Entry tags:

Alone

Who: Shouto and Allen + Dabi
What: June Event Prompt One. A few hours after THIS.
When: June 8th.
Where: The Farther Shores a mile away from the cherry blossom tree.

“Alone”

BY EDGAR ALLAN POE

From childhood’s hour I have not been

As others were—I have not seen

As others saw—I could not bring

My passions from a common spring—

From the same source I have not taken

My sorrow—I could not awaken

My heart to joy at the same tone—

And all I lov’d—I lov’d alone—

Then—in my childhood—in the dawn

Of a most stormy life—was drawn

From ev’ry depth of good and ill

The mystery which binds me still—

From the torrent, or the fountain—

From the red cliff of the mountain—

From the sun that ’round me roll’d

In its autumn tint of gold—

From the lightning in the sky

As it pass’d me flying by—

From the thunder, and the storm—

And the cloud that took the form

(When the rest of Heaven was blue)

Of a demon in my view—

The nightmares started in April with the death of a friend.

Lying in a pool of Paleblood, clinging to the dying, the first seeds of corruption sank their teeth into his heart spreading doubt and fear. His brother's warm presence that first night kept him from spiraling to that end that forms every Beast in Trench. The next day, it was Amaterasu's guardian sapling that kept his nightmares at bay. He slept under the tranquil aura of the cherry blossom while he waited for his friend's return. For a week, it's calming influence kept his corruption levels low. Afterwards, it was Allen's kind and radiant presence in his home that maintained the sapling's work. It was only after Allen moved into Sancturary and Shouto returned to active duty with the Hunters that his levels started to rise. His omen kept strict watch on his levels waging war every time corruption started to spread, sending him back to the guardian sapling when his levels rose.

It usually happened late at night when his dreams turned against him, and he woke up in a frozen room with his heart beating frantically in his chest. He clung to Kizu those nights, burying his face into the snow leopards winter coat, finding solace in the cold. Ice crept past his sheets those mornings, covering both Sleeper and omen in a layer of frost. Yet, he managed to keep himself together. Foregoing sleep for more shifts with the Hunters until exhaustion forced him into a dreamless sleep after a few days.

Keeping his corruption to manageble levels was easier in the presence of his friends. His deep connection with them, kept the dark thoughts from finding purchase in his mind. Maybe that's why he spent so much time with them that second month after Allen's death. Accepting their invitations more readily, joining them for dinner, walking them home, going to parties. Their presence gave him a safe heaven, a place where dark thoughts didn't press on his mind, a respite from the nightmares. So, he slept, taking naps at every turn. Somehow, he managed to keep his corruption levels from spiraling out of control up until June when the demon arrived.

Prime for a takevoer, the demon found him in the midst of another nightmare and latched onto him the first day with Kizu nonethe wiser. It fed on him, plagued his every dream until his body couldn't keep up anymore and he stopped patrolling altogether on day five too tired to complete his rounds. Scrapes and bruises started appearing on his skin on day seven, and on day eight it sent him into a nightmare so frantic he lost control of his quirk, burning his surroundings. Terror set in then, afraid of himself unaware of his rising corruption levels. With the demon clinging to his back, his thoughts turned dark too quickly. Afraid, Shouto sought out his friends and found Allen's network post from a few weeks ago and he replied in search of a familiar face.

A hero agency.

The concept reminded him so much of home it eased some of the terror from his heart. Already feeling a little better, Shouto couldn't help but respond to ask him about his plans, offer his help. It'd give him an excuse to see him in person instead of conversing through the omini as they usually did these days, but the conversation turned sour when the Hunters were mentioned.

Dark thoughts crept into his mind so quickly, spreading like a disease. The demon was fully grown and it's influence more acute. Well fed, it was bigger than him now. The demon dug its claws into him, influencing his thoughts, turning them against him when the omen interfered but it was too late. It had grown too strong, held far too much influence and plunges him into a nightmare long before he reaches the guardian sapling.

When Allen arrives at the cherry blossom tree on the Farther shores, he'll find it empty. If he looks around, he might find a strange sight about a mile away. Upon inspection, he'll come across a glacier jutting out of the black sands, three stories high, and at it's center - at the level of the sand - lies an unmoving figure distorted by ice.

Shouto lies sleeping on the black sands, covered in frost, within an open space at the center of the glacier, cut off from the world. The demon clings to him, feeding readily while the carbon dioxide levels slowly increase.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Shaky transmits as fidgety which is sort of normal for Allen in his eyes meaning it doesn't set off any red flags. He waits, watches as he sucks in a breath - Is he tired? - and ends up sitting beside him. Their shoulders brush and Shouto keeps his eyes on him, follows that hand that so often found its way to his, and turns his hand around, palm-up, to grip his in turn.

It feels normal, being like this together. He stopped questioning it a long time ago, but what happened today wasn't normal. It leaves him feeling nervous and awkward. Makes him question his next step. Was it okay? Were there prerequisites? And that's not even considering how badly it had messed with his quirk. The lava pools were still churning inside him, restless. He hid it well, but under the surface, there was still turmoil he needed to address which is why he needed an answer. So, when it comes, delivered as simple as his own answer, it feels like he's gained new footing, not steady but it was something.

For the first time since their conversation started, Shouto looks away to gather his thoughts. He's silent for a moment, turning over that answer, and realizes he omitted something important. ]

I feel the same way about the biting.

[ He forgot to mention that in case Allen thought he was only thinking of his definition of kissing. ]

[ The hand that squeezes his own in return steadies Allen like his own answer did Shouto, and he takes comfort in it. Leaning a little deeper against him and taking advantage of the quiet moment to turn things over in his head.

Ah. That's why it felt okay, didn't it? Because it just felt so normal and natural. Even earlier, in the bath -- that had felt like letting walls come crashing down to open up some new kind of version of themselves. Even if Shouto's quirk had spun out of control, and was part of the reason for Allen's nervousness because what if that meant it was too much for him. Why he'd needed to ask what it was he wanted before anything else. But... they'd been themselves. In the purest and most uncensored sort of way. And that was the key.

Nothing fake, no pretending. No needing to bury some truth about oneself in order to not hurt the other. Of course it feels okay. How could something like that ever not be okay. Not when it feels like the freedom to just... be. And his expression becomes soft and thoughtful as he realizes that, thoughts drifting as he leans against him and realizes just how... new that feeling actually is.

But he forgets all of that entirely and sputters when Shouto finally speaks up. ]

It isn't biting!! [ Flushed. ]

Those are two totally different things!

[ ~~also that totally happens next month!!!~~ ]

Edited 2022-09-11 02:24 (UTC)

[ He doesn't even bat an eyelash at that colorful response. ]

Oh, I meant your kiss with teeth.

[ He corrects himself. Forgetting he was using his definition. He'll need to remember that. ]

I like that too.

[ ~~!!!~~ ]

Edited 2022-09-11 02:31 (UTC)

[ ...somehow the fact he just so agreeably went along with him-- that meant... oh... he'd liked-- and wanted to again... so certainly out of the blue-- ]

O-oh. [ He can't... words... what.

Collapsing a little against him as the wind goes out of his sails, he rests his chin on Shouto's shoulder and hides his face there in lieu of burying his face in his hands. Or wishing the ground to swallow him up. Is he sulking against his shoulder? Kinda.

His heart can't take this. ]

Me too...

[ Helpless. Said just so helplessly. Can't even judge himself for it. ]

[ He sets a hand on his head, patting him gently, as a carefree smile pulls at the corner of his mouth. ]

Do you want to wait on the melon?

Digest a little bit.

[ Surely, this is why he's suddenly so tired and using him as a pillow. Food coma. ]

[ He peeks up at him when he feels the hand on his head, petting his still damp hair that's loose down past his shoulders. A bit transfixed for a moment, and his expression gentles before he responds, becoming quiet.

Ah. Smiling at him like that... how can he sulk? It's like being given something so precious every single time. ]

Maybe a little bit. [ Not for what he presumes of course, but because food actually isn't on his mind anymore at the moment -- which is kind of unheard of. But he reaches up to gently touch the side of Shouto's face, brushing the ends of his hair back before letting his fingers trace along his cheekbone softly. Like he's trying to map it. ]

Are you feeling better now?

[ "I don't know," he'd said before when Allen asked if he was okay. ]

Can I dry your hair?

[ He asks as his fingers find themselves sliding into the damp hair. It's grown long since we first met, hasn't it? It looks nice, he thinks, gently petting Allen more out of habit - he thinks you're a cat - than anything else.

Lost in his own exploration, he doesn't notice the look Allen gives him until he feels those nimble fingers on his face. The smile slowly fades at the gentle mapping, a curious look settling in its stead. It's rare for anyone to touch him this way, he can count the number of people who have, and except for Allen, they’ve all been family. It's not the first time he's been on the receiving end of exploratory looks but it is the first time he's allowed someone free reign. ]

I think this helped. [ His fingers skim the top of his ear, gentle touching the earring cuff. ] Talking. It cleared things up.

Edited 2022-09-11 03:47 (UTC)

[ Likewise the fingers running gently through his hair is a rarity for Allen-- in fact Shouto may very well be the only person to touch him so. Perhaps Cross had when he was very small and asleep, but it isn't something Allen can recall. It's why a strangely peaceful expression comes over him, eyes closing after a moment as he finds himself lulled by it. If he realizes he's being treated like a cat, he doesn't seem to mind certainly. ]

Mm? [ He blinks slowly, surprised at the request. ]

Sure...? [ It's mildly curious, and he blinks again. His hair, really? Why? When Shouto so rarely ever seems to make any sort of request...

He's a little sad to see the smile go, but is distracted when he touches his ear and reminds him of the cuff that's been there since the nightmare -- and apparently stayed with him into the real world. He suppresses a shiver, though his skin prickles. Twofold; the bloodstone has its own energy it hums with. ]

Good, I'm glad. [ Was it nerves then? Or... the state of his heart? After how the whole night had gone, in fact even the last few weeks in realizing what it had been like for Shouto, it would be any wonder if it wasn't in disarray. Honestly he could ask for the moon right now and Allen would want to deliver it.

He brushes his hair back again, letting his hand trace the line towards his ear with the missing cuff. He traces the outline of it gently and with a peaceable thoughtfulness, lingering at the remaining bloodstone piercings there. Lost in thought as Shouto's fingers linger on where their partner is on his own ear still. ]

Is it... okay if I keep it? Your earring?

[ He picks up a lock of damp hair and starts sifting it through his hand, it grows warm, just above the boiling point, but not enough to cause any harm. Slowly, the water droplets start to evaporate as his fingers sift through the strands. When the dampness has gone away, he picks up another damp lock and starts the process all over again, his features settling into a soft expression.

Focused on his task, it takes him a moment to answer, his eyes steady on his task. ]

I wouldn't have given it to you if it wasn't.

[ Do you take him for someone who does things in half measures? ]

It's yours. [ He says while setting down another dry lock of hair to pick up another. ] It looks better on you.

Edited 2022-09-11 05:03 (UTC)

[ Ah, how naïve Allen is. To think he meant to dry his hair normally... not that he had actually stopped to think about the details of it.

Which is why he's a touch nervous when he feels his hand suddenly heat up and realizes what he means because... are you sure his hair can handle it? What if it bursts into flames? Gives him a perm? But he wills himself to still and watches Shouto's face. And the warmth... it feels nice. So soothing, and he's amazed to feel it leave his hair light and dry. He could find himself lulled to sleep by it and it's hard not to let his eyes drift shut.

But he's more captivated by his expression though. Watching in some quiet awe and fascination, though it isn't for the use of his powers. It makes his heart ache for some reason, and he lets his hand curl and drop slightly. Just to let his knuckle run down his neck thoughtfully, with a very quiet sort of reverence. ]

I'll get you one to replace it. [ His voice is softer now, not wanting to disrupt the air between them. ]

One from me.

Edited 2022-09-11 05:21 (UTC)

[ You're worried about your hair but not your legs?! Allen. How many talks does he need to have with you about priorities?!

That answer draws his attention away from his task. Replace? His mouth pulls down in dismay as his brows pinch in. That's not why I gave it to you. ]

It's a gift. You don't pay those back.

[ Don't you know how gift-giving works? ]

[ Look... no one ever accused him of having normal priorities. He's just like this. Also who wouldn't be a little nervous about the idea of having fire right next to their head!

He blinks at the unexpected protest, the corner of his mouth twitching in a slightly confused, incredulous smile. Really? You're protesting his wanting to give you something in return? ]

It's not about paying you back.

[ You're a little nervous about a warm candle than you were the actual times you were burnt by the Todoroki's?!!

That's exactly what he's protesting. Do you think he gave you something just so he could have it replaced like that? Have an impressed look. ]

Then what is it about?

Edited 2022-09-11 05:58 (UTC)

[ That was in battle. Totally different!

Allen wrinkles his nose slightly at that though. Shouto, really...

He brings his hand up, letting his palm rest against his cheek. Expression gentling for a moment as he composes his thoughts; tries to find a way to put his feelings to words. ]

If I have something that's a part of you... then I want you to have something that's a part of me.

[ Speaking very gently, but with a plainspoken simplicity, he repeats the motion. Stroking along his jaw and down to his chin like tracing the outline of something very precious. Don't look so sour. ]

So that when I look at it and think of you, you can do the same.

[ Like being gentled into submission by a lion tamer, he's left stunned and completely caught off guard. You-- ]

Edited 2022-09-11 06:28 (UTC)

[ Is that what you were thinking all along?

The thought combined with Allen's caress down his jaw is enough to make him grow hot - completely involuntary mind you! His cheeks grow flush under his care and he looks away, flustered by that admission. ]

[ It's ironic, as the one circus act Allen would flat out refuse to do would be that of the lion tamer. Bad memories.

He presses his lips together in a fond smile that has his eyes sparkling in an effort to hide his gentle amusement at that reaction. It really didn't occur to you something like that was his motivation? If Shouto were someone else he might tease him a little gently for it, but he doesn't. The temperature spike is telling enough so he withdraws his hand and lets him have his space to process that and compose himself. Content just to sit at his side rest his head on his shoulder until he does.

I love you, I know I do, otherwise I wouldn't have kissed you. Is that so hard to believe? ]

[ It's a little jarring and completely out of his scope but not bad, even as his heart races in his chest it's a good kind of race the one that leaves you breathless and wanting more.

It was his wording - bad memories. As if he'd give him anything that could easily be replaced.

Finding a semblance of composure proves difficult but soon the red hue turns a soft rose. He glances at him shyly, lost in thoughts he's never had before, not until recently. It makes him fidget in place, his fingers rubbing against each other in a repetitive motion. ]

... I'd like that.

[ The fidgeting isn't lost on him; it's far too uncharacteristic for Shouto for it not to strike him and causes Allen to still slightly, lips parting in some surprise to realize that and the true depth of the impact that had to mean. Ah...

He lifts his head to look up when he glances at him, with a gentle expression and clear and calm eyes, though he smiles again at that answer. More softly this time, and he gives an accepting small nod. ]

Okay.

[ He doesn't reach for his hands, not wanting to stifle the display of nervous energy, but he does lean against him a little more as he lets himself relax. To make sure the offer of companionship is still obvious and make himself solid and real and present, side by side, even as he looks down at his own hands clasped in his lap and smiles a little shyly as well. ]

That makes me happy too.

[ The excess energy that spills outside of him usually comes in the form of tempeature fluctations, rarely does it ever take physical shape that isn't tied to his quirk. Most of the nervous energy gets dispelled inside him. What little energy that takes on a different physical shape soon gets used up.

He understands. It wasn't about replacing his earring but about connection. The thought makes his throat a little tight and his stomach flutter strangely. ]

Should I get the melon now or do you want to go to sleep?

[ It's late and they've had a very long day. ]

[ In such a rare contentment and, yes, after such a very long day, under other circumstances Allen might say they could leave it for breakfast.

However. ]

Oh. [ Wait.

He casts him a look, nudging him for a moment. ]

Didn't you said you were going to have some of it too? [ frets! eat something! ]

[ It turns out, he's more tired than hungry, and right now, food is the last thing on his mind. ]

I can have it tomorrow. I"d rather sleep.

[ Have a slight pout. He's not sure he believes you... Still, he won't press it. Although he might start worrying after him a bit more after this and compulsively offering him more of his food. ]

Alright. Let's go to sleep then. [ Still not sounding entirely convinced, but he pulls back and glances around. Here, right? There isn't really anywhere else that's not destroyed or wet... he makes a note to bring some things over from Sanctuary tomorrow. ]

We can work on fixing things tomorrow. I'll get my wheelchair back so I can move around a little better. [ Judging from how his legs are refusing to work... he'll probably need it for a few days again. ]

[ Blind to his obvious pout, Shouto gets up to take away the tray with the empty dishes, nodding at him at the suggestion. ]

We can pick it up tomorrow.

[ Is all he says before heading into the kitchen and dropping off the items. ]

You can sleep here. [ He says when he returns. ] I'll get you some sheets and a pillow.

“Alone”

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