deercountry | you're never coming back

Entry tags:

you're never coming back

Who: Zib and maybe even you! This is an OPEN log for everyone who wants to get involved /o/
What: Mostly studying butterflies and skeletons, and then beast hood shenanigans thanks to the portals from the event
When: During the month of April
Where: Tends to hang out around Disaster House, but the prompt with beast corruption will be throughout Trench, see inside for further details

Content Warnings: despair/potential suicidal ideation because of the butterflies, skeletons(???), paranoia/hallucinations, obsession, insect/alien body horror per beast hood corruption, parental neglect, will add more if they come up

[So Zib has been... well, not well. He's been showing some signs of undergoing the corruption that others have here and there in the form of the extra green arms he's been walking around with lately, and with some strange lines that have formed against his face, arms, anywhere that he allows any skin to expose that take the shape of something reminiscent of spider-web cracks.

Like as if his body is merely a cocoon and something is bursting at the seams waiting for the right type to hatch.

But, thankfully, Zib had started out being at least semi-aware that he was very much stretching the definition of being "okay" in any way, shape, or form. He's told a few people about it rather than hiding it, at least, and has tried to find things that he actually enjoys to see if it helps any or at least serves as a nice enough distraction for now.

However... it seems that April has other ideas.]

[ooc: Toplevels with what's happening with Zib will be below with their own headers! They're all mostly related to the event, but if you want a closed thread with Zib that falls outside of the prompts offered, hit me up and I'll make it happen! I've also got Zib's plotting stuff for the event over here that you're free to go to for info or hit me up on as well!]

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[Fern doesn't let go. He absolutely refuses to let go, no matter how much Zib fights and how bad the burning gets. His own wellbeing doesn't matter right now, not when he can plainly see in how bad of a state the other boy is in, even if his reason for being that way is unhealthy.

Grass bends and extends out, further wrapping around Zib's arm to strengthen his grip. But it's getting more difficult, especially with the PAK and spider legs flailing around, and as Fern sees him getting more and more frantic he remembers a brief time back in Ooo, and another back in Deerington - more times than those two, actually, with people he cares about -

He yanks Zib closer, into a hug. It's both to stop him from thrashing, and to try and help calm him down. He isn't sure if it'll work, but physical contact always helped him when he was worked up or upset, so maybe....]

I know it's not. I'm sorry, Dib, it's - it's never fair. I get it, trust me, I get it so Globbin' much. As much as you want it to be, it never is.

[A hug is the last thing that Zib expects, and for a moment he actually stops flailing around, staring at Fern in shock.]

What--what are you doing?

[He's gone incredibly tense, as if expecting to get stabbed or something before his mind comprehends that this is, in fact, a hug. The last time he can vaguely remember what a hug is supposed to be like was when he used to be able to hug his Dad, whenever the other man was able to finally come home. But it's been a very long time since he did that, even before Professor Membrane ended up dying because of Zib's actions.

There's a paranoid thought of "this is a trap" that still manages to worm it's way around his mind, which is why he tries to still pull his arms back, even if the PAK legs are no longer attempting to stab Fern for now. Easier said than done, however, with the grass that's wrapped around and trapped his arm from being freed at the moment.]

[Oh. Well. At least he stopped flailing?]

... Huuuugging you?

[Fern doesn't let go, not quite yet, but his uncertainty is growing at a rapid pace. He's good at fighting monsters, not solving corruption through emotional and physical support. Maybe he should call someone like Usagi -]

Um, sorry. [Maybe the hug was a bad move, he isn't sure, but now he's immediately having regrets for doing this and not thinking up a better plan of action.] You're freaking out a ton. You're gonna hurt yourself, dude. This is just - hugs always make me feel better, so I thought one might help.

[Clearly, Zib is still confused by this, especially as his gaze ends up dropping to where his blood has come in contact with Fern, and finally begins to notice how it's eating away at the other. Surely that has to be painful, right?

He can't help but laugh--it's not funny in the slightest, and yet, it's bubbling up in his throat before he can stop it--]

How can... how can you be so stupid? You're the one whose... getting hurt, because of me...

[That's all he does, isn't it? He can't help anyone, he only just makes things worse by hurting himself and other people... and even now, he wants to hurt someone, because it isn't fair that he has to be the one to suffer all of the time. Like Zim, and his other self... everyone on Earth who made fun of him or left him to suffer alone, even his own family who ignored or made things worse...

If Fern was an intelligent person, he would just let go of Zib and left him just like everyone else.]

[Yeah, this isn't too surprising. Zib's never seemed like the kind of kid who got a lot of attention from his family, and then there was the whole dimensional thing with the Zims....

It sucks. It's the worst. Fern absolutely, absolutely hates that Zib is going through this, that he's so confused about a simple hug.]

I'm not gonna lie, this is kind of a donked up hug. [It does hurt, in the weird way that plants can hurt, but thankfully bits of his grass is regrowing.]

But sometimes friendship means getting hurt. I'm not just gonna abandon you.

[After a moment, Zib starts to lift up his hands, as if wanting to return the hug--that's what you're normally supposed to do, right? Or at least he's pretty sure that's what normal people do when they're getting hugged--but then he stops. He catches sight of his hands, claws extended at a longer length than he remembers them being at before, and the vileblood that's still coating them, along with the strange cracks that have formed on his skin. Something angry still waiting to burst free.

He can only imagine what the rest of him looks like right now, and it's not a pretty picture to consider given the amount of pain he's in from the insect like appendages that have sprouted out already.]

Even if... I'm like this?

[It's said quietly, almost a whisper.]

[Yeah, Zib is definitely looking like a much bigger mess than normal. Fern isn't going to deny that, though he also isn't going to say it out loud. Zib is still in control of himself, so as long as he's got that going then he should be okay. Hopefully.

So he just grins and gives Zib another squeeze.]

Of course when you're like this. So you got claws and stuff, who cares? You're still you, Dib, that hasn't changed.

Really? 'Cause I don't really feel like Dib most days... or as much right now, I guess...

[He barely even feels like a "Zib" either--is he both Zim or Dib anymore, or neither despite having both of their memories and DNA? Is it really okay to just still be "Dib" despite everything?--and maybe that's why he finally starts crying here. He's just so tired and in so much pain, he hates it. Not as much as he hates Zim and his other self, but hating himself is a very close third in the race.]

I know what that's like. Trust me.

[Practically his whole life has been feeling like that. He makes a noise like a sigh, trying to think of something comforting to say. But... there isn't really, there isn't something that'll automatically make Zib feel better, or solve his identity issues.]

It's hard. All you can do is take it one day at a time. Sometimes it's gonna be harder, or easier. Uh... usually it isn't easier though, that takes a while. But dealing with it like that instead of thinking about your whole entire life makes it... I don't know, not as terrible.

Edited 2022-04-28 22:10 (UTC)

[For a second, he feels a momentary flicker of anger again, disbelief at the thought that Fern has been through anything similar. Fern has always seemed far cooler or at least better put together than Zib ever has, that's for sure.]

How...? How could you possibly know what any of this is like?

Because I used to be human. I had a whole human life for fifteen years, and then got turned into a sword, and now I'm like this.

[He pulls a hand away, waving at himself. His voice is somber.]

I couldn't go back to being who I was when I was human. I had to come up with a whole new me.

You... what?

[That's not what Zib was expecting to hear at all, and it causes the anger to momentarily deflate and be replaced by confusion.]

You were also human? I... I just thought that maybe grass people were a thing where you're from.

[Fern shakes his head, frowning. This is never easy to explain, but he's been getting better at it over the years.]

Well, grass people exist, but I'm not like 'em. It's a long story, but I used to be swords, and one of 'em was the Grass Sword - that's why I'm grass now. It was also super, super cursed.

[He cannot overstate how cursed the Grass Sword was.]

The other sword was the Finn Sword. That one was originally human, but there was this whole time loop and paradox that turned him - me - into a sword. I became me when the swords merged with each other.

[Zib listens carefully to Fern's explanation, and at the mention of the time loop part, he suddenly has a sneaking suspicion about something.]

Were you... able to meet the other version of you because of that paradox stuff? The one that was human?

Oh yeah. [He nods slowly.] The time loop ended with me getting turned into a sword, and him getting to go home. He was still around when I was Fern.

[It's taken years for him to be okay with talking about this, and it's still hard to... but he's got support here, and he wants to help Zib out. Chances are it will help him, too.]

He... tried to be nice to me, but I mostly just wanted to fight him. Aaand kill him. It wasn't great.

Then you get where I'm coming from here.

[But, there's a creeping sense of anger coming back into his tone as he looks down at the ground, his multiple hands curling into tight fists.]

The other me... he ruined so much when he showed up. After all of the hard work I had done to defeat my Zim, the suffering I endured to survive my entire timeline being destroyed in the process, and even then, still putting my all into saving all the other timelines that still had an Earth to protect while I was trapped in a void with multiple copies of my worst enemy... just for him to show up with his stupid Zim and tear what little I had left away from me!

They turned all of those Zims against me, destroyed my tech, and then made it so that I was stranded in that void, alone this time so that I couldn't even have the other Zims to at least take my frustrations out on! Left to just... starve to death, probably. Or... or maybe even something worse, if it meant escaping that fate.

[In other words, it's a really good thing that this place scooped Zib up right when it did before that could happen.]

[Oh. Oh boy. Fern, of course, had gotten part of the story, but not all of it. His heart sinks as Zib goes on and he doesn't interrupt him - maybe getting it all out will make him feel better? He isn't sure if it will, usually when Fern is this upset punching things helps a lot more than talking, but it's at least a first step. And hey, he can relate to a lot of this.]

Dude, you're so much better off here than back home. I'm not even gonna try and beat around the bush - your home sucks and even though this place sucks sometimes, it's still better. You got people here who care about you, and no Zims.

[He runs a hand through his hair.]

It's the same for me. I kinda... die. Back home. And you're as good as dead. So... you're not alone, there.

Believe me, I know... I know this place is much better than being stuck in that void anymore...

[or maybe even better than being at home, because at least here people listen to him]

But... I... I can't stand the idea of how the ones who ruined my life get to just... just move on as if nothing happened!

[He stomps a foot down, hard, as if hoping that might be enough to make this stupid portal on the ground he had been trying to get into finally break open. It doesn't, of course.]

He gets to have his stupid Zim, his Earth, his family... if I can't have those things, then he shouldn't be allowed to have them either...

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you're never coming back

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cw: suicidal implication

cw: suicidal implication, child death

cw: suicidal implication, child death