We could go down in flames (but we'll melt the world away)

[likethelight]

Who: Allen Walker and Shouto Todoroki
What: Allen comes back after dying while purifying beast-Dabi, cue pain (:
When: Early May
Where: Farther Shores

Content Warnings: Mentions of character death, character panic over disabling injury/body failure



[ Timcanpy has been waiting very patiently.

For over a week, Timcanpy has been waiting very patiently. While new Sleepers washed ashore and remembered their features and spring began and was celebrated on the boardwalk. After they had stopped appearing and the ocean once settled into its normal rhythm, grey and foreboding, without anyone further being brought in by the tide. Sunrise to sunset and throughout the night and moonrise, he stays up in the boughs of a lone flowering cherry tree along the black sand and watches the waves.

Sometimes having company, and sometimes not. Sometimes being the one keeping company. He comes down and stays with them, letting himself be sad then and clinging on.

But he's a good omen. He'll wait as long as it takes.

It's the first night of the full moon when he stirs suddenly, rousing from where he had been not-quite dozing, like someone disturbed from their sleep by a distant sound. Staring out into the waves so quietly, so intently, like he's straining to see... before he explodes into motion. Rocketing up, zig-zagging back and forth, before abruptly taking off towards the water—

—and then coming straight back, slamming into the nearby, camped out Todoroki's head and bouncing off like a squishy sort of softball. He's right back up and fluttering around in front of his face a moment later though. _{Get up, get up! Now! Nownownow!!} ]

Comments

[swellter]

[ The past shapes them, but how they choose to embrace it lies solely with them. They choose what to focus on, and what to discard. Touya chose to focus on Endeavor, discarding himself in the process, becoming trapped by his own obsession. Shouto, on the other hand, chose to focus on his mother, discarding half of himself unable to grow past his self-imposed limitations. Like Touya, he was heading down a downward spiral until Midoriya ripped off the wool over his eyes, sacrificing his own body in the process. It's a debt, he'll never be able to pay back, and started him off on his own journey, choosing to reinvent himself and make his own tracks. He knows now that he's not bound by his blood, family, or past. But, he can't deny them either. He has to accept it because they're all a part of him whether he likes it or not.

In this moment, holding the other boy, and being held by him in return, something clicks into place. Only a few months ago, he was so adamant about hiding his hand under the cover of fashion, to have him willfully reach out to him, hold him with it... He's changed. The simple realization coupled with the hesitant touch of his cheek has a warm smile curling at the edge of his mouth.

Maybe I can change too.

He did that a lot. Inspire him. It leaves him brimming with hope, eyes shining with it, and a warm feeling in the pit of his stomach that has nothing to do with his quirk. ]

I'll take you home.

[ He answers, before breaking the contact to settle beside. Waiting for permission to pick him up. ]

My home.

[likethelight]

[ It makes him blink, that sort of smile when he touches his cheek. Not knowing the thoughts behind it, but being a little captured by it anyway; perhaps even moreso because of that. Warm and easy, such a beautiful sort of thing because of how gentle it is. Because of how rare it is. Was?

Shouto... he isn't the only one who's changed, you know? It wasn't that many months ago he was caught and surprised by the faintest glimmer of what might be a faint smile of yours. Now, seeing him smile so much more warmly, so much more freely and looking so much more content... Something changed about you, too. Or, it's something that Allen is finally privy to seeing.

Faintly and reflexively, he smiles a touch at "I'll take you home," and even if part of him still feels uneasy at having to rely on him so much now as to carry him that far, he gives a nod and reaches out to loop his arms around his shoulders again so he can pick him up--

Except he stops then as Shouto continues. Stares, and this time he's the one who suddenly looks so skittish. So awe-touched, but his eyes snap quickly and suddenly to the other boy, flicker like nervous silver butterflies between them, grey to teal and teal to grey -- for a moment, so very rarely openly and truly vulnerable too. Too shocked to catch himself or cover it up. ]

Is... [ he breathes; he forgot how for a moment. blinks owlishly ] ...is that okay...?

[ Of course he knows it is, otherwise he wouldn't offer. But knocked over so completely by that... how can he also not ask that? Home...

Home is where your people are.

It almost makes him feel guilty, how wildly that makes his heart suddenly thud with a long-buried sentiment. So very hopeful but also being afraid to dare to have that sort of hope. If he was allowed that sort of hope anymore. ]

[swellter]

[ Pupils jump to his, erratic in their movement, lost to a feeling he can't possibly guess with how rarely he's seen this side of the Exorcist. Allen halts midway through the movement, emitting such nervous energy he could give Midoriya a run for his money. He sets a hand on his back and leans a little closer till their shoulders touch in half-embrace, holding him through the nerves, a non-verbal he's better with than actual words.Take your time. I'll wait. He starts to breathe again, the movement of his chest visible once more and Shouto thinks he might be getting over the initial nerves. What set him off isn't made clear until he starts speaking again and it leaves him a little stunned.

Why wouldn't it be? From this angle, he looks so much more smaller, vulnerable even, he forgets that sometimes. And he thinks, has he ever made that offer before? To anyone? ... No. And that too surprises him. Almost a year here and Touya's the only one who's ever entered it when he was a wreck after Allen's death. It took a year to renovate it and this is the second time he's offered his home to someone. Was he always that distant? That's a question for another time when he can delve into his thoughts and uncover the truth. For now, he lets go of his own revelation to address the one the other boy was going through. ]

I live alone. So, there's no one else you need to worry about.

[ He starts there, guessing that he might be thinking of imaginary roommates. Bakugou and Uraraka were roommates. It'd make sense if he thought he lived with them too. Or with Midoriya. But he didn't. He was here from the start, and once he was set in his ways that hadn't changed. Another thing to examine at a later date. ]

I live in Prufrock.

[ The heart of Hunter territory which means, if he uses his lamp-friend, they'll end up at The Gate. An indestructible stone pit surrounded by a massive stadium with generations worth of bloodshed embedded into its stones. He's spent a year portaling there several times a day, it's become background noise to him. After all, he can't see what Allen can, so doesn't even mention it. The lamp locations for every district are common knowledge, so he continues on, trying to describe the place he built the best he can. ]

It's a Japanese-style house with running water. There's a bathroom you can use to wash out the salt. I don't have a western-styled bed... [ Will that be a problem? ] Or a lot of furniture, and the kitchen isn't well-stocked, but I usually pick up food at a local restaurant. [ Oh, he didn't even ask - ] Are you hungry?

[likethelight]

[ Roommates aren't what he was worried about, though admittedly if he'd actually thought about it probably would have been a smart thing to wonder and ask about. That it's Prufrock -- yeah also probably something he should think about with The Gate, at least to warn him, which he doesn't.

He just leans forward the rest of the way and just wordlessly wraps his arms around his neck. Tighter than he needs to facilitate being carried, and tucking his head under the other boy's chin so he can't quite see his face as he doesn't trust it right now. Even asking him if he was hungry...

Wordlessly, he just shakes his head against Shouto's collar for a moment. ]

It's fine, it sounds great... [ It's hoarse, his voice rougher than in the past. A little threadbare.

The funny thing... the thing so ironic he could almost laugh so very humorlessly at it? The quiet thought that had occurred to him before, that had warmed him and made him smile as much as it also made him a little sad to realize, that had made him speak so casually offhand and without thinking -- it didn't matter where he was. Here, the inn to bargain for his old room back, the Lumenarium (he really didn't want that though)-- they were all fine, but only if Shouto was there too. Just for a little while longer, at least. Isn't that selfish? Wanting to cling on to the one thing other than Timcanpy helping to ground him. Except you had been suffering too, and also wanted to cling on because that helped bring the world back to a normal again, weren't you? He's not so dense as to not get that. But still... it's selfish. He could never ask that.

That's why he hugs onto his neck like that instead and honestly doesn't even quite know how to respond to all that, except to hold on tighter. ]

All of that... it sounds great.

[swellter]

[ The closer he leans, the more his arm goes around him in a half-embrace. He feels so much smaller this close to him, a little too lean. He outweighs him, no question, and with Allen tucked under his chin, making himself small, it's even more pronounced. But that's not what stirs his protective instincts, no. It's the way he buries his face into his collar the same way he did when he was younger. He knows this feeling, feels it still, but right now, it's a fondness that stirs inside him.

He sets a hand on his head, holding him gently, and starts threading his fingers through his hair in a leisurely manner. He can wait. Unrushed, he tucks a lock of hair behind his ear to better see him. What must he be feeling just back from death? He doesn't ask, of course. He holds him softly instead, generating enough heat to keep him warm. It starts out on his left, but soon the warm blood circulates throughout him until the gentle heat radiates from his whole form, equilibrating while Allen makes his thoughts known. ]

Okay. [ The fingers threading through his hair stop moving and simply settle on his head, holding him in an embrace in a few moments of peace. ] Hold onto me.

[ He scoops him off the ground and into his arms. Tucked neatly against his chest, he pushes off the tree, calves taking on their combined weight before he straightens without issue. He's carried heavier loads. ]

You can sleep if you want. We'll be there soon.

[ A snow leopard jumps down from the tree while he takes out his Lamp-friend, tucked inside one of his canisters. Soon, a portal opens up and they travel by lamp, reaching the district within in moments. The Gate is quiet at his time of night, and the moonlight streaming down illuminates them in the dark. Ice forms beneath his feet and they're moving before the animals start to stir. He takes a vertical route to avoid any passing Hunters, a common practice he's known for.

His residence is closer to the woods away from the crowds, a dangerous location no doubt, but that's what makes it so peaceful. When he lands, the sound of water can be heard up ahead and in the distance, a small abode can be seen nestled near the water, raised off the ground, and carefully integrated into the landscape.

His feet hit stone steps as he follows the path away from the road to the home tucked away from civilization, lying quiet and serene. It rises on pillars half on land, half over the water. Instead of entering through the common pathway leading to the front door on the land side, Shouto takes the stone path that leads to the waterside. He walks across the water using equally spaced stones set above the water level. Beneath them, the colorful fish keep swimming, undisturbed, used to his passing.

He steps onto the open wooden corridor outside the home and moves to the wooden door that leads inside. It's locked, but it's an easy task to open it. Closing it behind him. It's warmer inside but not by much, the glass panelling lining the sides isn't meant to keep the heat in, but keep the forest in sight. Shouto is warm though, no longer using his ice, he reverted to radiating a gentle heat for his companion. His steps are faint but clear as they move down the corridor. Normally, he'd remove his shoes, but for the figure tucked in his arms. He doesn't want to disturb him if he's asleep. From this angle, he can't tell if he's awake or not, and peers down at him. Unsure, he calls out his name in a barely-there baritone voice. ]

Allen?

[likethelight]

[ He isn't asleep, though for a while he almost is. It's a little surprising to him, but with that pervasive warmth seeping into him and feeling another person's heartbeat so close, it's so lulling that he halfway does. Eyes casting over and hooding lightly, thoughtfully, as tension bleeds off him and he lets himself relax into being carried. Maybe he would have, except for when he hears the other boy's ice begin to form beneath them, and it makes him blink. An aerial route, in the city? Why?

On guard and watching both Shouto's face and the ground below them, he wants to ask but doesn't for now. Instinct would say it's to avoid being seen after all, but by who? Less likely to be attacked by Beasts? Maybe, but that doesn't quite seem right. A more direct and quicker route? Perhaps... Timcanpy also follows them in kind, not bothered at all as he's a flying creature by nature. He also pays far more and better attention than Allen ever could.

While Allen's more alert because of that, though it fades to a gentler sort of awe when he sees where they're headed and Shouto touches down. It's surprising to think he lives here, somewhere so very nice and peaceful-seeming, tucked away in a manner where it barely even feels like they're still in the Trench, and yet... it really suits him, too. Quiet and set-apart. Shouto said it was Japanese, though to Allen that doesn't mean a whole lot. He had been to Edo, yes... but only after the city had been reduced to rubble and black glass. After there was nothing else, and even then only briefly before being whisked into the Ark. Japan had been closed to the world save a few ships for centuries, and with no Exorcists to protect such an insular nation it was widely assumed that the even louder silence in recent years meant it had fallen entirely to Akuma. It was true, and very few Japanese people even still existed in the world.

That said, it does strike him as familiar in some ways. It reminds him a little of China, the more peaceful places in the countryside they had stayed at or visited when traveling eastward. Not entirely, but the architecture and manner is far more reminiscent of it than the European styles he's more used to.

At first, quietly paying attention to everything around them as he is, he almost doesn't catch that faint murmur. He does belatedly though, blinking for a moment as he peers upward to catch sight of him as well, eyes pale and shining as they meet; bright and attentive. He answers in kind, soft and also hushed, though not quite so faint. ]

I'm awake.

[swellter]

[ Faintly, he stirs, answering the quiet call, voice barely audible above the night noise. Crickets, rustling leaves, the burble of water along the rocks, and the bird calls that echoed through the woods at random intervals. ]

Do you want a bath first? Or food?

[ He won't be able to sleep with the remnant of salt still on him and even if he does, it won't be a comfortable sleep. ]

[likethelight]

[ It's true, the dried seawater has left an itch on his skin from slowly drying it out. And while most people might assume food would always be at the forefront of his mind... ]

--bath. [ Though he does hesitate for a moment at first. Bath over food is easy because he prefers to take his time and enjoy himself with food, not itch and be annoyed with stringy overly long hair, but that isn't why he hesitates. ]

Won't you want one as well? [ Shouto may have dried himself off before, but that didn't do anything about the salt did it? ]

[swellter]

[ The wooden panels creak lightly under his heavy footfalls, unaccustomed to the added weight. ]

I'll need to heat it by hand. There's running water, but it's cold.

[ Chilly. Which isn't a problem for someone who can withstand arctic temperatures, but he knows he's unique in that aspect. He leaves the forest behind and enters through one of the open doorways, stepping into the interior of the house. There are four rooms in total. The bath and restroom are situated on the waterside, and the bedroom and living room sit over the land. The living room is more of a large open area with a tiny kitchen on the back wall that is little more than a sink, prep station, and a small stove. No refrigerator; instead, he has two zeers, and for anything else, he uses a literal icebox.

The house is small, so it's not long before he opens the door to the bath. The floor here isn't wood but made up of stone and in the corner overlooking the stream sits a large wooden bathtub. ]

I can take one after you're done.

[likethelight]

[ It's a very nice place, as he cranes his neck around to take it in as he's carried though, and not like most of what he's used to seeing in the rest of the Trench. Hard to even remember the rest of it is there and technically nearby, what with the only sounds being of the forest at night. No people, no city sounds.

It's peaceful, but... doesn't it get lonely, that kind of life? He has to wonder that for a moment, as he also can't imagine Shouto one to really invite people over much, but he also comes across as more of a loner by nature too. But a loner who could also light up like he had before, smile so warmly and easily in his own way it seemed every time he laughed, who would reach out so naturally and had leaned into his own touch. So he's quiet, mulling that over before Shouto nudges the door open and he blinks.

Uaa, it's huge... He'd gotten used to eastern baths from the Order, Komui's influence at making things more like home for Lenalee, but those were large communal ones. This is like -- practically one of the communal baths for one. Makes the tiny cramped thing that leaks he's made do with for the last six months... look like a tiny cramped thing that leaks. ]

Alright. [ He glances up at the other boy for a moment, Timcanpy taking the opportunity to fly over to the rim of the tub and settle there expectantly. He watches the two of them for a moment, before his priorities shift to the water and he tries to lean down to splash at it with his little hands -- except he looks more likely to tumble headlong in. _{He loves bath time.}

Allen's still taking in the place somewhat though, stitching things together as he waits to be set down, and looks thoughtful. ]

How... long have you been here? I know it's been longer than I have...

[swellter]

[ There are few things he deems necessary enough to splurge on; a nice large bath is one of them. Like Allen, Shouto likes baths. It was one of the few places he could relax and act his age without getting into trouble since no one was there to scrutinize him. When he was younger and his mother in better health, they would take baths together, and Shouto looked forward to it every time. Toys to play with and his mom smiling at him while she washed his hair. It was paradise. A feeling he can still recount when he lets himself soak in the water, mind adrift. Maybe that's why he paid so much attention to it. It's one of the few times he doesn't reach for the cold, heating the bath with his quirk, warm like it had been back then. He's very good at finding comfort within himself. His ice. His fire. Kizu. Self-sufficient.

Maybe that's why he doesn't exactly feel lonely out here. It's peaceful and full of life, just not people. That's why the fish are fat, fed by a boy with no one else to take care of. Sometimes Kizu comes out to lounge beside him on the wooden corridor next to the water and lets him pet her. They've fallen asleep outside more than once, an easy target if they weren't both light sleepers, and Shouto isn't the easy target that he seems. The predators know to stay away.

Allen isn't wrong, but it's not the whole story either. He meets his friends in town and constantly eats out most nights. He sees people and walks among the bustling crowds. He's not alone most of the time just at night, but that's always been the case.

He sets him down on one of the wooden seats meant for someone to wash their body before getting into the bath. Shouto uses it as a seat for Allen, setting him down gently, crouching down in front of him to hold him steady and only when he doesn't seem like he's gong to tip over does he let go to warm up the bath.

He pulls up his left sleeve, exposing the skin but no fire erupts. Instead, he seats himself at the edge of the water and stares back at him from across the distance of the large room, dipping his hand inside the cold river water to warm it up. ]

A year come September. You arrived in October.

[ A statement, not a question. He had recently joined the Hunters and was patrolling the area when he first saw him peeking from behind a rocky outcropping asking for a piece of driftwood to cover himself. ]

That wasn't an easy month.

[likethelight]

[ That's right, the end of October... he remembers the Sleeper Farm and the horror of November more clearly than anything, to the point where it leaves his own arrival a bit of a haze. It knocked him pretty far off balance before he'd even found a balance, and for a while left him wondering if that was the true nature of this place: horror even unlike any he'd known before in his admittedly horrific life. It is in a sense (that place still exists), but... not in the forefront as much.

He blinks a touch at that. About the same then, only a month's difference. Somehow he'd always figured Shouto had been here longer than that; it just came across in his demeanor. Calm but confident -- mostly. Except for those few moments where something threw him, like when he'd asked if Beasts suffered. ]

Mm... it wasn't. [ A pause. ] November wasn't. [ Did Shouto get caught up in the "farm" as well? Somehow he really doesn't want to know the answer and just pushes it aside; it isn't something that makes any difference and isn't a memory to ever be drudged up again for anyone... unless it ever became possible to find a way to put a stop to that place. Though, he does recall the slightly unsettled expression the other boy had in the catacombs when Allen had made his offhand comment that perhaps that was where many of those bones had come from.

He watches a touch curiously as he just dips a hand in though, blinking for a moment to realize that was all it was going to take. Guess he really did mean "heat it by hand". Timcanpy, however, seems delighted by this, and after wobbling forward for a moment again to try and splash at the water... falls in with a slight splash, bobbling around like a glorified and extremely happy rubber ducky.

Even though he can't see that well from his angle, Allen smiles a touch at that and scoots a touch more upright, keeping himself stable with his hands on the seat. ]

Do you like it? Out here that is.

[swellter]

[ His eyes drift to the water remembering those early days. He fell into a coma back then. He woke up near the end of the month encased in a Sleeper Membrane. He'd burned it on the spot, panic taking over, which was only the tip of the iceberg. The Sleeper Farm was something he heard about once he emerged. Still out of sorts, the Hunters grounded him, keeping him to civilian support. Other Hunters were called in to deal with the actual Farm, while Shouto, still new, was assigned to monster support with strict orders not to engage the immortal monsters protecting the Farm. He never saw the Sleeper Farm, but he heard stories from the Hunters, and their tales chilled him to the bone. Kizu had to sleep with him for a week, splayed out on his futon. When Allen brought it up in the catacombs, it left him uneasy for that reason. Without seeing it with his own eyes, it was more a tale than reality for him, but he knew what kinds of things were done there. He just never experienced them.

It's not something he wants to talk about, not with everything else that's happened. Death isn't something he'll ever be comfortable with. It was never a part of his world, and it's still a new concept that's recently touched home.

He looks at Allen and opens his mouth to comment when water hits him in the face. It drips down his cheek, and he turns his attention to the little omen treading water and just STARES. Tim... why are you so charming? ]

I didn't know you could float.

[ Somehow, he thought he should sink. He wants to touch him, pat him down a little and see if he bounces back up, but refrains himself, knowing it's bad custom to touch another's omen. So, he simply stares, eyes locked on his bobbing form. So carefree and unlike Kizu who wouldn't even come out to play. Charming in a way Allen sometimes was, sunny and cheerful.

Watching Tim play, his mouth curves up. Endeared by those little feet kicking up water, he increases his output to give him a warmer playground to play in. Amused by Tim's antics, Allen's questions gets a half-hearted answer. ]

I like the bath. [ He turns his head back to look at him with an easy smile and kind eyes. ] Would you like to take one now?

[ He pulls out his hand and wipes off the water, letting the droplets hit the floor before slipping off the edge down to the stone floor. Behind him, he can hear Tim playing in the water and thinks it's a nice sound. ]

I can help you take off the shirt and pants.

[ He can keep the undergarments for privacy, but if he wants to go in fully clothed, he won't say anything about it either. ]

1/2

[likethelight]

[ Allen has to blink for a moment at that, realizing belatedly that Tim... splashed Shouto? And what does Tim do when he's caught red-handed? Grin widely and continue to doggy-paddle (yes, doggy-paddle) his way around in the water, bobbing up and down like a cork. Allen's back and there's a bath. This is the best to a little golem.

Blinking a few more times, glancing between Shouto who's just outright staring and the happy little wings pokes up over the edges as Tim continues to paddle around (wiggling harder in joy when Shouto increases the warmth), Allen just--

--he laughs. Outright, carefree and pealing easily and lightly from him at the sight of the two of them. Haha... ]

Timcanpy likes baths too. [ Not what he was asking but you know, this is better. Leaves him unguarded, so he smiles in return when the other boy turns back to him, giving a small nod and--

--blinks. Oh. ]

2/2

[likethelight]

--eh? [ another blink ] Oh, um...

[ Getting out of them is going to be harder than getting into them, but he hesitates at that, a touch fidgety. That's, y'know... no one's ever had to help him into or out of anything since Cross had to when he was very little and catatonic. Well, at least while he was conscious.

It's partly logic (if he tried on his own either on one of the wooden seats or the edge of the bath he'd probably topple) but more than that it's just... not finding himself terribly bothered by the idea. The mood's too good, too light and successful in disarming him, and... the other boy did carry him back from the sea, after all. Honestly he can't really try to stand on the scraps of his dignity. Better get used to it. ]

Alright. [ Hesitating still; it's reflexive. ] If it... isn't a bother?

[swellter]

[ Boy's locker rooms run rampant with nudity and in UA they have a communal bath that he and his classmates share frequently. First this group, then that group. Guys yelling at each other to get a move on as they go in as a group with no towels in sight. Which is to say, Shouto is quite comfortable with this. It doesn't bother him.

But he also knows, Allen isn't. It's why he doesn't automatically reach for his shirt and remove it like he might have with anyone else, aside from a girl... which is obviously different. He might not understand a lot of things, but he can tell when someone is uncomfortable. He hesitates. Fidgets. It's a side of Allen, he's seen a lot of today and isn't sure if it's a side effect of returning, or if it's him. If he's doing something wrong. So, he's hesitant too, cautious. ]

It doesn't bother me.

[ He waits for Allen to give him some kind of sign before reaching for his shirt and helps him out of it. The pants too, he waits for a gesture before proceeding. Left in the boxer briefs, Shouto doesn't try to remove those. ]

Can I pick you up?

[likethelight]

[ It's different for a Victorian boy enchanted with British gentlemanliness and Manners but he thinks he's doing pretty darn good at rolling with everything. Actually, come to think of it, he was so much on his own or just with either one of his father-figures on the road that he wasn't around other people his age of either gender really at all in any sense until he was 15 and was then promptly thrown into communal eastern baths for two years on and off without any warning... and he someone who was violently opposed to being anything but incredibly layered at all times around other people until then and didn't like anyone in his bubble. Honestly he's come pretty far, considering all that. Even if it's kind of left him somewhere in a sort of confusing middle in terms of privacy and comfort.

But really, his sense of privacy is always based more on how comfortable he is around someone anyway -- though that's different with girls. Obviously. But it's Shouto, so it's fine. And with his help, his shirt doesn't even get stuck on his head -- much! Much... Though also revealing the two new, should-have-been-fatal but weren't seeming scars since his 'rebirth' again. Though nothing from his fight with Dabi's beast form -- or Shouto's ice.

He does smile lightly though at the help after that, relaxed more now after his initial hesitation, as Shouto bends to help with the sweatpants and as he presses his palms down to shift his hips up to make it easier. ]

Mm, you can. [ The light twist of a smile deepens a bit at that; it's something Allen appreciates, but at this point he doesn't really need to ask anymore either. He'll reach out reflexively again too, and waits for Shouto to lift him before speaking again, more softly this time. ]

I feel bad, having to rely on you for so much... [ He doesn't sound guilt-ridden or that he's despairing that; just says it gently because it's important for him to.

Thank you. ]

[swellter]

[ The shirt goes up, and he's greeted with a scar running from shoulder to hip, disappearing below the sweats. His hand stills, eyes lifting to Allen's. Gentle and kind. There's a question there, unspoken, arising from the knowledge that there are worse things yet to uncover. But not here, not now. With Allen recently returned, he needs rest, not questions. It's a short exchange, no more than a few seconds, before it's broken. He lifts the shirt over his arms and drops it on the floor, exposing him to the light.

Heroes scar. It's not uncommon, and although he doesn't know the circumstances behind it, he knows it was excruciating. The knowledge drags at his troubled heart with the point of a knife, wiping the smile from existence. He doesn't try to touch him anymore or any less. He helps him out of the sweats, revealing the rest of the scar. His mouth twists down, unable to hide the turmoil brooding inside, and he lifts him into his arms, holding him close with more strength than necessary. He keeps him there, in his arms, close, yet he feels so far away.

How are you so strong, yet feel so fragile? ]

You shouldn't.

I want to help you... Even if you hadn't saved my brother. If I hadn't hurt you. I'd still want to help you.

You're always thinking about everyone else, you forget about yourself. You need someone to rely on too.

[likethelight]

[ A short exchange where it only takes Allen a moment to understand why he's hesitated like that, initial surprise fading back to a faint sort of smile, but one that's a little stretched and tired as much as it's kind. Yeah, it's a lot. But he appreciates that he doesn't ask for now, although Allen's own smile fades when Shouto frowns and looks lost in thought. Watching for a moment in growing concern as he picks him up in a way that surprises him a little by how much tighter it is. There's the warmth and reassurance still, but...

Why do you somehow feel somehow like... you're scared?

His expression is quiet as he speaks, blinking slightly, but letting him finish before he just... smiles gently then. A little bittersweet but fond, warm in a delicate sort of way, and shifts so only his left arm is slung around his shoulders. So he can bring his right hand up--

--and touch the tip of his nose lightly. Not quick or strong enough to be a tap, but a very gentle touch. Almost like how one might press a finger to lips in a 'shhh' gesture, and his smile curls faintly. ]

I know. [ It's a little bittersweet. He really does know; Lenalee even told him that on a few occasions in almost as many words. "You think about everyone else but forget yourself." "I want to help you." "I'll always help you." "Why won't you let me fight by your side..." He knows how he is if he's actually pinned down and made to confess, but that doesn't mean that part of him can... change either when it's so fundamentally a part of him. He's crippled and he's more concerned right now with Shouto's brooding thoughts, that's just how he is.

Someone to rely on too, though... his expression softens at that, eyes becoming a warmer sort of grey. ]

But that's also why I'm so grateful. [ He withdraws his hand then, but only partially. It's not always easy to reach him with words alone, he's realizing. Ever one to use touch to reinforce his words anyway as they're sometimes the purest form of sincerity, that's a natural thing for Allen. So he brushes his fingers lightly against Shouto's opposite jaw before fanning along it lightly, warmly, and encouraging him to look at him. ]

Besides, aren't I relying on you now?

[swellter]

[ He's scared of losing the ones he cares for. He lost his mother. His siblings, and in a way, his father too. There but out of reach. Touya, too. So close but distant. He's had his hand slapped down enough times. It's ingrained itself in his psyche, etched itself into his very expression. Wanting, but refraining. He finds it hard to let go the few times he's allowed to hold onto them.

The tightness in his chest remains even after he has his say and automatically reaches for his right side to ease the strain. However, he stops before he activates it, remembering he's still holding Allen and realizing he'll make him cold. Stubbornly, he lets it go. Away from the protective sphere of the sacred tree, his thoughts become easy prey for the corruption still nestled within him. The guardian sapling halted the corruption, but with his grief still strong, it couldn't clean the slate leaving him uncharacteristically vulnerable.

He listens to Allen but finds it difficult to look at him. He doesn't understand why he's grateful. The picture he paints of the world he comes from seems so much worse than their current hellscape. So, why?

Allen manages to drag his thoughts back to him with a tap to his nose. His eyes flicker with concern, but remain present, while Allen talks. When he starts moving again, the dark thoughts recede with the solid weight at his jaw, captured by that question. His throat grows tight, reminded of how much he's conceded since he washed up on shore.]

You are... Thank you.

[likethelight]

[ The telltale spiral of despair and grief is probably one of the things that Allen is most familiar with in this or any world. Here, with his main desire to save people both before they become beasts and after they do, the sort of brooding that can lead to or stem from corruption is something that catches his concern quicker than anything else: because it was also the same in his world. It wasn't just fighting Akuma; it was also trying to intercede when you saw someone spiraling into a black grief that would inevitably lead them to be manipulated into creating one. To sit with them and help them through it; that's how Allen also took being an Exorcist. Grief over the death of a loved one is what ultimately birthed all Akuma, something he experienced firsthand.

The darkness brings out the light. The darker it is, the worse someone is, the more his emotions swing in counterbalance to bring back the light. That's how he's always functioned. Always like the light, looking straight into the darkness and reaching out a hand, even as the darkness looks back into him.

So he's worried for you too. And wanted to stay together not just for a selfish desire he quickly tried to brush aside and smother, but also out of concern for those telltale little signs. Emotions that swing strongly, and the way the other boy had gone so cold and clutched at him at first. Joy and grief, despair and relief. I can help, so he wants to. Him relying on Shouto? Yes, but also no. Allen didn't concede because of being convinced for he needed help, in fact almost not at all. He did more because...

...we should rely on each other, right? He can't walk and you're plagued by your grief and doubts. Can't they help each other? You're the one who said he should change tactics.

That's the difference. He has no problem with that sort of promise.

He smiles at that response though, wide and bright, before giving a small 'heh', head cocked to the side as he lights up with just that very quiet sort of affectionate laugh. Patting his jaw lightly once and then twice (pat pat), before he reaches to brush the dual tone bangs from Shouto's eyes in a fond gesture, even if they pop right back. (It's kind of hilarious, really.)

It's nothing you need to thank me for when I'm happy for it too -- but he won't contradict him like that and just accepts it and that uncharacteristically tight quality in normally smooth voice in stride with a nod and a radiant sort of fondness. ]

If there's anything on your mind-- [ Bells in his tone still, but gentler. A little more serious. ]

...you know you can always talk to me about it, right?

[swellter]

[ That sort of promise...

The kind he made to his family by virtue of his actions. By not giving up on his mother and quietly seeking her out, his siblings also gathered their courage to see her and rebuilt what was broken. The same with their father. By letting go of his pride and interning in the one agency he never wanted to step foot in, Shouto led the way for their siblings to face their father too.

This promise is different. It's not about broken bonds but broken people. Cracked with so many little fissures threatening to bring them down, they learned to patch themselves up and become self-sufficient. Yet, in these moments, they still need to lean on someone.

Rely on each other... he'd like that.

Maybe then, he can talk to someone about Touya. Someone who knew they were brothers. Who didn't simply know him as the Blue flame villain who killed so many heroes. Who wouldn't question his pursuit to get to know him. Understand him. With his friends still in the dark due to their earlier timelines and his promise to his brother not to reveal their relationship, his hands are tied. There's no one he can speak, bounce ideas off of and not be told to stop his pursuit.

So, when Allen asks him that question, his brother's image immediately comes to mind. How did he save him? What did he see? What is he... like? But those aren't the kinds of questions he wants to hear from him. Those are for Touya to answer. For Allen, there's another that he can't let go of, the ones that's been the source of so much of his spiraling thoughts. ]

When you were injured... in the end. After Touya stopped attacking. Where did all all that blood come from? [ The one that ended up corrupting him. ] Was it the ice?

[likethelight]

[ That's... that's what was on your--?

Allen's eyes widen for a moment before his brows twitch, conflicted. In the end... when he died. And he stills, trying to recall that time. Realizing there's been a reason why he hasn't been, pushing it down deep the moment he first clung to Timcanpy upon awakening. Ash and blood. Smoke. Death. Tears.

He swallows for a moment, pale grey eyes steadily on Shouto's own. Sorrowful, but gentle. Steady. ]

I don't... really remember a lot at the end. [ He doesn't remember the blood; just the sense of becoming cold from something other than the ice he'd been pierced with. Of feeling weak and drained, things he recognized as blood loss. ] It all happened very quickly after you showed up.

[ It really is the truth; it happened very quickly, and his coherency was already rapidly fading so he was running entirely on adrenaline. He'd felt death coming while still standing, so he wasn't all that aware of his surroundings. Just that he needed to stop Dabi (Touya) and purify him -- and when Shouto had been crying over him. Those are the two main things he recalls after being slammed out of Touya's spirit world.

The angle is awkward and he's unable to do or reach much while being held still, but he touches the other boy's cheek lightly. Brushing the back of his knuckles lightly along the curve of it as a point of contact offered as much as needed.

The answer here isn't good, his gut does say that. But please stay with him. ]

Your ice hit me, I remember that. [ He says it honestly but softly; trying to sugar-coat it would just make things worse. ] But the fire had already burned me really badly too.

[ He pauses, and already suspects the follow-up. It's what his instincts say too, recognizing that sensation. That particular way of dying. ]

...But probably, I imagine.

[ Fire doesn't cause blood loss, nor does his sword, and he hadn't sustained any cuts or anything else that would break the skin. And the death he'd felt--

He'd "died" once before from feeling his life slowly bleed out of him with his blood. It's a feeling you don't forget; it just happened faster this time. ]

[swellter]

[ Trained in heroics, where they're taught to dissect every encounter, he's analyzed every aspect of that fight. From his brother's corrupted form to Allen's bladed weapon, fire against a subtle knife with a blunt edge. There was only one possibility for that much blood: bladed ice, born from a loss of control and launched without aim.

Drowning with grief in a pool of it, Shouto knows the reason for his corruption; he only needed Allen to confirm it. He closes his eyes and allows himself to feel the hand on his cheek. Solid and real with blood flowing through his veins, no longer bleeding. A week spent waiting for him under the guardian sapling with nothing to do but run through what happened, he knows. He had time to come to terms with it. He doesn't need to be to calmed but appreciates the sweet gesture nonetheless. Accepting his faults isn't difficult. He's full of them. It's uncovering them that proves the greater challenge. ]

Thank you for telling me.

[ He leans into the point of contact, eyes closing once again. Accepting the offered gesture. ]

I never meant to attack you... hurt you. I was always afraid of my fire, I forgot that my ice is dangerous too.

[likethelight]

[ He didn't tense up or start to become cold-- Allen's expression gentles at bit at realizing that, and especially when he leans against his hand and looks peaceable. It's relieving, and he uncurls his hand slightly in response to contour against the side of his face better. It can say better than he can what he means without also invalidating the other's feelings; that he doesn't hold it against him and it doesn't change how he feels. It wasn't even a decision he needed to make. ]

Mm. [ A quiet sort of murmur; acknowledging. ] I know you didn't.

[ Before he told him earlier, too. Why else would Allen have still wanted to try and comfort him in his last moment?

Also, always afraid of his fire? That explains both the incident in the catacombs, and his troubled expression later after the fight with the Akuma at realizing he'd burned him. But he doesn't ask about it, it isn't the right sort of time for that, so he just leaves it softly and simply at that. ]