All that I am

[likethelight]

Who: Allen Walker and Shouto Todoroki with guest appearances by The Fourteenth...
What: September Paleblood effects, and getting trapped in a version of Allen's horrific world and life for a time courtesy of a cursed book/the Absolute Immersion prompt 🙂 Many CW for mentions and flashbacks of Allen's very abusive childhood. also red light districts. (to date: pet death/abuse, child abuse, suicidal impulses of a child)
When: Later September
Where: Their house, and then Victorian England sorta


[ When Shouto had become blind, it had been Allen who fret and fussed more than he needed to. Hovering by his side and always ready to take his arm and steer him gently this way or that, explaining whatever the goings-on were with an animated chatter born first from concern and then increasingly just out of enjoying conversing so later on. Describing the world and especially the people around them like someone reading a particularly good story aloud might and getting caught up in it with an actual delight.

It wasn't so bad for him after all, he'd say, since he lost first his sense of taste (that was insulting but something he dealt with just by pouting at dinnertime) and then touch. Annoyances more than anything, nothing that bad. Touch bothered him more than he thought it would, leaving him staring down at his hands with an unsettled expression from time to time when he thought no one was looking, but he tried to avoid letting that on.

When Allen lost his sense of sight, he became almost unsettlingly... quiet, actually. Not complaining even a little. But off, perpetually distracted and a little jumpy at the slightest noise or sense of movement. With it ironically around the same time Shouto finally regained his own vision. Something he expressed relief for -- it'd be rather silly and unfortunate for them to both lose their sense of sight at the same time, wouldn't it? -- but that was a little hollow too.

Whether Shouto thought to read to him or it happened by accident when Allen was half-dozing near him one day when he asked him out of bored senseless curiosity what he was reading, it was one of the few things that made him perk up. Even if he usually dozed off on him, it was comfortably and amicably so and eased a lot of his restlessness. Something he started to look forward to and ask him a little more eagerly each time what he was reading that day.

Today, he wrinkled his nose at the smell of this new book when he came back with it. Musty and old, and something that just... unsettled him on some very deep, instinctive level. Like if black magic had a smell. Easy enough to pass off at the explanation it was handed to him from someone in Gaze offering free books to passerby, everything there was a little weird and derelict, and the explanation it was a story (apparently) about an exorcist who saved souls was enough to both baffle and intrigue him. Weirdly... spot on, wasn't that? But curiosity alone was a good enough reason for him to shelve any misgivings and settle in, leaning his chin on his shoulder and peering over like he was actually trying to peek at the pages he couldn't see. Also, Shouto's monotone could put anyone at ease (and to sleep). Allen's disarmed and lulled off pretty quickly, relaxing as the tale begins and meanders vaguely around a nameless boy who loved too much. Who was thrown at odds against the home he had always known first for wanting to save those they wanted him to destroy, and then for finding out he was fated to become their enemy and the very thing that would destroy them and the world.

Allen stops dozing off and becomes very awake. Very quiet, and very still.

Shouto can get to the part where the boy says goodbye and leaves in order to keep his home safe, and that's when Allen will fumble for his hand. Grasping his wrist tightly with alarmed urgency. ]

Shouto. [ It's laced with a strange sort of fear, a rising panic. Stop reading.

It's also too late.

Reality... warps. Uncomfortably so, like vertigo but pulling your soul inside-out instead of your stomach. It feels like falling. Falling forward into freefall, which... is accurate. At first it feels like falling into a vacuum, and then the wind is quickly rushing past their ears. They burst through what feels like a thin glass pane of light that shatters harmlessly around them and melt away, geometric patterns in the sky, and the air is crisp and cold; the first kiss of winter, and for the first time smelling clean and entirely without the odor of blood, decay, and industry that clings to Trench. Into the middle of a city park, rows of brick Victorian buildings lining the sides of it with a clocktower and castle in the distance.

They're also about fifty feet up in the air, upside-down and in rapid freefall. ]

Comments

[likethelight]

[ ?!?! ]

O—oh. [ Jolting!! With a very obvious squeak! And squeezing his legs around him really tight!!! Good luck dislodging him when he's like a mollusk! ]

Shouto? [ It's flushed and bewildered. Did... did you just-- did you just bite his neck? THAT IS NOT WHAT YOU ASKED. THAT IS NOT A KISS. NOR WHERE HE THOUGHT IT'D BE! ]

[swellter]

[ He feels that sound with his lips. The way he clamps down around him. His name in question. And none of it is reassuring. He jerks back, knowing something's off but not what. Troubled eyes look down at the red mark, concern rising within him.

Did I do it too hard?

Hesitantly, he reaches up to trace the bite with his fingertips, probing for any breakage of skin. Finding none, he looks back up at him. ]

What's wrong?

[likethelight]

[ What's wrong is that isn't a kiss!!! Also it kind of hurt just sprung out of the blue like some kind of vampire!!!! Kind of. It's weird. But ashgdajda—

His continued sputtering is cut short by the gentle touch at his throat, and he blinks at that. Eyes crossing for a moment as he tries to look down in vain, processing that. Did you... did you leave a mark?

He stares down at Shouto for a moment at that, forgetting to answer if he even had one. Asking him that so innocently after you!!! You... ]

Nothing's wrong... [ His tone is soft but slightly scolding, flushed entirely now and expression subdued and hard to read as he shifts a bit uncertainly. Arms still crossed lightly behind Shouto's neck. ]

You just surprised me when that isn't exactly a kiss. [ pause

...continued pause. His arms shift slightly behind his neck. ]

...do it more gently next time?

[swellter]

[ ...that isn't exactly a kiss.

Oh. So he did do it wrong. ]

Can you show me how?

[ He asks, shifting to the side, exposing his neck to him. Waiting. ]

[likethelight]

... [ just asking so directly like that— you're going to kill him. ]

I don't really-- [ flushing, except he already has but boy he sure feels it more ] It's more a matter of instinct, I think... [ Just how experienced do you think he is!!

He's leaning forward as he speaks though, uncertainty or not. To press a very soft and chaste kiss to where his neck meets his jaw despite his mild protest and to cement his answer. It helps him smother and calm his own frayed nerves, too. The second, trailing lower down his neck, to shut up the voice inside him screaming "what are we doing?!". A light nuzzle against Shouto's throat that helps to build his confidence as much as it's to communicate his intent. He reaches for his hand with his right, and if they're wrapped around him still he just rests it on his arm. And he blinks then, realizing he can smell him this close and finds it comforting, even if his stomach is knotting from all the butterflies in it.

Ah. Maybe I want to do this too.

Maybe it's not a kiss, strictly speaking, mimicking how Shouto had bitten down on his throat with the light drag of teeth against skin in a very soft not-quite-nip. Instead of biting down he presses to him though— and sucks lightly at on the skin he's trapped there. Yes just hard enough to leave a mark too. And followed with a softer, curious brush of his tongue. ]

[swellter]

[ Instinct? He looks at him from the corner of his eye, catching sight of the red welt. My instincts are wrong. I bit him too hard.

Long fingers trail down his back, following the uneven patch of skin to his waist, where they splay out to his hips. He's not wearing a towel. He realizes, wondering if he should find him something to cover up when Allen presses a kiss to his jaw, effectively redirecting his focus.

Oh. Awareness strikes, and anticipation starts to build. Soft lips compliment the gentle nudge at his neck in an unexpected prelude. This is better. He thinks, widening the angle to expose more of his collar to encourage him to continue. He can't feel the heat of his mouth, but it's impossible to miss the way Allen leans into him or the drag of teeth across his skin that send his stomach into knots, dropping entirely the moment he sucks on his throat. ]

Ahh-Allen.

[ The sensation is topped in an instant by a wet trail that has his quirk swinging left. He sucks in a sharp breath as goosebumps break across his skin, followed by a jittery exhale that leaves his control hanging by a thread. ]

You didn't-- [ he warms beneath him trying to catch his breath ] -- kiss me.

1/2

[likethelight]

[ It's hard to know what kind of reaction Allen expected -- if he expected any at all. (He did not, he wasn't thinking that far ahead.) But that sort of one— his knees tighten and he nearly jumps out of his skin. Inhales sharply himself, feeling the vibrations in his throat. Oh, that... because of him... oh.

He exhales shakily against his throat, frozen against Shouto for a moment in struggling to maintain his own head and control. Reigning back in the desire to do that again and try to make him sound like that again. It takes a moment, almost a little alarmed at both how difficult that is and how present and wild his heartbeat feels. He blinks repeatedly, almost comically. Belatedly realizes what Shouto said. Takes another moment to breathe out slowly and compose an answer. ]

You... didn't kiss me either.

2/2

[likethelight]

[ He pulls back slowly, shifting his weight to sit back and leaning more against where Shouto's hands have settled in the process. So careful it has to be incredibly consciously, even if speaking softly and seemingly so calmly.

His lips twitch to the side for a moment though, as seemingly calm or no he's crimson with a lightly sulky sort of blush, and he presses a knuckle to his mouth as if trying to hide in a sudden turn of shyness. Casts Shouto an uncertain look through lowered white lashes. ]

I think... that's okay too, isn't it?

[swellter]

[ The lack of oxygen makes his head spin but not as much as the sensation of his legs tightening around him, reminding him of their mutual lack of clothes. His skin warms, but that's not what makes his cheeks flush or his breath stutter in his chest sending his quirk into overdrive. The ice gets smothered, melting under the internal onslaught, uncovering new dimensions of himself he never knew before.

You...

Hyperaware of his physical presence, not as an intimidation factor or even fragility, but daunting in a whole other aspect, Shouto lifts his head to meet his eyes, catching half of what he says. ]

I think... I'm okay with anything... if it's you.

[ The churning mass of heat in his chest slows at the admission, cooling under the truth of his words instead of the onslaught of ice he used to control it. He understands now what Allen meant before, not an excuse but raw feelings given voice.

I don't mind if it's you.

If it's you, then it's okay. ]

I'm sorry, I didn't understand before.

[ He leans up, pressing a chaste kiss against his mouth. ]

I... feel the same way.

[likethelight]

[ That admission causes Allen's eyes to widen slightly even before the apology. The echoing of his own sentiments from before, and then apologizing... You— before, when you were shutting him out... was that why? Part of it. What did you think I meant then?

His expression softens, brows drawn slightly in a light dismay while at the same time feeling such a stunned relief and happiness gripping tight at his throat and chest that he blinks rapidly for a moment. He lets the tension go when Shouto presses such a brief but sweet kiss, eyes fluttering shut with a soft sort of sigh, before he nuzzles him faintly in return. Bumps their noses slightly in the process, but pins him with an infinitely gentle gaze then. ]

That's alright... [ He murmurs it back after like he's afraid to speak too loudly or break the spell, and brings his hand up to touch the side of Shouto's face gently. So very conscious of how he's perching lightly above him, the tension coiled in the small of his back and how it curves, and how the sheets are twisted up around them in an impossible bird's nest that pulls across his hips. And yet his expression is so very at ease, mouth curved in a soft and hard to read sort of smile. ]

I feel like I can understand you a little better now. [ The good and the bad, remember?

He hesitates slightly, slender fingertips tracing the line of his jaw towards his mouth as his gaze also dips. Before he presses his lips to the corner of his mouth, equally chaste. Delicate and airy, perched like a bird. Before he withdraws, catches his eye again as he draws his face up— and lets his full weight sink against him to kiss him properly. With such a sweet and pure kind of warmth and heat, the tension bleeding off as he winds his arms back around him. ]

[swellter]

[ The heat dissipates, its ceaseless churning no longer slams against his chest forcing his lungs to compensate for the heated expansion. Doubtless, he'll test his control again, but for now, he keeps a firm hold of his quirk. Enough to allow himself the freedom to let his hands roam up his back, tracing the delicate ridges of his spine, while Allen bumps their noses together in such a familiar manner it sets his heart at ease in a way few have ever managed. Allen pins him with such a sweet and gentle expression while delivering forgiveness, it almost hurts to look at him without explaining. ]

It's not. I mistook you for my mother and I... for... him.

[ Heterochromatic eyes fix themselves to his. ]

I don't want to do that again.

[ It's as close to a promise as he can muster when he barely recognizes what he did. With his heart feeling lighter, Shouto leans into his touch, utterly caught in his orbit. Spellbound, he follows his gaze as it dips to his mouth, and this time, he understands the sentiment behind it. Wordlessly, he takes his full weight without a qualm. In the past, it's always surprised him how much less there is of him, but not this time. He's grown familiar with his weight these last few months and easily settles him on his lap. ]

Is this okay?

[ He asks, waiting for the affirmative before leaning forward. The action presses his chest against Allen's as he catches his mouth with his, returning the kiss with the same delicate precision which Allen showed him when he left his mark on his throat. ]

[likethelight]

[ He saw them... as his parents? The realization hits like a brick as much as it also suddenly makes everything that happened make painful sense. So much so Allen's expression stills at that, mouth a silent "oh" as his eyes widen slightly. Not entirely sure how to take that, and he blushes lightly for it. But the important part is easy to grasp— you're afraid of becoming 'him' and repeating the past.

He would have said it was okay anyway when Shouto asks, but after that he breathes it hurriedly against his mouth before pressing close and kissing him like they might be running out of time. Fingers tangling up gently but desperately in his hair, like there's something he's trying so badly to say with his body. ]

It's the same as I told you before-- [ He breaks the kiss enough to speak but stays close, eyes glittering faintly as he holds his gaze and continues to brush his hair back. Finds it hard to concentrate and tries to regain it in his mismatched eyes.

You're so warm. Solid-- and alive. Something about that seizes tight at something buried deep in his chest and squeezes with such a strange sort of happiness that it almost makes him want to cry. He brushes his fingers lightly over his lips instead; touches his cheek with quiet awe. Delicate and a little clumsy as the same time. ]

You always make me feel at ease... Even when it's also so much I find it hard to breathe.

[ He's restless. Can't sit still, even if it only shows in such very tiny motions. Needing to touch him; trace the ridge of his ear and the bloodstone jewelry there. I don't want to make you lose control of your quirk again warring with the quiet joy and rightness of being able to be close like this, and so he kisses his cheek softly instead, gentle as a butterfly, and begins leaving a trail of them along his jaw. His legs tighten slightly. ]

So anything you do... I trust you.

[swellter]

[ Not afraid, but cognizant of it. There's a likeness in him that reflects Endeavor in more than just his left side. That tenacious need to push and strive forward, but there's also his mother there, nestled so deeply no one will ever erase her influence. It's more than just his quiet demeanor. It's perspective. The way he chooses to see the world, through her eyes, recognizing the good in the bad. It's the same way Allen see's the world. Focusing not on the monsters but on the being within. A beautiful perspective and one Shouto wants to see more of. That beauty his mother saw. That inner kindness Allen so readily displays that he sometimes lacks after separating himself from his emotions for so long. Even that hearty desperation that has Allen clinging to him is something he admires. That incessant yearning for someone is another thing he lost growing up, yet he feels that earnest need humming in his chest every time they kiss.

Shouto resurfaces from the kiss, blinking in wonderment at the solid angel gazing down at him. He brushes his hair back with such delicate fingers the urge to kiss him almost outweighs his desire to hear what he has to say and almost misses the implication in those words. ]

If you were at ease, you wouldn't find it hard to breathe.

[ He turns his head to brush his lips against his fingers and lets his hand slip behind his neck, letting his thumb run across the mark he left behind. ]

But then again...

[ He stares at the mark, fixated on the coloration. ]

You make me lose control of my quirk, and I still find you... beautiful.

1/2

[likethelight]

[ Beautiful? He blinks at that, somewhat inexplicably dumbfounded for a moment even as he colors lightly. That's -- not something he's used to hearing being used to describe himself. He stares as Shouto turns his head to brush an absent kiss against his fingers that leaves them tingling, and his expression just becomes so gentle and transparent when he feels his thumb rub the lightly sore spot on his throat. So caught his breath stills.

--it's strange, you know? His whole life he's throttled what he feels back so hard to keep it off his face and put something else there instead. Neutrality when his rage and disgust would have gotten him beaten. A smile when he actually wanted to cry. A pleasant demeanor and white lies to make everyone believe he was okay when he was anything but. And he can't do that with Shouto, not truly. Not about anything that matters. The idea actually becomes abhorrent. That's the thing that leaves him feeling more naked than anything. And even close to a year later he still can't understand why, except that it has to be because of that one simple thing:

I'm more comfortable being myself around you than I am with myself.

So he swallows, blinking rapidly for a moment like he's fighting back tears, before he ducks his head and... ]

2/2

[likethelight]

[ ...laughs quietly.

Helplessly in absolute and utter disbelief, sheer amazement, and shakes his head slightly. Raises it up again as he presses his forehead to Shouto's, smiling so wide and bright even as it's a little mysterious; a little coy. Like fondly sharing some well known secret between just them. ]

I guess it's a mystery then.

[swellter]

[ The way he looked so caught before ducking away, Shouto almost thought he said something wrong. So to hear the tinkling sound of his laugh in place of what he feared sends his heart into disarray, but not in a bad way.

It almost looked like you had tears.

It hits him from left-field just how in tune he is to him. Not in the sense that he can read him, but more... linked to him. How his demeanor affects his own. How his smiles make his heart grow warm, and his laughter makes it stutter.

He blinks several times, his pulse picking up at the knowledge that he was... happy? That's what it means... laughing. It's why he found it so fascinating especially when there was no one around to pin it on.

With his heart in his throat, Shouto meets his eyes, looking hesitant and shy for the first time. A clear indication of how easily Allen throws him for a loop without even trying. Their foreheads meet, and Shouto stares at those bright eyes full of delight and feels his breath catch. ]

You're the mystery.

[ He touches the corner of his mouth to trace his smile. ]

One I don't know if I want to solve.

[likethelight]

[ Why do you look uncertain all of a sudden? Hesitant, the way his eyes dart to Allen's, and his own expression flickers thoughtfully. Him, the mystery? You have so many subtleties of expression that seem to only hint at so much that goes on but is unsaid that plainspoken or no, you have to be as much of one as him.

His face softens when he touches the corner of his mouth, smile subsiding but it's for reflecting on the quiet intimacy of it and his admission. He lets his arms cross over his shoulders, noticing from how comfortable and solid he is, how warm, for the first time really how much broader than his own they are.

One you... don't know if you want to solve? ]

What do you mean? [ He asks it more softly, relaxed into a strange, gentle sort of lull from realizing he can feel him breathe from the light press of his diaphragm, and catches his finger in an absent kiss. A soft nip of one. ]

[swellter]

[ Focused on tracing his bottom lip with his thumb, he answers half-distracted. Trailing off when Allen nips at his thumb. Is that a kiss too? ]

I want to hear you laugh... not solve you.

[likethelight]

[ That... is convoluted even for Allen to pull apart. But he gets it, he thinks, after a moment. You said that before, too, about when he laughs... feeling the same way about it like he does when you smile. Not about trying to pick each other apart to understand, but just appreciating what sparks joy. Appreciating each other.

He smiles softly at that sort of answer then. With a gentle sort of whimsy. ]

Can we lie down?

[ He nuzzles at his hand faintly, letting his eyes close as he does so in a quiet, content sort of joy. Pressing one soft kiss to wherever he can reach— and catching his thumb again if he can, though more softly this time in an experimental nibble. ]

I'm sleepy.

I somehow lost this tag!

[swellter]

[ Wordlessly, he lets his hands slide down his back and up his hip and thigh where he sets his palms and gently taps at the muscle there to get his attention. You have to let go first. He seems to indicate before lifting him up in a tangle of sheets to set him back on the bed.

Shouto lies down on his side to look at him from the short distance that separates them. His hair mixes on the pillowcase, red cascading onto white while steady eyes stray to the scar marring his shoulder. He has the urge to trace the length of it again but refrains in deference to his words. ]

Let's go to sleep.

you're fine! ♥

[likethelight]

[ He... also didn't really want to let go despite saying what he did okay. But Allen sucks in a quiet breath at the trail his hands make, eyes widened and fluttering in surprise as he does his level best not to squirm. His spine follows along with his hand though, curving instinctively as Allen just stares down in a sort of wonderment, wordless. Oh.

(He. Became very aware he's not wearing anything again. It's also why he says nothing and just stares instead for a moment, amazed.)

...He also entirely forgot his own request and would like to take it back when Shouto taps his thigh and he abruptly remembers, reluctantly obliging in a slight scramble.

He's trying to make sense of the twisted up covers (how did they??? even???) when he glances over and catches Shouto looking at him. Oh. ...hesitating for a moment, he quiets then and curls up on his side to face him, leaving the covers in whatever state they're just going to be in. The soft sort of wonderment is still there, watching his eyes stray and wondering what he's looking at--or thinking of. But... he bites the inside of his lip too. You're far away. Not really, but it feels like it. But... it also has to be incredibly late by now. He was exhausted hours ago; Shouto probably is as well. They should just say goodnight and sleep. ] ...

[ He scoots a little closer and reaches out to touch the side of his face. Very gently, expression soft. ]

Come here?

<3

[swellter]

[ The light from the crackling fire bathes the length of him in a familiar red glow. Not stark and demanding but tamed, docile. It colors his hair in a familiar manner that leaves him thinking of his mother under the glow of an oppressive fire. His eyes linger on a stray lock, white like freshly fallen snow. The urge to touch him impresses itself on him, sending his thoughts down a familiar path. This time, however, he catches himself before they stray too far.

I keep doing that.

The only thing that makes me uneasy is when it feels like you're trying to punish both of us for something I don't even understand.

Tying you to a place you don't know.

He's tired but not in the way Allen thinks. Endeavor put him through a brutal training regime since he was five. He could last much longer than this. It's his heart that' his weakest point. Retreating into a dome of ice that withstood even Endeavor's unrelenting fire.

The gentle touch on his cheek pulls his thoughts back to the moment. A moment of confusion filters through his eyes, followed by quiet understanding, all in the span of a moment. Lifting his head from the pillow, Shouto sits up and scoots closer to him, side by side. Close enough to smell the sweet scent that accompanies him despite the bath. It's familiar.

Like home.

This time his head settles on the edge of his pillow. His hair still mixes. A lock of red falls across a teal eye obscuring his line of sight, yet he stares steadily at him, examining the puzzle pieces he's gathered today with the picture of Allen he carries in his mind. Many don't fit. Instead of wedging them in by force, Shouto leaves the details alone. Setting them aside to ponder on another day. For today... Right now... he rather look at him as he is with all the missing pieces.

You're still beautiful to me. ]

Tomorrow. [ After they've both rested. ] Can you show me your world?

[ This time, he's the one who reaches for Allen, running his fingers through the length of soft hair. ]

I'd like to see you.

[likethelight]

[ Confusion fades to quiet understanding and Allen smiles lightly at that; warmly, finding it comforting as he lets his palm contour to his cheek. You're thinking deeply about something I think, even if I don't know exactly what. He'd normally get nervous being stared at so, being someone's sole focus, but he doesn't mind it anymore. Even if the request catches him a little off-guard and he pauses. Touched, yet-- ]

Mn. [ It's a soft acknowledgment, eyes quiet and soulful, but his expression flickers lightly with reluctance too. Or apology. ] I can, but...

...I never got to see much of the town even when I was here before to be honest. [ He was always working, always kept within the circus grounds. Belatedly, he remembers he'd promised to tell him about that earlier. I forgot; we got distracted... ] But...

[ He closes his eyes, feeling Shouto's fingers carding softly through his hair, and curls closer then. Nosing at his throat lightly as he rests his head against his collar and fits himself there. ]

I'll show you one of Mana's favorite spots... the place where we first performed. [ He says it very softly, his voice faraway and fond. Nestles closer. ] He liked to watch the sunset there.

[swellter]

[ The hand in his hair travels down his back and sets itself over his hip, fingers splayed out against his spine to draw him forward - twisted sheets and all - until they're pressed up against each other like before. ]

I'd like that.

[ Leaning forward, Shouto presses his lips against the star on his forehead, reminded of the night sky. ]

Good-night, Allen.

1/2

[likethelight]

[ Way to make him nearly swallow his tongue.

The muffled little sound that escapes him at being pulled close isn't quite a squeak; it isn't that surprised because honestly he shouldn't be surprised. But he'll always be—always be startled and amazed at things like that—because that's how he is, and he sweeps an arm up around Shouto in response, gripping onto him at first in surprise, but... easing then. Jittery and uncertain one moment, slowly unwinding and relaxing against him the next. Is this... what's normal now? He's quiet, letting his hand run hesitantly up Shouto's back like that's a very new sort of thing to him, mapping out the line of his shoulder blade with lightly fanned fingers and just feeling warm skin. Doesn't realize he's been holding his breath as he blinks for a moment, staring at the light mark he'd left on his throat. His other hand curls and he digs his fingers in self-warning into his palm. Because if it is—

If it is, I...

He shakes his head lightly, almost like chiding himself, and bites the inside of his lip when Shouto kisses the top of his scar so he doesn't cry. He leans up into it instead, like being baptized in a bittersweet joy so overwhelming his heart might burst from it. ] Mm.

Goodnight... [ A light brush of fingertips along his jaw encourages him to lean down so Allen can kiss him too, catching his mouth intimately with his own in something warm and sweet. Something that starts to linger a bit too long, before he reluctantly pulls back before it becomes anything heated. He presses a chaste kiss his cheek immediately after, as if in apology... and he snags the corner of the blankets he had fought with earlier and pulls them up around them both. ] ...Shouto.

[ Said so very softly, like he's saying something else instead of what he does, before he tucks back into place. Hooking an ankle lightly around one of Shouto's, he turns his face in to the crook of his neck and just breathes in the faint scent of snowflakes and cinders. Feels his breathing and heart rate slow as his thoughts begin to drift.

It's funny, he wouldn't have thought about it until Shouto asked, but... being asked to show him his past life, this world-- it's nothing Allen is ashamed of, and it's so very dear to him, defined him so thoroughly and utterly when this had still been his world, yet... Being asked to see it, his "world"-- it makes him hesitate. Makes him realize this isn't something most people would want to know, is it? Especially the ugly truths of it he had been grappling with and trying to understand. You want to know the good and the bad, but the bleakness he's come to recognize is so very bleak the moment he had something different to compare that to, even realizing with Viktor that the Order he loved he maybe only loved because he'd known so little that was good...

...so little he actually belonged to anything in this world he had desperately wanted to exist in...

...is that something he should show someone? Truly? Was there really so little in this life he had had that he would ever want to show to someone else? If I could have shown you the Order and everyone there back before that all came crashing down it would be so different, but... He just hugs him a little tighter at that point, something easy to pass off as a subconscious twitch as one falls to sleep, and leaves it for tomorrow.

There's a twinge in his gut, but he's tired and shrugs it off as nothing. ]