantly trust him -- there's a rush of white and light as luminescent feathers lick their way like a sudden fire from his wrist up over his shoulders to the other and surround them in the whirl of what is either a cloak -- or wings. Or both. Bright but altogether unlike the neon firelight, more like being briefly caught in a blizzard that's both warm and cool. Crystalline but soft fragments of feather-shaped light wafting like snowflakes in the air. Even the scent is cool and soothing; clean and thin, crystalline, like fresh snow. And the faintest sort of note of ozone, like electricity in the air -- or magic.
That's the shape of a heart that just wants to "save" people and their souls given form and power. The most condensed form of spiritual power that comes solely from an unwavering sense of love for humanity, so deep and raw it's almost ragged. Bright as the brightest light right before it's burnt itself straight out from existence --
And something that exists solely to soothe and purge the dark, as it whips around them both. ]
sorry for the delay, had to figure how i wanted to do this
of course he's nothing like that damn puppet. dabi focuses instead on the issue at hand. while it's interesting to think his body's out there raging and making a mess of things, the lack of being in control... yeah, allen hit that one in the chest. he hates not being in control of himself. hates being under the reign of another person or thing. that's not what he fought to break free of. he runs his own damn life. no one else!
the sight of fire emerging from the man's shoulder and rushing down his arm towards their clasped hands startles him, though apart from a brief widening of his eyes, dabi doesn't react much. there's a temptation to ignite his own flames, return like for like, but he figures it probably won't do much, considering the way the man didn't react to the fires so close to him earlier. he said he wants to help and that's one thing heroes are so fucking stuck on doing. so bent on "saving" people, they're willing to speak the truth and sacrifice themselves for someone they owe nothing to. but dabi's still not one to trust someone like allen. even as that white light envelopes them. whatever feelings of "love" come from him, it breaks around the charred remains of touya's heart, like rive water against a rock. if there is any scrap of his true self left within the hatred and pain, any piece that still longs for the love and acceptance touya had so desperately craved, he certainly doesn't want it from this person, and refuses to even recognize it. allen's free to deal with the corruption clinging to him... but in exchange...
the light dies down and fades away into a new scene, devoid of any flames and instead seeming to become a cool, crisp spring day outside of a grand estate surrounding a large traditional japanese house with outside views from walkways and a garden in the middle of a courtyard. the scent of sakura and new buds hang in the air, the trickling of the garden pond offering that zen quality of the asian home. but it's otherwise quiet, unnervingly so. as if there are no people living within the building. its wooden floors outside and the tatami mats inside left alone and untrod.]
Who're you?
[the voice has similarities to that quiet voice before allen came to the darker, burning void. the same that had asked for someone to notice him. but this one doesn't have the same sadness and longing. calmer, a little aloof, and belonging to a 13 year old boy with white hair standing by one of the doors.]
you're totally fine! this is brilliant
It's disorienting, and at first Allen blinks a little at trying to take in where he is now. Truth be told, he really didn't know what was going to happen next. Most likely, he figured they would return to the present -- to the physical world. But this hardly seems that, even if it looks so very real. Smells real, but is nothing like anything he remembers or that seems like it would be in the Trench. A memory, perhaps...?
It's so very... normal-seeming. Not what he was expecting. Certainly not after that emo-type display earlier and the flames. A creepy dungeon would have seemed next on the docket. Maybe a morgue. Cemetery at midnight...
-- o-oh. ] Ah...
[ Small child? ]
I'm-- Allen Walker. [ He raises his gloved hand in a small, tentative wave even as something is so eerily familiar about the boy. Those eyes, and his voice... No, from before? While he was fighting? He was distracted at the time, but...
He takes a small step closer. None of the white or glimmer of his invocation, just a teenager wearing what looks to be a uniform coat of sorts, the hood down. ]
Who are you?
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Oh.
[he doesn't break eye contact, as if debating on whether he wants to continue talking. a person from outside? dad always said they were better than those people. kinda like the other kids from school. they were beneath him. not a part of his world. because he was destined for greater things than them... he knows that. has to be. his dad said he was... a long time ago.]
Touya. Todoroki Touya. [far more formal introduction than the monster he'd become.] Why're you here?
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Eh... [ He blinks for a moment. Better come up with something quick; 'exorcist come here to save your soul from the monster you've been corrupted into' won't cut it in this case. Just a hunch. Don't break the memory. ]
-- I came to meet you. [ Disclose himself as a friend of his brother? No, given his feelings towards Shouto earlier... that probably isn't a good idea. ] I'm a friend of the family.
[ Close enough. It's technically true, at least. Even if his thoughts are still windmilling -- how is he supposed to proceed?? Except, before, what the boy had said... because it had been him speaking as the soul of the beast, not the man he saw later with all the burn scars... "Notice me."
He hesitates for a moment, before smiling a little then and making an offhand gesture towards Touya. A small, quiet and understated sort of smile. Understanding a little maybe -- or at least he'd like to understand. ]
You've been working really hard, I hear.
thanks for traumatizing this kid, allen. you're the worst. false hopes soon to be dashed... shame.
To meet me?
[sounds confused. surprised, but not in a negative way. the boy cocks his head to the side, wondering why someone dressed like a stage magician would want to meet with him. doesn't look like someone from school.]
Are you one of Endeavor's interns?
[most of the people he knows are family members, their servants, and the people from school he doesn't really care about. sometimes one of endeavor's agency interns, but that's a rare thing. and none of them ever show up uninvited.
but that's kind of brushed to the side a bit when the man mentions his efforts. touya's expression changes a bit, this time a bit more surprised. before a smile shows up.]
Really? You mean it? Did he tell you about me?! [it blossoms into excitement and relief, a surge of welling elation.] What'd he say?! I know he noticed! He couldn't have not!
:'''') why do his good deeds always backfire so horribly!!
He blinks for a moment, before laughing a touch sheepishly and waving a hand. Endeavor. That name again. ]
Ehhh, why don't you show me first? [ And he taps a finger against his lips with a good-natured and mildly conspiratorial smile; secret, secret. It's congenial, warmer and more natural. Genuinely so, given that reaction, and feeling a bit more at ease like he he might at least be moving in the right direction.
Hopefully. ]
Maybe I can even help you with it.
that's what you get for playing hero...
how has allen been friends with shouto this long and not realize who "endeavor" is asides from a name? that alone should tip him off big time when dealing with a todoroki.]
Okay! [show off for the guy who his dad told him was doing a good job? sure! touya quickly curls one hand by his side and pushes the other one up in the air. orange flames burst from his curled hand, charging up a fireball within it, while he simultaneously lets a plume of the same orange flames burst upward into the sky.] No thanks! I got it.
[he doesn't need help cause he can do all this on his own. check it out!]
smh, you don't have to be right you know
And look! They've been friends under... intense situations! And were gooey pod people for a long time! They haven't exactly had time for normal friendship stuff! It's hard to have a chat about things like that while fighting their way through a lot of really cheap tests when you're god knows how many hundreds of feet underground in the catacombs! And he was worried about finding his friend Midoriya before so they were looking! ... and the one time they did talk about their families or lack thereof after not dying, Allen also accidentally set off a Todoroki family landmine there without realizing it and it went from a really nice, happy moment to... not... he'd kind of dropped Allen's hand like Shouto had been the one burned... and then there was a house on actual fire so it never came up again. ...yeah there's kind of a pattern here... ]
Ohhh-- [ Orange flames! More like Shouto's. He figured it would be fire, but honestly would have expected to see the blue from before. Still, from a kid... wow. They got their powers young. Some exorcists would be chosen by Innocence as children, but not always. "Quirks", Shouto called them?
He gives an appreciative clap, watching, and smiles wide. ]
You seem a lot more natural with your ability than I was at your age, you know.
right and deadly
touya balances the two effects, trying to keep the ball of flames in his hand charging in a messy spin while the pillar of flames above his head continues to spread into a cone of blazing heat. pushing himself a little, yeah, but this is someone who endeavor complimented him to! he has to make sure he measures up to everything his father said was good and go even further than that! if this guy said he was working really hard, then touya's gonna show him he's working to become the greatest! just like his father always said he was going to be. right? right? that's what he said, right? had to be!
he grins wide and bright when allen's "ohhh" comes out and the flames seem to get even hotter with the swell of his elation and pride. yeah, about those blue flames... not quite puberty yet. if allen looks at touya more closely, however, he's gonna notice the bandages. white gauze on the side of his neck, a patch on his cheek, though anything else is hidden beneath the long sleeves and pants of his clothes. not that he cares, what with allen clapping like that and smiling at him.]
Uh-huh! I've been practicing with my Quirk since I was five! I'm gonna be the strongest there is!
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But those bandages are out of place in this kind of setting and on a child like that. It doesn't seem right. Not that it had seemed "right" in his world either, but... Maybe that's the key to why he's here, too. Can't forget that; this isn't real. This person is the same as the man before, but something happened. And he has to be in this place here with him like this for a reason, something related to the corruption of his soul, so...
His smile becomes a bit quieter and faintly nostalgic, watching how elated the boy seems at that and his own abilities. Bittersweet. "The strongest there is..." ]
Mm? Aaa, I believe it. [ He approaches, waving a hand slightly aside as he does so. It's okay, it's okay! You can stop, you've impressed him.
This is a gamble, but if he goes by what Shouto said about the world he came from... Even despite what "Dabi" said before, and in fact that might make all of that suddenly make a lot more sense... ]
Tell me, what kind of hero do you want to be then?
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touya drops his arms, still smiling, and starts shaking his hand, flapping them around like they got burned or something. ow... but it's okay! he blows on them a few times, calming the faint redness on his hands down, before looking up to allen again.]
Of course you do! I just showed you why. My flames are even hotter than my dad's! [said with all pride and assurance. he'd been having a bad day, but hearing endeavor had complimented him to another person, even if he wouldn't say anything to touya, had made this one of the best days in his life!]
What kind? Duh. I'm gonna be the strongest hero! Just like my dad said I could be. Stronger than even All Might. Someone the world looks up to in awe. [touya wipes the corner of his eye with the back of his wrist.] So that... when Dad looks at me... he'll be happy he made me.
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...their father. "Made" him. Them, most likely.
Suddenly a lot of things start to make a bit more sense. And his mouth goes a little dry at that phrasing. ]
... [ He crouches down to be eye to eye, with a very faint, sad sort of smile. Bittersweet. ]
Being the strongest just makes you strong. It doesn't say anything about the kind of person -- or hero [ he has to correct himself, it's not a natural word for him to use, and in fact tastes wrong in his mouth ] you want to be.
[ He reaches out his gloved right hand towards Touya. Let him see your hands? ]
Although I think you are very strong for everything you've gone through. [ Even if not in the way he probably thinks he means. You've had to endure a lot while still trying to smile, haven't you. ]
That's something that should make anyone happy to know you.
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touya blinks when allen crouches down in front of him, though there's a slight guard that comes up. cause really, this is a stranger getting up and close with him and his parents aren't around.]
I wanna be a hero who is so strong, the world notices me. The top hero who surpasses any challenge.
[he frowns at the reach towards him and takes a cautious step back. he doesn't know you. even if you are one of his dad's interns. sure he's happy and all, but he's not ignorant.]
It's... It's not been that bad? Dad's just been busy. Distracted. And... and I know I haven't been the best to him. But I'm really trying to become strong enough! I'll be better than Shouto. He'll be proud of me, I know he will! Once he sees how much I've improved, just like he wanted.
[the smile on his face is there, proud and happy again, but the kind that's plastered over something else that feels far worse.]
He told you, right? You said he told you I was working really hard, right? So I know he sees me, even if he's too busy to tell me himself.
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sorry for delay! I needed to flail properly over this
flail some more~
ヘ（。□°）ヘ !! also cw: MORE severe child abuse, vaguely implied sexual assault
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I had this finished ages ago but never posted it sadjkaj smh, I'm sorry
done that before. it sucks.
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